"Mother's Day": Depressed Mom Rescues Teenage Son from the Cast of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"

 

99.99% of people kidnapped in movies are daughters, wives, girlfriends, or toddler boys, so seeing that Mother's Day has a kidnapped teenage son drew my interest, even if the person rescuing him is his mother, not a hot guy.

Scene 1: On Mother's Day, a very depressed mother picks up some booze in the liquor store. She stops to clobber five toughs who are harassing a girl, and gets injured herself.  When they hear police sirens, the toughs run away.  Mom limps home in the rain in continues being depressed.

Scene 2: Depressed Mom at her job, running a car-crushing machine at an auto graveyard, being depressed.  Meanwhile, a cute late-teen boy skateboards through town (Maybe Adrian Delikta, except he has a bushy Afro).   He enters the house and greets his parents.  They ignore him; he's upset.  

But they were just joking: There's a giant "Happy 17th Birthday!" cake on the table.  Hugs and "Happy Birthday!" as a woman -- Depressed Mom? -- sits in her car, spying.

Her associate climbs into the car to berate her about flubbing her assignment in Kandahar, Afghanistan.  Then: "Stop stalking the kid!  He's happy!"  

Scene 3:  They break into a cemetery to pay their respects to...Depressed Mom!  Major Nina Nowak, born 1980, died 2005, "fallen in defense of her homeland."  Apparently Depressed Mom faked her death for reasons, gave her son up for adoption, and proceeded to stalk him.

Cut to Depressed Mom watching videos on her son's social media page: mostly skateboarding, but also kissing a girl, identifying him as not-gay. (It took 12 minutes!  That's got to be a record.  Usually the audience is assured that they're not gay at their first appearance).

Cut to him skateboarding home late at night.  A sinister van stops, and  three mask toughs grab him!  He tries to fight them off (because he's a boy, and all boys are, like, macho). but they clobber him with a baseball bat! 

Scene 4: Morning.  Depressed Mom is in the kitchen, getting dressed (obligatory shot of her boobs). Uh-oh, one of her stalking alarms goes off!  Dad posted on social media that the boy didn't come home last night!  Depressed Mom jumps into her car and zooms down country roads to the City.

We cut to the Associate walking through a parking garage, muttering about how heterosexual he is.  Suddenly Depressed Mom grabs him!  Or just say "Hello."

Associate goes through the usual "Maybe he ran away...maybe he got drunk, and is afraid to go home...maybe it's a prank..." arguments, but Depressed Mom will have none of it: "Bad Guys have him.  Go investigate, or I'll eat you!"  

Scene 5: Depressed Mom breaks into the boy's house to look for clues.  We now get his name -- Max.   She finds his toy car collection (because, of course, all boys like cars), but, thankfully, no pin-ups of naked girls. Uh-oh, the parents come home and notice his bedroom door ajar.  Fortunately, they don't investigate, or Depressed Mom would have to eat them.

Scene 6: Associate gathers intel at the police station, including Max's phone, with a message from the kidnappers.  Why don't Mom and Dad know about this?  The head kidnapper is angry because, many years ago, Depressed Mom killed his father.  So he's going to get revenge by killing her son?  But he thinks that she's dead, so...and why didn't you just kill him on the street instead of kidnapping him?  Does he want to play with him first?

Scene 7:  A roomful of bigwigs, including the Associate, discussing a mob that has brought down the old regime in Serbia and is financing the new one.

1. A guy named Voltometer (son of the Big Bitter), who dresses in weird red ribbons that leave his back and butt bare.  Show the front  He's responsible for every crime that occurs in the city. Wait, I thought he was financing the Serbian regime?

2. Below him, Titus, in charge of the syndicate's human trafficking department.  Oddly, his trafficking victims come in all ages and sizes, even old ladies and chubby middle-aged guys.  What, precisely, will their jobs be?

3. Third in command: Baton (maybe Sebastian Dela?), a surly looking young adult, who runs the meth, "pookie," and crystal department. 

Scene 8: Depressed Mom watching a security cam of her son getting grabbed.  Careful examination of the van reveals Yum-Yum, the food delivery service that the thugs use as a cover.  They are Voltometer's thugs (was there ever a doubt?). 

Cut to the Yum-Yum headquarters.  Various criminal activities are going on. Baton deals with an employee who came  light (didn't get the money): "An employee who comes back light is a dick, and a dick deserves a massage.' " He hits him twice with his baton, and starts on the others, but superhero Depressed Mom stands on a wall like Superman.

She wants to know where Max is, but they aren't willing to divulge, so she fights about a dozen of them, killing them with  everyday kitchen implements, eggs, and carrots. Come on, you can't use a carrot to lobotomize someone!  The fight scene goes on and on and on, until one of the surviving toughs finally admit that Max is with Titus, the human trafficker.

Scene 9: Depressed Mom rushing to Titus's place.  Whoops, her finger is dislocated, so she snaps it back into place.  I'm getting tired of this. Is she a cyborg, or what?  

Cut to Titus unloading his gold-wrapped trafficking victims. Some of them "didn't perforate," so he leaves them in the truck to clean up later.  Depressed Mom watches from her car.  Why was she in such a hurry?

Cut to the head mafioso, Voltometer, selecting one of the see-all costumes from a vault.   He turns around: bare chest, not much of a bulge. Nail polish, calling people "My Dear": he's one of those flamboyant gay villains. Back home, he tells the decapitated head of his father that "It's possible to make moolah and have fun."  Who is making these wacky translation choices?  His muscle-stud associate tells him that "the package has arrived." It's been a couple of days since the kidnapping.  What took them so long?

Scene 10:  Depressed Mom has killed about a dozen toughs at Titus's house, and finally finds her son Max, tied and gagged.  But as she starts to help, a surviving tough hits her with a chair, and she goes down.   So this person is indestructible, except when she isn't.  She's tied up, gagged, and tossed in with her son in 69 position. 

Meanwhile Voltometer walks out into the main room, where a lot of heterosexual sex is going on, sits in a kiddie pool with a pink flamingo, and watches as the cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show dances and kisses each other's crotches and butts.  Oh, I get it. He's "a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania."  Equating feminine with evil is way retro.  I'm out.