Andy Bian: Taiwanese actor, singer, and Good Boy stars in a gay tv series and an adult video

   

   Link to the n*de photos

I've been having trouble recently finding n*de photos of people who are celebrities but not actors.  They're sports figures, musicians, models, or internet influences.  So this time I checked the IMDB, and Andy Bian has eight acting credits, so he's good to go.

He first appears on screen in 2013, at the age of 22, in the Taiwanese thriller Killing 7

Then came two episodes of the 2016 tv series Jin wan, ni xiang dian shen me?, which translates as Jin Wan, What Would You Like to Order?.  A bar owner listens to the stories of different customers every week. 

Four Heavenly Kings in Ta tiao ko, translated Hanky Panky (2017): a comedy in which the son of the owner of a martial arts dojo "has a hidden plan to draw ou this father's enemy." 

Falling in Love (2017).  Andy doesn't play one of the people in love.

The TV series Songs and the City.  

A starring role in the thriller Karma (2019).

Five episodes of Wan quan sheng qian lian ai shou ce (2024), translated as Safety Pre-Life Love Manual, apparently about students in love.

Wait -- are all of his acting roles going to be in Taiwanese projects that aren't available to stream in the U.S., or only with expensive memberships and paywalls?

I'm particularly interested in Andy's role on HIS-tory (2017-) a Taiwanese anthology series, with every season depicting two men in love.  Five seasons, 90-plus episodes.  In his season, "Trapped," a gay couple is trapped in a "deadly game of wits." Researching it is nearly impossible, since no matter what I do, "HIS-tory" is interpreted as just plain "History."  And why is this title in English, not Mandarin?

An article calls Andy and his costar Kenny Shin boyfriends, and says that they are discussing marriage, but I'm not sure if it is real or fanservice.

But a photo book of his character's adventures, called Good Boy, was published in Taiwan.

The drama wiki gives more details. Andy, Chinese name Bian Ching Hua,卞慶華; was born in 1991 in Keelung, Taiwan, on the northern coast about a 40 minute drive from Taipei.

Keelung is the home of Taiwan's first LGBT Cultural Center, founded in 2014.

He graduated from the National Taiwan Ocean University in Keelung.

The wiki lists several projects that the IMDB doesn't, such as the movie Mermaid Prince (2020) and  a lot of variety and game shows.  He appeared in Penghu on New Year's Eve 2019.

He also recorded the theme song to the tv series Mulan on the Run (2012) -- about a hostage crisis on a bus, no connection to the Disney movie.

And some commercials, like this one for Pizza Hut.

The photos from his adult video are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Ryan Potter: N*de and adult pictures of the Supah Ninja, Beastboy, gamer, mystic, and bisexual

"Love is a Poison": High-power attorney and cute con artist stalker in contemporary Japan

Lee Doud: "I'm Fine," n*de dudes, and anti-Asian prejudice in the gay community

The cringe c*ock of "Angels and Insects"

 

Link to the c*ocks

 I don't usually use the contemporary term "cringe" as an adjective.  It's from a later generation, so it feels weird, but it is completely appropriate to describe the famous p*enis scene in Angels and Insects (1995).

Everyone in West Hollywood saw Angels and Insects when it premiered, due to the rumor of the p*enis.  Male frontal n*udity was vanishingly rare in mainstream movies in the 1990s, and rumor had it that this guy was actually up!

After 30 years, I've forgotten everything about the movie except for the cringe p*enis and people actually being insects, so I looked up a plot synopsis.

In Victorian England, entomologist William Addison (Mark Rylance, top photo) gets a job cataloging the insect collection of baronet Sir Harold Alabaster (Jeremy Kemp).  

The name Alabaster makes me cringe.

When you search for n*de photos of Jeremy Kemp, this pops up.  I doubt that it's the same one.

Yes, I'm stalling.

William, of course, falls in love with Sir Harold's daughter Eugenia, an insect-obsessed young lady who dresses like a bug.  Actually, all of the women do, for a symbolic reason that I don't quite understand, but the movie won an Oscar for best costumes.

Eugenia and William get married and have some kids, but he is bewildered by her bedroom behavior, coldly rejecting him one moment and being voracious the next, so he starts an affair with a servant girl named Matty.

Mark Rylance has shown his d*k on screen several times, but in this movie we just see it under the sheets.

Meanwhile, William spars with Eugenia's brother Edgar (Douglas Henshall), a bigot and all-around sleazebag.

 One day William comes home unexpectedly to find Edgar in bed with Eugenia.  His sister!

He jumps up and displays his cringe p*enis.

In an interview Douglas Henshall said that standing-up was not part of the script.  He just happened to be up because he was in bed with an attractive lady, and the director decided to go with it.

This makes the p*enis even more cringe.

Eugenia explains that she has been sleeping with her brother for years.  In fact, their children are Edgar's, not William's.

William decides to leave her and go to the Amazon to catalog insects with servant girl Matty, who has an interest in entomology.

So, a movie about incest and insects.  I still don't get it, but we left the theater feeling slightly nauseous.  Sometimes a p*enis is not enough. 

See also: Big Boys: A gay university freshman tries to make friends, get laid, and find his tribe

No Good Deed: Four lesbians, a gay son, Oedipus, some murderers, and Phoebe from "Friends"

Johnny Berchtold: I have good news and bad news.  The good news is his c*ock

"The Residence": Murder at the White House, with a gay President, suit guy d*cks, and Randall Park's backside

Link to the suit guy d*cks

I wanted to see The Residence, a new Netflix comedy about a murder at the White House, because it has a gay character: the President. The Observer review specifies: "it's rarely discussed and simply accepted as part of the narrative landscape."  Buttigieg in 2028!  

Besides, I love a guy in a suit, and the White House will be full of them.

Episode 1 is "The Fall of the House of Usher," a reference to the Poe story.  

Scene 1: Thunder rumbles.  We pass the busts and portraits of former presidents.  An older man in a tuxedo (Giancarlo Esposito) walks down a busy hall, being greeted by passersby.  He peers down at a reception, and then a formal dinner with hundreds of people attending, including the Prime Minister of Australia.  There's a knock on the door, a woman screams, and we cut to the evening's entertainment, Kylie Minogue. The camera zooming through the hallways is making me dizzy.  Back to the screaming woman, who looks like Jane Curtin.  The older man is dead!

Giancarlo's backside and p*enis are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends. 

Scene 2: The Capitol, a few months later.  A Congressional Hearing about the murder and the investigation that followed.  First to witness: Jasmine, the Chief Usher, in charge of overseeing the Executive Residence (the 3rd floor residence of the President and his family). 

Flashback to Jasmine sitting in the very authentic-looking Blue Room, drinking while she's supposed to be working. A waiter asked if she talked to him, and advises that she not do something she'll regret. Like murder?  "Too late, I already did."  

Suddenly Agent Rausch (a woman) appears, and brings her upstairs, where the President's best friend Harry Hollinger (Ken Marino, left) says that there's been an incident, and she has to keep everyone away from the second and third floors.  

Jasmine refuses to do it because she's only the assistant usher.  She thought she was going to be the chief usher, but it was made very clear that she wouldn't, so ask the actual Chief Usher, A. B. 

Ulp -- A.B. is the murder victim!

Scene 3: Jasmine takes the elevator down, and flashes back to meeting A.B. on the same elevator earlier that evening. She congratulates him on his upcoming retirement, but he announces that he's not retiring after all, so no Chief Usher job for her.  She bangs the doors and screams.  

Later Jasmine returns to a roomful of people, including the President's friend Hollinger, Secret Service Agent Trask, the FBI director, the head of the National Park Police, and Lawrence Dokes, chief of the Washington, DC metropolitan police. 

Scene 4: Testimony switches to Chief Dokes (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.).  He explains that the White House is his jurisdiction.  No, it's not.    

Back at the crime scene, he brings in Cordelia Cupp, the greatest detective in the world, to help out.  She's on the South Lawn, bird watching. Best Friend Hollinger insists that it was a suicide, so they don't need an investigation.

Cordelia enters, discussing Teddy Roosevelt's list of birds (a real thing), and examines the body and the room -- it was locked from the inside -- a locked room mystery!   

Next she interviews the person who found the body: the President's mother-in-law, Jane Curtin in a bathrobe, who was watching a movie on tv.  She didn't go to the dinner because she doesn't like talking to people, especially her son's husband, the President.  First indication that the President is gay at Minute 14.  She heard a thump and a door close, and investigated to find the body in the Game Room.  

Cordelia gets a tour of the various other bedrooms, gym, music room, and solarium.  The President's brother Tripp was asleep, heard the scream, and went back to bed.  Best Friend Hollinger has a room there, too, which makes Cordelia suspicious.

Hollinger explains the severity of the situation: the last administration pissed off the Australians (and the Canadians, and the Danes, and...well, everybody), and this is a state dinner designed to smooth over relations.  They need to figure out what happened and put the least disastrous spin on it in 45 minutes.

More after the break. 

Gemstones Episode 4.2, Continued: Pontius' private parts, Gideon's bottom buddy, and JR's junk. Plus Karen from "Will and Grace" sings

  

Link to the NSFW version

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.2: Baby Billy's dong, BJ's pole, Kelvin's pipe, and the Clobber Verses.

In Part 1, the conflicts of the seasons were introduced: Eli is looking for meaning, BJ for independence, and Keefe for a wedding ring. Next up: Jesse and his Cain-and-Abel sons, Pontius and Gideon.

Pontius' Private Parts: Jesse taping a commercial for his new line of Prayer Pods, like privacy pods except that inside you can pray, play Bible Bonkers, listen to a sermon, and so on.  He forces the entire family into one.  It's a tight fit: Pontius, sitting on his lap, deliberately f*arts in his face.

In the dressing room, we get some back story:  Pontius (top photo and left) got kicked out of the Citadel for low grades, and  because he was posting videos of his buddies sticking firecrackers up each other's bottoms.  

That sounds like slang for gay activity, but apparently it's a real thing: people put fireworks in their friends' bottoms as a prank.  

I still think Ponty is hinting at same-sex interests.  

His privates are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Amber notes that you can "hurt your privates doing things like that, but Pontius insists that his privates work fine, disgusting his parents.  Darn, now you have viewers checking out your bulge.

Gideon's Bottom Buddy: Jesse can't communicate with his father Eli, but Gideon has no trouble: "I call Granddad, or he calls me."  

This enrages Jesse, who calls them bottom buddies.  Amber points out that the phrase actually refers to "s*odomy," so he backs down: "I didn't mean it like that.  I'm not trying to say that he's trying to f*k Daddy."  Of course not, Gideon is a bottom.

This is a continuation of the Eli-Gideon relationship from Season 3, so it shouldn't come as a surprise.  I'm wondering, however, if Gideon is ever going to have a relationship with anyone outside the family.  His last friend or boyfriend was Scotty, who died at the end of Season 1.  Your Granddad has overcome his grief and moved on, Gide Baby; maybe you should, too.

Abraham's got nothing: Poor Gavin; his last plot arc was in Season 2, and it was about leaving s*emen loads all over the house.  Looks like he's got nothing here, either; after the Prayer Pod commercial, he sits by himself and plays on his cell phone, just entering the conversation to laugh that his Dad is "b*utthurt" over Gideon's relationship with Eli.  

Amber criticizes that phrase as referencing "s*odomy" also.  What you got against gay sex, girl?

Karen arrives:  The siblings are getting jetpack training from J.R. Rodriguez (good idea), when it's time for the friend or relative from Eli's past to arrive and shake things up: Baby Billy in Season 1; Junior in Season 2; May-May in Season 3; and now "Mama's bestie," Lori , played by Megan Mullaly, Karen on Will and Grace.   

Everyone rushes to hug her; Kelvin blurts out "I love you."  It sounds like he means it in a romantic way.  Is he going to dump Keefe for the old lady?  They discuss how much they miss Aimee-Leigh.

She explains that she hasn't visited for awhile because she's been doing dinner theater in Pigeon Forge -- the Smokey Mountains home of Dolly Parton's Dollywood and other countrified attractions.  An article in Focus, the Tennessee LGBTQ magazine, calls it a "Gay Mecca."

Maybe not a mecca; it's still overwhelmingly "family friendly" conservative fundamentalist Christian. They had a "Gay Day" at Dollywood in 2004, but horrified protests caused it to not be repeated.

More after the break. 

In Bed with Mason Cook

In Speechless, the sitcom about a nonverbal special needs kid and his crazy family, gay people generally do not exist.  I guess you can have only one Special Thing per series.  The only reference to LGBT identities I have seen is, admittedly, a good one:

In a Halloween episode, operator-in-training Ray (Mason Cook) and his sarcastic younger sister Dylan (Kyla Kenedy) change bodies.

Ray in Dylan's body experiences not a hint of macho panic  ("Gross!  I'm a girl!), nor does he spend his time heterosexualizing ("I can see all the boobs I want).  Instead, he enjoys being brainy and popular, and refuses to switch back.

Dylan in Ray's body doesn't enjoy being considered stupid and an outcast, so she seeks advice from their father:  "What do you do when you're trapped in the wrong body?"

Dad, naturally, assumes that "Ray" is coming out as transgender.  "I don't know enough about this to comment," he says, "But your mother and I will always love you no matter..."

Later he tells his wife "I think I'm woke."

The juxtaposition of the old fashioned "trapped in the wrong body" and the contemporary "woke" is jarring, but otherwise the sequence perfectly avoids all of the homophobic and heterosexist jokes one usually finds in "boy turns into a girl" stories.

Naturally, I wanted to know more about Mason Cook, who plays Ray.

18 years old, born in Oklahoma City although he says he's from Arkansas, acting since age 9.    He played the young Jimmy on Raising Hope and Eddie Munster in the Munsters reboot Mockingbird Lane,  guested on a lot of Disney and Nickelodeon teencoms, and had recurring roles on Legends and The Goldbergs.  His movie credits include Spy Kids 4, The Lone Ranger, Spy, and some tv-movie tearjerkers. 

More after the break

Quite a full resume for someone of his age.

Extremely progressive in his politics, anxious to take back the country from the alt-right.

Quick to call out homophobia.  Didn't go to see The Ender's Game because the author of the original novel, Orson Scott Card, hates gay people.

In this picture, he is in bed.  But it doesn't look like  a selfie -- the arms are positioned wrong. Someone else took it.

I wonder who was in bed with Mason Cook?

See also: Speechless, Season 2

Mason Cook: The "Speechless" star grows up, turns bohemian-hipster, and shows his biceps and d*ck

Daryl Sabara: Juni grows up, fights cannibals, bikers, and Satanists, and shows his d*ck

Gavin Munn's polar plunge. Plus Tony Cavalero's cold dip, a b*ondage hookup, and some n*de dudes in the snow

Link to the n *de dudes

Gavin Munn, Abraham on The Righteous Gemstones (below), is quite a daredevil, but this has to be his craziest stunt yet. 

North Carolina, January 2025. The temperature is 32 degrees Fahrenheit.  What are you doing outside in a swimsuit in the middle of winter?

You're getting awfully close to that swimming pool, buddy.  Tell me you're not going to do it.

Good grief, he's doing it!

In a hurry, buddy?

Is that a look of joy or a look of pain?

I guess Gavin is not alone.  Britain has the traditional Boxing Day dip, where you jump into the ocean on December 26th.  

There are polar plunges across the U.S. and Europe.

Eastern Europe has the Epiphany Plunge, where you dive into the cold water to retrive a cross on January 6th.

More after the break. 

Champions: Gay kid with two dads played by Andy Favreau and Anders Holm

TV series that failed after only 10 episodes used to fade into oblivion.  Now they are picked up by streaming services, Amazon Prime, Vudu, and Netflix.  But streaming services also have self-contained 10-episode series, designed to tell a story and end.  Which is Champions?

Episode 1: We open in a run-down Brooklyn gym, where two guys, a hunk and a dork, are arguing over whether to get a dog.  A gay couple?  Nope, just heterosexual life partners -- gym owner Vince (Anders Holm, below) and his layabout brother Matthew (Andy Favreau, left). Think Alan and Charlie of Two and a Half Men.

  Suddenly a gunman bursts in, threatening to kill Vince for sleeping with his wife. Matthew convinces him that Vince has such a horible life that death would be a blessing.  This is the stuff of comedy?

Is it just me, or are the pair named wrong?  The hunk should be named Vince, and the dork Matthew. And shouldn't the one with the muscular physique be the gym owner?  Did the actors get their casting calls switched?

Also, why is it the dork who has sex with a hundred women per day, beginning in high school, where he got his girlfriend Priya (Mindy Kaling) pregnant?

Speak of the devil.  Cut to the ritzy Manhattan Academy of the Performing Arts, where 15-year old Michael (transgender actress Josie Totah, before she transitioned) is being told that there's a problem with his application (whose bright idea was it to name the two stars Michael and Matthew?).  The Dean of Admissions, who admitted him and offered to let him stay in his house, has been arrested in a "Jared from Subway type sting," so Michael (the kid) has nowhere to live.

Wait -- Michael (the kid) was being groomed by a pedophile?  This is the stuff of comedy?

The solution is clear: Michael (the kid) can live with Dad Vince (the dork) and Uncle Matthew (the hunk), who didn't know that he existed before today.

The rest of the series: Michael is the only kind of gay kid one ever sees on tv, an uber-swishy, facial product-wearing, show tune-obsessed swish.  He reminds me of Justin from Ugly Betty, except that Justin took five years to come out, and Michael's gayness is a done deal, not ever questioned.  In this world, homophobia does not exist.

But racism does: Vince has a type, preferring to date Indian women, although he's eclectic in his choice of bedroom partners. Anti-Indian and other racial prejudice is frequently evoked.

Michael proceeds to rehabilitate his two Dads. He encourages Vince to cut back on his womanizing, Matthew to study for his GED, and the duo to reconcile with their estranged mother.  He helps out at the gym, too, revising its web page and giving gym bookkeeper Dana (Ginger Gonzaga) advice on her love life. 

Not that Michael (the kid) lacks problems:  he's painfully naive about everything but musical theater, he struggles to embrace his Indian heritage and to accept the fact that he's no longer the most talented performer in his school.

More after the break

"Pretty Hard Cases": Buddy lesbian cops in Canada solve a case full of plot holes, with a trans guy and a reformed homophobe

 

 Pretty Hard Cases just dropped on  Amazon Prime.  I could use a hard...um...oh, it's two women solving crimes.  But maybe they will be dating some hunky men.

Scene 1:  Detective Sam (a woman), Guns and Gangs Division, sits in her car, talking about being single and over 40, and therefore planning to make a change: cut her hair.  She discusses it in detail, but her police partner, Detective Barry (Dean McDermott)  says that he prefers women with long hair.  Miss Piggy, for example.  Heterosexual identity established at Minute 1.

They have eyes on Drug Dealer Rafi (Evan Marsh, top photo and left), but the moment his runner approaches, a homeless lady starts begging for money.  Suddenly she grabs his stash and runs!  

Both Detective Sam and Dealer Rafi give chase. through underpasses decorated with street art and hunky skateboarders. 

Detective Sam finally catches the homeless lady, retrieves the stash, pulls a gun, and tries to arrest Dealer Rafi. Whoops, the drug runner Davis Dubman (Xavier Lopez) has a gun of his own!   

Dealer Rafi runs off, and the homeless lady pulls a gun to arrest everyone remaining.  She's Detective Kelly Duff, Drug Squad!   These cops don't coordinate well. 

The detectives argue over who gets to make the arrest and confiscate the drugs. 

Scene 2: Greater Toronto Police Department.  Congrats -- usually Canadian series don't want to admit it. 

The detectives argue over the proper interrogation of Drug Runner Davis.  Hey, Xavier Lopez is trans and bisexual!  Congrats on LGBTQ representation, although I'll bet his character is cisgender straight.

Intel: Dealer Rafi is the youngest of the three Bowen Brothers who handle most of the drugs running through Stockwood (not a real place). The others, Randy and Steph, are the major players.   

The detectives argue about whether they should be called piranhas or smelt, then exit to argue about playing by the book or use the ethical gray areas to catch bad guys. Standard buddy cop division.

Gun Detective Sam wants to hold out for the bigger fish, but  Drug Detective Kelly orders Nazeer (Al Mukadam, who played a gay character on Spun Out) to go arrest small-fish Rafi.  This angers Detective Sam, who complains to the big boss. Could she at least tag along when they arrest Dealer Rafi?  

"Ok, fine, but try not to be annoying."

Scene 3: Kelly and Nazeer, in their squad car, wait for the SWAT team so they can make the arrest and complain about Sam's polyester pants, when she pops up and immediately becomes annoying.  Is it commonplace in Canada to break down the door to arrest someone?  What about knocking to see if they'll answer peacefully?

More after the break

Beefcake and Boyfriends of the Jazz Age

 

 Link to the n*de photos

Europe between the Wars, 1918-1938.  America during the Jazz Age, 1918-1938

Was there ever a time so lost and desolate, so fascinating and seductive, so full of queer promise and doom?

Evelyn Waugh writes Decline and Fall, about a straight but n* aked Oxfordian and thinks about the gay loves of his college days.

Christopher Isherwood finds "his kind" in Berlin, sleeps with straight guys and storm troopers, and writes Berlin Stories.

Virginia Woolf finds a room of her own to write about gender-shifting Orlando and fall in love with Vita Sackville-West.

Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas discuss art with Picasso and eat hash brownies.  

Ernest Hemingway and Scott Fitzgerald go to the Louvre to look at the p* enises on the statues.

Dorothy Parker invites Noel Coward to the vicious circle at the Algonquin Hotel , where he sings his new song, "Mad About the Boy"

It's pretty funny but I'm mad about the boy

He has a gay appeal that makes me feel

There may be something sad about the boy

 And James Thurber is so scandalized they he stays in his room all weekend, writing the third most disturbing story in American literature, "The Catbird Seat"

University of Chicago sociologist E. Franklin Frazer complains about Boystown, where "strutting young men, attired in gaudy clothes and flashing soft hands and manicured fingernails" share their streetcar seats with "a girl with her head buried in a book on homosexual love."  

Langston Hughes goes to a drag ball in Harlem, where Ma Rainey sings "Prove it on Me Blues"

Went out last night with a crowd of my friends,

They must've been women, 'cause I don't like no men.

William Faulkner paints a gay teenager's p* enis green as a prank, and later writes him as Luster in The Sound and the Fury

My grandmother goes to art school in Indianapolis, where she befriends two sophisticated young men.  They are arrested for skinny-dipping at Indiana Dunes, and her father forbids her from seeing the "vulgarians" again, but they inspire her younger brother to run away to Hollywood and try to get into pictures.  He ended up a sound man. 

More after the break

Robert Ri'chard: the Nickelodeon teencom star grows up to play scoundrels, bad boys, and boyfriends, and display his d*ck

  

I remember a few of the Nickelodeon shows from the late 1990s and early 2000s: Invader Zim, Fairly Oddparents, Doug, Rugrats, Rocko's Modern Life.  But most, like Cousin Skeeter (1998-2002). don't ring a bell.

As far as I can tell, it was a standard id/superego pairing, with early-teen Bobby (Robert Ri'chard) trying to complete his extra-credit assignments, while Cousin Skeeter wants to fill the principal's car with Cheetos.  Both squealed "Girls! Girls! Girls" every five seconds, as was required in the era. 

The main differences from other teen coms:

1. It had a primarily black cast. 

2. Cousin Skeeter was a puppet.  Haters like to point out that this fact was never mentioned, but when is it ever mentioned?  None of the humans on Sesame Street ever identify Bert and Ernie as Muppets, nor did Shari Lewis ever let on that she was providing the voice for Lamb Chop.  

Teen stars usually face a slump after their star vehicle ends, but Robert Ri'chard moved directly into prime time with One on One (2001-2006), starring Flex Anderson as a sportscaster raising his teenage daughter.   Robert played her on-off boyfriend, who was allergic to shirts.

Flex?

Jonathan Chase, who showed his backside in Another Gay Movie, played one of her college roommates, a "player" who gets lots of girls.  

Flex? ?

Then on to Meet the Browns (2009-2011), about a single father running a nursing home, who adopts some troubled foster kids.  I thought this was a sitcom, but according to Wikipedia:

"Eddie Walker, who was close to abusing Joaquin, became the first on-screen character to die. He suffered stab wounds, and the surgery done to try to save his life was performed by Will himself. Also, in season 4, Brianna's friend Antonio is killed in a car crash."  

Ok...well, Robert plays a college student who lives next door, and doesn't own a shirt.

By this point, Robert is in his mid-20s, and buffed.

And posting n*de selfies.

Dude has so many veins, it looks like an alien script.

More after the break.  

Gemstones Episode 4.2: Baby Billy's d*ck, BJ's pole, Kelvin's pipe, and the Clobber Verses

Link to the NSFW version

Title: "You Hurled Me Into the Depths, Into the Very Heart of the Sea." Jonah 2.3: Jonah is in the belly of the great fish, praying for deliverance (not a whale -- there are no whales in the Mediterranean Sea).

Gemstone Roll Call: A gold-and-purple Baby Billy announces Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin in angel costumes.  The rest of the family joins them on stage for the Aimee-Leigh Birthday Give-A-Thon.  Keefe does a high kick.  The siblings appear in jetpacks, and rise up over the stage, but things go wrong and they crash.  Fortunately, it's just a rehearsal.

Baby Billy's D*ck:  In the dressing room, the siblings want to cut the jetpack bit, but Baby Billy insists: this is too important. So he's in charge now? And where the heck is Eli?   Somewhere in Florida. He won't answer their phone calls. 

Baby Billy then drops his trousers to flop his d*ck around: "This is what a real man looks like.  I booked all these people to the Give-a-Thon, so Eli has to be there!"   Fans were complaining that the stunt guy had no balls.  Who's looking for balls?

Eli Hooks Up:  Somewhere in Florida (actually the Keys), a grotesque long-haired Eli awakens on his boat, Nice Mussels, and cooks eggs for the lady he entertained last night.  She wants more of his "thick breakfast sausage" instead, but he explains that he is not ready for a relationship.  He's still trying to figure out what he wants.  Dude, you're 73.  Better hurry.  Besides, "I don't like you."  

She rushes off, but Eli struts down the dock, smoking a cigar, cruising the ladies.  Easter Egg: he has a cap from Adams College, a call-back to "Revenge of the Nerds"

Uh-oh, it's the siblings, for some reason dressed in their Cape and Pistol society costumes.  Judy has an unexplained bandaged hand.  They yell at Eli for drinking too much, and when they find a bra, hooking up with ladies.  "Am I supposed to be in mourning all my life?"  "Yes!"  They had the same argument with him in Season 2, when Junior arranged for a hookup with a lady.

He refuses to go to the telethon.  The siblings annoy him by saying "p*ssy" over and over, and making the tongue-through-fingers gesture, until he consents.  How does Kelvin know about that?

Time to set up the sibling conflicts for the season:

BJ's Pole:  BJ (not pictured) is in a pole dancing class otherwise occupied entirely by women (the casting call asked for men, too, but I guess none showed up).  Judy disapproves of him spending so much time aroiund hot ladies, or having any life outside of her, but he explains that the "physical rigor and slightly taboo nature of pole dancing" has keyed into his obsessive nature, like pickleball in Season 3 and skating in Season 2. BJ's story arc always involves trying to become his own person, distinct from Judy.

It turns out that pole dancing is a competitive sport, with men and women participants.

More after the break

Kelton Dumont's n*ude photos, with new selfies, Jak, Gavin, and a bonus fratboy

  

Kelton Dumont, best known as Pontius on The Righteous Gemstones, has not been forthcoming with a lot of physique photos.  This shoulder and arm is about all you're going to see.  But n*udity is another matter: he gave us a backside and partial d*ck shot on the show, and a search of hookup sites reveals some other possibilities.

Link to the n*ude photos

#1. Charleston, February 2024.  I think Kelton was at Bennington College during that month.  

We know that Kelton went back to brunette, and they were filming Righteous Gemstones Season 4 in June 2024, so how does this one look:

#2. Hair is too long, but same size c*ock as the other one.  A possibility.

On to the canonical n*udity:

 

In Righteous Gemstones Season 3, Pontius has become a surly, profanity-spewing, tattooed thug, rejected by every college he applied to, constantly making out with his girlfriend Makayla. Jesse makes him promise to not have s*ex in the house.

More Kelton after the break