Gemstones Episode 2.6, Continued: Torsten gets ** up, Keefe holds Kelvin's d*k, and Sky is skyclad. With random naked guys

This is the G-rated review of Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.6, with the nudity and explicit sexual references omitted.

Link to the NSFW version

Kelvin and Keefe have returned to the God Squad, but muscleman Torsten (Brock O'Hurn) challenges their authority.  He's the strongest, so he should be the ruler. 

The Second Cross-Raising Test: This time the contestants not only have to carry the gigantic phallic symbol, they have to push  nto an upright position.  So whoever achieves a proper erection is the leader.  And it goes on like that. What do you expect from a society dedicated to homoerotic desire?

First Torstein tries, and succeeds!  "He got it up!" Liam exclaims.  A proper erection!  

It's Kelvin's turn, but since he is injured, Keefe goes in his stead.  First he strips to his jock strap.  "You don't have to...." Kelvin begins, but then he likes what he sees and says "Ok."  

Keefe does several splits on the ground, presenting himself as a valid object of desire.  We get a shot of a very interested muscleman; apparently Kelvin didn't realize that a group of gay alphas was bound to include a few tops.  

Keefe tries, but staggers under the heavy weight.  A concerned boyfriend, Kelvin yells "Get it off him!", and the contest ends. 

Moderator Sky (Joel Rush, left and below) asks: "Do you concede?"

Kelvin kneels and indicates that he does. Torsten achieved the best erection, so he will now lead the God Squad. 

Sky: "Clean your underwears out of the master. Torsten stays there now."

Two questions: Why underwear, and not all of his clothes?  Because underwear has a sexual connotation.  Kelvin's erotic supremacy is over.

Why underwears?   Usually underwear is a mass noun, like water or rice.  It doesn't have a plural. Sky is referring to two sets of underwear, Kelvin's and Keefe's.  They share the master bedroom, so both are ejected.

Jesse tries to man up:   Jesse and the family watch Wonder Woman (har-har) and discuss who shot the Cycle Ninja.  Everybody thinks that it was Amber, which Jesse continues to find emasculating. Amber mollifies him: you were trying to help.  You're just a terrible shot.  This was not a symbolic castration, but we can still find a parallel with Kelvin's loss of power with the God Squad.  

She continues, whispering in his ear like Lady Macbeth: Why do you need your Daddy's permission.  You're a man, aren't you?  Take care of the Junior problem yourself: "Just do it.  Send a fucking message."  

Left: Justin Deeley as Macbeth

Skyclad guys after the break

Inspired by a painting of David and Goliath, he distributes slingshots to the men's group and asks for volunteers to go to Memphis and "beat the shit out of some guys."  He needs a second chance to "be a man."  

Eli tries to reconcile:  BJ visits Eli in his office and tells him what we've all been thinking all season: "This family is dysfunctional."  They hold in their pain and anger until it comes out in weird ways, like Kelvin starting the God Squad or Eli breaking his thumbs.  Although not yet willing to be called "Daddy," Eli acknowledges BJ by shaking his hand.  He rushes home to tell Judy and Tiffany.

Inspired by BJ's tough talk, Eli drives to Kelvin's house.  He finds Keefe imprisoned in a tiger cage, with a glory hole so the God Squad can sexually assault him whenever they want.  Eli knows exactly what is going on, and gives him a hasty wave.  "Thank you for the recognition, sir," Keefe responds.  This is the first time anyone in the family has acknowledged his existence, a call-back to BJ getting Eli's acknowledgement earlier.

Kelvin  has become the God Squad's servant, on his knees, scrubbing the floor in the gym (shirtless, of course, an object of desire even when he is being humiliated).  Wait -- why is he bathed in pink, a feminine-coded color?

Kevin lambasts Eli for not acknowledging his hard work; everyone thinks of him as a joke, a youth minister who peaked at age 12.  

Plus he's upset about the aggravated assault, of course. He complains that Keefe has to hold his dick when he urinates, or he'll splash himself in the face.

Wait -- what?  That's impossible.  Unless you're standing on your head, the urine flows down, and you'll need an attendant to pull it out of your pants, not to direct your flow.  You can buy a funnel for that purpose, or just sit down.  

You can hit yourself in the face while masturbating, and a hand job or oral action from Keefe would certainly solve the problem.  But why would Kelvin complain about that?  Especially to his father,  who just saw Keefe at a glory hole and is bound to make the connection?  

The statement makes no sense in-universe.  It is apparently meant for the viewers, to evoke thoughts of Kelvin's dick and Keefe on his knees.

I take out my dick when I pee:  Opening shots of Junior and the Tan Man in his Memphis wrestling studio.  Junior asks "Got any blow?" and receives a packet of cocaine. He goes outside to snort some, then pauses to urinate on an old video game.  Video games were the mainstay of his Dad's business.  Junior is, in effect, urinating on his Dad.

Suddenly Jesse says "Dick's out, playboy."  So he and his crew drove over 600 miles?

"I'm aware. I take my dick out when I pee."  This is a reflection of the earlier scene where Kelvin complains that Keefe has to hold his dick when he pees.

Jesse's crew approaches, armed with slingshots and rocks, like David used to slay Goliath.  Junior finds this humorous, until Jesse pulls a gun and threatens to come after his family: "Grandparents, kids, special needs."  We have no information about Junior's family.  He does not appear to be married.

Matthew suggests raping them, and Gregory specifies "Not the women.  We don't rape women."  So they only rape men?  Does that make the threat more or less severe?

No, no one is being raped tonight, Jesse says,  but if anyone was to be raped, it would be Junior. He describes the act: "We'd all take our dicks, and jam them deep into your asshole, and show you how we handle sickos."  

Wait -- if Junior sent the Cycle Ninjas, why doesn't he admit it?  And if he didn't, why doesn't he ask what Jesse is talking about?  All he and Eli did was have dinner one night and go bowling and pick up girls the next.

Junior is not threatened by the idea of dicks in his asshole.  In fact, he tells Jesse  "reminds me of your daddy when he was a young man."  So Eli was a top?  I can see that.

They sling some of their shots around. Jesse warns Junior to stay away from his family, or he will be killed.  Junior agrees, and Jesse and the crew run away, whooping in slow motion celebration.

The Cycle Ninjas: Later, probably the same night, Eli is driving near the compound, when he is accosted by Cycle Ninjas.  They shoot him several times.  He crashes through a construction barracade. 

Nobody could survive all that!  Eli is dead!   The end. 

This review seemed  a little light on beefcake, so I added some random naked guys, on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends