""Praise Petey": A Girl, a Cult, a Redneck Hunk, and a Bar Called the Filthy Pecker

 I don't care what the show is about, or even that the shirtless hunk is actually pictured with an underwear girl.  I'm watching.  It's Praise Petey, on Hulu: a New York It-Girl is charged with modernizing her dad's cult.  Ok....

Scene 1: Petey, "a girl with a boy's name," narrates.  She jaunts through Manhattan, being smug and entitled, getting coffee without waiting in line, not worrying as a giant monster attacks the city -- normal stuff.  

Scene 2: At her job as an assistant, assistant, assistant fashion editor.  Then dinner with her fiance, a wooden board.

Scene 3: She gets a video from her dead dad, explaining that he wants her to take over the planned community he designed: New Utopia, West Carolina.  She refuses, but then her best friend cheats with her fiance (the board), she's fired, and her apartment burns down, so it's off to the South.

Scene 4: The bus lets her off in a mud puddle in a goat field, but fortunately a hot redneck named Bandit comes to the rescue.  Wait --no, he wants her to "git!," because he disapproves of her taking over the town.  He'll still take her in, but she has to walk.

Scene 5: The town wakes up with signal fires and a ram's horn.  They welcome her with flowers. Mae-Mae, her father's assistant, takes her to her room at the New Utopia Inn for a shower --with three naked ladies helping her?  

After dressing, Petey wants a drink, so Mae-Mae takes her to the town bar, The Filthy Pecker. Alan Tudyk (yes, the actor) shows her around and introduces her to the town drink, a pickleback. Hot Redneck Bandit is mean to her again.  

She commiserates with the bartender Eliza, whose last relationship ended a year ago (she was one of Petey's Dad's 20 wives). Darn, I thought she was a lesbian.

Scene 6:  Petey and Hot Redneck play pool darts: If Bandit wins, she has to leave town, but if she wins, he has to kiss her.  Um...if this guy is heterosexual, he's going to lose on purpose.

Yep, they kiss, while everyone cheers, congratulating them on being heterosexual.  He went from "I hate you" to "I love you" in record time.

Uh-oh, conflict: "I can't be in love with you because your dad turned this town into a cult."

"This is not a cult!" Petey exclaims. "It just needs a little fresh blood."

Cue the opening of the Illuminati-style altar and the red-robed priests sacrificing Alan Tudyk and drinking his blood.  Darn, I thought he would be a regular character.

Scene 7:  Shocked, Petey rushes out.  Mae-Mae, Dad's assistant, wants to know what's wrong.  "I liked Alan Tudyk.  He was good in everything."  

On a VHS tape, her father manhandles a naked hunk tied to a St. Andrews cross to help (no penis), and explains that "New Utopia needs you.  Make whatever changes you want."

"But this is a cult!"

Mae-Mae scoffs.  "What isn't a cult?"  She has a point there.

Scene 8:  Petey decides to stay and help modernize the cult.  They hold a flower ceremony.  Her first decree as Girl Boss: "No more human sacrifices. And no more kaftans.  We'll wear jumpsuits." 

As she is carried out, Mae-Mae and Emmett (whom I didn't mention, thinking that he wasn't important) discuss their dastardly plan. 

And Redneck Hunk vows to stop her ("after I f*k her, of course").

Beefcake: Two hunks displayed.

Gay Characters: This appears to be a gay-free world.

Evan Peters:  He doesn't appear, but he's 36.  That's an important plot point.

My Grade: D.