Max Thieriot: The Gay Villains of Yesteryear

You probably remember Max Thieriot from Catch that Kid (2004), a teen heist movie in which a  girl and two boys (Max, Corbin Bleu of the High School Movie franchise) break into a bank vault).  It was more about "young love," hetero-romance, than buddy-bonding, but both of the boys received some teen idol treatment.

Next came some father-son or father-surrogate son roles, with Max as a teenager who doesn't express any romantic interest: The Pacifier (2005), with Vin Diesel; The Astronaut- Farmer (2005), with Billy Bob Thornton.  Plus the boyfriend of perennial girl sleuth Nancy Drew (2007) and a few other teens who find "young love."

My Soul to Take (2010) had a gay subtext, at least.  Max starred as Bug, a teenager who tries to save his friends from the dead serial killer who is stalking them, along with bromantic partner Alex (John Magaro).  But there's also the implication that the serial killer was a gay pedophile.  I know -- how about we have a horror movie sometime where the killer is not gay or transgender?

Recently Max has played a lot of damaged or evil teens, often gay-vague or gender-transgressive: an online hustler in Disconnect (2012), a killer in House at the End of the Street (2012), Norman Bates' even quirkier brother in the tv series The Bates Motel (2012-), a prequel to Psycho.  

Sort of a throwback to the gay villains of yesteryear, like Norman Bates himself.

The Top Ten Nature Show Hunks

When I was little, the only nature program we had was Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom (1963-1985), with a grandfatherly host, Marlin Perkins, who didn't actually go into the field; he just narrated, and occasionally lapsed into a commercial: "Just as lions provide for their young, you need life insurance...."

Today's nature show hosts have learned that ratings depend on two things: you have to get out there, pat an elephant, shake hands with a tiger.  And it's hot in the jungle.  Take your shirt off! (And maybe get your crew to take their shirts off, too).

Here are the top 10 nature show hunks:

1. Troy Dann (left) of Outback Adventures (1998-99).  More buffed and less heterosexist than Steve Irwin, and he added aboriginal culture to the mix.

2-3. Nick Baker and Steve Backshall (left) of Britain's long-running Really Wild Show (2004-2006).

4. Australian herpetologist Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter (1997-2004).  He had the annoying habit of calling female crocodiles "darlin" and referring to them as his girlfriends, but his khaki shorts left little to the imagination.

5. Mr. Greenjeans of Captain Kangaroo (1955-1984).  He only played with cute domesticated animals, like bunny rabbits, but at least he had a boyfriend.

6-7. Surprisingly muscular brothers, Chris and Martin Kratt, who hung out with creatures on Kratt's Creatures (1995-96) and Zooboomafoo.  They also got animated.  Do a search for them on Deviant Art -- it's amazing how often they're shipped (made into romantic partners) by eager fans.

8. Jeff Corwin (left) of Going Wild with Jeff Corwin, The Jeff Corwin Experience, and so on.  He strips off his shirt at the drop of a script, and is rumored to be gay, in spite of his wife and kids.  Maybe because of the episode where he frolicked in Cambodia with Anderson Cooper.

9. Jim Fowler of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.  He never showed any muscles, but we saw him occasionally in the field. And I figured that he was Marlin Perkins' boyfriend.

10.  Stan Brock, man-mountain same program.

11. Dave Salmoni, a big-cat specialist who hosted Living with Tigers, Animal Face-Off, Expedition Impossible, Rogue Nature, and Into the Pride.   He loves his gay fans, and often poses semi-nude for them.

Honorable mention goes to Chris Pontius and Steve-O of Wildboyz, and Mark Trail, actually a comic strip character.

Philips Andover Aquatics: Beefcake since 1912

Phillips Andover Academy, an elite private school in Andover, Massachusetts, has trained hundreds of notable people, including Edgar Rice Burroughs (creator of Tarzan), Presidents Bush Junior and Senior, gay writer Paul Monette, and my friend, crazy-as- loon Matt.

It has had an aquatics team since 1912, with team photographs from each year posted on its website.

Notice the chest-covering swimsuits in the early years

In 1938 a few brave souls pose bare-chested for the camera; it was still considered a bit indecent, illegal in many cities.

By 1945, they're all bare-chested.  They play the Olneyville Boy's Club, the Boston Boys' Club, Harvard Freshmen, and Gardner High.  The captain has the odd name of Chips Lazo (real name Mario; his father designed airports).

In 1963 we see the first nonwhite athletes.  They also start looking younger.  I've noticed that in a lot of old photos: before the 1960s, teenagers looked like men in their 30s today.

Through the 1970s they're all photographed wearing white jerseys.  Got to cover up those chests.

In 1986 we see the first Asian boys.

More after the break

10 Fratboys in Bondage

When I was in high school, we used the term "fratboy" to refer to a boy who had wealthy parents and could sport  $20 haircuts, designer shirts in pastel colors, and his own car; plus was an athlete, a straight A student, president of the student council, and so on, and so on, perfect in every way, with a bright future of ivy-league college, skyscraper-and-business suit job, and house on a winding cul-de-sac.  He may or may not have belonged to an actual fraternity. 

When I was a sophomore in high school, the seniors kidnapped the valedictorian at Better-Dork high school and made him guest of honor at our graduation party.  I wasn't there, but I heard that there were a lot of cocks and balls rubbing against him.

I have a collection of photos of wealthy, elitist, snobbish fratboys getting their just desserts.  Here are some of my favorites.

1. Pants down.  What comes next?

2. Does this answer your question?

3. I love the Harry Potter glasses and look of apprehension. 

4.  Fratboys often have wavy blond hair,  I don't know why.

5. But there are fratboys of every race and religion.

More after the break

Even More Nolan Gould

Modern Family, the oddly popular sitcom about an extended family of annoyingly privileged people in contemporary Los Angeles, began in 2009, with eleven-year old Nolan Gould as the youngest kid in the nuclear-family Pritchetts.  With a very large cast, there wasn't much for him to do, so he was a stereotypic kid for a few seasons, then a stereotyped dull-witted girl-crazy teenager.

And he started to beef up.

You could see the transformation, season by season, sometimes month by month.  The guy is now nineteen years old, and knows his way around a gym.

I haven't watched Modern Family for a while, but I was wondering if Nolan Gould has been showing us any beefcake since I checked last year.

As it turns out, not much.  Just a few pics here and there.

He's got a little chest hair now, compared to last year, a glory trail, and a little pudginess around the abs.

Not that I mind.

A selfie at the gym.  Who hasn't taken one of those?

No fair turning around to flex.

This is an old one, but I love the pale hard chest, like a marble statue. Also the guy he's with is hot.

His old hairstyle.  It's more dorky now.

Way dorky.

But look where he started out.

See also: My 10 Favorite Pictures of Nolan Gould; The Beefcake Explosion of Nolan Gould