Luxembourg-adjacent brothers Emilian and Marlon Heinrich: One has muscles, the other gay content. With Luxembourger d*cks

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Today Instagram recommended Emilian Heinrich. He and his brother Marlon do modeling and German tiktok povs like:

"When the younger brother has more rights than you"

"My brother at the beach"

 "If you love me, you'll...." 

Um...do a handstand with one hand?

I'm getting tired of internet celebrities and models.  Hopefully he's also an actor.

Score!  He's got six on-screen credits listed on his resume.  Maybe some are gay or gay-subtext.

Emilian was born in 2011 in Püttlingen, in the far west of Germany, about an hour by car from Metz, France, and ninety minutes from Luxembourg (which will give me an excuse to post some of my Luxembourg photos.)

Left: A n*de dude from Echternach on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

1. Any gay content? 

Emilian has performed in the German Disney Christmas Show and:

Herzog Park (2020): A sick boy.

Horst Lichter - Keine Zeit für Arschlöcher (No Time for A*holes, 2022): The child version of the elderly man with a dying mother.

"Matildas Monster," an episode of Geschichten von überall (Stories from Everywhere, 2023): A soccer playing friend of the girl with a monster.

Frühling (Springtime, 2024), a soap opera about rural health care starring Jan Sosniok (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  A boy at a dog shelter.

Eine Person ex (An Ex Person, 2024): The child version of a crisis intervention worker who makes a fatal mistake.

Der so sich zum Tier macht (Turning You into an Animal, upcoming). The title comes from Samuel Johnson: "He who  makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being human."  Something about a soccer team.

Not much of gay interest there.

#2: Gay in real life?

One of his TikToks is about wanting a Freundin (feminine, girlfriend), so Emilian probably straight or bi.

What about his brother, Marlon (right)?  Maybe that's where the gay algorithm kicks in. 

Marlon after the break

An amazingly open gay subtext in "Below": From attempted murder to romance in three hours. Plus some n*de Somali dudes

 

 Link to the n*de dudes

I went into the Netflix series Below (2026), about a sea monster plaguing a small fishing village, expecting no more than the Newfoundland accent and maybe some shirtless fishermen.  But before I knew it, there was a major gay subtext, a crazy, undeveloped, yet touching "enemies to lovers" story!

Below is set in the Newfoundland village of Snooks Arms, where ice fisherman Calvin (Azriel Dalman as a boy, former teen idol Josh Hartnett as an adult) has several problems:

First, a prehistoric sea monster that hunts random villager, starts a plague, and has a weird cult with psychic powers.

Josh Hartnett's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Second, the province wants everyone to relocate.  If 90% of the villagers agree to the move, they'll get a stipend of $140,000 for a family, or $60,000 for single people.  He and his lesbian sister don't want to move.

Calvin has an on-off girlfriend and three kids.  They all have plotlines of their own, plus love interests.

Wade (Charlie Heaton, Jonathan Byers on Stranger Things, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), handles the cooking and cleaning for the family's bed-and-breakfast.  He keeps wanting to help on the ice fishing boat, but Dad refuses because he has ADHD, is taking psylociben for depression, and is a screw-up.

Love interest: He falls in love with a girl who happens to belong to the paranormal monster-worshipping cult, and wants to sacrifice him.

 Mary is visiting from Toronto with her musician boyfriend Noah (Caleb Horn).  Their plotline involves a stolen engagement ring.

Jay (Rohan Campbell) has been "working on an oil rig," he claims, and hanging out with the b'yes.  Tell me more.

His plotline:

Episode 1: While out ice fishing with his Dad, he gets a text: "You're a dead man!" .

Episode 2: It turns out that he owes $80,000 to a loan shark out west.  Two enforcers, the loose cannon Connor (Josh Cruddas, right) and the hesitant Mo (Matthew Worku, center), arrive for the payment.  Jay says that he needs another 24 hours. 

Episode 3:   In 24 hours, Jay delivers proof of residence in the town: when they relocate, he'll get a payout of $60,000. That's not good enough, so they start beating him up.  Dad Calvin intervenes.

Jay asks if they have a place to stay, and suggests a b&b (not the one his brother runs).  You're being awfully nice to the guys who were just hitting and kicking you.

More after the break.

"North by North": An Inuk lady, her gay bff, some paranormal, some Inuk culture, and some musclemen. With Jay's junk and a bonus n*de dude

Link to the n*de dudes 

North of North (2025) appeared without warning on my Netflix list: a woman feels stifled in her tiny village in the Artic.  I can relate to that, so let's go.

Scene 1: While showering (only shoulders visible), a young woman  named Siaja explains that she's from as far north as you've ever been.  I think that's Calgary in the Western Hemisphere, and maybe Oslo in Europe.  Then much farther north than that: Ice Cove, Nunavut.  

A quirky Canadian small town and Inuit culture?  I'm there. 

Siaja has achieved the Canadian Dream, with a husband and child.  Only now husband Ting (Kelly William, top photo) is the Golden Boy of the town, and she's only known as his wife.

First up: he gets to drive the car to the Spring Festival, while she has to haul the supplies on a lame Ski-Doo (snowmobile).

Scene 2: She drops in at Mom's very nice house -- lots of windows -- and announces that because it's a new year, she's going to apply for a job.  Mom dispproves: you're a wife and mother. That's your job.

Mom opens the store next door, which sells artisanal soap and miscellaneous stuff.  Suddenly her hookup from last night walks in, shirtless.  Siaja asks where he was in 1998 -- he could be her father!  He scrams.  

Mom criticizes her for scaring all of her hookups away.  How many hookups could she get in a town of about 2,000, with no tourist trade and the nearest neighbor 300 miles away?

Left: I think the Handsome Man is played by Jeff Roup. who shows his d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Scene 3: Siaja leaves her child for Mom to babysit and heads for the town headquarters, which has a restaurant, some offices, and the radio station: DJ announces the seal hunt this afternoon and the naming of the festival king and queen this evening.

A blond woman named Helen, apparently the town mayor, comes in complaining about the 14-hour days that supervising the festival takes, while other town business just sits there.  Siaja butters her up with coffee and suggests other cultural activities spread through the year.  Didn't you just hear her?  And she wants to be hired as a full-time cultural manager. 

"Nope.  You have zero work experience and no leadership skills."

"But I see life and beauty in everything!"  At that moment, a guy walks in, wanting to know where to put the fish heads.

Scene 4: While Radio Announcer Colin (Bailey Poching) and a purple-haired woman are discussing how much partying to do tonight, Siaja comes into their office and screams.  Helen didn't even look at her job proposal.

Left: Bailey Poching is gay in real life.

"Why do you want a job anyway?"

"To make our community a better place...ok, I want something of my own."  

"But Inuit culture is all about community.  Your own needs are irrelevant."

When Helen comes in to order the others to get back to work, Siaja asks for a chance.  Couldn't you get a job, like, somewhere else?   Ok, a petition to prove that the town wants a cultural director.  500 signatures -- but that's a quarter of the town! -- by tonight!

More after the break

The Homophobic Horrors of Gym Class

The homophobic horror that is gym class began in 1855, when the state of Ohio made the ill-fated decision to require it of all students.  It took off during the 1920s, when "physical culture" was all the rage in Europe, and students were doing gymnastics in the yard.

By the time I entered junior high, the diabolical structure was in intact.

1. The "class" was actually called Physical Education or "p.e.," but only girls said that.  Boys had to say "gym," even if the teacher insisted.  

Got that?  Better not slip up, or you would be called a "fairy" or a "girl."

2. The two most gifted athletes in the class would then become team captains, and choose their team members.  "Fairies" were constantly ridiculed and degraded during the process, and left unchosen at the end, while the two team captain argued over who had to take them.  "I'm not taking the fairy -- you take him!"  "No way -- no girls on my team -- you take him!"

Then we played a sport.  No instruction in rules or strategies -- the "teacher' assumed that we already knew the rules.  If we asked, we were yelled at: "Don't be a smart-ass!  You know the rules!"

3. In junior high the sport was usually dodge ball, which involves trying to kill each other with hard round projectiles while yelling homophobic slurs: "Take this, f*g!"

4. In high school the sports were football in the fall, basketball in the winter, softball in the spring.  Same procedure: no instruction, two jocks picking teams and deriding the "fairies" while the "teacher" looked on.

Football was the worst.  "Stand here, facing this big, hulking man-mountain.  You're going to try to stop him from passing this line."

I just stepped aside and let him through.

We also got brief instructional tours, single class sessions, of golf, archery, and tennis, barely enough to learn what the equipment looked like. 

And rope-climbing.  I never understood that one.
I was very happy during my junior year, when the "teacher" gave up and just gave us free days to do whatever we wanted.  I ran around the track.  No homophobic taunts, no humiliation, and no projectiles hurled at you.

See also: My Job as an Athletic Trainer