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Prologue: At the workshop, they are asked what makes them "real men," and then criticized for their answers. Then the moderator asks "So, how did you end up here?"
Big Wheel Massimo (Matteo Martari, top photo): A woman in a Renaissance costume shows her stuff and tells us that we must protect works of art, while the Boss yells at Big Wheel: "We can't broadcast this! It's s*exist!"
Big Wheel: "No, it's a beautiful girl with big...parts! Every man on Earth likes big parts, right? Our product is sure to sell!"
Too many s*exist commercials, like the MILF Italy Contest, plus harassing the women in the office: he's fired.
Later, at the pickleball game, Big Wheel tells the guys. "I was replaced by a WOMAN, can you believe it? They think I'm not as good as a woman! How humiliating!"
Cut to his big house with a heated pool, where he lies, telling the Wife that he quit. She is irate. "No way I'm going back to retail!"
In the morning, he finds dog poop on the bedroom carpet, and the maid won't clean it up. The Wife is doing a yoga podcast to make money. How humiliating!
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Playboy Riccardo (Francesco Montanari): He is schtupping his lady. She moans; he congratulates himself on doing a good job using sports terminology: "I scored two amazing goals!" They smooch; she asks for a repeat, but he has to go: his other girlfriend is taking him out to dinner.
This dude is amazingly femme. I hadn't just seen him scoring two goals with a lady, I'd identify him as gay.
The side piece thinks that Other Girlfriend is going to break up with him. "Why would she do that?" Playboy asks. "We're a perfect couple." The schtuping? It's a biological need; all men have to have side pieces, or they'll explode." Backside shot.
At the pickleball game, Playboy tells the guys about his dinner with the Other Girlfriend tonight; they think that she's pregnant, a good thing for him. He's a Real Man, so it will certainly be a boy, and when women see how masculine he is, they'll want to get with him. A baby boy is a chick magnet!
Cut to the dinner, where the Other Girlfriend is too embarrassed to say it, so she draws something that looks like a pregnant woman. Playboy jumps up and yells that he's a father. No, that's not what she meant: she's bored, and wants an open relationship.
Playboy is irate: he has a side piece because he's a man with needs, but women shouldn't want anyone else!
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Sturdy Oak Mattia (Maurizio Lastrico): He's a tour guide, taking a group through a Roman building and yelling at the costumed actors, when the ex-wife tells him that their 17-year old daughter has disappeared! She turned off her trackers and won't answer her phone. He calls: she wants nothing to do with Mom. She's moved into Sturdy Oak's house.
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He hands over the guide job to his coworker (Angelo Faraci) and rushes off.
At home, Daughter explains why she wants to live with Dad: "Mom, you're a control freak! You're smothering me!" Plus Sturdy Oak can help her with "how I feel about men." Why, do you not like men? Do you think Mattia can heterosexualize you?
Later, as she moves her stuff in, Sturdy Oak asks if she wants to watch tv tonight. No, she's going out to dinner, which in Italy means 11:00 pm.
She suggests that Sturdy Oak go out too, since he's divorced now, and ready to "slide into DMs" (heterosexual hookups). "You have to get with at least ten women to get over Mom." "Nope, I'm not interested in a new relationship. I don't experience emotion." But she signed him up for Tinder anyway, and arranged a date for tomorrow night.
More after the break
Feminine-Fleeing Luigi (Pietro Sermonti): Calls his friends, tells them that he's reserved a court for today, but they don't answer. His wife comes in, wearing donkey ears and his jacket from work, and tries to seduce him. But he's not up for it - "the jacket makes you look like a man." And the donkey ears make you look like a donkey. She's upset:it's been five months since they schtupped. She's tried everything to get him interested, and nothing works.
Nice exteriors of Rome. Cut to the wife's Driving School Job. She complains that it's usually women who aren't interested; men should be willing and able like ten times a day.
"Yes, but I work all day, Feminine explains, "And then I cook dinner and take care of the kids. I'm tired."
"Oh, because that's women's work?"
He promises to think of something dirty.
Cut to night, after the kids are in bed. Feminine gives the Wife a gift to apologize for his lack of interest: a s*x toy "with five different speeds." They go to the bedroom to try it out (fully clothed). She doesn't like it, and then the kids burst in. But the toy won't turn off!
The next day, their son's teacher calls them in: the boy found the still-vibrating toy and brought it to school. They justify their act as "a last desperate attempt to salvage a marriage going to the dogs."
The Big Party. Big Wheel complains "Why do women all want to become men now?" The secret that he was fired comes out, and his Wife starts yelling.
Feminine's Wife wants to do it in the closet, but he refuses. She runs through the house, yelling "I want to do it with someone. I don't care who. Who wants to schtupp?"
Sturdy Oak invites his Tinder date over, but she overhears all of the shenanigans and leaves.
Back to the seminar: "These are all stereotypes that we will overcome here." The end.
Beefcake: One backside shot, a bare chest.Other Sights: Some exteriors.
Gay Characters: Gli uomini gay non esistono
Heterosexism: All four of the guys have problems with their wives or girlfriends.
My Grade: B-.
Bonus: When I searched for "real men n*de," a selfie popped up.
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