"Mine": Lifestyles of the Super-Rich and Super-Sinister

 Mine, on Netflix, promises to be a sleazy Korean soap about the shenanigans of the super-rich.  Plus the icon displayed my favorite Korean heartthrob, Cha Hak Yeon (from Bad and Crazy), whom I'm relatively sure is gay in real life.  So I thought I'd check it out.

Scene 1: Catholic Mass, night.  An elderly Korean nun runs past the gigantic crucifix, into the rain, and all the way to the police station in the daylight.  "Somebody was bleeding to death!" she screams.  Lady, that was Jesus.  No, flashback to the convent, and a woman's hand lying in a pool of blood.

Time runs backwards to 60 days earlier.  Hyowon Mansion, actually a complex of several mansions surrounded by gardens.  The elderly nun and a young woman are strolling on the grounds, discussing her donations to the Single Mothers' Foundation.   Uh-oh, some tough guys are roughing up the kindergarten teacher (actually the kids look like they are 11-12 years old).  The young woman intervenes and calls the police. 

What happens next is quite confusing, with five women who you can't tell apart  -- all young, thin, and black-haired.  So instead of a scene by scene, I'll lay out the main players.

The infinitely wealthy Hyowon Family is run by a tough-as-nails matriarch and her two sons, each of whom is married to a power-hungry conniving Jackie Collins type. 

Eldest son Jin-Ho (Park Hyuk-Kwanm left) is married to Seo-Hung, an icy-cold artist.  He has a teenage son from an earlier marriage, Soo-Hyuk (Cha Hak-Yeon, top photo), who has been sent to school abroad to avoid scandalizing the family.

Second son Ji-Yong (Lee Hyun-wok) is married  to Hi-Soo, a glamorous former actress. She's the one who donates to the Single Mothers' Foundation and rescued the orphan girl from the thugs.   

There's also a daughter, Jin-Hee, whose husband, Jung-Do (Jo Eun Sul, below), tries his best to not be noticed.

Each of the daughters-in-law tries to demonstrate their authority by hiring someone that the other dislikes. After some passive-aggressive competition, Second Wife ends up hiring the absurdly unqualified Ms. Kang as a  live-in tutor for her husband's eight year old son.  First Wife ends up hiring the rescued orphan kindergarten teacher Ms. Kim as a maid.  I know, each of the newcomers should have gotten the other's job, but that's how the Jackie Collinses arranged things.

Let's pick up at Scene 11:

Scene 11: Teenage Soo-Hyuk, who is wearing a traditional costume, returns from his exile overseas.  His father hugs him twice and says "Welcome back.  We've kept your room the same as it was."   

Their mansion on the estate is the size of an Egyptian pyramid!  On his way up the stairs, Teenage Soo-Hyuk runs into Maid Ms. Kim.  They stare at each other in abject horror, which I assume is the Korean expression for Person-of-My-Dreams horniness.  Then she walks around him in slow motion twice. 

Scene 12: First Wife supervising the army of maids as they set the dinner table. She orders Maid Ms. Kim to introducer herself to the Matriarch, who yells: "How dare you speak to me, you worthless inferior!  What an impudent bitch!" Teenage Soo-Hyuk stares in abject horror.  Obviously Grandma will not approve of their romance!

Scene 13: Second Wife, her husband, and the 8-year old boy are heading toward Teenage Soo-Hyuk's welcome home dinner.   "We want the new tutor Ms. Kang to stick around for awhile," she tells him.  "So none of your shenanigans.  Be friendly, but not too friendly!"  Translation: no sex!  Tutor Ms. Kang gazes from far off, scheming to get her clutches into Second Son.

Scene 14: The dinner. Matriarch refuses to say grace: "I'm thinking of converting to Buddhism, because if I stay a Christian, I'll go to heaven, and my husband is there!  Ugh!"   "You don't need to worry about going to heaven,"  Daughter snipes. 

Then they discuss their plans for Teenage Soo-Hyuk's career and wife (Korean children don't get to choose).  Then he sees Maid Ms. Kim, and stares in abject horror again.  The horror is understandable: if he marries the Girl of His Dreams, his family will hate him forever, but if he doesn't, he'll be miserable forever.

Scene 15: The kitchen staff gossipping about Teenage Soo-Hyuk's dad, First Son, who used to be an alcoholic with anger issues.  Plus he's an idiot.  His first wife ran off. Why did the glamorous Artist agree to become his second wife?  Um...he's filthy rich?

Meanwhile, Teenage  Soo-Hyuk is lying in bed (no beefcake), thinking about his dilemma. Whoops, a hair-braid thing.  Maid Ms. Kim must have lost it while cleaning. He holds it tightly.

Scene 16: Kitchen staff marches into the deserted dining room to clean up. First Daughter is yelling and throwing dinner plates at her husband (they cost 1.5 million each, about $1,000).  The Daughters-in-Law rush in and tell her to stop; even rich people aren't that rich.   Then they sit her down for a confab: "Your disgraceful act will bring shame to the family.  You are no longer welcome here."

Meanwhile, the Sons confab: "We hate each other, but Daughter refuses to give me a divorce!" Son-in-Law exclaims.  Second Son promises to have a chat with her. Then he gets a call from his 8-year old son: "I have a stomach-ache, and Mom hasn't picked me up." 

Scene 17: Second Son and his wife rush home to their son. Tutor Ms. Kang tried to cure his stomach-ache by pricking his finger.  This angers Second Son, but Second Wife is pleased: it's an old Korean folk remedy..

Scene 18: Maid Ms. Kim in bed.  She's too horny to sleep, so she gets up and walks through the labyrinthine house and grounds to Teenage Soo-Hyuk's suite.  She explains that she got lost!  He returns her hair braid thing.  "Oh that...I must have lost it while I was mastur...lying in...making your bed."

"Why don't we switch rooms?" he suggests. "That way I can...um...er...make your bed.  It will be fun to do maid-stuff."

Scene 19: Second Wife comes downstairs to see Tutor Ms. Kang sashaying around in her dress!  "I'm sorry...the maid put it aside to dry clean, and it was so beautiful that I had to try it on (because I'll own it when I take your place).  

Second Wife orders her to take it off, so she does -- right there -- and teasingly flounces up the stairs in her slip.  Second Wife follows, knocks on her door, and stares in abject horror.  Ulp, she's just met the Woman of Her Dreams.  Tutor Ms Kang  just smiles and returns to the parlor to feel a table in slow motion.  She doesn't mind -- she'll get everything, regardless of which of the spouses she seduces. 

Scene 20:  The elderly nun from Scene 1 asking "Does anyone deserve to die? Certainly someone thought so."  The four main women stare at each other as a body falls to the floor.  The end.

Beefcake: None so far. Some cute guys.

Gay Characters: Definite lesbian subtext between Second Wife and Tutor Ms. Kang.  

Soap:  These people are twice as wealthy as the Carringtons of Dynasty, and three times as sneaky.  Everyone has a hidden agenda and a few scandalous secrets.  I just wish that the women weren't so hard to tell apart.

My Grade: B