After the nightmarish debacle of 10,000 superheroes settling down on farms with their True Loves or missing Her (see The Horrible End of the Marvel Cinematic Universe), it was a welcome relief to see a movie with no heterosexual romance at all.
Going in, I thought The Great Wall (2016) was a historical drama about the building of the Great Wall of China, with the racially insensitive casting of Mark Wahlberg as a Chinese general. Actually, it's Matt Damon as English mercenary Garin, who comes to China in 1022 AD with a group hoping to steal the secret of gunpowder. After various attacks by humans and monsters, only Garin and his sparring partner Tovar (Pedro Pascal) survive long enough to seek refuge at the Great Wall.
They discover that the Wall was built not to keep out the Mongols, but as a bastian against swarms of tao tie -- reptilian monsters, basically walking sets of teeth controlled by a hive queen. Every 60 years they emerge from their underground lairs and attack. There are countless thousands of them, leading one to wonder what they eat in an underground lair in the desert.
A huge army of red, blue, and yellow color-coded troops tries to keep them at bay. led by the incongrously young Commander Lin (33-year old actress Jian Tian). And incongrously English speaking. She explains that she learned English and Latin from another Westerner, Ballard (Willem Dafoe), who appeared in search of gunpowder 20 years ago, but why would you learn the language of a small, insignificant country on the other side of the world?
Tovar and Ballard just want to steal some gunpowder and scram, but Garin has some ideas about how to help. He has accidentally discovered that magnets disrupt communication from the hive queen, rendering the tao tie helpless.
Most of the movie consists of battle scenes, first at the Wall and then at the capital, Bianjiang. They are visually imaginative, if strategically ludicrous (bungee-jumping troops?), and too long and drawn out to be of much interest. No one gets a back story, which is a problem in establishing emotional connections with the characters, but omits the cliche dead wives that lurk in the background of 99% of Western actioners.
Nor is there a Finding Love primary plot. Garin and Commander Lin interact, strategize together, and deliver the final forays of arrows from a multicolored kaleidoscope tower, but they don't kiss or exchange longing looks, and in the end, instead of sticking around, Garin leaves with Tovar.
There is actually a stronger homoerotic subtext between Garin and the young soldier Peng Yong (teen idol Lu Han):
1. After Garin saves his life, Peng Yong follows him around. They have brief conversations.
2. Peng Yong sneaks into his room late at night (for what?) and overhears him trying to prevent Tovar and Ballard from stealing gunpowder, which becomes important later.
3. When Peng Yong is demoted to kitchen duty, Garin tracks him down for a pep talk.
4. As they are preparing for the final battle, Peng Yong says "take me with you."
Unfortunately, Peng Yong dies, so he can't ride off into the sunset with Garin, but subtext is subtext.
Beefcake: Matt Damon has his shirt off in one scene. Some of the Chinese troops wear muscle-enhanced costumes.
Other Sights: Stylized wilderness and steampunk weapons.
Gay Characters: No one expresses any heterosexual interest of any sort.
My Grade: A for the lack of heterosexual romance, D for the endless battle scenes.
I saw this one on the BIG screen and the visuals are spectacular. The PC police criticized having Matt Damon as lead was white washing the story even though this was Chinese production aimed at the world market. I thought there was bromance between Garin and Tovar. Who is going to turn down Matt Damon?
ReplyDeleteTovar betrays Garin and leaves him for dead, but Garin turns around and decides to take him along when he leaves. That makes no sense unless they are permanent partners.
DeleteYeah that's the impression I got
DeleteWait, so, the Great Wall was built during the Song dynasty (not Qin) to keep the stock dinosaurs out (not Mongols, and definitely not as a primitive gulag to punish people who disagree with the Emperor).
ReplyDeleteThe Great Wall has been up for many generations when the story begins, so maybe it was erected during the Qin Dynasty. But yep, the Mongols are a minor nuisance. The main threat is the six-eyed eating-machine monsters.
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