Bug Hall: A lot of movies that no one has seen, some homophobic rants, and an enormous penis

Link to the enormous penis

 I'm always conflicted about posting nude pictures of homophobic actors. There's a little frisson of guilt that comes from looking at the penis of someone who hates you, as if you are somehow encouraging him. On the other hand, imagine how upset he would be to find himself the object of homoerotic desire.

And, to be fair, it is huge.

In this case, I'm talking about Bug Hall, who hit the big screen in 1994. at the age of eight.  He played Alfalfa in The Little Rascals, a modernized version of the Our Gang comedy shorts of the 1930s.  Having already seen some of the shorts -- no, not in the 1930s -- I didn't watch, but I heard that Alfalfa falls in love with a girl.  At age eight.

The original Alfalfa, Carl Switzer, had a hard life after Our Gang, and was killed in a bar fight in 1959, at age 31. 

Bug Hall had a hard life after The Little Rascals, too. Far less successful kid movies followed: The Big Green, The Stupids, and The Munsters' Scary Little Christmas. I don't think anybody saw them.

He sprang into a heteronormative adolescence with Skipped Parts, 2000, about having sex with a girl.  I didn't see it, but there's a clip floating around the internet where the 14-year old is getting undressed in preparation for the sex, and becomes aroused.  I can't tell if it was scripted, or an accident.  Either way, you don't want to see it. 

More heteronormativity with Get a Clue, 2002, about two high school journalists who solve a mystery and fall in love.  I didn't see it, but I like the theme song, "Get a Clue," performed by Simon and Milo, an animated gay-subtext couple.

Get a clue, there's nothing you can't do.

Nothing's ever quite what it seems

Just look a little closer at me

Wake up, who knew, it's me, it's you, get a clue.

More sex in Footsteps and Arizona Summer, which I didn't see, and then a fizzing out into guest spots on tv dramas: Strong Medicine, Charmed, Cold Case, The O.C.

Bug runs away naked in The Day the Earth Stopped, 2008: "Hundreds of massive intergalactic robots appear in all of the world's major capitals with an ultimatum: Prove the value of human civilization or be destroyed."  Holy cow, that sounds awful.

It features a man and a woman falling in love -- heterosexual romance is the value of human civilization, get it? 

At this point, you're probably wondering if I've actually seen Bug Hall in anything. I'm wondering about that, too. 

American Pie Presents the Book of Love. No.

Camoflauge: "A troubled teen-aged boy is sent to a boot camp in a secluded forest where he must survive the horrifying disciplinary tactics of a demented camp counselor."  No, and the blurb writer forgot the first rule of writing: minimal use of stupid, superfluous adjectives.

More Bug after the break

Saving Grace, Criminal Minds, Memphis Beat, Nikita -- No

Arachnoquake: "An earthquake triggers a brood of giant fire-breathing spiders to attack the city of New Orleans."  I swear, I did not make this up.  It is a real movie, starring a woman in her underwear.

Body High, Subterranea, Harley and the Davidsons -- No

This is the Year -- No.  But to be fair, would you want to see a movie with a blurb beginning:  "In a last ditch effort to win the Girl of His Dreams...."?

Bug is a traditional Catholic, the kind that thinks the Mass should still be in Latin. In 2020, he left Hollywood and moved to a farm in the Midwest to pursue "a vow of poverty."  No, his arrest for inhalant abuse had nothing to do with it.

While in exile, he tweets in favor of all sorts of terrible things, like marital debt, where the husband has the right to sex with his wife without her consent; corporal punishment on infants; and some pretty nasty homophobia: "There is no such thing as gay sex. Sodomites simulate sex, as their sodomitical acts are non-uninitive."

There is no such word.

But he's quite big below the belt, if you don't mind a Prince Albert and some tattoos. 

The nude photos are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Aaron Taylor-Johnson: Various levels of hotness and homophobia

Vacation: Skyler Gisondo in a cringy homophobic scene, with some penises to make up for it