Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron Blooded Orphans: Muscular Orphans Fight Giant Corporations with Robots

 

I've heard of an anime or manga series entitled Mobile Suit Gundam, but I have no idea what it is about.  However, what is apparently a spin-off series called Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron  Blooded Orphans has dropped on Hulu, eye-catching. for beefcake icons in Episodes 2 and 4.

Plus one of the voice actors is Jonny Yong Bosch.  I've heard of him, too, but I don't recall actually seeing him in anything -- apparently he was one of the Power Rangers, and Google Images thinks that he's one of these guys.

Beefcake inside and out; I'll give it a try.  Episode 2 is incomprehensible, so I'll have to start with Episode 1. 

Holy plot dump, Batman, dozens of named characters in intricate situations.  I had to go through twice, and take notes.

Scene 1:  On a city street, the chubby Biscuit is apparently practicing combat moves with the muscular, white-haired Orga.  Suddenly we're in a temple, beneath a gigantic statue, and Orga is straining, when the young, blue-haired Mika, a boy wearing a skirt, interrupts him.  A third guy interrupts them to point out that they're not allowed in the temple -- actually a control room.  They counter that it's warm outside. So what? Plus Marumba has summoned them. 

Scene 2: We're in the Chryse Autonomous Region, Arbrau Territory, Mars, Suburbs.   Marumba, a cigar-chomping corporate CEO, tells Orga and Biscuit that the Third Group is responsible for escorting Kurdelia, the representative's daughter, to Earth.  She is involved in the Martian Independence Movement, so it's an important assignment.  "But why us?  We're just the Third Group, despised, worthless nobodies."  

The CEO's assistant agrees that they are worthless scum, but Kurdelia hand-picked them, so just shut up and do what you're told, so you don't get punished.

Scene 3:   Young blond Takaki and some other kids in muscle shirts are burying land mines in the desert.   The CEO's Assistant drops by to whip them, punch Takaki, and yell at their overseer for not being punitive enough.  

Meanwhile and watching Mika from Scene 1 and a muscular blond guy practice battle maneuvers, shirtless, inside giant robots with ray-gun arms.

Scene 4: Dinner in a gigantic hanger, with Takaki and the other kid-slaves as waiters.  Most guys are wearing uniforms with the logo CGS, but it is not explained except in the episode synopsis: a private security corporation . They are all excited about the girl-escorting assignment, which is bound to get them promoted to the elite First Group.  Then they won't be worthless scum anymore!

One guy asks Mika if he thinks the girl will "smell good," but is told: "Forget it!  Mika isn't interested in girls."  Mika asks waiter Takaki about his injury.  So he's interested in boys?

Blond-haired Eugene is angry because the Third Group leader, Orgo, allows them to be treated like scum.  Why doesn't he resist?  They almost fight.  Someone named Akihiro leaves in a huff.  

Scene 5: In a posh mansion, Kurdelia and her mother discuss the problems of the Martian people, and her role as an emissary to Earth to promote Martian independence.  Father disapproves of her actions, but she's going anyway.  Hey, neither are showing any boobs.  A welcome change of pace!

Scene 6:  In the hallway, Kurdelia's maid wants to know why she choose the Third Group, "irregular child soldiers," as her escort.  She explains: "They were born out of Earth Sphere's long rule.  They embody the problems that plague the Martian people. By interacting with them, I will share their pain."  In other words, it's necessary for the plot to work.  

Scene 7: Gjallarhorn Space Station, orbiting Mars. Gjallarhorn is not explained except in the plot synopsis: it's an evil corporation that is exploiting the Martian people.  Sir Coral, an evil Darth Vader type, is making fun of Kurdelia.  She thinks she's going to Earth to promote Martian independence!  What an idiot!  Her father, Mr. Bernstein, agrees that she's stupid, but implores Sir Coral to not hurt her.

Scene 8: Two guys in an elevator criticizing Kurdelia's father for selling her out.  "What a coward!  But this changes the inspection from Earth into an opportunity.  To get the support of Noblisse, she must do well."  Second time through, and I still don't know what they are talking about.  It sounds like Kurdelia is going to a space station, not to Earth. And who the heck is Noblisse?  And don't they work for the evil corporation that wants Kurdelia to fail?

They tell  blond, nasty-looking Orliss that he's in charge of the mission; the older Crank, formerly his mentor,will be his assistant; and Ein, "it's your first mission.  Do your best."  8 scenes, 13 named characters, some with multiple names.  It's like reading Dostoevsky.

Scene 9:  A spaceship prepares to dock at the Gjallarhorn Space Station for an official inspection from Ariadne.  The subtitles say "Transmission from Ariadne," but no one receives a transmission, so I assume that Ariadne is a base or a commanding officer of the Evil Corporation.

The pilot, Major McGillis, asks blue-haired femme Gaelio if he's bored by inspecting frontier colonies.  "No, it's ok.  I'll do my best."  He points out that although Mars is a worthless, used-up colony, it is essential to Earth's economy.  Huh? -- that's a contradiction.  Therefore they must become members of Gjallarhorn, "keepers of the world order."  We must squash the independence movement.

Scene 10: Night. While the kid-slaves sleep in their bunks, Mika and another guy work out, and Orga (leader of the Third Group) discusses the itinerary with another guy:  Kurdelia arrives tomorrow, and they leave the next day.  It will take five months to get to Earth and back.  Darn, I thought they had warp drive, so the trip would only take a few minutes.   He complains: CEO Maruba thinks of us as rats, worthless scum, useful only because we have the "whiskers."  

The whiskers are implants on your back that allow you to connect directly to a giant robot and control its movements.  If you cry or yell during the implant, you are punished.  But Orga didn't yell, and was still punished for being worthless scum,  "I can't show weakness to Mika."  Why not?  

Scene 11: Kurdelia arrives, and meets the four boys who will escort her to Earth.  She chooses Mikazuki -- the boy who doesn't like girls -- to show her around.  She offers to shake hands, but he refuses, which she finds upsetting.

Scene 12: Amid the "Mars for the Martians" independence protests in a quaint city, a little girl in a shop makes a friendship bracelet for a boy she likes, presumably Mika.

Scene 13:  Night.  The Evil Gjallarthorn Corporation spaceship attacks the  compound!  The CEO quickly grabs his loot and evacuates; Biscuit evacuats the girl; the boys take off their shirts and suit-up.   They realize that only the Third Group, the kids, are fighting.  The other groups have orders to hold back.  The CEO is trying to get the kids killed!

Scenes 1-12 took only 12 minutes.  The rest of the episode is devoted to a lengthy battle, using tanks and robot fighters.  

Beefcake: constant.

Gay Characters: Mika, unless Kurdelia wears him down and they begin dating.  There may be a canonical gay character named Yamagi Gilberton.

Convolution:  Even after two viewings, I'm not sure what's going on.  The main powers seem to be corporations rather than political nation-states, so there's a lot of snore-inducing business talk.  Each corporation has its own agenda, with members who are secretly working for another corporation or trying to take it down from the inside....and so many named characters! 

It reminds me of the Peanuts comic strip where Snoopy writes a story:"It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed. The maid screamed. Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! While millions of people were starving, the king lived in luxury. Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was growing up.”

Sometimes beefcake is not enough.