"Super-Crooks": 13 hours of "heterosexual romance is the meaning of life." And a gay couple, maybe.

 

Supercrooks is a superhero parody anime that appeared among my recommendations on Netflix.  I don't know how old it is, but it's based on a graphic novel by Mark Millar, who has created several gay superheroes: Blue-Bolt, closeted in the 1950s in Jupiter's Circle; and Apollo and Midnighter, a married superhero couple in The Authority.  So there are bound to be gay characters here.

The first episode is entitled "Electro Boy."  I imagine that he will be fighting the supercrooks.

Scene 1:  The Union of Justice, a tv show with 1970s-style animations. Superheroes Utopian and Flare are being interviewed.  Suddenly Mom switches off the tv and orders a rather femme teenage boy to bed.  "But it's only 7:00!"  "My boyfriend, the hulking behemoth Randy, is coming over, so get lost!"

Scene 2: Close up of the boy's bare feet, for some reason, as he lies on his bed, playing with his superhero action figures and reading superhero comics and fuming. Mom rushes in and turns off the light -- he's ruining the mood.  But it turns back on by itself!

Mom rushes in again and attacks: "I told you to keep that light off!  You're ruining my chance of getting laid"  It turns back on by itself again and again.  Then the bulb bursts.

The boy experiments, and discovers that he can turn lights on and off all over town.  But he's too powerful, and  causes a blackout.  

Scene 3: On the way to school, the boy -- Johnny -- demonstrates his new powers to his 1970s-style friend -- Tom -- by changing traffic lights.  Then he explodes the boom box of a mullet-wearing bully.  I expected him to swoon over the Girl of His Dreams, but he doesn't -- a nice change of pace.

Scene 4: At lunch, they discuss Jupiter's Legacy, where everyone who visited a mysterious island got superpowers -- and their children. Maybe Johnny has superpowers because his Dad is a superhero.  Maybe he can stay with Dad, instead of his abusive mother.

Whoops, I spoke too soon -- Janice, the Girl of His Dreams, drops by his table, attracted by the discussion of superheroes.  She's a fan, too...but dating the obnoxious mullet-head bully.  Darn, I'm in a 1980s teen nerd movie, where Johnny will Win the Girl.  

Scene 5: At the arcade, playing a 1970s-style video game.  Johnny plans to call himself Electro Boy, and go to the Utopian's headquarters to petition to enter the Union of Justice.  Mullet-head drops by to insult Johnny and Tom for being virgins and "unable to get it up."  At least he doesn't use homophobic slurs.  The Girl laughs at him.  

Scene 6:  At home, Johnny rushes past Mom flirting with the tv repairman and goes to his room.  He designs Electro Boy costumes and a logo.

Scene 7: At school, Tom is not impressed by the costume design.  He is a good artist, so he offers to clean it up, with a much clearer and more muscular Electro Boy.

They don't have anyone to actually make the costume, so they try to improvise with stuff lying around the house.  After several tries, they come up with a green t-shirt with a lightning logo, a green mask, leather boots, and gloves.  

Scene 8: They practice turning on lights, flying, and fighting, Power Rangers style.  The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers premiered in 1993, but their outfits are from the 1970s.  Now they just need a crime.

Scene 9: They look around all day.  No crimes.  They decide to let victims come to them, by announcing Electro Boy's identity at the public pool.  "Maybe Janice will be there." Right, teenage boys are all obsessed with girls, I've heard it a thousand times before.

Scene 10:  Johnny approaches Janice at the Taco Ball and invites her to the pool, but she refuses.  Later we see her there with Mullet-head (nice physique). 

 Johnny makes his superhero debut by flying off the mall roof and over the heads of the pool patrons, hovering in mid-air, and announcing "I am Electro Boy."  Everyone is impressed, except for Mullet-head and his cronies, who recognize him and start making fun of him.

Johnny is so agitated that he  loses control and falls into the pool.  You know what happens when a live electrical charge hits water?  Everyone in the pool is electrocuted!  Others rush out into the street, causing traffic accidents.  A truck crashes into a church and kills all the congregants. Another truck crashes into a gas station, causing a massive explosion.

Scene 11:  Johnny distraught over causing the deaths of so many people.  "Your superhero debut turned into something from EC Comics," Tom tells him.  He wonders: "If I can't be a superhero, what can I do?" Maybe get a little more training in controlling your powers?  He accidentally zaps some money from an ATM machine, and thinks "Maybe I can be a supervillain!"

Well, that was unexpected.  But I guess the show is named "Super Crooks."

The first episode is  just an origin story.  Maybe there are gay characters in Episode 2.

Opening:  Two minutes of a girl gyrating on the street, showing us her boobs and butt, beckoning for us to come have sex with her.  Yuck!

Scene 1: A supermax prison for supervillains.  The adult Johnny is being released today after being incarcerated for eight months for misdemeanor property damage.  Asked what he will do first, he says "Fuck my honey."  As he walks down the cell block with a guard escort, one of the supervillains complains "I was going to have your ass next."  He drops his pants to show his butt.  "How about it?"  The guard pulverizes him. If you're showing your butt, don't you want the guy's cock?

Scene 2: He is taken to a holding chamber, where he strips out of his prison uniform and puts on street clothes (nice chest). 

Scene 3: The gyrating girl is waiting for him.  It takes about 30 seconds for the camera to slowly move up from her feet to her hips to her boobs...her boobs...her boobs...I think it's stuck...and her face.  She embraces Johnny.  They kiss for a long time.  Johnny: "Shit! I've got a hard-on."

I'm out.

Beefcake: Johnny wears a muscle shirt as a teenager, and caters to foot fetishists with a closeup of his feet.  As an adult, he strips in the holding cell.  The bullies are buffed.

Heterosexism: Whew, constant!  The Girl of His Dreams in Episode 1, and boobs!  boobs! boobs! in Episode 2.

Gay Characters: None.  The top picture, from Google Images, is from the last episode.  It appears to depict a same-sex couple kissing amid a lot of pride flags and balloons.  But I've been fooled before: maybe the one on the left is a short-haired girl.  I'm not planning to wade through the hours of boobs! boobs! boobs! to findout.