What to Watch on New Year's Eve

We didn't go out for New Year's Eve.  Bob is still recuperating (long story), I'm over fifty, and besides, where is there to go on the Plains?  A straight bar?  So we stayed in, had tacos, and watched tv.

"What shall we watch next?"  is always a problem.  Not that there aren't a lot of choices.  Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Vudu are always pushing long lists of recommendations at us. But we don't usually do dramas or cop shows, just comedies and sci-fi/fantasy, and we insist on gay characters, gay subtexts, or at least no focus on finding or winning the Girl of His Dreams.

Sometimes it's easy to weed out movies and tv series, but often it takes a little digging.  The Girl of His Dreams plotline is carefully hidden.  Here are the 10  "recommendations" we sifted through.

1. The Witcher.  "The witcher Geralt (Henry Cavill with long blond hair) struggles to find his place in a world in which people often prove more wicked than beasts."

Episode synopses: There are also characters named Ciri and Yennifer.  Does Geralt find True Love with either?

Trailer:  He gazes at at least three women, is in bed with one, and has to find another.  There don't appear to be any men in this world at all. Next!

2. V-Wars.  "A fast-spreading disease pits two best friends against each other in a fight for humanity's future. " The trailer shows the two best friends (both guys) each having sex with a woman.  One of them presses his forehead against a woman's forehead as she asks "What happens now?".  Next!





3.Marriage Story.  Are you kidding?  And to add insult to injury, when the couple breaks up, mom and kid move to a gay-free West Hollywood.  Next!

4. The Neighbor.  An ordinary guy, Javi (Quim Gutierrez), finds lis life turned upside down when he accidentally becomes a superhero.

Episode 1 Synopsis: He's having an argument with his girlfriend Lola when...

Not a good sign.

But in Episode 2, he becomes "fast friends" with José Ramon, and it's the two of them against Lola, who suspects their secret.

Downlow subtext? Maybe.

5. Ad Vitam.  "A cop and a troubled young woman....."  Next!

6. Good Witch. "Raisng her daughter in a small town, an enchanting widow with magical powers provokes the interest of a skeptical doctor (James Denton)."  Sounds like Bewitched without the gay symbolism.  Any gay characters?

Um...it was originally on the Hallmark Channel, so I guess not.  Next!

7. The End of the F**king World:  "A budding teen psychopath and a rebel hungry for adventure..."

Sounds good.  IMDB, tell me that they're both boys.

Nope: Alex Lawther, Jessica Barden.  Next!


8. MFKZ: "In Dark Meat City, a young man develops supernatural powers after an otherwise uneventful scooter accident."

We actually start watching this one; Animated, good attention to detail.  A young man (voiced by Kenn Michael" complains that the city is terrible, everyone out to get each other.  He double-takes a girl, and tells us: "One little look would change everything."

Ugh!  The Eternal Feminine as the meaning of life!  Next!

9. Gringo: "A  dark comedy mixed with white-knuckle action and dramatic intrigue, explores the battle of survival for businessman Harold Soyinka (David Oyelowo) when he finds himself crossing the line from law-abiding citizen to wanted criminal."

Plot synopsis on wikipedia:  He is kidnapped by a drug cartel in Mexico, and must escape "alongside a hired mercenary."

Tell me that the mercenary is a guy.

Yep.

But the mercenary also dies, and Harold ends up with a woman named Sunny.  Next!

10. Yesterday.  "Jack (Himesh Patel) discoves that he is the only person who remembers the music of  the Beatles."  The trailer shows him talking to a girl, smiling at a girl, knocking on a girl's door in the rain, a la 1980s stalking romcom.  Next!

So, what did we end up watching?

Victor and Valentino: Two half-brothers, preteen operator Vic and stable "that's not a good idea" Val, live in a town plagued by Latin American paranormal beings: a vengeful coyote spirit named HueHue, a vengeful owl spirit named Lechuza, twin brothers from the underworld, the ghost of a soccer player (who befriends them), and so on.  And no Girls of Their Dreams in sight.

"Holiday in the Wild": Rob Lowe and Son

All Christmas rom-coms have the same plot:

Girl Looking for Love:  Hi, I'm visiting your small town.  But I have a career in the big city, and therefore am not interested in romance.

Hot Guy: No problem.  I'm afraid of commitment, so I'm not interested in romance, either.

Girl Looking for Love:  You're arrogant!  Definitely not boyfriend material!

Hot Guy:  You're annoying!  I'm glad I'm not interested in romance.  But do you want to have a falling-in-love montage?

Girl Looking for Love:  Sure

Hot Guy:  Please drop your career and stay here in the small town with me.

Girl Looking for Love:  What a wonderful Christmas present!

The latest Netflix iteration --does its title really matter? -- stars Kristin Davis as a Big City socialite whose husband (Colin Moss) dumps her just before their second honeymoon, so she goes on the trip herself -- to Zambia (yuch!  one of the most homophobic countries on Earth).

Obviously there would be no gay characters, but I figured there would be some African beefcake  and maybe some nice location shots, so it wouldn't hurt to go through it on fast forward.

First scene:  New York is awful, crowded yet lonely,  Kristin is bored as one of the Ladies Who Lunch.  Especially now that her son, John Owen Lowe, has gone off to college.

The dumping comes, and:

Second scene:  She's in Zambia, in a fancy hotel bar full of white people.  The only black people are the bartenders and waiters.  A racist colonial fantasy.

One would expect Kristin to fall in love with a black guy -- only 40,000 of Zambia's 17 million residents are white -- but no, she meets Rob Lowe, a hot but arrogant pilot who happens to be her safari guide.

Third scene: They fly out into the wild, rescue a baby elephant, and take it to an elephant sanctuary run by Fezile Mpela.  Kristin helps out (she used to be a veterinarian), and likes it so much that she sticks around  -- and does the cooking?

A lot more scenes of saving elephants.  Broken up only by John Owen being miserable at college (too crowded and lonely).  He drops by at Christmastime (ergo the Holiday Connection) to tell Kristin that he's planning to drop out to become a musician.  She suggests that changing his major from Big Business to music woud solve all of his problems (not crowded, not lonely).

Complications:  I couldn't really see any during the fast forward, except for Rob being arrogant and Kristin being annoying.  Everyone at the elephant sanctuary is remarkably friendly, a big happy family (not crowded, not lonely)

Last Scene:  Kristin returns to the Big City and starts a veterinary practice.  But she's just handling the pampered pets of Ladies Who Lunch, and there are elephants to be saved (and elephant conservationists to cook for).  So she goes back to Africa and kisses Rob Lowe.

Gay Characters:  Maybe John Owen.  He never mentions girls.  In the "off to college" scene, a girl with a suitcase hugs Kristin and says "Thanks for letting me drive him."  At first I thought she was a sister, but the family photos show only one child.  If she's a girlfriend, why would she have a suitcase?

By the way, John Owen Lowe is the real-life son of Rob Lowe.  What was it like growing up with the gay poster boy of the 1980s?

Beefcake:  Rob Lowe takes off his shirt in one brief scene.  Been there, done that.  Fezile Mpela has a respectable physique, but we never see it.

Other Interesting Sights:  None. It's all interiors and the wild.  We don't even get an establishing shot of the Freedom Statue in Lusaka.

My Grade:  Not even worth a fast-forward.  F.

There's a Rob Lowe hookup story on Tales of West Hollywood.

"Santa Girl": Are You Really Expecting Gay Characters?

I've never understood movies and tv shows that make Santa Claus's toy distribution a business.  He gives away the toys for free, so where's the profit?  Unless...your parents secretly pay him, which is why the rich kids get the most presents, regardless of their naughtiness, and it's all a big lie....

In Santa Girl, the latest in Netflix's 30 days of schlock, The Claus (Barry Bostwick in a fat suit -- probably) is an uber-capitalist Robber Baron, running a global toy empire by exploiting his elf employees (or slaves? you seem to be born into elf serfdom), and forging deals with other titans of industry, like the Tooth Fairy's son, Larry Tooth.

He wants his 18-year old daughter, Cassie (Jennifer Stone of The Wizards of Waverly Place) to marry the son of mafioso weather don Jack Frost in order to combine their empires (is that how business mergers work?), but she has other ideas -- college.

Ok, Santa relents.  One semester at real-life Shenandoah University in Virginia, and then back to her forced marriage.

Wouldn't the Titan of Industry send his daughter to Vassar?

So Cassie and her house slave...um, servant....um, personal assistant head out for college and romance.  She is torn between two potential boyfriends:

1. The wealthy, sophisticated, super-hot JR (Josh Cody, who may be the guy in the top photo or the left, I can't tell.  There are 15 Josh Codys on instagram.  He only has one previous acting credit, a weird movie about a spy who solves crimes in rural Virginia with the help of her "home schooled" friends.)

By the way, JR turns out to be Jack Frost's son, being forced by his father to "keep an eye" on Cassie so she won't fall in love with anyone else before the arranged marriage.  .

2. The quiet, shy, unassuming, poor Sam (Devon Werkheiser, last seen on Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide).  You know who she's going to end up with, right?  Except Sam has a secret -- Jack Frost is also paying HIM to "keep an eye" on Cassie and make sure she doesn't fall in love.

Not even with JR?  Is it essential that you enter an arranged marriage with no feelings for your partner?

By the way, Dad Frost also arranges to dox Cassie with a meme confessing that she is Santa's daughter, resulting in her cancellation (see how adeptly I use contemporary slang?).

Fast forward to the wedding, with Dad Frost salivating over his son's union with Cassie (again, why does he care so much?).  Santa decides to do a good deed for once, and hauls Sam to the North Pole so Cassie can call off the wedding and date him.

Cassie to JR:  "I'm really sorry about this."
JR: "Are you kidding?  Good luck with Sam!"

Gay Characters:  I kept waiting for the gay best friend, but nope. Then I thought JR might be gay -- he swishes a little, and he really doesn't want to marry Cassie. But then, in the final scene, he flirts with an Elf girl.

Beefcake:  Josh Cody's jaw-dropping physique is on full display in a brief indoor pool party scene.

Other Scenery:  A lot of exterior shots of Shenandoah University.  This could be a feature-length advertisement for the college. Maybe it is.

Heterosexism: It's a Christmas rom-com directed by Blayne Weaver of Bossier City, Louisiana, filmed in rural Virginia, starring mostly actors who are attending college in rural Virginia, including Josh Cody, who was planning on a career as a football player, but "God had other plans for me."  What do you think?

"Dead Kids": Gay Friendly Outsider Kids Plan a Caper

No kid actually dies in Dead Kids (2019): it's a Filipino slang term for outsiders, aliens, the kids who sit by themselves in the cafeteria and never get invited to parties.  The central character is Mark Sta Maria (Kelvin Miranda), a senior at a private high school in Manila, a shy, sensitive drama major whose every attempt at acquiring prestige is co-opted by the arrogant rich kid Chuck Santos (Markus Patterson, below).

He wanted the lead in the school play, but Chuck got it.  

He has a crush on it-girl Janine (Sue Ramirez), but Chuck is railroading her.  (The two actors are dating in real life.)

Plus Chuck has 50,000 Instagram followers,  fancy clothes, and a car.  

And he's an entitled, snobbish, bullying asshole.

Somebody has to take him down a few notches.

Enter three other dead kids:

1.Flamboyant schemer Blanco (Vance Larena)

Vance Larena starred in the gay film Bakwit Boys, and is apparently gay in real life.  According to the Filipino press, he has a boyfriend named Mark.

2-3. The bff gay-vague couple Paolo (Khalil Ramos, left) and Uy (Jan Silverio).  Khalil Ramos starred in the gay film 2 Cool 2 B Forgotten.  When asked about his "gender identity," he stated that he was "straight," but supported "gender equality."

Do they think gay is a gender in the Philippines?

Back to the story:  the four Dead Kids (along with Paolo's girlfriend sometimes) get the idea of kidnapping Chuck and holding him for ransom.  They'll make some money, and the arrogant asshole will get his comeuppance.  So they put on pig masks, burst into the brothel where Chuck is awaiting his 18th birthday blow job, put a bag over his head, tie him up, and sequester him in Mark's apartment.

You know what's going to happen next, right?  Complication, complication, dead guy (an adult), drug lord, arguments, harrowing something or other, the end.  We've seen it before 20,000 times.  Feel free to fast forward to the good parts.

Except there really aren't any good parts.  

Beefcake:  None.

Gay characters: Maybe Blanco, but he's underdeveloped.

Filipino culture:  No interesting shots of the Manila cityscape.  The characters speak mostly in English, with some Tagalog thrown in here and there.  I guess speaking English is cool for Pinoy youth.

Heterosexism:  Surprisingly little.  A couple of the boys have girlfriends, but there's no Girl of His Dreams rhetoric, no girl to be rescued, no fade-out boy-girl kiss.

Homophobia: None.  The characters have foul mouths, but never use homophobic slurs.  They all apparently support gay equality (or rather, gender equality).  Notice the LGBT hate-free zone sign on the wall behind them. 

My grade: D.  Watch some of the actors' gay movies instead.

"The Club": Dynasty, Ecstasy, and Gay-Positive Hunks

What's with Netflix and the nondescript one-word titles.  According to Wikipedia, "The Club" is the title of 4 movies, 4 tv series, 2 video games, and a radio show

This one, originally entitled El Club (2019), is the writing/directing debut of Mexican actress Camila Ibarra, otherwise known as Ruth Martin in the prison drama Capadocia (2008-2012).  It's every telenovela you've ever seen:  impossibly beautiful people arguing in impossibly elegant houses (every room must have at least five chandeliers), then stomping out in anger and driving off their impossibly fancy cars.   Forbidden romance, generational conflict, blackmail, betrayal, murder.  And, in this case, drogas.

Trust fund baby Pablo (Alejandro Speitzer, top photo) is trying to distance himself from his domineering, bigoted, ultra-wealthy Dad (Omar Germenos, left).

So, along with sometime girlfriend Sofia and computer whiz Matias, he starts a business selling Ecstasy.  Of course, plot complications ensue: a drug cartel has already cornered the Ecstasy trade, and its jefe, El Monkey, doesn't like the competition.

Ok, Mexican drug cartels produce heroin and some marijuana, and transport cocaine.  They don't handle Ecstasy because it's a party drug, easily substitutable and not very expensive.  But whatever.


In a gay plotline,younger brother Santiago (Alejandro Puente) goes off to Stanford and finds a boyfriend.  The evil Nico sends a film of the two going at it to all of Dad's friends, resulting in a conflagration at Christmastime.  "In my family there are no queers!" Dad yells.  Santiago decks him.  "I'm not queer, I'm gay!"

Rather an old-fashioned storyline, considering that same-sex marriage has been legal in Mexico City and many Mexican states since 2010. It reminds me of Dynasty, 30 years ago.

But the cast is super-gay positive.

1. Alejandro Speiser as Pablo.  In June 2019, Alejandro and fellow actor Erik Elias celebrated Gay Pride by kissing.  "I'm not gay, but love is love," he told the startled tabloid reporters.

2. Omar Germenos as the family patriarch.  Omar played a gay character in Donde está Elisa?

3. Jorge Caballero (left), seen here with his boyfriend, Colombian singer Esteman, as Matias, the computer whiz.

4. Axel Arenas, who starred in the gay-themed Tremulo, as Jonás. In non-gay news, in 2018, Arenas was arrested for the murder of a female escort, but released after he proved that he was not in the country at the time.

5. Martin Saracho as Max.  Martin starred in Estupida historia de amor en Winnipeg, about a gay couple trying to find a new life in a small town in Canada.

6. Nacho Tahhan, who starred in the Spanish version of the gay-themed Angels in America,  as Gonzalo Cisneros

7. Marco Tostado as Diego, Sofia's anti-drug boyfriend.   He played  a gay character in a telenovela.  And he has a chest.

"Green Eggs and Ham": A Gay Subtext Buddy Roadtrip?

If you're under70, chances are your parents read you Green Eggs and Ham (1960), a Dr.Seuss book in which the pushy Sam-I-Am coaxes his glum dining companion to try the green stuff in various configurations:  in a boat, with a goat, in a box, with a fox, and so on.  It's maybe 300 words long, but it was probably effective in pushing a lot of broccoli.

When I heard that Netflix was releasing a 13-episode adaption of the story,  I had two thoughts:

1. How?  That's a long time to be pressuring somebody to have breakfast.
2. Will there be any gay characters?



How:

They turned it into a road trip comedy/  The irrepresible, childlike, rather needy Sam-I-Am (voiced by Adam DeVine -- sigh) has stolen a rare chickagiraffe from the zoo, and must travel to Meepville to return it to the wild.

But Sam is not what he seems.  Wait -- did he just steal a car?  And...um....a credit card??? This isn't your mother's Dr. Seuss.

Meanwhile, failed inventor Guy-Am-I (voiced by Michael Douglas -- Silver Daddy sigh)  is on his way to Meepville to take a failure-job watching paint dry.

The two cross paths in a diner (where Sam does proffer green eggs and ham), and one misunderstanding later, they are thrown together, chased by the police, BADGUYS, and a diminuitive multibillionaire who wants the animal for himself.  They end up in every situation in the book: in a boat, with a goat, with a mouse, in a house, in a box, with a fox, and, more existentially, here, there, and everywhere.

I like the sinuous malleability of the Doctor Seuss world, and the many visual gags, often involving taking metaphors literally: bean-counters actually count beans; bread-winners win bread; homemakers build homes; in a small town where there's nothing to do but watch the grass grow, that's what people do.

No characters from other Dr. Seuss stories appear; this isn't Seussical: the Musical.  But there are frequent clever references.  When Sam is trapped onstage at a high school graduation, he begins his speech "Oh, the places you'll go."  A fish family forced to flee their home takes a head count:  "One fish, two fish, blue fish -- where's the red fish?"

But Sam's questionable morality made me uncomfortable, even though he reformed in the end.

And the action didn't really build; it was "what situation will they get into next?"  I caught myself fast forwarding, thinking "Will they ever make it to that darn Meepsville).

And I especially fast-forwarded through the scenes where they interact with two other travelers:  the feisty 10-year old EB (probably to give kids someone to identify with) and her mousy, afraid-of-life single mother Michellee (Diane Keaton), to give Guy someone to...well, you know.



Gay Characters:  

Sam doesn't display any heterosexual interest, and his starry-eyed, touchy-feely approach to Guy definitely suggest a romantic inclination ("If you look into someone's eyes, you can see their soul"; "I could watch you working all day."]

He characterizes them as a "family," and as parents to the chickagiraffe, of which Guy is the "daddy."

And the story doesn't end with a hetero-kiss.  Instead, Sam and Guy are drawn into a new adventure.

But the tacked-on Guy-Michellee romance seems a deliberate attempt to defuse any gay reading, and almost every minor character expresses heterosexual interest.

I expected something more diverse from a series that lists Ellen Degeneres as the executive producer

See also: The Gay World of Dr. Seuss

Legend Quest: Masters of Myths: Not Not-Gay

Who knew that a cartoon about fighting monsters could be so complex?

Legend Quest: Masters of Myth  (2019) sends a team of Mexican monster-fighters far and wide under the orders of some mysterious monks called the Brotherhood.

The monster-hunting team consists of:
1. Leo, a 12-year old boy from 19th century Mexico.  He's voiced by Benny Emmanuel (below) in Spanish, and in English, Johnny Rose, who is impossible to research online because he shares a name with the Eugene Levy character on Schitt's Creek.  

I don't know if this series is set in the 19th century, or if the monster-hunters exist outside of ordinary time.

In 2015 Benny starred in Tremulo, about two guys hooking up.

2. The ghost of Don Andres, a 16th century Spanish conquistador (voiced by Andrés Couturier, Oscar Cheda).

2. Teodora (Mayte Cordero, Annamarie Blanco), who is astro-projecting her spirit back from the 21st century.

4. Alebrije (Ricardo O'Ferrill, Paul Tei), a comic relief monster based on the Mexican folk art figurines.

How did these beings manage to find each other?  We don't find out. The show starts in media res, with hunts for a powrie (Scotland), an efrit (Egypt), a caipora (Brazil), a tsukumogami (Japan), a wendigo (Canada), El Coco (Spain), and an anansi (Africa).

Meanwhile they must search for their missing leader, Brother Godofredo; deal with a competing monster-hunting team led by the snobby Marcella; deal with the Brotherhood, which turns out to be evil; and save the world from the Cthulhu-monster Moon Goddess.

Whew.

The Latin American focus is interesting, and there's little or no heterosexual machination, not even between Leo and Teodora.  I'd prefer a buddy-bond, but just not mooning over Teodora is enough for a gay subtext. Or even a gay text -- who ever said that Leo was straight?

Turns out that we're in media res because this is Season 2, being marketed as a new series in order to confuse viewers.  In the first season, called Legend Quest in English, Leo is a 12-year old boy living in 19th century Mexico, who has the power to see ghosts because he is, according to his abuela, the Chosen One.  When the townsfolk start turning into zombies, he and his ghost friends find a way to rescue them.  This leads to more adventures, and eventually a gig with the mysterious Brotherhood.

And it takes only about 10 seconds for Leo to start mooning over Marcella, the Girl of His Dreams.

Bummer.

The characters first appeared in a film series.  The first, La Leyenda de Nahuala (2007), starred Fabrizio Santini (top photo) as Leo, and gave him a different origin story.  I'll check it out -- maybe he'll go back to being not-not-gay.

Is Toon Gay?

Toon (pronounced "tone") is a Dutch dark comedy about a painfully shy jingle-writer (Joep Vermolen) who becomes an internet sensation when he picks up a guitar during his birthday party and sings "I Don't Want to Be Here."

Unfortunately, it is also the contemporary slang term for "cartoon," making internet searches impossible.

Episode #1:  Toon is insulted by his bosses, Robbie and Dylan (Robbert Bleij, Arend Branleight).  Later, he is walking down the street when a man says hello.  He does a double take.  Obviously gay!

At his birthday party, a woman flirts with him, and he looks bored and tries to get away.  Obviously gay!

But I'm not going to be fooled again.  I'm sampling several episodes to see if Toon really is canonically gay, or it's just a tease to draw in viewers.

Episode #6:  Toon and Nina (the girl who flirted with him,now his video partner) are roped into taking part in a charity fundraiser.  Toon's roommate moves out: "It's been fun,but..."  Toon is heartbroken.

Wait -- roommate or lover?

Episode #8: Season finale.  No references to boys or girls.

Well, on to Season #2:

Episode #2:  Toon plays in a video game championship.  His opponent, Jurriann (Alex Hendrickx, right), keeps saying things like "You're so famous, you must get lots of girls!" "Right...girls!"  Toon says sardonically.

Wait -- does that mean he's gay, or that he's straight and doesn't get a lot of girls?

Later, Jurriann invites Toon into a contest to see who will go home with  Becky, the newscaster who covered their game. He goes to tell Becky what they are up to, and she suggests that he pretend to pick her up.  He has no idea how to flirt with girls, so she explains how.

No idea how to flirt with girls? Gay!

Or...is he so "socially inept" that he likes girls but doesn't know how to talk to them.

Episode #6:  Toon and Becky are living together as roommates, although sometimes she flirts with him to give the gossip vlogs something to talk about.  He helps throw a bachelor party for Dylan, apparently now his manager, who says a lot about the importance of friendship, soul-mates, and then kisses him. Then he vanishes into the bathroom, and Toon leaves.

The third member of their party is Robbie, dressed like a pink fairy.  I don't know why.

Ok, is Dylan gay , or gay and closeted, or...and is Toon....

Episode #8:

 The series finale.  Toon, this is your last chance!

He and a girl arrive at a hotel room. Toon hugs their chaffeur. What's up with that?

Apparently the meeting is just for show: they are sitting on different beds, talking about how loud the music is in the next room.

And then...and then...Toon talks about how much he loves her.  Then they kiss.

It took 16 episodes, but Toon has finally been outed as straight.

Are there really men like that, who are heterosexual but shy about talking to girls?

They should have heterosexual cruise bars. You don't need to say anything -- just make eye contact or give attitude.

How to Cut Down Your Netflix List

In the old days, there were 3 channels with three hours of programming each per day, excluding Saturday and Sunday (when no one watched tv).  So between 9 and 18 programs to choose from each day.  But the family watched only sitcoms and variety shows, so the number of choices was limited:   I looked it up: in the fall of 1970, when I was 9 years old, we had 20 programs per season to choose from.

Today we have dozens every week, "new releases" (which may actually be a few years old) on Netflix, Vudu, and Amazon Prime.  And all of them are advertised as "masterpieces."

I have a few ways to cut down on the choices.  Anything that begins "after the death of his wife," "in search of a missing girl," or "a beautiful private investigator" is an automatic nope.

And anything with a trailer that shows boy-girl kissing.

So let's see what's "new this week" on Netflix:

Toon.  Reclusive,socially awkward jingle writer (Joep Vermolen) becomes an internet celebrity and gets girls.  It's in Dutch, but I still don't care. Next!

The Unlisted.  Kids are getting implants that control them, but identical twins Dru and Kai escape from the facility and team up with other outcast kids to.... Starring Vrund and Ved Rao.  Lots of potential for gay subtext: indoctrination into heteronormativity, and so on.  Ok.

After.  Good girl falls for bad boy.   Bad boy is played by an actor with the extraordinary name Hero Finnies Tiffin, but still, Next!

Haunted: real people tell about real paranormal experiences. One involves a gay conversion camp.  Maybe. 

Fractured (what's with the one-word titles?).  After his wife and daughter....Next!

The Hookup Plan.  When Else gets hung up on her ex, her friends hire a male escort, with whom she of course falls in love.  Well, it's in French, male escorts are usualy bisexual, and it stars Marc Ruchmann, so...Ok.

Living with Yourself.  Guy gets a smarter, more muscular doppelganger who railroads his girl. But at least we get to see Paul Rudd in his underwear (with a larger basket than warranted by his actual equipment). Maybe

The Influence.  Back in her childhood home to help her sister care for their comatose mother.  3 main characters and life threatening illness.... Next!

The Forest of Love.  Two con-men force themselves into the lives of two grief-stricken young women.  Next!

The Lies within.  After her father dies and her husband goes missing.  That's as bad as a dead wife.  She teams up with a disillusioned detective played by LeeMin-Ki.   Next!

From 10 to 2, with a couple of maybes.  Just enough to watch comfortably in five days.

If I can find the time after watching The Good Place, American Horror Story, The Walking Dead, Riverdale, Bob's Burgers, Big Mouth....

How Queer is "Carmen Sandiego"?

Millions of millennials grew up with Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego  (1991-1995), a game show based on a video game where contestants answered geography questions in order to track down the elusive super-thief (diversity alert: Carmen was middle-aged, female, and I assume Latina).

A powerful woman who thumbs her nose at the system and doesn't have any male admirers.  A lesbian girls' dream!

No other gay content in the show itself, but host Greg Lee is apparently gay.  Seen here with his date, actor Gregory Michael of Dante's Cove,, at the 2007 Outfest.  The top photo is Gregory in action.

Anyway, Carmen won lots of Peabody awards and spun off into Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego (1996-1998), hosted by Kevin Shinick.

And Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego? (1994-99), an animated series which pits the superthief (voiced by Broadway legend Rita Moreno) and her V.I.L.E. organization against 14-year old detective Zack (Scott Menville) and his older sister Ivy of the A.C.M.E. Agency.  It also starts to redeem Carmen, making her an anti-hero who uses her thieving skills to help  Zack fight cadres of real baddies.

Now Netflix has released Carmen Sandiego (2019), an animated series with Carmen completely rehabilitated, a "modern day Robin Hood."  Trained to be a V.I.L.E. agent, she decided to devote her life to something other than evil, and went rogue.  Now she works behind the scenes, pursued by both A.C.M.E. and V.I.L.E., to solve crimes and thwart thefts of Vermeer paintings in Amsterdam, the Magna Carta in Mumbai, smart fabric in Greece, and rare gems in Japan, with the ultimate goal of taking down the entire V.I.L.E. enterprise.

Her scoobies include:
1. Teenage computer hacker Player (Finn Wolfhard).

2. Redheaded doofus Zack (Michael Hawley)
3. His sister Ivy, who looks nonbinary.
4. Shadosan, the Japanese sensei who adopted and taught Carmen.

Their main antagonists are A.C.M.E. agent Chase Devineaux (Rafael Petardi) and V.I.L.E. agent Graham (Michael Goldsmith), whom Carmen dates briefly.  Otherwise I don't see any hetero-romance plotlines, which is remarkable.  Not a lot of gay subtext, either, but with children's tv, I'll take what I can get.