Carrie, 2026: The girl who trashed her prom is back, with doomsday preppers, school lock-downs, and a gay teacher, plus Rahul and Arik d*cks

Link to the n*de photos

It's been 50 years since Stephen King's Carrie was first humiliated at her high school prom, and used her telekinetic powers to destroy the school. We have the original novel and the 1976 movie starring Sissy Spacek and John Travolta (plus new versions in 2002 and 2013), so why do we need a new Carrie tv series in 2026?  Because the world is much darker place now, and the themes of fundamentalism, bullying, and being an outsider are more relevant than ever.  Besides, according to the buzz, there's going to be queer content. so let's check.

Each episode is named after a high school class, except for the first, just entitled "First Period."

Scene 1: A series of 911 calls saying that the high school is on fire during the prom, it has spread into the town, everyone is dead. 200 people killed, the whole town destroyed.

Some time later, Focus Character Sue goes on a podcast to tell us that there's something we don't know about what happened in Chamberlain: the whole town destroyed, 200 people killed.  'We were kids, just trying to do our best."

Scene 2: While a conspiracy theorist rants on the radio, a guy (Talmoh Penniket, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) leaves his decrepit house and gets into his redneck pickup truck.  The mailbox is locked, and there's a "no soliciting" sign.   He drives to a construction site and gets to work. Uh-oh, a huge pile of bricks falls down on him, crushing him.

Cut to the police talking to the crew foreman.  Somebody has to claim the body, "Did Mr. White ever mention anyone to you?  A boyfriend, a girlfriend?"  Hey, no heteronormativity!  And on Amazon Prime! 

"No.   He didn't talk much.  All I know is that he was a vet, and a bit of a doomsday prepper."

Next the property manager let the police into his house, so they can look for his next-of-kin.  Didn't he have an emergency contact?  I have one at my job, and I don't work with gigantic bricks.  

There's dinner settings for three -- "I thought he lived alone" -- and a thumping in the closet: a mother and daughter hiding.  The daughter is, of course, Carrie.

Scene 3: Back on the podcast, Focus Character Sue is asked to tell them more about Carrie White.  Other students chime in: she was "real quiet," a bully, "genuinely kind," a troublemaker, a victim, a hero. a monster, "my friend."  A social worker adds that Carrie was born in the house, and never left.   They were "a cult of three," with no phones, no television, no internet.  She was "stunningly uninformed," but extremely smart.

Mom hadn't been out of the house in 15 years, either.  The judge agreed that she could keep custody, but she had to go to work, and Carrie had to go to school.

Scene 4: The first day of school.  Focus Character Sue fixes breakfast for her two sisters (aren't there any boys in this town?). Mean Girl checks on her Duke University application -- nothing yet -- and suggests that Dad (Michael Trucco, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) build them a new gym to sway her admission.  She wants crepes for breakfast, but Dad refuses and insults his ex-wife.

Cut to a girl putting oatmeal on her face. Everyone rejects her.  Next she tries brown toothpaste.  Now she's a superstar, loved by the whole school.  Wait -- it's an ad?  Impossible.  No ad could be so idiotic.

Mean Girl picks up Sue in her tank-sized car, and they drive to school.  They're both applying to Duke, where they plan to be roommates.

Mom drops Carrie off at school, and cautions: "Take pity on them. Most of them aren't awake. Especially the teachers.  Don't let them fool you."  When I was growing up in the Nazarene Church, they told us that sinners would be trying to brainwash us every moment, so you had to be on guard.  The most casual comment, like "What did you do over the weekend," was suspect.

She enters the school all happy, but is horrified by the metal detector installed to keep school shooters out.  I am, too. Her cross on a chain sets off the alarm.  I would interpret that as an attack on Christianity. Mean Girl and Sue, watching  advise that she stop being poor: precious metals don't set it off.

Next she is horrified by the sight of two girls kissing. Homophobic, or did your limited education not mention the exitence of LGBTQ+ people?  

Weird that no one stares at her for her 19th century pioneer dress. 

Guidance Counselor Morton (Tim Bagley) helps her find her first class.  The actor is gay, but I imagine the character is straight by default.

On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: a n*de dude to tide you over.

More after the break

Bobby Diamond: Horse's costar, non-DIckensian Pip, Dunky Gillis, gymnast, flower child, and the Mighty Mightor

Link to the n*de dudes

Dig this vintage commercial from the 1950s.  Bobby is trying to chop wood, but he's too weak, causing him to lose the respect of his friend, dad, and horse.  Then his other dad calls them to lunch.  

They burst with excitement: they're having Borden's Cottage Cheese!!!!The cooking-and-cleaning dad plops on "any kind of fruit."  Yuck!The friend pours syrup on an enormous pile of the gunk.  Yuck again!

Bobby makes a cottage cheese-and-jelly sandwich.  Triple yuck!  

But shoveling the vile stuff into his face gives Bobby the energy to chop that wood and earn his gay dads' love.

And he takes his shirt off, causing conniption fits among the gay boys of the era.

During the 1950s, television characters commonly sold the product during the story ("Let's take a break for some Maxwell House Coffee -- It's so incredibly delicious!"), so this commercial was probably shown during Fury (1955-60), a modern-day Western: The orphaned Joey (Bobby Diamond) is adopted by Jim (Peter Graves), a rancher with a horse named Fury.  His friend might be Packy (Roger Mobley), and the dad who does the cooking Pete (William Fawcett).

Born in 1943, Bobby was discovered by a talent scout and put to work in 1952, with uncredited roles in The Silver Whip, The Lady Wants Mink, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Half a Hero, and many other movies,, plus one tv show, Father Knows Best. 

In 1955, he was cast as the lead in Fury, and achieved the greatest stardom of his career. 

Though Bobby was an adolescent during the course of the series, he was generally excused from expressing heterosexual interest (he gets a crush on a girl in one episode).  The producers did give him a series of best friends to get into scrapes with: after Packy, Pee Wee (Jimmy Baird), and then Buzz (Stuffy Singer), but they didn't express any heterosexual interest, either.  The episode "Pee Wee Grows Up" would today mean getting a girlfriend, but in 1956 it meant signing up for a bodybuilding course.

After Fury, Bobby was offered My Three Sons, which became a mega-hit, but instead he decided to play to his strengths, and become the adopted son of newlywed Nannette Fabray on Westinghouse Playhouse.  It lasted for only 25 episodes. (He did score three My Three Sons guest spots)

During the Swinging Sixties, the Westerns of yesteryear seemed old-fashioned and obsolete, and the former cowboy star had trouble finding roles, in spite of his willingness to take off his shirt.

And, reputedly, his pants, as this art photo from around 1965 suggests.  (On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)

More after the break

The mystery of Genoa leads me to collegiate brothers Gavin and Michael M. One is a swimmer, one has n*de photos.

Link to the n*de photos

Often I find a few beefcake photos of an actor online, and download them into a folder to research later.  But this time I have a lot of photos with no identifying information but "Genoa."  Is that his first name, last name, or city?

The file contains several photos of swimming and football teams, all labeled "Genoa."  It looks like our guy is second from the right, in the back row.   

He's not in this photo at all, but the second from the left looks like Christian from New Orleans, whose n*de photo I may have used in an illustration before.

The Genoa football team.  Our guy may be second from the left. 

More Genoa football.  

More after the break

Kyle Pacek: Satanic bass player, sea monster, Estrada fan, horse-sized mystic. But how much in real life? And is he into dudes?

 

Link to the n*de photos

 In American Horror Story, Episode 13.4, the Satanists have resurrected 13 evil women from history, such as Margaret Thatcher and Eva Braun, as well as some who were just into bedroom stuff. in order to sacrifice them to Satan.  Before the ceremony, they are entertertained y the resurrected Elsa Mars, the 1930s performer from "Freak Show" (Season 4).  She sings the Peggy Lee classic  "Is That all There Is" (which she can't know about, since it came out in 1969), accompanied by her band of sideshow performers.

I didn't notice during "Freak Show," but the bass player, Kyle Pacek, is very muscular.  I need to conduct more research. 

Kyle was born in New Hampshire in 1988, and attended Keane University, graduating with a degree in Occupational Safety and Technology in 2011.  He started a business "selling parts, gear, and accessories for Powersports," which are not actually sports: they're motorized all-terrain vehicles used for zooming up and down mountains and such.

Shortly after graduation, Kyle was spotted by a Disney recruiter, and asked if he would be interested in playing a Munchkin in Oz, The Great and Powerful.  

I reviewed it a few years ago: awful, heterosexist to the max.  Not a good start to a gay-friendly career, buddy.

He was only supposed to work for two weeks, but while filming he was asked to perform in two more movies.  He still does the Power Sports thing, but acting and stuntwork have taken over.  He's been in dozens of commercials and music videos, eight films, and 33 tv shows, including The Middle, The Gilmore Girls, The Last Ship, and Agent Carter. 

And the Sigmund and the Sea Monsters reboot (2016-17). I always thought that the title was a misnomer, since Sigmund (Mark Povinelli) is a sea monster, ejected from his family group for not being scary enough. Kyle's role is not specified.   

He is best known for:

The Romanoffs (2018): An anthology about reputed descendants of the Romanoff dynasty.  In Episode 1.1, Kyle plays the mystic and charlatan Rasputin in a stage show on a cruise ship. Jack Huston (d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) plays Rasputin in a later episode.

By the way, Rasputin's horse size is reputedly on display in a  St. Petersberg Museum, but experts say that it is probably from a real horse.

The I-Land: 10 people, including Kyle Schmidt (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends),  awaken on an island with no memory or who they are or how they got there. As far as I can tell, all are straight. Kyle does stuntwork in seven episodes.

More after the break