"Teacup": Body-jumping aliens, force fields, two boy-girl romances, a gay subtext boyfriend betrayal, and Rob's knob

 

Link to the n*ude dudes

Probably-gay actor Jackson Kelley notes that he had a starring role in the paranormal horror Teacup, on Peacock. I figured he would be playing a gay character, so I checked it out.

The premise: On a farm full of good country folk, animals start behaving strangely, then people start trembling and speaking in riddles.  The power and WIFI go out. 

An invisible "teacup" trap marked by a blue line appears around the property; any person or animal that crosses it dies a horrible death.  A guy in a gas mask keeps patroling and gesturing.  Sound doesn't get through, so he uses a board to say things like: "Stay behind the line" and "Trust no one" 

The people trapped inside the "teacup" are divided into heterosexual nuclear families:

Family #1: James (Scott Speedman, left, from Animal Kingdom), his wife (a veterinarian), sick elderly mother, teenage daughter, and preteen son.

Family #2: Ruben (Chaske Spencer from Twilight), his wife, and his teeange son, trapped there when they brought their horse to see the veterinarian.   

Soap opera plotlines: The wife is secretly having an affair with James, and the son has been in love with James' daughter since he was in second grade, but is trapped in the Friend Zone (but not for long). 

Family #3: Donald Kelley (Boris McGiver) and his wife from the farm next door also happen to be there when the teacup is  put up.

The Newcomers: While everyone is dealing with the crisis and soap opera stuff, preteen Arlo (Caleb Dolden) tells his sister and her not-boyfriend that the Assassin is coming to kill them all.  The only way they can escape is with a multicolored liquid from a crashed meteor, so they gather a vial full.

Gas Mask Guy wants the vial, and crosses the blue line to get it, whereupon they stab him.  

Meanwhile, James finds the injured Travis (Jackson) hiding in the basement, worried that he's "one of them" and ready to shoot.  As they have a standoff, Travis tells his story:

Gas Mas Guy at a Bar: Flashback to Travis as the new guy working at the bar, mesmerized by Gas Mask Guy, McNab (Rob Morgan).  Wouldn't you be?

Rob Morgan having coffee n*ude on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

He's telling about the aliens who set force-field "teacup" traps that incinerate any complex organism that tries to get through.  They're non-corporeal, using human bodies as hosts.  They can jump from body to body. Often the humans aren't even aware of it, so anyone could be hosting an alien.

Bartender Big Al tells Travis to pay attention to the other customers; he'll wait on McNab himself.

The guy on the next stool (Ryan Dinnngs) makes fun of McNab for believing in Little Green Men, and jokes: "Don't let McNab follow you into the bathroom, or he'll probe you." 

Travis, who would like very much to be probed by McNab, returns to listen to him.  Hey, he pockets the money that McNab put on the bar to pay for his drinks.

The Hookup: Thinking that he's drunk, Big Al cuts McNab off and confiscates his car keys.

"But how will I get home?"

Travis: "Me!  I'l drive you!  Pick me!" 

As Travis drives McNab home, looking over to smile at him as they discuss the alien visitors, we hear:

Wear this ring with love forever

Wear this ring with love

This ring means I love you

It's "Wear This Ring with Love" by the Detroit Emeralds, which reached #91 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1971.  

 Wait -- ths is just a hookup.  It's too early for wedding rings.  

They arrive at McNab's isolated trailer, and he stumbles inside.  Disappointed that he wasn't invited in, Travis hangs around the car and smokes a cigarette.  Finally McNab opens the door and says "For f*uck's sake!"  How much of a signal do you need?

More after the break

Jake Thomas: LIzzie McGuire's bratty brother plays Harry Potter, competes with Cory, kisses Finn. WIth Jacke's junk and Cory's c*ock

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Another day, another former teencom star all grown up. Today we're profiling Jake Thomas, who played Matt McGuire, the scamming, pranking little brother of the titular character on the Disney teencom  Lizzie McGuire (2001-2004, plus a 2003 movie).  

Matt is shown here with his best friend Lanny (Christian Copelin, who has retired from acting and now works as a realtor).  

I never actually watched, but the episode guide has him buddy-bonding with several other guys, including Oscar (Sebastian Jude) and Ethan (Clayton Trey Schneider), plus a "girly" interest in cheerleading that causes his father concern.  He could be queer coded. 

Afterwards  Lizzy, Jake moved into drama with an episode of Without a Trace (2004): High schooler Eric Miller (Jake) vanishes during a bathroom break.  The agents first assume that it's a kidnapping, but soon discover that he was lured into a humiliation trap.  He's heterosexual, but queer viewers who were bullied in high school still found it a powerfully moving experience.  The undewear scene is painful to watch.

Then Jake returned to his home in Knoxville, Tennessee to finish high school.   But he still had time for acting projects, like the movie Monster Night (2006), where he fights monsters and gets a girlfriend on Halloween; and The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (2003-07), where he plays the Harry Potter parody Nigel Planter. Notice the L mark on his forehead.

Gay representation: Dean Toadblatt, headmaster of Toadblatt's School of Sorcery, marries his boyfriend in a 2007 episode.  Main characters Nergal and Irwin start dating in the series finale.  No parent complained.

After graeduating from Farragut High School in 2007, Jake returned to Los Angeles to play the snobbish Stickler in Cory in the House (2007-2008). He and Cory (Kyle Massey), son of the White House chef, compete over It-Girl Meena, daughter of the Bahavian Ambassador.  Stickler's dad is the head of the CIA, so he has access to a lot of super-spy equipment to make his wooing easier; but Meena still prefers Corey. 

More after the break

The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy: Nergal and Irwin, gay couple

One of my favorite gay-subtext series of all time was The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (2003-2008) on the Cartoon Network, about the friendship between two kids, the sinister Mandy (voiced by Grey Delisle) and the dopey Billy (Richard Horvitz), and the Grim Reaper, a skeleton with a Jamaican accent (voiced by Greg Eagles, left).

 No tv series aimed at a juvenile audience has ever gone so far in hinting about the existence of gay people.

1. Inclusivity.  Classmate Irwin’s mother turns out to be a decaying, 5,000-year old Egyptian mummy; his father advises that “No one can tell you who to fall in love with.”

In Billy and Mandy Save Christmas, Santa Claus turns out to be married to a female vampire, who has bitten him several times over the years. “You can’t control who you love,” he explains.  Although these relationships both pair male and female creatures, they tacitly validate same-sex bonds, which certainly would be far more conventional.

2. Hints about Same-Sex Practices.  When Billy gets a girlfriend, his father yells to his mother, “Hey, Gladys, Billy is in love -- with a girl!  You owe me five dollars!”, suggesting that there has been some good-natured speculation in the household about the boy’s sexual orientation.

 In a Lord of the Rings parody, a fey elf is overcome with lust as he praises a dwarf’s “thick, sinewy muscles,” and “bulging, compact thighs,” and a scene at the end of the episode shows a cabaret occupied entirely by same-sex elf-dwarf couples listening to Billy sing.

3. References to Gay Culture.  Billy’s parents speculate about his sexual identity in an episode entitled “The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name,” a well-known euphemism for same-sex love.  “Dad Day Afternoon,” a play on Dog Day Afternoon, has nothing to do with bank robbery, but the plot about Grim hiding his grim-reaper career from his conservative father might be read as a parable for a closeted gay identity, like that of the primary pair in the movie.

4. Gay Marriage.  In “One Crazy Summoner” (August 5, 2005), Billy and Mandy attend summer school in a sorcery academy modeled on Harry Potter’s Hogwarts.  A misdirected potion makes Dean Toadblatt (John Vernon) fall in love with one of the male teachers, a human-sized squid (Weird Al Yankovic), who eagerly returns his interest.  In the next scene, they graphically kiss, then ride away on a broom decorated with tin cans and a “Just Married” banner, while the students cheer.

5. A Gay Romance.  In “Most Greatest Love Story Ever Told” (April 9, 2007), Billy's cousin Nergal, Jr. rejects a girl’s offer to walk him home from school, suggesting a lack of interest in preteen heterosexual practice; but he eagerly accepts Irwin’s offer to “hang out.”

Later Nergal agrees to Cyrano-de-Bergerac for Irwin, asking Mandy if she will go to the school dance with him. But Mandy thinks that Irwin is asking for himself, and agrees, whereupon Irwin angrily breaks off the friendship. 

Nergal is heartbroken, and he never “liked Mandy that way” in the first place, but he can’t call off the date and disappoint his unaccountably enthusiastic father (perhaps Nergal’s parents have been speculating about his sexual orientation, like Billy’s parents, but with less nonchalance).

At the dance, Nergal and Irwin fight, and Mandy rejects them both.  They look at each other.

Nergal says “So this is what love is?”  Irwin nods.

They begin to slow dance, holding each other closely as the camera pans out.  Nergal was never interested in Mandy, or in any girl, so his statement makes no sense unless he is referring to Irwin.  Perhaps not coincidentally, this was the last regular episode of the series.

Unfortunately, the last season hasn't been released on DVD.

Maxwell Atoms, the show's creator (center), complains on his blog that his grandmother thinks that he is gay.

See also: Jake Thomas: Lizzie McGuire bratty brother plays Harry Potter, competes with Cory, kisses Finn.  With Jake's junk and Cory's c*ock.

Gemstones Episode 4.4, Continued: Keefe in drag, Pontius with three d*cks, Jasper with one, and Casper the Friendly Ghost

  

Link to the d*cks

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.4: Gideon is gay, Jesse jealous, and Kelvin scared.  Plus a Big Dick and a play within a play

In the first part of Episode 4.4, the family gathers at the lake house Galilee Gulch, where Jesse and Kelvin hatch schemes to break up their father Eli and his new girlfriend, Lori.  We get some d*cks and beefcake, some cute Kelvin-Keefe scenes, and breakup plots from Jesse and Kelvin.

I forgot to post this photo of Tony in the swimming pool scene, bulge at the ready. 

And this one of BJ, Amber, and the nephews hanging out, with the cute attendant in the background (still can't find him on the IMDB).  Abraham is shirtless, but not old enough to be a hunk.  Maybe a hunkoid.

BJ is angry because he spilled his drink.    

Judy's Breakup Plan:  Jesse and Kelvin have failed in their attempts to break up Eli and Lori, so Judy decides to use her "super power": the ability to incite the er*otic interest of anyone who sees her.  She goes to Lori's room and tries to get with her.  Lori just stands there, glaring.

I didn't want to illustrate the scene with pics of Lori and Judy, so I put a n*de photo of a daddy by the pool on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Next she offers Lori $500,000 to break up with Eli. "If I was in it for the money, why wouldn't I stick around for a lot more?"  

Ok, so Judy orders her to break up with Eli, or she'll claim that Lori tried to r*ape her.  Lori yells "Are we done?" and tries to mother her: her husband is injured, she's scared, and so on.

Takeaway: Judy wouldn't know that her technique works on women unless she's tried it out.  Add her to the ever-growing list of bi/pan Gemstones. 

Keefe in Drag: Saturday night.  In bed, Kelvin is distraught over the continuance of the Eli/Lori romance.  Keefe asks if he can do anything to help: "Not unless you can bring my dead Mama back to life." The episode title is about Jesus rising from the dead, and the siblings worship their Mama, so it would make sense.

Keefe decides on the next best thing:  dress-up.  He puts on one of Aimee-Leigh's dresses, her wig, her glasses, and some makeup (wait -- where did he get makeup?),  goes to Eli's room, and tries to haunt him: "I'm the ghost of your dead wife. Break up with Lori."  Eli doesn't respond, so Keefe crawls on top of him and starts singing Aimee-Leigh's signature song, "Misbehavin'"

 

Suddenly Eli and Lori awaken; everyone screams.  Keefe rushes out and falls down the staircase into the parlor whereupon the Nanny, thinking that he is an intruder, pulverizes him.  

"Who are you?" she shouts.

"I'm just a ghost -- a friendly ghost."

First he consorted with Hot Stuff, the Little Devil, and now he's Casper the Friendly Ghost.

More after the break

Adam Devine's House Party, Episode 1.1: Adam shows his tree trunk, eats fro-yo, and flirts with Andrew Santino

 Link to the tree trunks

In 2013-2014,  while Adam Devine was starring in Workaholics and Modern Family and guesting on  Community, Arrested Development, Sanjay and Craig, and American Dad, he somehow managed to find the time for Adam Devine's House Party.  He plays an insecure, jerky, penis-obsessed version of himself, hosting a huge party in a mansion.  Each episode has a brief plot framing the sets of three up-and-coming comedians. I'm reviewing Episode 1.1, "Ex Girlfriend."

Scene 1:  Adam checks the food, booze, and comedians.  Whoops, there's some poop on the floor.  He covers it with a dollar bill. Gross! Everything is ready!  A hundred people burst in.  

Scene 2: To demonstrate how wild he is, Adam smashes a beer bottle on his head.  Uh-oh, too far.  We cut to him with his head bandaged, blood sopping down. Can they keep filming?  Director Kyle says it's fine.

Adam introduces the concept: "Comedy Central gave me a bunch of money to throw an awesome comedy show, and I blew it all on this house party."

Nope, that doesn't work.  Let's try repeating the opening amid gyrating butts --- a boy and a girl.  The boy's is obscured by the title, but that's the one he gawks at. Adam likes boy butts, and he cannot lie.

Scene 3: Andrew Santino invited Adam's ex-girlfriend to the party!  Adam gets all jealous and threatens to not let him perform. Santino claims that he didn't know, and the girl says that they just went out on one date, so who cares?  He counters: "We should have grown old and died together, but someone thought that someone was strange."

Scene 4: The first comic "won't stab you in the back by f*king your ex girlfriend: Ahmed Bharoocha. 

"Gay marriage is still illegal.  Can we get a boo for that?  Aha!  If you booed, you're gay!"  Wait -- anyone who supports gay marriage is gay, and that's a bad thing?   

He continues that it's crazy that gay marriage is still illegal. How can they allow someone who doesn't know any gay people to "vote on their happiness."  It's like going to a restaurant and ordering cake, but the guy at the next table cancels your order: "I don't like cake, so no one gets cake."

More riffs on a teenage God having kids too early, and baby crows.

Scene 5: Montage of a guy drinking, a guy kissing a girl, and so on. Ahmed and Adam discuss his head injury and the likelihood that Santino "won't get out of here alive."  

Scene 6: Adam introduces Andrew Santino, "a shit dog of a human being, but he's super funny."  

He riffs on his father's objections to him moving to California, with all the gay slurs: "you gonna roller blade and give blow jobs for cash."  "That's ridiculous.  Not everybody in California is gay."  

Then his friend asked him to go sky-diving.  The first time, you go tandem, which means that another adult male is strapped against you, his genitals against your butt.What if the parachute fails, and they both die, and his Dad comes to identify the body: a guy's dick in his ass!  He turned gay after all!

Santino lives in West Hollywood, the "gayest place in the world."  His apartment is at the intersection of Rainbow Avenue and Butthole Road.  You know, not all gay men are into anal sex.  His neighbor is a bear, but he eats penis instead of pic-a-nick baskets.  

If Santino was gay, he'd be a power bottom.  He demonstrates how he would clench to guide the action.  That's not what a power bottom is, but I'm surprised that Santino knows about the clenching. 

Scene 7: Adam asks the ex-girlfriend why she prefers Santino.  "Is his dick bigger than mine?" She doesn't know, having never seen Adam's dick.  Don't you go to movies?  Everyone's seen it.    

"Adam, you just took me out for fro-yo, and didn't pay for it.  You don't love me...you just get obsessed, and can't think of anything else."

"I do not get obsessed...wait, fro-yo?  I forgot about that."  He calls a fro-yo - frozen yogurt -- shop and orders enough for everyone.

Scene 8:  Next comedian: Barry Rothbart (top photo.  At least, he claims that's him).  He riffs on why he's so good at sex; ordering in a restaurant using hand signals: and dolphin sex.

Scene 9: Adam shows Santino a photo of his dick.  It might be the "tree-trunk" trick of perspective, or not a dick at all, but Santino is impressed.  He breaks up with the ex-girlfriend: he can't compete with a dick that size.  

The ex-girlfriend is ready to go back to Adam, but the fro-yo machine arrives, so he loses interest.  

Adam and Santino apologize for letting a girl come between them.  We cut to them feeding each other fro-yo.  Gross!   Uh-oh, there's some on Adam's mouth. Santino leans in to...the end.

Beefcake: None except for the blurry tree-trunk cock.

Gay Characters/Comedians: None. A lot of riffing on gay people, and a deliberate gay subtext between Adam and Santino

My Grade: Adam is similar to his Workaholics character: clueless, delusional, but generally pleasant. But the grossness ruins it -- why spend the entire episode bleeding? B-

Bonus: Adam and other guys show off their tree-trunks on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also:  Adam Devine's House Party, Episode 1.3: A Bisexual Foam O*rgy is promised

Adam Devine's House Party, Episode 2.9: Adam's O*rgasm, Nick Rutherford's Bulge, and Guys Sucking...

Adam Devine's House Party, Episode 3.1: Adam marries a dude. And it's not Tony Cavlero.

Gogo Lomo-David: "Shameless" actor, model, motivational speaker, host. Did I mention his c*ock?

 

Link to the c*ocks of Gogo and some other guys

 The Nigerian-American actor Gogo Lomo-David was born in Indiana, Pennsylvania but grew up in Greensboro, North Carolina, where his Dad taught business analytics at the North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University.  

He graduated from Dad's school (free tuition!) in 2013.  Summa cum laude, with two degrees: a B.F.A. in Professional Theater and a B.A. in Business Management.

Gogo has 28 acting credits listed on the IMDB, quite a lot for someone whose screen career began in 2014.  Well, except for a short, Wrap It Before You Slap It (2011).

His first major screen role was Israel in Field of Lost Shoes (2014), which, he tells us, won Best Dramatic Feature at the GI Film Festival (for movies about military veterans).  It's about the cadets at the Virginia Military Academy drafted into the Civil War, oddly presenting them, and every Confederate, as not at all racist. 

Other significant roles include:

Loterna in a 2015 episode of Zoo, with Jason Wolk as the leader of a team trying to figure out why animals are starting to attack.

Walter in Evil Nanny (2016), also starring Demetrious Stear (c*ock on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)

Danjuma Okafor in two episodes of the crime drama Shameless (2019), "Adios Gringos" and "Sparky."  The character is not listed in the fan wiki or wikipedia synopsis.

Gogo's biggest role to date is Craig Simkins, the younger brother of the Simkin siblings, arch-rivals of the Gemstones, in the Righteous Gemstones.   He defeats Jesse at car racing in Episode 3.1 and defeats Kelvin at Bible Bonkers in Episode 3.9.  

And he'll be back in Season 4, maybe as an ally of Big Bad Vance Simkins, maybe working against him. 

His resume says that he appeared in Iron Man 3, Banshee, Homeland, and Under the Dome, but they aren't listed on the IMDB. Maybe he was a background player.

Also commercials for Bojangles, Inforeach, Republic Wireless, the North Carolina Lottery.

And theater: A Raisin in the Sun, A Streetcar Named Desire, The Shadow Box, Black Nativity, Midnight of the Soul, and The Wiz.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 4.4: Gideon is gay, Jesse jealous, and Kelvin scared. With a Big D*ick and a play within a play

  

Link to the Big D*icks

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.3, Continued: Vance is homophobic, Jesse is sad, and Kelvin is doomed.  With Ryan, Vance, and Hamlet d*cks

Title: "He Goeth Before You Into Galilee."  Matthew 28.7 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary see that the tomb of Jesus is empty.  An angel tells them to tell the disciples that he has risen from the dead, and "he goeth before you ointo Galilee."  

Welcome to Galilee Gulch.  Baby Billy water-skiing naked, nice shots of his dong.  That's two Baby Billy dongs in four episodes.

Then the Gemstones and Milsaps arrive at Galilee Gulch, a huge "lake house" on Lake Marion, about an hour north of Charleston.  Coincidentally, the house where they filmed is owned by a gay couple.

Pontius complains; Jesse makes him carry in some bags.  

Some cute attendants, who aren't in the cast list, take care of the wheelchair-using BJ, who complains that the whole place is inaccessible.  He'll be constantly complaining about everything through the episode.

Keefe wants to go waterskiing n*aked, like Uncle Baby Billy, but Kelvin doesn't want to hang dong with his uncle.  Then he forces Keefe to carry the gigantic trunk full of shoes into the house.  That's no way to treat your partner, buddy.  At least he calls Keefe "Sweetheart."

The Breakup Plan: Uncle Baby Billy disapproves of the Eli-Lori relationship -- we aren't told why, but maybe he knows something from Lori's past -- and pushes the siblings into a plan to break them up. The siblings point out that they arranged this weekend retreat because the lake house is full of Aimee-Leigh's things, and will certainly cause Eli to feel guilty about "abandoning Mama." 

For instance, Eli and Lori's bedroom still has Aimee-Leigh's clothes in the closet,  He orders the eavesdropping siblings to call "the help" and have them moved out.  

Kelvin is pretending to read the complete works of William Shakespeare.  Another clue that we're in the middle of Hamlet.

To refresh your memory: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark (left), suspects that his mother and uncle, Gertrude and Claudius, conspired to murder his father and take the throne.  He kills his trusted advisor; his girlfriend commits suicide; Gertrude is poisoned; he kills Claudius, then dies himself.  "The rest is silence."  Well, there's no one left alive.

The New Nanny: Baby Billy is being nasty to his wife and children ("Get them out of here!"), and expresses his hatred for the butch Germanic nanny, Sola (Kirsten Schultze).  So why not fire her?

More after the break

Kevin Quinn: "Bunk'd" hunk, singer, mental health advocate, gay Christian. Or not. With the hunk's junk and Mykelti's bottom

Link to the c*ocks

I have about eight profiles ready to post, plus reviews of tv shows and movies.  This one has been sitting in my files for awhile:

After reviewing the gay-engagement episode of the Disney Channel's Bunk'd, about a summer camp where the campers stick around for years, I checked for male cast members who were gay or had posted n*de photos as adults, and found two:  Nate Stone, below, and Kevin Quinn.

Kevin is gay and Christian, of special interest to me due to my hardcore evangelical childhood.  

The Chicago native had performed for the Children's Theater of Winnetka, but he was primarily interested in baseball until 2013.  Then,  a week after his 15th birthday, he auditioned for American Idol -- the youngest contestant ever.  He made it through the Long Beach and Hollywood rounds before being eliminated.

After doubling up on courses to graduate from high school early, he returned to  Los Angeles, where he was immediately cast in Bunk'd as Xander McCormick, the handsome, muscular, but dim-witted summer camp counselor who draws the attention of "all" of the female counselors (and none of the male; this was still the Disney Channel)

He also appeared in an episode of Shameless and the remake of Adventures in Babysitting on the side.  Plus he was touring in a musical group.

After two seasons, Kevin left Bunk'd  due to exhaustion, stress, and mental health issues -- he was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  He began concentrating on his singing, although he still appeared occasionally on screen:

Three episodes of Champions (2018) as Greg, who draws the interest of the gay boy Michael (Josie Totah before she began transitioning).

Brian in Canal Street (2018), a Christian movie with teenage Jackie (Mykelti Williamson, left) accused of murdering a classmate.  He and his Dad, or both, find God.

A member of a social anxiety group in an episode of Love Daily (2018).

A starring role in A Christmas Love Story (2019), as a boy who has a "golden voice," and may be just who focus character Katherine needs to win or save whatever needs winning or saving.   Complication: the boy's father (Scott Wolf) disapproves of singing. Not macho enough for you, Dad?

Another starring role in A Week Away (2021), as an orphaned boy who finds a parental figure, a best buddy, a girlfriend, and God at a Christian summer camp (at least it only lasts for a week, not forever like "Bunk'd").  He originally auditioned for the best buddy role, but the showrunners thought he would shine as the lead.

A third starring role -- boyfriend is on fire!  -- in Send It (2022), as an extreme sports player who finds a girlfriend, and I assume God, at a kiteboarding competition.

More after the break

Da Vinci's Demons: An absurdly heterosexual Da VInci, a bi guy who only likes ladies, two monstrous gay predators, and a lot of p*enises

  

Link to the p*enises

The problem with Peacock is, they don't tell you the date of any tv series. So when we clicked on Da Vinci's Demons last night, we didn't realize that it was from 2013.  

Of course it would turn gay artist and inventor Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519) straight: every historical figure from Shakespeare to Cole Porter gets straightened in contemporary media.  But when I was studying comparative literature, one of my fields was Renaissance Italy.  Plus there were hints of the paranormal, secret societies and such.  So why not?

Big mistake.  It was disgusting.  I can't even bring myself to do a scene-by-scene, but I'll post some of the nude photos.

1. They straightened Da Vinci (Tom Riley) in the most offensive, slap-in-the-face way possible.  He starts out painting a n*aked woman of "exceptional beauty," then discuss the incredible beauty of the Woman of His Dreams, Lucrezia Donati, over and over and over.  Finally he manages to schtup her for ten minutes of her boobs.  .  

2. His apprentice Nico (Eros Vlastos), who grows up to be Niccolo Machiavelli, gazes longingly at the bare boobs, too.  It is absolutely imperative to demonstrate that every man on Earth is heterosexual.  

At least Machiavelli was straight in real life.

3. DaVinci's buddy Zoroaster (Greg Chillan) mentions that he's been with men in an offhand comment, then goes into detail about the exceptional beauty of the hundreds of women he's had s*ex with.  He likes ugly women, too, because they're better in bed.  

4. There are two gay guys.  I know, every man on Earth longs for women's boobs, but these people are not men, they are odious, slimy monsters who have nonconsensual sex with teenage boys.  The first, the Duke of Milan (Hugh Bonneville), is killed immediately after he kicks the boy (Matthew David) out of his bed.  Serves him right for being gay.

Hugh and David's bums on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

More homophobia and p*enises after the break

"Mid-Century Modern": "Golden Girls" with gay guys. Plus Bomer's backside, Adam's c*ock, and Tommy's bj

Link to the d*cks

In West Hollywood in the 1980s, every Saturday night at 9:00 pm, you could hear "Thank You For Being a Friend" coming from every apartment:

Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down a road and back again

Your heart is true

You're a pal and a confidant

as gay men sat down for a surcease from the AIDS crisis to  watch the adventures of The Golden Girls, four golden-aged ladies sharing a house in Miami.  Somehow they always ended up with cheesecake, and we did too.

Then they would head out to the Rage or Mugi or the Faultline, hoping to end up like Matt Bomer in the top photo.

180 Saturday nights with cheesecake, hookups, and Sophia's one-liners.  I'm misting up.

From left to right: Ditzy Minnesotan Rose, beset-upon Dorothy, horny Southern belle Blanche, and hanging back because the kitchen table only seats three, wisecracking Sophia.

Hulu has just dropped a 2025  homage to The Golden Girls, Mid-Century Modern, except it's in Palm Springs rather than Miami, and it features gay men: ditzy Jerry (Matt Bomer), horny Arthur (Nathan Lee Graham), beset-upon Bunny (Nathan lane), and wisecracking Sybill (Linda Lavin).  Lavin died in December 2024, but she appears in all ten Season 1 episodes.

I'm going to review Episode 1.6, "Maid Serviced," in which the guys hire a "se xy but unqualified" housekeeper.  

Scene 1:  I watch with the sound off to avoid annoying laugh tracks, but I'm imagining "Thank You for Being a Friend" as we zoom into Bunny's mansion (Bunny?  what kind of name is that for a guy, regardless of how swishy he is?).   It's the kitchen where the Girls ate cheesecakes, but now it's Arthur and Bunny at the table, Jerry cooking.  Arthur complains about the leaky sink; Bunny, busily sorting his pills "by Jew," ugh, assures him that a plumber is working on it now, and Jerry says that he dated a plumber once, with no details or dirty double entendres.  Come on, Blanche, say something about your pipes!

The pill-sorting turns into a girl-group song: "He had it coming."   This is painful to watch.  Why is it that gay guys on tv act nothing like any gay guy I've ever met in real life?  

Scene 2: Jerry asks if it's ok to store his energy drinks in the fridge.  Arthur: "I can answer for her.  Miss Havisham wants everything arranged like it was when she still had hope."  Calling gay men she?  Come on, is it 1958?  

Mom enters and announces that the housekeeper quit.  She said she didn't sign up to clean for three men. "I told her, what three men ?  They're gay. Together they barely add up to one."  Being gay makes you a woman, I get it.   The Will and Grace gang used to say the same thing. 

Bunny wants to prove that it's the other guys' house, too, so he suggests that the three of them work together to hire a new housekeeper.  Mom: "What about me?  Did women lose the right to vote?"  Not right now, but by summertime, probably.

Scene 4: Interviewing an applicant who podcasts about her cleaning hacks.  "I'm obsessed with cleaning.  My friends say I'm a little anal." Jerry: "My friends say that, too."  He has gay se*x, har har.

She demonstrates her trick for opening a jar.  "There's nothing too tight for me to open."  Looking at you for a dirty double entendre, Jerry.  Nope, Arthur says it.

"We're all impressed, and think you would be perfect..."  The next applicant, hunky Bo (Adam Hagenbuch), comes in..."Sorry, the job is filled."  I saw that joke coming a mile away.  Jerry, I said "coming."  Where's your dirty double entendre?

The complement him: "You're so handsome, you should have a one-man show, Bo on Broadway.  People would come to that.  I'd come every night."  There it is.

The interview: he's been in Palm Springs for two months.  He came with his boyfriend, but they've broken up, so he's single. 

Gay and single!  The guys squeal and shriek with absurd over-eagerness, as if they've never seen a hot guy before.  Come on, this is ridiculous.

They're ready to hire him, but he's confused.  "What about the push-ups?  In every other job interview, I have to do push-ups."  Naturally.

While they are watching with absurdly over-eager glee, Mom calls Bunny into the kitchen and warns, "Never hire someone that you want to schtup."  It's ok if you don't pressure them into it.  Bunny insists that he is the best qualified.

More after the break.  

Gemstones Episode 4.3, Continued: Vance is homophobic, Jesse is sad, and Kelvin is doomed. With Ryan, Vance, and Hamlet d*cks

 

 Link to the n*de dudes

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.3: Keefe has s*ex with the Devil.  So does Eli.  With a pole dancer's d*ick and the Groundskeeper's bottom

In the first part of the episode, Kelvin has night terrors and a feeling of impending doom as his last safe place is destroyed, the siblings worry that Eli is schtupping Aimee-Leigh's best friend, and BJ (Tim Baltz, right)  falls on his head during a pole dancing contest.

Stuntman Ryan Mooney and his little friend is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

 BJ is.....: The family gathers at the hospital.  Everyone wonders why Eli and Lori arrived at the same time, suspecting that the two are having s*x.  Maybe focus on the crisis?

A doctor appears and tells Judy "I'm very sorry."  BJ isn't dead, but he's paralyzed, and will have to use a wheelchair.  Judy cries.  "What are we going to do?"

The Quail Hunt: Eli, Jesse, and some members of the Cape and Pistol Society in ridiculous floppy-hat uniforms shooting quail.  I don't see the significance of this scene, except to contrast with the Civil War scenes in the trailer.  

How Many Gay Gemstones? Cut to the Cape and Pistol headquarters, where a minister congratulates Jesse on his brother being nominated for Top Christ Following Man of the Year.   Rival megachurch pastor Vance Simkins (Stephen Dorff), one of the Season 3 antagonists, has also been nominated, and complains: "I guess your homosexual brother is the one with the juice nowadays." 

This doesn't upset Jesse, so Vance tries again.  "I heard your brother-in-law fell out of the sky...Word on the street is that he was stripping..how many homosexuals does that make in your family now?"

"Two," Jesse answers.  "The same number of dead parents in your family."

Wait -- he can't be agreeing that BJ is gay, so who is the second "homosexual"?  Keefe?  But he and Kelvin aren't married.  

Gideon?  Remember, Aimee-Leigh admitted Scotty to the family after his death, and Gideon hasn't expressed any interest in anyone since.  Maybe he's still in mourning.

Vance tries again: "You're losing in our rivalry due to your poor character."  You're not exactly a saint yourself, Vance Baby.   His churches have turned into bathrooms, "with that filth your brother's been preaching. It's what your church is becoming known for.  Does that bother you?"

Of course Kelvin's success bothers Jesse, but not for that reason, so he counters that he is succesful too.  And the ministers start to circle.

More after the break

Jonah Platt: Ben Platt's brother rants about "Snow White," podcasts about being Jewish, shows his d*ck

Link to the d*ck pics

In October 2024,  when Rachel Zegler introduced the first trailer for her Disney movie Snow White, she tweeted to her followers, "and always remember, free Palestine."  I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds like she supports  establishing a separate Palestinian state. 

The results were catastrophic.  Costar Gal Gadol, who didn't say it, began to receive death threats, so Disney had to hire extra security.  They gave Rachel a social media guru to make sure she didn't post anything else controversial, Producer  Marc Platt he flew to New York to reprimand her.

On March 26th, 2025, a few days after the movie bombed on its first weekend, someone tweeted Marc's son Jonah saying that his father's actions were "creepy."  Jonah responded with what Vanity Fair called an "unhinged rant."

I read it.  He criticizes Rachel for forcing Marc  to "leave his family" and fly across the country to attempt damage control.  Her "selfish statement" destroyed the box office and jeopardized the livelihoods of the hundreds of people involved in filming: "blue collar workers."

JustJared posted an "OMG, I can't believe he would say that!"  Others pointed out that Marc Platt is 67, with grown children, so "leave his family?"  And the "blue collar" workers get paid regardless of how much money the movie makes. 

A few hours later, Jonah posted n*ude photos for his followers.  I don't know how that contributes to the dispute, but we'll see them later on.  First, who the heck are these people?

Marc Platt, born in 1957, grew up in New York, got a law degree from NYU, and worked as an entertainment lawyer before moving into production.  He has produced a number of popular and not-so-popular films, including Legally Blonde, Josie and the Pussycats, Scott Pilgrim vs, the World, Dear Evan Hanson, Better Nate than Ever, Babylon, and Wicked.  

He has five children, including:

Ben Platt, left, has been in a lot of Broadway plays, including Dear Evan Hanson, Camelot, The Book of Mormon, and Gutenberg: The Musical.  I've reviewed two of his films, Pitch Perfect and The People We Hate at Weddings.  

He came out to his parents at age 12, and married Noah Galvin in 2024.

According to the IMDB, Jonah Platt is "a multi-platform creator and performer whose unique career spans many facets of the entertainment industry."  Can we get beyond the buzz words? His Instagram just says  "Actor/Jewish Advocate/Dad," and host of the Being Jewish podcast.  The posts are all about his guests.

He's got 30 on-screen credits, including episodes of A Million Little Things, Harley Quinn, Country Comfort, and Uncoupled.  That last one starts Neil Patrick Harris as a 40-ish gay guy grieving over his deceased partner. 

Jonah has two movie roles of interest, but I can't find them on any of my streaming services:

Menorah in the Middle: A woman's father has a heart attack on Hannukah.

The List: Her boyfriend sleeps with a celebrity on his "free pass" list (a list of people your partner agrees to let you sleep with), so a woman gets upset and tries to sleep with someone on her list.  But you agreed that it was ok

Jonah's production credits include the upcoming Bookends, about a Jewish guy (Noam Ash) who has to move in with his grandparents after a breakup. I don't know if he's gay or not, but both Noam Ash and next-billed Jared Reinfeld have played gay characters. 

Jonah is also a singer.  In 2020 the three Platt brothers, Jonah, Ben, and Henry, recorded Ahavat Olam,  typically recited during the Maariv, the evening prayers.

Ahavat olam beit Yisra'el amcha ahavta, 

Torah umitzvot chukim.

Umishpatim otanu limad'ta.

Eternal love for Your people, House of Israel,

Torah and Mitzvot, laws

and precepts have You taught us.

The n*de photos are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: The People We Hate at the Wedding: Two sisters and their mum find love, but the gay guy doesn't

Noah Galvin: Seven gay characters, a Pride cake, and a husband, and people still think he's straight.

A Real Pain: Buddies have wacky adventures or a Dark Night of the Soul in Poland

Phil of the Future's Future: Former Disney teen Raviv Ullman on the Torah, wearing dresses, and his p*enis