"Solar Opposites": Skyler Gisondo and Kieran Culkin as a human and an alien bat-monster in love

  

Solar Opposites is an animated sitcom about a family of sentient slugs that crash-landed on Earth and must look for a way home while adapting to bizarre human customs like gender polarization.

Link to the NSFW version

  Korvo (Justin Roilland/Dan Stevens) is the "man of the house," resistant to assimilation; Terry (Thomas Middleditch) is the childcare expert, who eagerly adopts human culture;  Yumyulak (Sean Giambone), the teenage boy, a rebel who hates humans; and a teenage girl and pupa (infant).  

But this is a review of an episode where no one in the family appears except in flashbacks.  I

Episode 4.9, "Down and Out on Planet X-Non," stars Glenn (Kieran Culkin, left), the family's snoopy neighbor, who got blasted into space.  He joined the SilverCops Space Force, but they framed him for murder.  He had to flee into the wilderness of an alien planet, fighting monsters and nearly dying many times.  And now his story continues in what seems to be the pilot for a spin-off.

Scene 1: After having an "expositional dream," Glenn awakens in a run-down office, naked.  Zy (Skyler Gisondo, top photo), a muscular being with a bat-head, found him in the wilderness, half-dead.  "What were you doing all alone in the woods?"

"I go there to jerk off," Glenn jokes.  "I got a thing for trees.  Why am I naked?"

"Your clothes were soaked with piss and shit." 

Zy infers that he has a "secred, fucked-up past," so he'll be perfect for their group of multi-species thieves and con-men.  

Glen tries to leave, but outside the door, beings are robbing and killing each other, so he decides to stay.  First queer code; Zy puts his hand on Glenn's shoulder and leaves it there.

Scene 2: The tour.  Most of the group has holograms on their chest, which means "they need extra help." 

"But I don't have a hologram on my chest," Glenn complains.

"I'm sure you have a hologram in your heart."  Awww..getting a little crush on this human, Zy?

Second queer code: Hand on shoulder again.  Third queer code: Again.  Gee, Zy can't keep his hands off Glenn.

Scene 3:  Interview with the group leader, Skeletom, a hippie dude with a glowing green skeleton. Played by Daveed Diggs.

 He explains: "This place is for people who don't fit in."  Island of Misfit Toys, huh?  Queer code #3.  "No one else has our backs, so we have to be family to each other."

Scene 4: Glenn, Zy, a cat-being, and a Cthulhu-being on a scam run. Zy explains that the 'Raffs (sentient giraffes) took over and pushed the indigenous population into slums, using SilverCops to break heads:  "They claim they're keeping the peace, but they're racist as hell, and they play the natives against each other."  Cthulhu Lives Matter.  

Uh-oh, their last victim called the SilverCops.  Run!  Hiding in an alley, they discuss how much they hate the Sils.  And Glenn is one!  If they find out, he'll lose their friendship -- or worse.

More after the break

"The Club": Dynasty, Ecstasy, and Gay-Positive Hunks

What's with Netflix and the nondescript one-word titles.  According to Wikipedia, "The Club" is the title of 4 movies, 4 tv series, 2 video games, and a radio show

This one, originally entitled El Club (2019), is the writing/directing debut of Mexican actress Camila Ibarra, otherwise known as Ruth Martin in the prison drama Capadocia (2008-2012).  It's every telenovela you've ever seen:  impossibly beautiful people arguing in impossibly elegant houses (every room must have at least five chandeliers), then stomping out in anger and driving off their impossibly fancy cars.   Forbidden romance, generational conflict, blackmail, betrayal, murder.  And, in this case, drogas.

Trust fund baby Pablo (Alejandro Speitzer, top photo) is trying to distance himself from his domineering, bigoted, ultra-wealthy Dad (Omar Germenos, left).

So, along with sometime girlfriend Sofia and computer whiz Matias, he starts a business selling Ecstasy.  Of course, plot complications ensue: a drug cartel has already cornered the Ecstasy trade, and its jefe, El Monkey, doesn't like the competition.

Ok, Mexican drug cartels produce heroin and some marijuana, and transport cocaine.  They don't handle Ecstasy because it's a party drug, easily substitutable and not very expensive.  But whatever.


In a gay plotline,younger brother Santiago (Alejandro Puente) goes off to Stanford and finds a boyfriend.  The evil Nico sends a film of the two going at it to all of Dad's friends, resulting in a conflagration at Christmastime.  "In my family there are no queers!" Dad yells.  Santiago decks him.  "I'm not queer, I'm gay!"

Rather an old-fashioned storyline, considering that same-sex marriage has been legal in Mexico City and many Mexican states since 2010. It reminds me of Dynasty, 30 years ago.

But the cast is super-gay positive.

1. Alejandro Speiser as Pablo.  In June 2019, Alejandro and fellow actor Erik Elias celebrated Gay Pride by kissing.  "I'm not gay, but love is love," he told the startled tabloid reporters.

2. Omar Germenos as the family patriarch.  Omar played a gay character in Donde está Elisa?

3. Jorge Caballero (left), seen here with his boyfriend, Colombian singer Esteman, as Matias, the computer whiz.

4. Axel Arenas, who starred in the gay-themed Tremulo, as Jonás. In non-gay news, in 2018, Arenas was arrested for the murder of a female escort, but released after he proved that he was not in the country at the time.

5. Martin Saracho as Max.  Martin starred in Estupida historia de amor en Winnipeg, about a gay couple trying to find a new life in a small town in Canada.

6. Nacho Tahhan, who starred in the Spanish version of the gay-themed Angels in America,  as Gonzalo Cisneros

7. Marco Tostado as Diego, Sofia's anti-drug boyfriend.   He played  a gay character in a telenovela.  And he has a chest.

"The Out-Laws": Adam Devine has a crush on Pierce Brosnan. Don't you?

The Out-Laws has an embarrassing low Rotten Tomatoes score, but it stars Adam Devine, and it features Reyn Doi, who played a gay kid on That 90's Show, as a “weird and interesting looking boy famous for ribbon dancing to weird music.” Maybe he'll be gay in this movie, too.

Link to the NSFW version

Scene 1: This is amazing: a diorama of a wedding reception featuring miniatures of every cartoon and sci-fi character you have ever heard of: Beavis and Butt-head, E.T.,  The Human Fly, Ren and Stimpy, Gumby, a Teletubby.  Owen (Adam Devine) explains to his fiancee Parker (a girl) that each character matches a real guest's personality.  His horrible parents are Skeletor and Medusa.  

She wants to know which figure he is.  "He-Man, of course."  To demonstrate the resemblance, he shakes his butt and frontside (no underwear for our boy!).

"This is the man I'm going to marry," she says with a resigned sigh.  I take that you didn't choose Owen for his goofball personality, girl?  It must have been the cock and balls bouncing around. 

"By the way, let's start the plot moving: my parents can come to the wedding after all."  He gets all excited; they smooch. It's a heterosexual rom-com.  Get used to it.

Scene 2:  Owen 's parents, Skeletor and Medusa, criticize his fiancee ("She is not a stripper!  She owns a very successful yoga studio!"), his choice of wedding venue, and finally him ("You're becoming weird, Owen!).

Cut to work.  He is the youngest manager in the history of Sunshine Bank!   After polishing his photo and booping its nose, he faces his work buds.  They complain that he never dated anyone before, and now suddenly he's engaged.  What's wrong with her?  Why does one of the most handsome men on Earth play so many guys who can't get laid?  You can only stretch willing suspension of disbelief so far. 

First crisis: Gary has locked himself in the vault again, even though there's an emergency exit lever right there. 

Security guard buddy Tyree (Lil Rel Howery) tells  Owen that the manager of the competing bank called him a "dickless troll" "I tried not to laugh, but it was fucking hysterical, imagining you without a dick."  Now try imagining him with a dick.

Scene 3:  Dinner at a hibachi restaurant with Owen, his parents, his cousin, his grandmother, a teenage girl, and a little boy.  They grill Fiancee Parker on being a stripper.  "I'm a yoga instructor!" she protests.  Cousin RJ (Blake Anderson from Workaholics) has become an EMT; he wants to give Owen a ride in his ambulance and flatline him so he can visit their grandpa, who died of...well, figure it out for yourself.  It's dirty.

Owen needs some pictures of Parker's parents for his next creative project, but she doesn't have any, so he calls the owner of their storage facility to ask to be admitted to the McDermott locker.  There are two pictures of shirtless guys on the bulletin board behind him.  The storage guy is gay!  

The storage guy calls a Scary Rich Lady to notify her that someone asked about the locker.   She takes Owen's name, then deals with the issue of a guy selling her fake diamonds -- by shooting him! Uh-oh, Owen is in over his head. 

Later, while getting ready for bed (no beefcake), Owen and Fiancee Parker discuss the logistics of her parents' visit: they'll arrive the night before the wedding, and so on. Owen puts in his retainer, but then realizes that his girl wants to smooch and spits it out.  She definitely was attracted by his genitals, not by his goofiness.  Their foreplay consist of her fondling his earlobes or something.

Scene 4:  Owen comes into the house with groceries, talking to Parker on his phone: "I got that tofu you like." "Yeah, I like my tofu like I like my men: real hard."  Me too, girl.   She continues that "Tonight I'm going to twist you up like one of those Go-Gurts and slurp you dry."  Ok, I like to imagine Adam getting oral sex as much as the next guy, but that sounds painful.  

He begins singing about how tonight they're finally going to bone.  Wait -- they sleep in the same bed. Why wouldn't they have....? 

 Her parents are in the house, watching!  Surprise -- they're 1980s mega-stars Pierce Brosnan (Billy) and Ellen Barkin (Lily).  Who didn't have a crush on Brosnan's lovable rogue on Remington Steele?

After decking him in self-defense and informing him that they aren't burglars, Mom Lily wants a hug, and Dad Billy kisses him - right on the mouth!  "You kiss just like Parker!"  Owen exclaims, not entirely displeasd.

Parker comes in.  The parents act batshit crazy, threatening Owen and then backing off with "I'm joking." Wait -- is Parker doing a long con, pretending to be in love with Owen so her confederates can rob his bank?

More after the break

Aaron Taylor-Johnson: Varying levels of handsomeness and homophobia. His cock stays the same.

  

Link to NSFW version

I seem to be collecting Aarons. This is Aaron Taylor-Johnson, born in 1990 in the quaintly named High Wycombe, 29 miles west of Charing Cross.  You can't get more English than that. He began acting at the age of six, did local theater and broke into film with a string of gay-subtext relationships:

Tom and Thomas (2002), about two brothers (both played by Aaron) who find each other after many years apart and embark on an adventure in order to stay together.

The Thief Lord (2006), an adaption of the German novel about two outcasts who find each other on the mean streets of Venice.

The Magic Door (2007), a heroic fantasy with a rather buffed elf helping a human boy defeat a troll.

Then things get very heterosexist very fast.

Nowhere Boy, 2009, a biopic of the teen years of future Beatle John Lennon.  I suppose they couldn't help making the young John hetero-horny, but having a girl give him a blow job to seal the deal?

Kick-Ass (2010) is about a teen nerd who becomes a superhero. Funny that high school A-list jocks never get superpowers.  When his bulgeworthy spandex costume is discovered, he's assumed to be a gay hustler, to the constant teasing of his classmates.  However, the assumption of gayness allows him to win The Girl of His Dreams.

Chatroom (2010) is a rather homophobic drama about a sociopathic teen using social media to encourage bad behavior.   He convinces his friend Jim to commit suicide, and kisses him to "seal the deal."

Next Aaron starred in Savages (2012) as pot grower Ben, who is in a triadic relationship with Chon (Taylor Kitsch) and their shared girlfriend.  It's all subtext -- but sometimes subtext is enough.

At least we get a more explicit butt shot -- while he is sexing the girl.

Nocturnal Animals, 2016, is a neo-noir about a woman in an unhappy marriage who gets trapped in a novel about marauding thugs, the "nocturnal animals," who kidnap her and her daughter. Aaron plays one of the animals, 

More homophobia and dicks after the break

"Pixie": Gay subtext couple, Irish scenery, priest gangsters, and a bunch of butts, but no pixies

   

For movie night this week, we saw Pixie (2021).  The title makes you think of a children's fantasy about pixies, but it's actually an Irish gangster comedy.  

Pixie (Olivia Cook), the free-spirited, conniving stepdaughter of gangster Dermot O'Brien (Colm Meaney),  sends two of Da's goons to steal a million euros of Ecstasy from a rival gang of drug-running priests.

The goons happen to be her Ex-Boyfriend Colin (Rory Fleck Byrne), who isn't over her yet, and her Secret Boyfriend Fergus (Fra Fee, right).

Her plan is to sell the Ecstasy, dump the Secret Boyfriend, and move to San Francisco, where she will study photography. (You can't do that in Dublin?).  

You see where things might go wrong?

Things go wrong: 

Ten minutes into the movie, both goons and her Dad are dead (with Dad's corpse in the trunk), both the priest gang and Dad's Enforcer are on her tail.

Then two clueless doofuses knock on her door: Frank (Ben Hardy, left) and Harland (Daryl McCormack). Let's just call them Laurel and Hardy.

They mistakenly believe that she will have sex with any man in exchange for letting her photograph them (she actually photographs Frank in drag). Then they are attacked, and flee together.

Did I mention that Pixie's Stepbrother (Turlough Convery) hates her and is looking for an opportunity to take her down?

And that she has another ex-boyfriend, Gareth (Sebastian de Souza), who happens to be the nephew of the head gangster priest?

Laurel and Hardy want to have sex with Pixie.  They discuss women's body parts. They try to convince an altar boy that God wants all men to have sex with ladies. And they discuss same-sex activity only in terms of prison rape and priestly pedophilia.  

But they kiss during the beginning of a three-way (cut short by the arrival of the Enforcer).  Later, when they escape being killed, Pixie points out that it was almost their last kiss: "Isn't it romantic?"  They look embarrassed.

And at the end of the movie, Pixie leaves for San Francisco by herself, and Frank and Harland ask "Where shall we go now?" and walk off into the sunset together.  Have they become romantic partners? Or were they always romantic partners and in denial?  Either way, ending up with each other instead of the girl gives them a remarkable gay subtext. 

Beefcake: The boys strip down to go skinny-dipping, but in a long shot, too far away to see much.

Other Sights: Beautiful Irish countryside, establishing shots of Sligo.

Heterosexism: Pixie tilts her head and smiles, and every men gapes in slack-jawed lust and does whatever she wants.  Her teenage stepsister hooks up with the altar boy.

Gay Subtext: Laurel and Hardy.

My Grade: A-.

Aaron McCusker: Serial killer, busker, astronaut, and hairdresser, with no qualms about playing gay or showing his cock

Link to NSFW version

  I was drawn to this photo on the IMDB, thinking that it was a gay couple cuddling.  Turns out that it's Aaron McCusker and Charlotte Ramping, who is dressed as a man, in a 2016 episode of Dexter.   So, maybe they're not a romantic couple, but lesbian and gay male platonic pals?

No, Aaron is playing AJ Yates, a serial killer who specializes in women's feet because as a kid he hid under the bed to escape his abusive mother, and could see her feet coming toward him. Yuck.  Charlotte is his psychotherapist, Evelyn Vogel.  Probably straight, since she has a husband and two sons, one a serial killer, and the other his victim.  Sounds like a cheery show.

Ok, dead end, but that gay vibe has to come from somewhere.  Maybe McCusker is gay in real life? 

Doubtful.  According to Wikipedia, he is married to Jennie Sutton, and supports both Liverpool and Celtic.  Presumably those are sports teams.

What about gay characters?  His most significant role appears to be Jaimie Maguire, head of the Maguire crime family in 109 episodes of Shameless (2007-13).   The fan wiki gives Jaimie a wife and two girlfriends, so straight.  But Shameless gives us some other gay characters, plus a cock shot.

Plus a bulge, when the entire cast posed in underwear with guns.

And a butt shot.

Aaron also appeared in eight episodes of Fortitude (2015),  a British thriller set on an island in the Norwegian Artic, where there are a lot of weird murders and nothing is what it seems. The fan wiki doesn't give a lot of information, only that he is the victim of one of the weird murders, and he has a wife and two daughters.  So straight.

But at least he gives us another cock shot.

Ten episodes of The Astronaut Wives Club (2015). a drama about the wives of the Mercury Seven Astronauts, who piloted the first manned space flights in the early 1960s.   Aaron played astronaut Wally Schirra: a wife and two kids.  Straight, but playing a real person, he could hardly help it.  Lots of gay people from history are turned straight for the big screen.

Google says that this is a shirtless Aaron McCusker.  I doubt it: the muscles and hair are all wrong.

Maybe more McCusker cock after the break

Ten hot/hung Gavins and magnificent muscle Munns from around the world

 

Several months ago, running low on content, I compiled a collection of people named Gavin or Munn from public Facebook photos. Like these guys from Belfast, Northern Ireland. 

To produce a photo collection of general interest, I'm keeping the hunkiest of the lot, augmented by cock shots of actors named Gavin or Munn. Not a bad theme.

The non-actors first. Link to the cock shots

Two hunks from County Down, Ireland. Both are named Gavin. 

 A muscle Munn from Scotland

A Irish Munn and his mates.

Surfing in New Zealand.

Now the actors, beginning with Gavin Leatherwood, who you may recall as Sabrina's witch-boyfriend on The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.  Here he investigates The Sex Lives of College Girls

Gavin cocks and Munn butts on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Gemstones Episode 2.9, Continued: A Perfect Christian, the Lion King, naked twinks, and lovers in old photographs

This is the G-rated version of the review.  Link to the version with the nude photos

Previous:  Episode 2.9: Who killed Thaniel?  Will Keefe ever get a place at the table?  Can we see some Gemstone alums naked?

Keefe stands alone: Keefe sits next to Kelvin on the way to the Zion's Landing ground-breaking party.  He stands next to BJ while the siblings perform.  But afterwards, he goes off to make new friends: he tries to impress them by doing the Worm, and is upset when he fails.  

Why doesn't he interact with Kelvin, or anyone in the family?  It's as if they told him "You can come, but don't be seen with us.  We don't want people thinking that you and Kelvin are together." 

Baby Billy Returns: As Tiffany sits in a cabana, Baby Billy appears!  He tells her "I'm back for good,"  Judy isn't having it "You've got a lot of nerve coming here after what you did!" 

He ignores Judy and asks Tiffany to take him back.  She refuses to answer, saying that she has to go to the bathroom.

Keefe and the Perfect Christian: Meanwhile, Keefe and Joe Jonas, the world's most perfect Christian, head to the same porta-potty.  They are so busy gazing at the guy who just exited that they both reach for the handle at the same time, and clasp hands.  It is accidental, but still a strangely erotic moment.  

Tiffany pushes them aside and rushes into the porta-potty.  Joe Jonas and Keefe continue to flirt as she goes into labor.   Don't they, like, have to go?

The Lion King: Later, a crowd has gathered around the porta-potty.  Didn't anyone fetch a doctor? 

Baby Billy rushes up and asks Keefe, Pontius, and Abraham if they've seen Tiffany.  They point. She said she was going to the bathroom, you dolt! Why did it take you so long to figure it out?

Tiffany emerges, stating that she had her baby: it fell into the toilet.Gross callback to the "toilet baby" discussion.  Baby Billy reaches down and pulls the baby out.  Then, in a scene reflecting Simba's birth in The Lion King, he holds it over his head for the crowd to see.  Everyone applauds. 

Lyle's Revenge: Eli gets a phone call: Junior has used his underworld connections to trace the origin of the weapons the Cycle Ninjas used. They were sold to some boys in a gang in Texas -- where Lyle Lissons is from!  Don't jump to conclusions, Eli -- Texas is a big state.

On the beach, Jesse, still unaware of Lyle's involvement, is handing over the investment money.  Suddenly a woman appears, yelling at Lyle about the disappearance of her husband: "He was working with you, to get information on the Butterfields!  He told me all about it!"  

Finally Jesse starts to figure it out.  He confronts Lyle, who admits to sending the Cycle Ninjas to kill Eli --  he thought he was "doing you a solid," freeing up some money so Jesse could invest.  Besides, hasn't he often wished that his father would hurry up and die?  No, of course not.  But, now, worried that he might tell, Lyle attacks. They fight, and Jesse hits and kills him with a rock from the David and Goliath slingshot he used to threaten Junior. 

He rushes to his family -- um, hang on for a moment. Check out Kelvin's ultra-femme outfit and mannerisms.  He's really come out loud and proud.  He was the macho Messiah of the Musclemen an episode ago, and now he's my Aunt Sadie. 

And why isn't Keefe there?  He's at the porta-potties, of course, but there isn't even a chair that he vacated.

Jesse announces that he's murdered someone.  The family follows him to the beach, but Lyle is alive, and Lindsey is armed!  She shoots BJ in the femoral artery, and forces the others to swim out into the ocean.  BJ will bleed out in 2-4 minutes unless he gets first aid.  He's doomed!

More after the break

"American Gigolo," 1980 and 2022: Frontal nudity and homophobia or underwear shots and gay erasure. Which do you prefer?

Link to NSFW version 

In 1980, American Gigolo became famous for Richard Gere's biceps, chest, abs, and penis -- the first  full frontal shot in any mainstream movie!   

Every gay magazine had an article on The Nude Scene, with a screen shot.  This was before you could buy a DVD or stream the movie, so every gay guy in the country, probably in the world, marched down to the Cineplexto see it.  Gere plays Julian, a hustler who specializes in women, and in fact rejects any assignment involving "fag tricks."  The plot involves Julian falling in love with one of his clients (of course), and being framed for murder.  (He was with a client that night, but she refuses to come forward.)

Gay men of the era didn't mind that the hustlers have 100% female clients, while in real life 97% of their clients are closeted gay/bi men.  They were used to being erased.

They didn't consider homophobic slurs a problem. You weren't allowed to mention gay people, even in slurs, before the 1960s, so in the 1970s and 1980s, most movie characters threw in a few "fags" and "fruits" to demonstrate that they were cool.

Nor did they get upset when the villain turned out to be gay: Julian's pimp (Bill Duke), whom he pushes out a window to his death. Straight people hated us; it was a given, a simple fact of life.  You couldn't escape it,  unless you managed to live and work in a gay neighborhood and avoid mainstream media altogether.  The rest of us would hear homophobic jibes, slurs, scandals and jokes from family and friends, from coworkers, from random strangers on the bus, so what difference did a movie make?  You got to see a dick on screen!

Writer/director Paul Schrader has been involved with a number of other homophobic projects, such as Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters, about the gay writer who developed a fixation with bodybuilders.  Again, being gay is all about darkness, destruction, death. Being gay is evil.

But not Richard Gere.  A year before American Gigolo,he  starred in the gay-themed (and not homophobic) Bent on Broadway, about gay men who are sent to a concentration camp in Nazi Germany.  In 1993 he appeared in And the Band Played On, about the first years of the AIDS crisis.

How did he manage all three?  Does he hate gay people, or not?  

In an interview in Entertainment Weekly.  Gere reveals that he took the part because Julian was so different from himself, into fashion and languages (which Gere was not), and with "a gay thing flirting through it," and he knew nothing about "that community."  Good enough explanation, I guess.

In 2022, an American Gigolo tv series appeared.  15 years after the events in the movie, the middle-aged Julian (Jon Bernthal) tries to find out who framed him (I thought Leon confessed?) and to reconnect with The Girl of His Dreams.  

Paul Schrader was not involved, so no homophobic slurs and no gay villain. But gay men are still erased; 100% of the hustlers' clients are women.  There's a lesbian cop, which is not nearly adequate representation.

And no frontal nudity, just a butt shot.

Is that progress?

Berenthal's butt and Richard Gere's dick are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

"Empire": Which son should rule the hiphop empire, the finance major, the big dick, or the gay one? With some bulges and butts

  

Empire (2015-2020) is a long-running soap opera about a hiphop mogul trying to decide which of his children should get his multimillion dollar recording business after he dies. I reviewed the first episode.

Link to NSFW version

Scene 1: A woman in a recording booth, singing a R&B song, while Terrence Howard's Lucious, head of the recording empire, listens: "I got time on my side...why you leaving so soon?" Uh-oh, Lucey is doomed!   

He tells her to "sing like it's your last day on Earth."  Ok, enough foreshadowing.  Let's get on with the terminal diagnosis.  He flashes back to it, then tells her to sing like she just had to identify her brother's body after he was murdered.  Ok, now she's singing in an agonizing shriek.  Lucey is satisfied, kisses the hand of a masculine-presenting woman, and wakes up the fat guy on the couch. 

Scene 2:  Party on the deck of his platinum-album-strewn office.  Ugh, close-up of a bikini babe.  I counted ten bikini babes, four fully-clothed men. So far, so heterosexist.

Gross, a woman is feeding a man!  That's a major trigger, causing immediate disgust.  Get your own damn food!  In-universe, it's meant to designate that he has such a big penis that women would do anything to get him in bed.   Another gives him a whiff of a cigarette.  Big Penis appears to be Lucey's youngest son, Hakeem, played by Bryshere Y. Gray.

Cut to another guy composing music on the piano.  Big Penis jumps in.  They sing about being ready to hit the top, go to the limit, get money and girls.  Why, are you going to get 30 women instead of your usual 15?

A slightly older man in a suit and his wife look down from above, disapproving of his brothers' rambunctiousness, wondering why Hakeem is singing when Dad's not around.  

Scene 3: Luscious and the masculine-presenting woman in the back of a limo, talking about his big announcement. They arrive, get mobbed by reporters and fans, and go into a gigantic office, where he kisses her.  Must be his wife Porsha, played by Ta'Rhonda Jones, who is an LGBT ally but doesn't usually have a masculine gender presentation. 

Lucy's secretary gives him a rundown of the day's requests.  He says no to The Tonight Show and grudgingly ok to President Obama -- "but this is the last timee."  

In a board room, twirling a basketball, Looney waxes nostalgic about the music that kept him alive when he was growing up on the streets. But now people download music for free, so kids growing up in the projects can't escape by composing and singing songs. Well, to be fair, less than one in a million wannabes makes a living as a singer/songwriter, but it's a nice hobby.  Empire Music is going to change all that by being a commodity on the New York Stock Exchange.  

Scene 4: Dining room, with a painting of a hot guy on the wall, although yellow pants against a yellow background might not be the best choice.

The guys who did the "I'm ready to be rich and famous" song are sitting at the table. There's no food.  

The Suit Guy enters and asks Jamal, the one who was playing the piano, about "that friend of yours."  Euphemism for a gay partner?  Jamal is upset because Suit Guy didn't show up for dinner; they cooked and everything.  "I forgot."  

Lucey enters and lambasts them for not being prepared to take over his music empire. He's going to die soon, and "I need one of you to man up and lead it." He'll be deciding who during the next few episodes. 

Scene 5: Cookie, a woman with big hair and a very short skirt, is leaving prison. 

 Meanwhile, Lucey and Suit Guy  observe a wrestling match and congratulate each other on how much money they're going to make on the kid. He must be Luminous's eldest son Andre, played by Trae Byers

Suit Guy suggests that since he has a degree in finance, he's best qualified to run the company, but Lucey disagrees: it should be a celebrity, like Big Dick.

Later, Lucey's assistant reveals that Cookie has been released from prison.  Lingam wants round-the-clock surveillance. 

More after the break

Nhut Le: Gay activist, model, potter, superhero. With a Thai dick bonus

  

Link to the NSFW version

1. Vietnamese-American actor Nhut Le (pronounced "Nuh Lee") studied drama at the University of the Arts and honed his comedic skills in the Groundling.  

2, He has 15 credits on the IMDB, including several gay roles, such as Gay #2 on Los Feliz 90027.   

3. He wrote, produced, and starred in Gey Gardens (2018), a gay parody of the tv soap Gray Gardens

4. He played the Judomaster in 4 episodes of the Superhero comedy Peacemaker.  Judomaster is a mean-tempered, spiteful supervillain who is trounced by John Cena's Peacemaker.  

5. Nhu is also a writer, a gamer, and a potter.  

6. The bestsellers on 3CirclePotter, on Etsy, are a sweetheart mug and a ghost face mug.

7. He came to the 2017 San Diego Comics Con as Iceman.

8. Nhut is deeply involved in gay and Asian activism. In 2022, he presented on Diversity in Comics, TV, Film, and Games at Wondercon.

9. He is gay in real life, and currently single. 

10.  He has never been naked on screen.  But don't worry, I put some nude photos of other Asian guys on the NSFW version of this article

Derek Yates: The Smiley-Emoji Guy shows us what's behind the eggplant

  

In How I Met Your Father, the middle-aged Sophie tells her son stories about her life in New York 23 years ago, presumably culminating in meeting his father.  In Episode 2.3, she doesn't remember the name of her friend's date, or what he looks like, so she calls him Rando.  He appears with a smiley-emoji head and an eggplant over his penis.

The epicode credits list him as actor/model Derek Yates, originally from Chattanooga, Tennesse,  "Bradley Cooper's younger bro." I think he's kidding.

Nick got his start on the Chattanooga stage, with roles including Hairspray, Sound of Music, and A Night to Remember. In 2016, he moved to L.A., where he won the "Ellen's New Gardner" contest on Ellen Degeneres's talk show.

Since then he has racked up 21 acting credits on IMDB, including cops, paralegals, nurses, a sleazoid, a passenger on the doomed Titanic 666, and Rando the Smiley Emoji guy on How I Met Your Father.  He claims to have played the Best Friend alongside Adam Devine in Isn't It Romantic, but I don't remember seeing him there.

Link to nude photos

Derek has also modeled for Caribou Coffee, Volkswagon, Underwear Nation, CSX, and Hooters.

But doubtless his 840,000 social media followers are also interested in his beefcake photos.  Thousands of them, so many that I actually got tired of looking. Selfies, candids, and professional photos.  Always shirtless, usually bulging, sometimes nude.

More bulges after the break