NYSocBoy's Beefcake and Bonding: Gemstone Episode 4.5, Continued: Kelvin crashes, the Monkey fumes, and Eli gets a wake-up call. With Stefano, Beghe, and Keaton d*ck

Apr 9, 2025

Gemstone Episode 4.5, Continued: Kelvin crashes, the Monkey fumes, and Eli gets a wake-up call. With Stefano, Beghe, and Keaton d*ck

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.5: The dirt on Vance, Big D*ck Mitch, Lori, and Teen Jesus. With Gossip Girl's Dad and a Queen's d*ck

**Link to the n*de dudes**

So far in this episode, we've learned that Vance Simkins has destroyed his parents' empire by being an outdated, reactionary jerk; Lori's ex-boyfriends keep getting killed; and Kelvin's hubris is off the charts.

Lori's Edibles: Lori and Eli want to give the siblings "some space," so they move to her house. Wait -- I thought she was living in Pigeon Forge. If she's been living in Charleston the whole time, why hasn't she visited the Gemstones for years?

Corey meets them at the door: he dropped by to bring dinner, "Kung Pao Dynasty." Also, he left her edibles by the microwave. Eli doesn't know what edibles are, so Miss Lori explains. Apparently he's ok with drug use now; he wasn't in earlier seasons.

Corey shakes Eli's hand and says "Have fun, you two," but as he walks away, he grimaces. He's been killing the ex-boyfriends.

Meanwhile, Kelvin in a flamboyant costume is being photographed with the other conservatively-dressed nominees for Top Christian Man. And it's time for the Live TV Roundtable.

The full cast list is not in the episode credits or the IMDB, but I think the conservative minister being hugged by Kelvin is Chad Darnell (top photo and left), who is gay in real life. He works primarily in casting, but he has 21 screen credits, and a lot of theater work, including the gay-themed Love! Valour! Compassion!, Forced, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Plus some gay-themed screenplays and two novels.

He's got a biopic of famous gay adult video star Joe Stefano (1968-1994) in development.

By the way, Sean Ryan Fox will finally appear as Young Corey in Episode 2.6 .

No, I am not stalling.

Back to the roundtable discussion, led by Stevie from Eastbound and Down. First question:"Should children be taught a comprehensive overview of all major religions in school?"

Kelvin jumps in, but doesn't answer the question. Instead, he blathers about "I teach my followers everything good about Jesus. The Bible can be confusing, so we translate it for modern, cutting-edge times." You're not qualified to be a Bible translator. How about explaining passages in their historical/cultural context?

Vance complains about "a homosexual" being nominated for the award. "God's Word is clear on this issue." Uh-oh, how are you on the Clobber Verses, Kelvin?

He's not good on the Clobber Verses. "Um...um..lots of parts of the Bible are outdated." No, they don't refer to contemporary gay people at all! Get with your queer theology.

When I was just coming out, I jointed the gay-specific Metropolitan Community Church. Most members were recovering from Evangelical trauma, so every sermon -- every sermon -- was about how being gay is not a sin or a defect. Sometimes there was detailed exegesis of specific Clobber Verses, sometimes just "God loves you."

Anybody who's been gay and Christian for five minutes could respond to this very vague attack easily. And Kelvin works with queer youth, so he must have to deal with religious trauma all the time. But he apparently doesn't even know the basics. Hey, Kelv Baby, some books for your library. There are hundreds more.

All he can think of is: "Um...the Bible...um...also forbids eating shellfish."

Vance doesn't eat shellfish. How about wearing mixed fibers? Why haven't you stoned your sister to death for having extra-marital sex? And sold your brother into slavery?

See how easy it is?

More after the break

Vance mocks Kelvin, and another pastor agrees.

We see Kelvin's agonized face, a flashing red light, a closeup of his trembling hands. He's having a panic attack. At home, Jesse turns off the tv, too upset to continue.

This was very painful to watch, since I knew exactly how to respond -- I've responded many times -- but Kelvin does not. He has fallen from the heavens just as definitively as BJ from his dancing pole.

In Season 1, Kelvin falls into a depression and scraps the Satanic Sweep project. In Season 2, the God Squad turns on him. In Season 3, the Smut Busters project goes wrong, resulting in Kelvin and Keefe breaking up. I suspect that this is the end of Prism.

Mama is in the House: Cut to Judy coming home and finding the table set for dinner. Bj announces that the monkey Dr. Watson did it all.

Notice that BJ is drinking wine. He was always a teetotler before. Continuity error or character development?

Judy suggests that God has been testing them, and they passed the test. They apologize and kiss. The monkey looks outraged.

This may be a reflection of Monkey Shines (1988), a thriller with Jason Beghle as a quadriplegic law student whose helper monkey become jealous of his girlfriend, and commits some murders.

The Attack: In an unfinished room, with ladders and tarps, a man I don't recognize attacks a blond woman, who looks like Vance's sister, throwing her against the door and strangling her.

Psych! Eli and Lori are in her house, eating ice cream and watching Pacific Heights (1980). Danforth (Michael Keaton), the Tenant from Hell, is getting revenge on his former landlords (Matthew Modine, left, Melanie Griffith).

Suddenly a brick is thrown through Lori's window. It says "Sinners." Eli grabs a gun and runs outside to see his car on fire.

Lori: "Eli, there's something I haven't been straight with you about. Me and you need to have a talk about my ex."