Disney is pushing a new teencom, Pretty Freekin Scary: A teenager girl named Frankie had the perfect life, including a hot boyfriend. Then she died, went to the underworld, and returned with a task to complete amid the standard sitcom hijinks.
I reviewed an episode called "The Bro Life."
Scene 1: A house that looks CGI. Sitcom kitchen, complete with laugh track. Mom cooks while two teenage girls, one named Scary, and a standard sarcastic preteen boy eat. Dad had an early meeting, so can't be there. Femme boy, whose name is apparently Pretty (Kyan Samuels), enters and thanks "Mrs. Ripp" for breakfast a few times.
I gather that he's living there, but not related. So,Pretty and Scary. Is there another kid named Freakin?
Mom wants to binge a drama about a woman who killed her husband by pushing him off a ladder, but Frankie (a girl) isn't interested: it's too close to the way she died. Pretty isn't interested, either: he wants to learn about lacross to make some guy friends. Maybe he's a being from the underworld learning how to be human?
Intro: Aha, I was right. Frankie stands in front of a mirror, looking annoyingly self-satisfied, then falls into the underworld, where Pretty (the boy) and Scary (the girl) befriend her. All three jump up to the surface to grin at the little boy and a purple-haired girl.
Scene 2: Four guys, one who uses crutches, another carrying a lacrosse thing. Femme boy Pretty practices his bro-pickup lines, and tries to break into their clique. They ignore him. BFF Frankie tells him to try harder, so he returns and yells "Hi, Guys!" Now they greet him, but he loses his nerve and runs away. No dig about a boy named "Pretty"? In my high school, you'd never make it out of home room alive.
Frankie apparently has the job of redeeming Pretty. She decides that this is the perfect opportunity: she'll find him a bro friend. Brian approaches to disapprove of the idea: matchmaking never works. Friendship, like love, has to happen organically.
Frankie gets upset, and accidentally causes a wind to rush through the hallway, with obvious complications. Apparently she got some super-powers in the underworld.
Scene 3: Ok, time to attract a bro: put on a lacrosse jersey, walk down the hall arm-in-arm with Frankie, and laugh at some jokes. They approach Dio (Jackson Dollinger), the lacrosse guy from before, who greets Pretty enthiastically.
Dude, he's obviously interested; ask him out on a bro-date! Dio
takes the initiative, asking Pretty to practice lacrosse after school, even though he has to blow off his girlfriend.
You know what they say, "bros before...um...women whom we respect and consider our equals in every way." Scene 4: Back home, the sarcastic preteen and his dimwitted friend are analyzing the various mysteries in their town. First up, the "schmeat" that his father sells: it could contain anything. They plan to set up a surveillance camera outside the factory, to see who comes and goes.
Scene 5: Night. Mom and the underworld girl Scary are watching the tv series about the murder, and of course eating popcorn (I have never in my life eaten popcorn while watching tv, but on tv it's mandatory).
Scene 6: School. Pretty and his new bro friend Dio rush down the hallway, laughing, bumping chests, and otherwise bro-bonding. Two girl groupies approach Frankie to ask intimate questions about Pretty, such as "Does he put butter on his toast in the morning?" Apprised that he prefers bagels, they shriek in ecstasy and rush off.
Frankie brags to the naysayer Brian (Finn Carr) about her success: "Pretty now has a bro friend and female admirers!"
I thought he just wanted a bro friend. Does he want some boy-girl action, too? Uh-oh, Dio's girlfriend Layla is upset about getting blown off, then ghosted, as he pursues his bromance. How to fix this? Dude, he's your bro-friend, not your boyfriend. You can have a girlfriend, too.
Scene 7: Frankie and dumped girlfriend Layla will break up the bromance by starting a rumor that Pretty dissed Dio's lacrosse technique. He'll be outraged and dump Pretty immediately!
The rumor spreads instantly through the school, since every student is intensely invested in the Pretty-Dio bromance. But by the time the rumor gets through the grapevine, it has turned into a compliment, and the two dance backwards into the sunset together.
Scene 8: The B plot about the preteens putting the "schmeat" factory under surveillance.
Scene 9: The C plot about Mom and Scary binging the murder-mystery program, except now they're eating vegetables instead of popcorn.
Scene 10: The school cafeteria. Pretty and Dio are discussing their next bro-date and using the term "bro" a lot, like the Smurfs.
Frankie and ex-girlfriend Layla find a new way to break them up: Dio hates it when anyone eats off his plate. I hate that, too. Get your own darn food. So they tell Pretty that eating off Dio's plate will seal the deal: they'll be best-bros forever!
Pretty tries it. Dio is thrilled! It's a special intimacy, just for the deepest bromantic partners, like kissing for romantic partners. Pretty has just affirmed their bro-love!
Scene 11: Next attempt to break up the Dio-Pretty bromance. While Frankie distracts him by asking about their next-bro date, Layla steals Pretty's phone and unfollows Dio on social media. Dio is outraged: "Dude, you unfollowed me! You crossed a line! We're through!" He rushes over to Layla and starts asking her for dates. Heartbroken, Pretty bursts into tears. You didn't think about Pretty's feelings, huh, girl?
Scene 12: Home. Pretty, distraught, tries to figure out how he could have unfollowed Dio without knowing it. Frankie tries to figure out a way to fix the bromance
Cut to the B plot about the surveillance.
Scene 13: At the boba shop hangout. Frankie and Layla have decided to just come clean about their deception. "We shouldn't have interfered," Layla says. "If they're meant to be bros, they should be bros."
They lure the guys to the boba shop with separate excuses, and then confess. "Pretty didn't unfollow you -- I stole his phone and did it."
Reconciled, the bros are so overjoyed that they aren't even angry with the girls. As they go off to pursue their bromance, Dio tells Layla, "I'll call you later." Text, dude. In the 21st century, we text. So he's figured out how to have a bro-friend and a girlfriend at the same time. The end, except for the B and C plotline resolutions.
Beefcake: The guys are a little young. Kyan Samuels (Pretty) and Finn Carr (Brian) are 14, and Jackson Dollinger (Dio) 16. The hot boyfriend mentioned in the premise does not appear.
Gay Characters: None. The joke is that platonic friendships and romantic relationships have exactly the same trajectory, but to keep you from confusing the two, Dio has a girlfriend, and Pretty gets female admirers. It will also make it very difficult to find gay subtexts anywhere.
But do they have the same trajectory? It seems to me that romances have a specific trajectory: you can easily judge where you are and the direction you are going with milestones like the first date, saying "I love you," becoming exclusive, meeting the friends, meeting the parents, and the depth of physical intimacy (usually, not always). Friendships are less structured; they just happen.
Superpowers: Wind-conjuring, for like 10 seconds. I expected to see more, or none. There weren't even any references to Frankie's mission on Earth. I guess it's to mentor the two underworld beings.
Paranormal: None. I expected the underworld beings to be...well, underworld-ish, maybe with a hard-to-hide devil's tail or the ability to breathe fire. Nothing. A definite bait-and-switch going on here.
My Grade: D
