"My Life with the Walter Boys": Lots of hunks in small-town Colorado. Plus an are-the-or-aren't -they gay couple.

 

Link to NSFW version

I dislike tv series about how small towns are so much better than big cities, with good old fashioned down-home values -- which means gender-polarization,  mom baking pies and dad watching football, plus heterosexism, every boy gazing wistfully at a girl.  But My Life with the Walter Boys, on Netflix, is about a big-city girl who moves to a ranch in Colorado, for some reason, where the family has five boys!  Including Cole, played by 25 yer old Noah LaLonde!  I'm going to review Episode 3, which has the Homecoming Huddle -- a dance, I guess -- to check for gay characters.

Link to the NSFW version of this review.

Scene 1: In the rustic barn, Sensitive Alex (22-year old Ashby Gentry, far right) is telling focus character Jackie the colorful history of the family's cider wagon and explaining how important homecoming is.

Cut to Brooding Cole, practicing football with his little sister,  who is playing her first junior football game.  He'll be in the stands cheering her on. At least no one is uptight about breaking gender stereotypes.  As he bends over, he winces -- uh-uh, injury.

Scene 2: Two boys at the kitchen table, while Dad (Marc Blucas) talks to someone about the pests eating their crops.  Hopefully the new pesticide will kill the lot.  Mom comes in -- wait I thought it was a single dad -- and drinks coffee while they discuss farm stuff.

Scene 3: At school, Jackie's friend thanks her for not telling Brooding Cole's girlfriend that they're cheating on her (Horndog Cole apparently cheats on everybody with everybody).   

On to a meeting of the fundraising committee for the auditorium renovation. They expect kids to take care of that? Jackie suggests a silent auction. Mean Girl, who hates Jackie because you have to have an antagonist, thinks the idea is ridiculous, but everyone else loves it.  Snarl, snarl. 

Meanwhile, Cole's teammate Skylar (Jaylan Evans) consoles him over not being able to play football anymore.  At least he can still go to the Homecoming after-party.  "There will be booze there!" I thought he was going to say "girls." Nice to see a teenage boy on tv who isn't obsessing over "girls! girls! girls!"

Scene 4:  A teacher complains about Brooding Cole's dropping grades to his guidance counselor, to provide a bridge to a plot about throwing herself at new teacher Mr. Choudhry. Then she confronts Cole: "You're failing everything but shop."  Funny, I passed everything but shop. "Are you upset because you can't play football anymore, so you won't get a college scholarship and be able to escape from this small town?"  Ya think?

Jackie invited the group to her house to work on the silent auction.  They take a break to play "Fuck, marry, kill."  Whoops, sorry, I mean "Kiss, go steady with, be mean to."  Jackie insists that she doesn't want to date Sensitive Alex (the brother she will be staffing the cider truck with).  Suddenly a kid rushes by and splashes paint all over Skyler's shirt!

Scene 5: A plot involving a husband kissing his wife and telling her that it didn't go well (I think he's Will Walter, the oldest son, played by Johnny Link, who is impossible to research on the internet).  He concludes that he's not cut out for real estate.  She suggests doing something that makes him happy.  Sure, but he doesn't know what that is.  (See the parallel with Cole's post-football plight?).

Cut to Skyler in the bathroom -- with the door open! -- trying to clean his paint-splashed shirt.  Nathan (Corey Fogelmanis) sees him and -- wait, is that erotic attraction?  Are there gay people in this small town in Colorado?  He turns to run away, but Skyler sees him and says "Hello, there."  Dorky greeting, Dude. 

"I can throw that in the wash, and lend you one of my shirts."  I think some paint splashed on his pants, too.

Nathan goes through his closet -- very slowly, so he can gawk at Skyler's bod. Then take a break from looking for shirts so Skyler can listen to Nathan's new song. 

Scene 6: Cole and another boy, maybe Danny (Connor Stanhope), watching an old black-and-white movie and eating popcorn (of course -- in movies people always eat popcorn while watching tv.  In real life, almost never).  He asks about going to a movie or camping tomorrw, but Danny is already invested in the drama club's bake sale.  Another gay kid?  Jackie, better make sure that Cole is straight before you land him.

Remember Will from from Scene 5, who didn't know what he liked to do?  He figures it out and applies for a job at the auto shop.  "Sorry, I already hired your brother, Brooding Cole.  He's dropping out of school, and needs a job."  Whoa, bombshell!

Scene 7: In the kitchen, Mom and Dad are discussing farm stuff, when Will (the guy who found out the bombshell) drops in to talk his brother Cole into selling cider at the Homecoming Huddle. Will that convince him to stay in school?  He's still in bed -- with his shirt off, of course -- the director knows her target audience.

I'm out of space, so I'll go through in fast forward to see if there's any resolution to the Skyler-Nate flirtation.  At the Huddle, a giant pre-game festival, Sensitive Alex takes over Broodig  Cole's spot at the Walter Cider booth so Cole can flirt with Jackie (even though Ale isx in love with her himself).  Various other girls throw themselves at Cole, and he's shown in bed again, shirtless, next to -- Jackie? So he is cheating on the girl he is cheating on his girlfriend with.  Not very nice.

No more Skyler-Nate flirtation in this episode, but fan boards were lit up with "Is Skyler gay?"  "Nate and Skyler are just good buddies, right?"  "Can't straight guys love other without everyone accusing them of being gay?"  But the guys end the speculations (except for the inevitable few that refuse to get it, regardless) by holding hands in Episode 8, and kissing in  Episode 9 (at a redneck rodeo, of all places). 

My Grade:  Having a gay couple in the mix is nice, and seeing Cole's chest is nice, but it's still a small-town soap opera, with several heterosexual couples falling in love.B-. 

There are some butts and bulges on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends