Ilia Bolshaya: Collegiate swimmer with a 3.97 GPA and a huge sausage. With n*de swimmers and why gay men don't major in science

  

Link to the n*de dudes

The n*de celebrity subreddit posted a photo of Ilia, who is walking into the room swinging his stuff.  I figured he was an actor, but research reveals that he was a college swimmer.  Quite a prestigious one, with a lot of awards.

But the subreddit took him down right away, so they don't consider him celebrity enough.

I'm torn.  Are a lot of swimming awards enough?

I was convinced by learning that fraternity initiations at his college often involve stripping the guy, so there are a number of n*de photos around (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends). 

 But I'll compromise by changing Ilia's last name (Bolshaya means "huge" in Russian, as in большая сосиска, "big sausage").  

I'll also omit the names of his colleges, so he can't be tracked down easily (searching for "Ilia" and "swimmer" doesn't do it).

Ilia is originally from Moscow.  As a teenager, he competed in swimming events across Europe, including this one in Regensburg, where I spent a quarter abroad during my sophomore year. 

He graduated from a gymnasium (high school) in 2016, and enrolled in college in the U.S., where he majored in biology.

He was on the swim team, of course.  His favorite dish was sushi, and his favorite non-swimming activity was reading.

 

He joined a fraternity where they typically strip candidates.

In 2020, Ilia received his B.S. in Biology, with a 3.97 GPA, and went to graduate school in Biomedical Engineering.  As of the summer of 2025, he is a Ph.D. candidate, researching the intersection of pharmacogenomics, artificial intelligence, and mathematical modeling.  He also has an internship in quantitative pharmacology, and five publications.

More after the break  

"Caravaggio's Shadow": As time goes by, the gay Baroque painter becomes more and more straight. With bonus Italian men

 Link to the n*de dudes 

When my generation was growing up, teachers, reference books, and movies always presented historical figures as absolutely, undeniably straight.   My paperback copy of The Importance of Being Earnest said that Oscar Wilde was imprisoned "on scandalous charges."  I asked the teacher what those charges were. She said she didn't know.

In the 1980s, we started to uncover the "lies, secrets, and silence," reveal the gay men and lesbians of the past who had been denied us.  We collected them like beacons of hope in a homophobic world: Plato, Aristotle, Walt Whitman, Oscar Wilde, Emily Dickinson, Gertrude Stein, Shakespeare, Michelangelo...and Caravaggio (1571-1610), who introduced the Baroque style of bright, naturalistic color to Italy, who scandalized the art world by using thieves, beggars, and pro*stitutes as models for religious-themed paintings.  And who was gay.

Everybody in West Hollywood went to see Caravaggio (1986), by filmmaker Derek Jarman (who announced that he was gay later that year). We were expecting a lot of cute Italian guys (there are some), and hoping that they would be n*de (no). 

We were also hoping that Caravaggio would be presented as gay, but resigned to the likelihood that he would be straightwashed: turned heterosexual, or mostly heterosexual (a few men as trivial dalliances as he pursued the Woman of His Dreams).  

He was straightwashed.

As a child and teenager, the artist (Dexter Fletcher, left), is the victim of abuse by Catholic clergy.  This "turns him" gay, or rather pansexual. 

As an adult (Nigel Terry), he is a decadent figure like something out of a Pasolini film, consorting with men and women, although he prefers women.   He goes with both Raduccio (Sean Bean) and his girlfriend Lena.  But Raduccio is just a dalliance; the heterosexual romance is True Love.  Then Raduccio kills Lena, and a distraught Caravaggio kills him.  Gay lives must always end in tragedy.

More after the break.  

"North by North": An Inuk lady, her gay bff, some paranormal, some Inuk culture, and some musclemen. With Jay's junk and a bonus n*de dude

Link to the n*de dudes 

North of North (2025) appeared without warning on my Netflix list: a woman feels stifled in her tiny village in the Artic.  I can relate to that, so let's go.

Scene 1: While showering (only shoulders visible), a young woman  named Siaja explains that she's from as far north as you've ever been.  I think that's Calgary in the Western Hemisphere, and maybe Oslo in Europe.  Then much farther north than that: Ice Cove, Nunavut.  

A quirky Canadian small town and Inuit culture?  I'm there. 

Siaja has achieved the Canadian Dream, with a husband and child.  Only now husband Ting (Kelly William, top photo) is the Golden Boy of the town, and she's only known as his wife.

First up: he gets to drive the car to the Spring Festival, while she has to haul the supplies on a lame Ski-Doo (snowmobile).

Scene 2: She drops in at Mom's very nice house -- lots of windows -- and announces that because it's a new year, she's going to apply for a job.  Mom dispproves: you're a wife and mother. That's your job.

Mom opens the store next door, which sells artisanal soap and miscellaneous stuff.  Suddenly her hookup from last night walks in, shirtless.  Siaja asks where he was in 1998 -- he could be her father!  He scrams.  

Mom criticizes her for scaring all of her hookups away.  How many hookups could she get in a town of about 2,000, with no tourist trade and the nearest neighbor 300 miles away?

Left: I think the Handsome Man is played by Jeff Roup. who shows his d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Scene 3: Siaja leaves her child for Mom to babysit and heads for the town headquarters, which has a restaurant, some offices, and the radio station: DJ announces the seal hunt this afternoon and the naming of the festival king and queen this evening.

A blond woman named Helen, apparently the town mayor, comes in complaining about the 14-hour days that supervising the festival takes, while other town business just sits there.  Siaja butters her up with coffee and suggests other cultural activities spread through the year.  Didn't you just hear her?  And she wants to be hired as a full-time cultural manager. 

"Nope.  You have zero work experience and no leadership skills."

"But I see life and beauty in everything!"  At that moment, a guy walks in, wanting to know where to put the fish heads.

Scene 4: While Radio Announcer Colin (Bailey Poching) and a purple-haired woman are discussing how much partying to do tonight, Siaja comes into their office and screams.  Helen didn't even look at her job proposal.

Left: Bailey Poching is gay in real life.

"Why do you want a job anyway?"

"To make our community a better place...ok, I want something of my own."  

"But Inuit culture is all about community.  Your own needs are irrelevant."

When Helen comes in to order the others to get back to work, Siaja asks for a chance.  Couldn't you get a job, like, somewhere else?   Ok, a petition to prove that the town wants a cultural director.  500 signatures -- but that's a quarter of the town! -- by tonight!

More after the break

Beast Boy in love with Robin, Aqualad, Cyborg...and Jimmy Olsen?

I have never seen Teen Titans (2003-2006, 2012-), the cartoon series based on the DC comic books, so I don't know much about the shapeshifting Beast Boy.  But according to Wikipedia, he is portrayed as a lighthearted jokester (voiced by Greg Cipes, left).  He is best friends with Cyborg, and has a love-hate romance going on with a female titan named Raven.

In the live action Titans, he's portrayed by Ryan Potter, who is bisexual in real life, so maybe he's got some bi subtexts going on.

In the comics, Beast Boy interacts with Jimmy Olsen when he's transformed into a giant turtle, but fan artist usually limit Beast Boy's same-sex loves to Robin and Aqualad.

Robin gets more s*xual acts, sometimes unwillingly.  Here they're being pushed together and assaulted by purple tentacles (a Japanese tradition).

Fan artists like envisioning Beast Boy and Robin in intimate situations. This is about as G-rated as their pairings get.

More after the break

Ansel Pierce: "Duster" Baby Face and "Euphoria" Big D*ck, with Rar Boy, Chubby Guy, and West Hollywood digressions

Link to the n*de dudes

In Duster Episode 1.4, 1970s mob driver Jim Ellis (why not name him Duster?) and the boss's Probably Gay Son (Josh Holloway, Benjamin Charles Watson) are transporting Howard Hughes' car across the Arizona desert, when they almost crash into a car being driven by two guys who aren't named, so I'll call them Rat Boy and Baby Face (left).  

They look like  Mormon missionaries, but their bumper sticker says "Vacuums suck," so they may be salesmen. 

Jim/Duster and Probably Gay Son stop at Floyd's Gas and Go, and the guys follow.  Ulp, their trunk is filled with guns, cables, ropes, and baseball bats embedded with spikes.  They're baddies!  While Jim/Duster is occupied with an unrelated assassination attempt, the Mormon missionary-baddies beat up the mechanic and the Probably Gay Son, and steal the car!   

Jim/Duster and his assassin-turned-ally track them down and kill them, Baby Face with a knife to his head (through an open car window while they're driving side by side), and Rat Boy with a shot in the back.

We learn no more about the characters, but I wanted to research the actors, especially Baby Face.

Rat Boy is played by Garrett Young, who has 13 acting credits on IMDB, including Timid Pimps, Other People's Heads (where he played a head), and Chicago Justice/Med/Fire. 

As a stage actor, he has appeared in John Proctor is the Villain on Broadway, Clyde's, and The Oresteia.  

His Instagram has the "no women," "a lot of hugging guys," and "world's best uncle" gay codes until you get to the very end, where there are a lot of photos of his wife and kid.

On to Baby Face.

We've seen him before -- a lot of him.  He is Ansel Wolf Pierce, best known as Caleb, a recurring character in Euphoria Season 2, and particularly for the house party scene in Episode 2.1: Cassie is hiding in the bathtub when he comes in and sits on the toilet, revealing...omg, that thing is huge!  Noticing her, he apologizes: "You're really hot but I still gotta take a sh*t."  She doesn't mind.

I repeat: OMG,  that thing is huge!

We see his backside, too, but who was paying attention to that?

Plus Ansel has a social media presence, for a change.

A "versatile young talent making waves in the world of modeling and acting" (and d*cks), he graduated from Fossil Ridge High School in Fort Collins, Colorado, in 2018, then studied business at the University of Colorado.  

While he was in college, a photographer noticed him (and his d*ck) and invited him to L.A. for a fashion shoot.  He decided that modeling would be his career.

Today Ansel is represented by Wilhelmina Models, where he is listed as 6'2", waist 38, shoe size 12, d*ck size  -- well, we already know about that.

More after the break

Danny Pintauro: When the former "Who's the Boss" star is outed, Hollywood turns (more) homophobic. With HIV awareness and n*de photos (of adults)

   

In the 1990s, actors who came out, or who were outed, usually ended their career. Especially teenagers: they had to face casting agents, directors, and showrunners who hated gay people, or who believed that they could not play heterosexuals believably, and there were no gay roles.  

Neil Patrick Harris survived by playing homophobic parodies of himself.  

Glenn Scarpelli dropped out of acting long before he came out.

Danny Pintauro was not so lucky.

Born in Milltown, New Jersey, near Rutgers University, in 1976, he began acting and modeling at age two, and appeared on screen beginning at age seven in a three-episode story arc as the son of the unscrupulous financier James Stenbeck on the soap As The World Turns,  

Next came dramatic turns in Cujo (1983), the adaption of the Stephen King novel about a rabid dog; and The Beniker Gang (1984), about a family of orphans trying to stick together (with Andrew McCarthy as the head Beniker) 

In 1984 Danny was cast on Who's the Boss (1984-92) as Jonathan, the sweet, soft preteen son of wealthy businesswoman Angela Bower (Judith Light), who hires a male housekeeper (Tony Danza).  

After I moved to West Hollywood, I didn't watch much -- Tony rarely took off his shirt, and in 196 episodes there were only three jokes:

1. A macho straight guy does women's work, har har.

2. Grandma (Katherine Helmond) is interested in men har har.

3. "Will they or won't they?"  There is no reason why Tony and Angela couldn't start dating in the second episode, but they resist and resist, while family, friends, and viewers become more and more exasperated.  They don't get together until Season 8!

As Danny moved into his teen years, the writers tried to make him absurdly girl crazy, like every other  teenage boy on tv at the time, but he was so femme, sashaying and swishing across the stage, that it didn't seem believable, so they gave him weird plotlines like taking up the accordion and stealing a hubcap from a police car.  Danny recalls that his costars were supportive, but the showrunners "obviously didn't want me there." 

After Who's the Boss ended in 1992, Danny enrolled at Middlesex County College and then Stanford University, planning to become a veterinarian -- until he failed chemistry and changed his major to theater. But in 1997, a National Enquirer photographer caught him kissing a guy, and called him for comment.  He thought of denying that it was him, or demanding that they not print the article, but finally he agreed to an interview.  

The result was banner-headline controversy. Most of his former costars offered public support (I've read conflicting accounts of Tony Danza's reaction), and fan esponse was generally positive; but everyone agreed that the gay former child star would never appear on TV again.  

In a 2003 episode of Will and Grace, Karen Walker steals Danny's wallet, so he tracks her down and attacks -- off camera.  They didn't even consider asking him to play himself.

Danny graduated from Stanford in 1998 and moved to New York, where the theater scene was supposedly less homophobic.  But no one wanted to cast a former tv...ugh...actor, especially not the subject of a media firestorm -- audiences would be too distracted.  He played a hustler who gets involved in a bisexual three way in The Velocity of Gary (2000), and then nothing until the Joan Crawford parody Mommie Querest in 2012.  He waited tables, briefly managed a restaurant, and sold Tupperware.  

He partied hard, became a drug addict, and had unprotected activity, resulting in HIV seroconversion (diagnosed in 2003). 

More after the break. 

Gemstones Episode 4.7, Continued: Teenjus meets the Devil. So does Kelvin. With a gay Christian, Jordanian junk, and Dustin's d*ck

  

Link to the N*de Dudes

Earlier in the episode, we saw Eli and Lori breaking up, Kelvin hiding in his treehouse after the roundtable debacle, Judy jealous of a monkey, and Gideon finding a way to be true to himself.  Now it's time for a Baby Billy plotline.

Teenjus Meets the Devil:  The  tv studio in Goose Creek, about 30 miles from Charleston, which Baby Billy characterizes as the "middle of nowhere."  (And there is a Middle of Nowhere Bar and Grill in town).   

Complaining about having to "babysit" his own kids, Baby Billy directs a scene where teenage Jesus/Teenjus (Matthew Garbacz) is tempted by the Devil.  He doesn't project enough and he can't remember his line, so Baby Billy fires him and decides to play Teenjus himself.

The Devil points out that he's not a teen, but "You ain't the Devil.  It's called acting."

Tiffany and the Nanny arrive late.  He lambasts them, which upsets Tiffany: "You got time for everything but us."  She suggests that he quit the Teenjus project, so he can spend more time with the family.  They have enough money.  No, it's not enough, and he still need to become famous (again).  "I been on this stardom train before, and you got to get it while you can."  The writers, directors, and showrunners don't become famous, the actors do...oh, is that why you want to play a teenager at age 70?

"Is that all that matters to you?" Tiffany asks, reflecting Lori asking if money is all Eli cares about earlier in the episode.  Baby Billy: "My job is very important to me. Now stop being difficult and take these kids to get some ice cream."  She snarls. What will he finally choose, fame or family?

An Eight Ball and $2 Million:  The Board Room. Baby Billy yells at Judy and Jesse for cutting his Teenjus budget by 29%  Instead of a cement factory in Goose Creek, he should be in Jordan "filming in some Muslim tombs."  

N*de Jordanian guys on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

And by the way, since he's playing Teenjus now, he needs $2 million for reshoots, plus an 8-Ball (3.5 grams) of cocaine.  They scoff.

"Where's Kelvin?" he asks.  "I can usually talk some sense into him."

They're not speaking to him after he insulted them earlier.

Now Baby Billy yells at them for squabbling, not being a family.  They should reconcile with their brother.  

That's Amber, BJ, and Baby Billy all telling you to check in on Kelvin.  I suggest that you do it.

Family Visitors:  Jesse is going through Kelvin's house, looking for him.  He checks the foyer, a hallway with baseball-sized gummi bears mounted on the wall,  the bedroom, and then back to the foyer. Nitpick: The bedroom is on the ground floor.  In Season 2 it was on the second floor.

 Judy appears, claiming that she had to poop, and Kelvin's house was the closest.  

They discuss how bad they feel about his debacle, how scared he looked -- and holy sh*t, Keefe is the next room, hanging upside down on a harness!  "My word, family visitors!" he exclaims.

Some fans have pointed out that he's using a bond*age swing for yoga.  This is the room with the massage table -- which can double as a bond*age table.  So we know what kind of games the guys play.

He brings them to the treehouse where Kelvin is hiding, but it's hopeless:  "I've tried for days.  There's no way to get up there."   Jesse knows a way.  A ladder?

Cut to Kelvin lying on blankets in his tree house, eating Fiddle Faddle and Bugles and playing with his monster movie toys, when Jesse and Judy knock on the door.  They flew up in jetpacks!  

They ask why he's not going to the Night of Testimonies, the last event in the Top Christ Following Man Contest:  "I'm not a brave, strong leader.  I'm a coward."  

"So what?  You are mean. You are extremely goodback with snitty retorts.  You can demolish Vance Simkins."

Suddenly Keefe bursts in, destroying the door. Well, he's never used a jetpack before.

"We just put that door in," Kelvin complains.

Check out the cool prop photo of Kelvin and Keefe hugging.  It will be used as the cover of their wedding announcement.  Don't complain about spoilers, we all know it's going to happen.

More after the break

Adventures of Pete and Pete

Juvenile tv programs of the 1950s and 1960s, such as Captain Kangaroo, Shari Lewis, and Andy's Gang,  were dedicated to socializing kids into the norms of adult society.  The rules may seem odd, the hosts seemed to say, but they were established by wise, sensible adults, and if you conform, this will be the best of all possible worlds.

Then came the 1980s and 1990s, and tv juvenile tv programs like You Can't Do That on Television, Animaniacs, and Eerie Indiana, said something quite different.  Adults are crazy. Their rules make no sense.  Don't even try to conform society: rebel, resist, be yourself.

The benchmark of this new anarchic juvenile tv was Nickelodeon's The Adventures of Pete and Pete (1993-96), about two brothers, teenage Pete (Mike Maronna) and preteen Pete (Danny Tamberelli) living with their parents in the town of Wellsville, New York.

If the two brothers with the same name don't clue in that something is askew in Wellsville, what about the opening song:

Hey, Smilin' Strange, you're looking happily deranged
I could've settled if you shoot me, or have you picked your target yet?

Or the characters:
Mom, who has a steel plate in her head that can pick up radio.

Artie, the Strongest Man in the World, who can move a house a whole inch!

Mr. Slurm, the high school shop teacher with a claw for a hand.

Pit Stain Jones, a super-villain whose powers are obvious

Big Pete is drawing close to adulthood, so he is the most conformist, with part-time jobs and career plans and crushes on girls.

But Little Pete resists the International Adult Conspiracy on bedtimes and dodgeball, and investigates such mysteries as the "Inspector" tag in clothing, the "time warp" of Daylight Savings Time, and a telephone that has been ringing for 27 years.

Heterosexual romance is a constant among the adult and teen characters, but Little Pete resists the International Adult Conspiracy on hetero-romance, too.  He is mostly successful, reserving his affection for Big Pete and for his "hero," Artie the Strongest Man in the World.

The bizarre adult world provides some gay symbolism, and Little Pete's resistance to hetero-romance marks him as gay-vague.  But there is even more of gay interest.  Although Big Pete has an ongoing hetero-romance and occasional side crushes, boys often fall in love with him: not only his friends Bill (Rick Barbarette) and Teddy (Dave Martell), but even his friendly enemy, Endless Mike (Rick Gomez, top photo and left).  I always wondered why he was called "Endless."


After Pete and Pete, Michael C. Maronna starred in some young-adult-slacker comedies before moving behind the scenes as a studio electrician.  Danny Tamberelli starred in Igby Goes Down (2002), with Kieran Culkin.

See also: Richie Rich joins a gym. With bonus Rory and Kieran c*cks, and Kelvin Gemstone Comics

Alexander Polinsky: Adam on "Charles in Charge" grows up, models props, goes Furthur. With Andrew Keegan, Julian Sands, and some d*cks

Matt Crabtree: Shy, quiet, stuttering Southern boy grows up to "Modern Family," "Will and Grace," one-man shows, and d*cks

  

Link to the d*cks

In Modern Family Episode 5.11 (2014), gay couple Mitchell and Cam are considering booking a wedding venue from the officious Mr. Quigley.  But when they step out for a moment to discuss the expense, a girl calls to  book it for her Sweet Sixteen party.  It turns out that she's a student in Cam's music class -- so crazy schemes and mishaps follow.

Wait -- Mr. Quigley is cute...and much shorter than Mitchell and Cam!  A new member of the Short Guy Brigade!

Actor Matt Crabtree has a strong social media presence, with  Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, Twitter, and Linkedin, plus his own website. So it's easy to piece together his biography.

He grew up in McCleansville, North Carolina, near Greensboro, where he was the "shy, quiet, stuttering boy" who began to entertain his classmates by doing impressions.  In 1995, he received his B.S. in Biology from the fundamentalist Campbell University in Blues Creek, North Carolina.  Another bio says that his degree is a BFA in Theater.

Nice chest, buddy.  

Next Matt enrolled in a nursing program at the Medical College of Virginia, but he dropped out after a semester for a national tour of She Loves Me, then a European tour of West Side Story, and a stop in Chicago to train at the Steppenwolf Theater. 

His other theatrical roles change from resume to resume: 

The Book of Liz: I figured it would be about Elizabeth Taylor, but it's actually a series of comedic sketches by Liz and David Sedaris

The Hom*sexuals: This one is usually omitted.

The Santaland Diaries: a one-man show based on a David Sedaris' anecdote about working as a Christmas elf at a department store. 

Left: He must be on break.

The Illusionarium: "an immersive, theatrical magic show."

Fully Committed: a comedy a chef taking reservations for his restaurant, with one actor playing 39 characters.

Matt has 51 acting credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with some shorts and going on to episodes of Diagnosis Murder, The Parkers, Nip/Tuck, Malcolm in the Middle, The O.C., Bones, and Masters of S*x. 

He is particularly proud of a "hilarious" run Episodes 8.2 and 8.18 of Will and Grace (2005-06): he plays the Stage Manager of Jack's tv show, Jack Talk

Stage Manager: "We've got a problem."

Jack: "If you got somebody pregnant, Straighty, that's your problem, not mine."

And Falling Upwards (2012), a comedy about unemployment.  I can't find out anything else about it, as it gets drowned out by the Falling Upwards about an apprentice angel (2019), the podcast starring Aimee Kwan (2024), and the book on spirituality.  Charlie and his future wife Michelle C. Bonilla (left) are the creators, writers, and stars, seen here with Deidre Edwards, and Pip Lilly.

Pip Lilly -- obviously a stage name -- is a "big ole Gen X queen" who uses he/him pronouns.

Most recently Matt played an attorney in two episodes of Harlem (2023) and Charlie's father in City on Fire (2023).  Charlie is played by Wyatt Oleff, but I can't find out anything else about him, except he meets a Girl who introduces him to art, music, and love -- but that's every young man in every movie ever made.

And I seem to recall Wyatt kissing Skyler Gisondo.

More after the break

"Dad Can't Know That I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Adventure, with Ash, some twink d*cks, and a special appearance by Pontius and Stacy

 

 Link to the n*de photos

In this story, Abraham is 16 years old, and Ash is 17.  All models in the illustrations are over 18.

August 23, 2025: The first night of The Play that Goes Wrong, and everything did go wrong!  It was supposed to be about mishaps during a performance, with forgotten lines, broken props, and so on, but Ash really did forget his lines, miss his mark, and open his eyes while dead!  It was unusual for juniors to get starring roles, even during the Lowland Summer Stock -- usually they went to seniors preparing to study drama at prestigious universities.  So this was a big opportunity -- that he flubbed.  

After the requisite standing ovation, he wanted to slink out quietly, skip the cast party, and go home, but Pontius Gemstone and Stacy, two guys from his skateboarding group, were waiting in the wings, along with the cutest boy Ash had ever seen: a round face, blue-grey eyes, a shock of unruly brown hair.  He looked familiar, but Ash couldn't place him.

"My man!" Pontius exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.  "We had to come out and support our skating bro!"

"So...er...how did you like the show?" he asked the cute boy.  

He  said "Nice" in a near whisper, and looked up at Pontius.

"You know my little brother Abraham, right?"  

Now he remembered.  "Oh, sure -- I've seen you around the skate park, and in French class last year?"  He turned to Pontius.  "This guy spends three-fourths of the class not saying a word, and then suddenly he gives a five-minute spiel on Cocteau."

"Cock Two?" Pontius repeated.  "Sounds like my kind of writer."  

Stacy laughed and grabbed his arm.  "Be good!"

"Oh, I'm always good, Stace."

Wait -- were Pontius and Stacy dating?  He knew that Stacy was gay-- but didn't Pontius like girls?  

"We're...um...going out for pizza," Abraham said, looking down.  "Do you want to come with us?"

"En Francais, s'il vous plait."

He grinned -- a smile that made Ash melt!  "Veux-tu manger une pizza avec nous ? Et baise-moi "

And kiss me?  Whoa....  

Left: On "The Righteous Gemstones," Ash is played by Michael Sayfou

They stopped at Famulari's for a bacon-cheeseburger pizza.  Yep, Pontius and Stacy started dating while he was in the hospital after the Gator Farm Massacre.  Stacy didn't want to tell their parents or anyone in the skating group yet.  He didn't explain why, but Ash suspected that it was because Pontius didn't seem like the monogamous type, and why get everyone all excited for them if they were going to break up in a few weeks?  

Once he had about a quart of soda in him, Abraham opened up.  His parents took him to Paris for his tenth birthday, and he was hooked.  He wanted to major in French in college, and become a translator.  He liked Heartstopper on Nickelodeon, country-Western music, mountain bikes, water-skiing, and scary movies.

Ash saw his chance: "Have you seen Sinners?  It's about twin brothers fighting vampires during the Great Depression."

"Sounds cool," Abraham said, flashing that incredible smile.  "Where's it playing?"

Ash checked his cell phone.  "At the Terrace.  I'm performing tomorrow and Sunday, but we could go on Tuesday night, if you're free."

Pontius began "Sure, we'd...", but Stacy shushed him.  "I mean, sorry, we have plans.  Why don't you and Abraham go together?"

Abraham looked down at his plate. "That'd be ok."

"Great.  I'll pick you up..."

"No!" he said forcefully, almost angrily.  "I'll pick you up..."

They all stared.  

"See, Grandad gave me a car for my sixteenth birthday, so I like to do the driving."

Ash's performance was better on Saturday night, and nearly perfect for the Sunday matinee, but still, the hours dragged.  He couldn't stop thinking of Abraham's smile, and resisted the urge to text him every five minutes.  He still texted a lot, just not every five minutes.

August 26, 2025: The movie was one of the best he'd ever seen, and the date was the best he'd ever had, cuddling against the amazingly cute Abraham Gemstone, arranging to reach for the popcorn when he did so their hands could touch.  But things came crashing down when Abraham dropped Ash off at his house, and he leaned in for a kiss.

Abraham moved his head.  "Hey, watch it!"

Ash's stomach churned.  Wasn't this a date?  Wasn't Abraham gay? "Sorry.  I thought..."

He was staring straight ahead.  "It's ok."

"If you don't like me in that way, we can always be friends, right?"

"Sure."

"Shake hands?"  He held out his hand.  Abraham took it, pressed the open palm to his face, and closed his eyes.  Was he trembling?

"Are you ok?" 

"No.  I mean, yeah, sure, of course."  He dropped Ash's hand.  "Good night."

When Ash texted a "thanks for a nice evening" later, he didn't respond.  And in the morning, when he texted "Are we still friends?", no response.  

The full story, with n*de photos, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also:

Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the E*rotic Alphabet

Gavin's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 4: A boy and his bully, a boy and his stuntman, Kelton Dumont, Santa Claus, and some n*de dudes

Michael Sayfou: Ethiopian-American model/theater major with a cat, a physique, and a lot of queer codes. Plus some Ethiopian d*cks.   I'm using Michael as the model for Ash.

Gavin Munn's polar plunge. Plus Tony's cold dip, a bondage hookup, and some nude dudes in the snow

Man-Mountains of the 1980s

The sensitive, androgynous New Man fell into disfavor during the conservative 1980s.  Instead we got man-mountains, masses of post-bodybuilder pecs and abs with steely eyes and gritted teeth who grunted when they spoke at all, and strutted through the plot with their shirts off (no shirt were big enough, anyway), carrying an Uzi in one hand and a hand grenade in the other, usually with a naked lady clinging to their leg like Conan in the 1970s, or Steve Reeves in the 1950s.

At first they weren't terribly popular at the box office.  The #1 movie of 1986 in the United States was Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  Big Then, after slogging through Hoosiers, Pretty in Pink, The Hitcher, and Jean de Florette, you finally hit Cobra (with man-mountain Sylvester Stallone) at #63 and  Delta Force (Chuck Norris) #77.

But by 1988, Die Hard (with man-mountain Bruce Willis), was #1, and then there was Bloodsport (Jean Claude Van Damme, left), Red Heat (Arnold Schwarzenegger), Above the Law (Stephen Seagal), Missing in Action 3 (Chuck Norris), Mercenary Fighters (Reb Brown), World Gone Wild (Michael Pare), and Rambo III (Sylvester Stallone).

The titles were all about the same, two words suggesting hand-to-hand combat: Instant Justice, Hard Knox, Strike Commando, American Ninja (1,2,3,4,5), Kickboxer (1,2,3,4,), Bloodsport, Death Warrant, Forced Vengeance.  

The plots were all about the same:  the man-mountain, a good, patriotic white guy, travels deep into a jungle country occupied by amoral, barbaric Asians or Hispanics to:  a) rescue a prisoner of war, former boss, buddy, or brother; b) keep drugs from hurting kids; c) get revenge on a warlord who killed his wife or girlfriend.

He gets captured and tortured by a female or gay-coded male villain (the humiliation!), and escapes.  He then uses his martial arts training to take out the entire enemy army with his bare hands. (Left: Michael Pare in Deadly Heroes).

Oh, and he meets with a woman from the enemy country, usually a freedom fighter. They have s*x -- usually after he's been beaten or tortured.  She's always n*de, and always on top.  They fall in love.

Racist, imperialist, sexist, heterosexist, homophobic, horribly violent.  The list of negatives goes on and on.  So why would gay teenagers watch? (Or actually fast-forward the VHS tape to the good scenes).  (Left: Tom Skerritt in Opposing Force)

More after the break