Gemstones Episode 4.3: Keefe does stuff with the Devil, Vance is homophobic, and Kelvin is doomed. With a stunt c*ck and a n*de Hamletdskeeper's backside

Link to the d*cks 

Title: "To Grieve Like the Rest of Men Who Have No Hope," 1 Thessalonians 4.13.  Paul is telling his followers not to grieve "like men who have no hope," since they will see their loved ones again in heaven.

The Intruder: 2002.  During a thunderstorm, an intruder breaks into the house, smashes a photo of Eli and Aimee-Leigh and some other memorabilia, and takes the gold-plated Bible from the Civil War.  Close up of a destroyed framed magazine cover promising "Hot Gossip" and featuring Brendan Fraser.

The intruder continues into the playroom and smashes a photo of the siblings and Kelvin's army men.  There's a muscle man in skimpy underwear, denoting that Kelvin is gay.

He lifts up the bed to find a hiding 12-year old Kelvin, who screams.  Notice the enclosed space. They will appear often in the episode, giving the viewer a sense of disquiet. The family is trapped.

Night Sweats: Kelvin awakens screaming from a nightmare.   Keefe notes that his nocturnal terrors and night sweats are getting worse, and uses a towel to daub him, but Kelvin insists that it was just a nightmare, and goes back to sleep. I'm worried about the night sweats -- when I was living in West Hollywood in the 1980s, they were the first sign that you were HIV positive.  But surely they don't mean that Kelvin is sick.  

Doing Stuff with the Devil, Part 1: Kelvin hates storms; it's like the Devil is doing his business on you.  Keefe agrees, with a amazing monologue about the Devil pouring down his TT on people, who think it's a wine cooler or kombucha, and drink it.   He looks out into the storm and says "Your hot sorcery p* can't hurt us in here. Begone, Devil"  but the Dark Lord is already inside: Keefe has a no-hands adult thing. 

There are several takeaways here.  

1. Keefe now has a nipple ring.

2. He is into water sports.  

3. He has just, in effect, did it with the Devil.  

4. The Gemstones aren't safe.  There's a devil among them.

Doing Stuff with the Devil, Part 2:  Looks like that devil is Lori.  She finishes doing stuff with Eli in the bathroom -- another enclosed space -- and tells him "You're so bad!"  She is tempting him to evil, like the serpent in the Garden of Eden.

Then they go out to a family picnic.  We meet Lori's son Corey (Seann William Scott, top photo), who used to spend time with the siblings and thinks that their squabbling is hilarious, and his ditzy wife Jana (Arden Myrin).  

The scene seems to be mostly ad-libbed cinéma vérité, allowing us to see the Gemstones in a moments of joy before things go very wrong.  Some takeaways:

1. No airport or shopping mall wanted to buy the Prayer Pods, so Jesse is humiliated. 

2. Keefe says that on Gay Reddit, they're called "squirt yurts."  This is the first time he has said "gay."

3. They make fun of Eli for being too old and uncool to attract women, but Lori defends him: "Looks pretty cool to me."  

Later, the siblings and Corey see Eli and Lori together, and laugh at the idea that they could be involved.

The Last Safe Space: On the way home, Keefe images that Kelvin has won the Top Christian Man award by default, with all of the other nominees dead.  Weird.

Then they see that Kelvin's childhood treehouse is being demolished.  The Groundskeeper (Brian Sides) says that it was damaged heavily in the storm, and is unstable, but Kelvin insists that they don't touch it. Another safe space gone.  

Left: Michael Rooker, who is credited on the IMDB for the episode, but we don't know who he is playing.  Yet.  

The Groundskeeper's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Burning Down the House:  In the board room, Jesse is mentoring Gideon by demonstrating church management.  His Leadership Team enters: the usual crew (Gregory, Levi, Chad, Matthew), plus Martin.  

Bad news: Vance Simkins, one of the antagonists from Season 3, is back, opening a  new church in a mini-mall right next to a Gemstone satellite church.  

Chad suggests burning Vance's church down, but Jesse is trying to be a role model for Gideon, so he takes Martin's suggestion: the siblings could perform at the satellite church, to ensure that members don't defect. 

BJ Falls from the Sky: The male pole-dancing competitition. 

In the locker room, Judy gives BJ a pep talk: "Eye of a tiger, d*ick of a horse."  A guy with a horse d*ck walks by (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

BJ begins his routine, but then falls on his head.  Judy screams for an ambulance.  This was much too soon.  We needed several more scenes of BJ practicing and performing.

BJ's stunt double and his c*ck are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

More after the break

"Sunny Nights": Will Forte sells tanning spray. With a lesbian sister, some gay gansters, Aussie backsides, and Vincent Rodriguez III in his underwear

Link to the n*de dudes

 I'm running low on tv series to review, so I went to Hulu and clicked on the first fictional series that popped up: Sunny Nights.  Wait -- how can nights be sunny?  We'll find out.

Scene 1: Dawn in a horrible industrial area in Australia (I know because the logo says Screen Australia). A woman watering her lawn, two joggers.  An crocodile crosses a golf course and suddenly gets exploded into a bloody mess. 

Cut to a shirtless man (Will Forte of The Four Seasons) being rubbed by a woman wearing gloves, and telling the gathered men in suits that he works out; he just likes to rest between sets (no more than one minute, buddy).  His product can be used by anyone, anywhere, regardless of age, gender, or natural beauty: tanning goop!

One of the potential investors is about to make an offer, when the hotel manager rushes up: he's using a hotel for his demonstration without getting permission, and he and his assistant Vickie are not guests. 

They are forced out, and the potential investors reject them. 

Hey, they're not romantic partners, they're siblings.  That means the brother could be gay.  Plus sister Vickie is played by D'Arcy Carden, the bisexual actor from The Good Place.

Scene 2: Brother actually booked them into a horribly run-down, pink-brick hotel with outside doors: Sunny Nights.  As they squeak in, a ruffian knocks on a door above them.  No one answer, so he bursts in and beats on the male occupant.  

Now it's a house, not a hotel room, with a woman saying "Hello, Gorgeous" to a tanning booth.  Or are you the sister?  Why is your hotel room a huge apartment with many personalized decorations?

Back to the hotel room.  I'm getting whiplash from these split-second cuts.  The occupant (maybe Harry Greenwood of Charmed) recognizes the Ruffian from a sport: he had to drop out because he got his head injured.  Ths does not ingratiate the ruffian, who knocks him out -- but at least gives him a pillow

The Ruffian is played by Willie Mason, a former  soccer player for the Sydney Roosters with a long list of troubles, including assaulting another player, failed businesses, drunk driving, and urinating in public, though he didn't mind the widely-publicized crotch grab by a rival player.   This is his first acting role.

Down in the siblings' room, they discuss their back story. The brother's girlfriend or wife broke up with him, so he's come to Australia in a grand scheme to win her back.  Grrr...hetero identity established at Minute 6.  He calls and tells her that he happens to be in the country on business, so could they get together?

Scene 3: Meanwhile, the sister Vickie goes to the beauty convention, and tells her entire life story to the clerk.  It includes a "gorgeous but mean hula-hooper," so maybe she's a lesbian.  She doesn't like her booth -- too small, and right by the bathroom. So she spends all of their money for a bigger one.

Cut to dinner with the Brother and his ex.  She is suspicious: "So you quit your job, started a tanning company, and came to Australia to sell it -- as a purely business decision? Not to try to win me back?"

"Well, it may have crossed my mind as a side benefit of becoming wildly successful."  She explains why she left him (doesn't he already know?): the usual vague reason wives give when they are broken up just so they can get back together again.  

Scene 4: At the bar at the Beauty Convention, Brother wails that the attempt to win her back didn't work. That was your grant scheme?  Just dinner?  

Sister Vickie tells him to man up and start networking.   She acquires an A$750 bottle of wine and heads off to pretend that they're successful.  Susi, a tarted up woman at the bar, is impressed, and starts flirting with Brother.  She guesses right off that he's in tanning, because she goes to a lot of beauty conventions (then why is your makeup so hideous?).  

Brother gives his back story again (omitting the grand scheme to win back the ex)  Susi invites him to the wine bar down the street, but he refuses: big presentation tomorrow.  This devastates her: "Oh, God, I came on too strong!  I always do this!"  So Brother agrees.  Sneaky move, lady!  

Meanwhile, Sister Vickie is sharing her expensive bottle of wine with a tableful of attractive ladies.  You trying to get customers or find a hookup?

Scene 5: The wine bar interspliced with energetic bedroom activity, and the next morning, waking up in her fancy hotel room.  During pillow talk, he gets a text from the ex: she wants to try that reconciliation thing, tonight.  Uh-oh, torn between two girlfriends!

At breakfast, Susi admits that she filmed their s*xual encounter, so now Brother has to do what "he" says: the sleazy-looking Kash (Miritana Hughes), who wants A$10,000, or the video goes on the internet.  But the activity is legal.  Brother wasn't cheating.  Why should he care?  

He cares because if his ex-wife sees the video, she won't want to get back together.  Why not?  Did she expect him to not see anyone else for the rest of his life?

After they leave, Sister Vickie comes in to announce that she found a model for the presentation.  She wants to show him the n*de photos she took.  Wrong time, girl.

Scene 6: Family Fun Time, a deserted amusement park. Sleazy Kash is holding down a new guy while his goons play miniature golf at his mouth.  They miss, so Kash pulls out a tooth. The Ruffian appears and announces that he couldn't get the money from the Hotel Room Guy earlier, so he punched him and gave him two extra days.  Kash doesn't like this, and hits him in the head. He blacks out.

Scene 7: Brother and Sister Vickie in a bar.  The Model, wearing a bikini, approaches to show Vickie her stuff.  Brother is not impressed: she already has a tan, so how can they demonstrate a tanning product on her?   Nope, she's hot, and Vickie wants her...um...as an employee.  "She can model a darker shade."

Meanwhile, the Ruffian is examined by a mob physician.  Headaches, vision problems, mood swings, erectile dysfunction...before he can diagnose, Ruffian says "Just give me my pills."  

More after the break

Sonny Kendall: Obviously gay, too young for n*de photos, so his EastEnder teen had better pay off. With Boreanaz and twink c*cks

 

Link to the n*de dudes 

 Sonny Kendall (the short one) appeared on the teen idol website flexing and hugging guys.  These two are nearly holding hands.

As of this writing, he is 16 years old, so I won't be looking for n*de photos (beefcake is ok).   

I've checked his social media, and there's no question that he's gay. 

Left: Sonny's date starts hugging before they even get a chance to order.  

So this profile will just answer Question #1: Any gay roles?

Sonny was born in East London in 2010.  He was attending the Rhodes Theatre School in Romford in 2021, when he was cast in the soap EastEnders.

Whoops, it looks like the EastEnders gig is Sonny's only on-screen role.  But it has gotten him nominations for Best Young Performer at the British Soap Awards in 2022 and 2025,  Rising Star at the National Television Awards (2023), and Favourite Young Actor at the TV Times Awards.  So let's check it out.

The East End, north of the Thames and east of the Tower, is known for its Cockney rhyming slang, poverty, crime, and industrial blight.  This is where Jack the Ripper found  his victims, and Oscar Wilde found his rentboys.  

In the 1990s, my boyfriend Lane and I went to the World Congress of LGBT Jews, held in a hotel on the Isle of Dogs, East London.  It was dreadful. 

The soap opera EastEnders, on since 1985, features the  impoverished, the down-and-out, and the criminal .  We don't see British versions of the Lords of One Life to Live or the Quartermaines of General Hospital.  At least, not many of them.

It is known for "difficult," controversial plot arcs, involving murder, r*pe, drug addiction, and human trafficking.  And LGBT people.  The first gay male kiss on British tv, between boyfriends Colin and Guido (Michael Cashman, Nicholas Donovan), in 1987.   It didn't happen on American tv until 2003.

On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: When you search for n*de photos of Nicholas Donovan, this one appears.  I think it's David Boreanaz.

Sonny's character, Tommy Moon, is the son of Kat and Alfie Moon (Shane Ritchie), who have a tumultuous relationship, with various infidelities, a brain tumor, prostate cancer. an injury in a fire, and having twin sons named Bert and Ernie.   Oh, and Tommy turns out to be the biological son of Alfie's cousin, the villainous Michael Moon (Steve John Shepherd, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Tommy is born in 2010, and starts out life in a controversial plotline about being switched with a deceased baby.  It takes a few plot twists for Alfie and Kat to realize that their kid is actually alive, and get him back.  He lives through more murders, diseases, and infidelities until 2014 , when the parents win the lottery and get the heck out of the East End.

Mom Kat returns in 2016, followed by an estranged Alfie and the kids, with Tommy played by Shay Crotti.  His next plotline involves being diagnosed with dyslexia, being bullied at school, and hating his life, in spite of the attempts of Mum's new boyfriend Kush (Davood Ghadami, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) to be a positive role model. They all leave town again in 2020.

More after the break.  

Deadloch: A Lesbian detective, a n*de male body on the beach, a chunk brother, Luke Hemsworth, and a seal. In Tasmania, probably

 

Usually tv series about a small-town murder begin with a a dead woman (whose naked body is featured), and a male and a female detective are assigned to the case, and fall in love.  In Deadloch, on Amazon Prime, it's a dead man and two female detectives: a big genre change.  

Scene 1: Night.  Two women walk through the town of Deadloch to the beach, where they stumble upon a n*ked man, dead, face up.  One accidentally drops her cigarette onto his extremely impressive p*nis (don't worry, he's not really dead, so it's ok to look).

Cut to the mayor being interviewed on tv about Deadloch's summer festival, an important event for the Tasmanian coastal community.  We see a lot of underwear hung up to dry.  Two women, Dulcie and Cath, are doing bedroom stuff  (fully clothed, thank God). Then Cath goes to workat Deadloch Veterinary Services, and Dulcie (pronounced DULL-CEE) gets a call  about the murder!

Scene 2: Dulcie, the head Constable, and her team, Abby and Sven (Tom Ballard, left), examine the body.  

He's got tattoos from the Deadloch Football (Soccer) Club, and another  of footballer Trent Latham.  So he's a football fan.

The Commissioner calls and refers to the body as "she."  Dulce informs him that it's a "he."  Surprised, he muses: "This sort of thing, you expect a woman." 

 99.99% of the time, yes/  I can't tell you how often a tv series or movie blurb on Netflix begins with "When a woman's body is found."

"Forensics is coming, and we've recruited a detective from Darwin, to lead the case.  Until they arrive, you're in charge."  Darwin?  But that's on the other side of the country from Tasmania, a 7-hour plane flight.  Maybe they mean Darwin Street in Hobart? But that's just a residential street, with no police department.    Did I make a mistake, and this is actually set in the Northwest Territories?

Scene 3: The Deadloch Football Club.  "Where's coach?"   Cut to forensics examining the crime scene.   Constable Dulcie calls her wife to tell her about being assigned to the case.  "But you promised, no more detective work!"

The teenage Tom (Harry Radbone, left) shows up, and recognizes the body as his coach.  Coach's Wife and her son have been notified, and show up screaming.  Someone tackles the Wife to to keep her from seeing the body -- unsuccessfully.  

Dulcie interviews the Wife about their movements last night: "We ate tuna mornay, watched Ninja Warrior, and went to bed and made love."  

"Can anyone verify that?"  Um...the making love part?  "Yes, my son heard us." 

"Did The Coach go to the Beast Master Gym that his brother Gavin co-owns?"  Notice how skillfully they engage in plot exposition?  "No, Gavin was at the harbor putting decals on the boat for their new business, Pro-Bro (protein for bros)."

More after the break