Link to the n*de photos
Below (2026), one of those Netflix one-word titles, is about a sea monster threatening a small fishing village.I went in looking for Newfoundland accents and beefcake, but to my surprise there was a lesbian sister and huge gay-subtext romance.
Scene 2: 40 years later, the 50-year old Calvin (former teen idol Josh Hartnett) is living in the coastal town of Snooks Arms. That was the big city? He takes his boat out to gather a chunk of ice about ten feet in diameter. But it's contaminated, so the Blue Ice Vodka Company doesn't want to buy it.
Scene 1: A motorboat with a nuclear family and an officious bureaucrat, towing a house on a raft! In 1986, the Newfoundland government decided that small villages were too costly to maintain, so they moved the residents to cities -- with their horribly run-down houses.
Uh-oh, the house is stuck! Dad Leo (James Hawksney) goes inside to see what the problem is. Something stares up at him from beneath the floorboards, and drags the whole house under! Son Calvin (Azriel Dalman) has to cut the tow line!
Scene 2: 40 years later, the 50-year old Calvin (former teen idol Josh Hartnett) is living in the coastal town of Snooks Arms. That was the big city? He takes his boat out to gather a chunk of ice about ten feet in diameter. But it's contaminated, so the Blue Ice Vodka Company doesn't want to buy it.
Also, some Portuguese fishermen have gone missing.
On his way out, Calvin gets a text: His favorite son, Jay (Rohan Campbell, left), will be meeting his daughter Mary at the airport, so they'll come over on the ferry together.
Scene 4: Calvin's screw-up son, Wade (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), zooms a dune buggy with a doll head mascot out of town, blaring punk rock music.
The elderly man is played by Darrin Baker, backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.
Scene 5: Calvin and Sister Ruth head to the ferry to pick up "the youngsters," whom they haven't seen for three years.
Next, the Snooks Arms Resettlement Meeting at Fishermen's Hall. They're still doing that? If you vote in favor of resettlement, the province will provide a fee of $140,000 ($100,000 U.S.). Ruth, Calvin's sister, is against it. They've already been resettled once.
Hey, the lady in charge calls Ruth "my love." A lesbian couple? Now we just need a gay male couple. Don't worry, there's one coming up.
Scene 3: Ocean Science Centre, Seal Cove (in the far west of Newfoundland, about 600 km from St. John's). A barefoot lady heads to the lab, where Scientist Barry is examining a deceased flamingo. The nearest flamingo habitat is in the Caribbean; what was it doing here?
They start to examine it, when she gets a call: Calvin wants to see you.
She is not happy: "I don't have time for your nonsense right now." But he wants to show her the block of ice that Ice Blue Vodka didn't want to buy.
"It stinks of ammonia. Where did you get it?"
"Little Bird Bay." No such place.
"I'll run some tests. It's been a weird summer, with changing ocean currents and migratory patterns. We're expecting a major glacial collapse from Greenland any day now."
"When it collapses, give your friend Calvin a call so I can pick up some ice." I thought she was his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, but he calls her a "friend." Score!
On his way out, Calvin gets a text: His favorite son, Jay (Rohan Campbell, left), will be meeting his daughter Mary at the airport, so they'll come over on the ferry together.
I'm not sure if Rohan is gay in real life, or has just played gay characters.
Scene 4: Calvin's screw-up son, Wade (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), zooms a dune buggy with a doll head mascot out of town, blaring punk rock music.
Screw-Up Wade is played by Charlie Heaton, Jonathan Byers on Stranger Things.
So you've got a gay brother in two shows.
Cut to Wade at home, frying bologna and telling an elderly couple, "The Penneys is fishermen all the way back, sure, but it went up the arse 40 years ago, when they forced us to resettle here." I love that Newfie accent.
Problem: The waters on this side of Newfoundland are deadly. His dad and grandpa died in separate boating accidents, and his mom died of cancer from canning fish. Wade turns out to be Calvin's son, so why did he just say that his dad died? Maybe he's adopted?
The elderly man is played by Darrin Baker, backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.
They're a bed and breakfast couple, hoping to stay for an extra few days. Wade says no problem, "mi casa es su casa."
But Dad Calvin enters and says "Sorry, Wade's brother and sister are coming for a visit -- it's Come Home Year, a province-wide festival, so we won't have room."
Wade glares at him -- they need the money -- so Dad Calvin promises to work something out. Just double up on the bedrooms. Once my Aunt Nora squeezed 12 people into 3 bedrooms and a sofa.
Next Calvin's Sister Ruth comes in to tell Calvin that they've upped the resettlement fee to $140,000, and reduced the percent of villagers who have to agree from 90% to 75%. He is not happy.
Scene 5: Calvin and Sister Ruth head to the ferry to pick up "the youngsters," whom they haven't seen for three years.
Daughter Mary, who is college-aged, introduces her boyfriend, Noah (Caleb Horn, far right).
"Where's my Favorite Son Jay, who was supposed to meet you at the airport?"
"He didn't, and his phone's gone dead." Uh-oh.
They drive home, the hetero couple kissing a few dozen times. When they arrive, Screw-up Wade joins them in his dune buggy.
More after the break
