Où sont les hommes de neige d'antan? Where are the snowmen of yesteryear?
So they spun the story into a Christmas romcom entitled Hot Frosty. This sounds so ridiculous, I have to take a look.
Scene 1: Establishing shot of the town of Hope Springs, har har. Narrator: "Since the dawn of time, Christmas fairy tales have talked about a snow sculpture coming to life." Um...we haven't had Christmas since the dawn of time. Birth of Christ, remember? And we've only had a snow sculpture coming to life since 1950.
Kathy wakes up to "Jingle Bell Rock" and news of the big snow sculpture competition. Her house is falling apart; no heat, roof leaks although it's cold outside. By the way, she also has a dead husband.
On to work at Kathy's Korner, a restaurant which she owns. She exchanges quips with the cook Isaac, then says hello to the regulars and offers special chocolate chip pancakes to the daughter of a supermodel made up for a Vogue cover. Place is packed -- why is she strapped for cash?
Scene 2: Kathy brings the lunch orders to the clothing shop across the street, run by a middle-aged lady and her assistant, a swishy queen played by Dan Lett. I don't know if he is gay in real life, but he was in Queer as Folk.
Lady asks if Kathy has found a man yet? No? "Well, let me lend you the magic red scarf that I was wearing when I met the man of my dreams, swishy queen Theo." I guess he's a straight swishy queen.
After work, Kathy walks through the snow scultures in progress. Amid the three-snowball snowmen there's an incredibly detailed, museum-quality sculpture of a naked man -- penis obscured. Kathy playfully puts the red scarf around his shoulders, snaps a picture, and walks away. Wait -- the middle-aged lady was just lending you the magic scarf. It must have tremendous sentimental value. And you're just walking away?
The moment she leaves, a mystic wind blows, and -- you guessed it. He turns into a naked human man.
He's rather surprised. Who am I? Where am I? Why am I so cold? Then he sees a clothing ad -- oh, humans wear clothes!
He asks a middle-aged couple for help. The man, played by Allan Royal, stays back, but the woman chases him in hetero-horny lust. He eludes her, sees clothes in a store window, and bursts in -- not his fault, he doesn't know about windows, or private property.
By the way, Dustin Milligan played Ted Mullins, a small-town veterinarian who becomes the on-off boyfriend of heiress Alexis on Schitt's Creek.
You know what's going to happen: he's going to solve all of the town's problems like a fairy godfather and convince Kathy to love again. But he's a snowman, with body temperature under 30 degrees, so erotic activity is out of the question. I wonder how he survives in heated houses and businesses. And he will inevitably die with the coming of spring.
I'm just going to check on gay characters.
Results after the break
The sheriff and his deputy (Craig Robinson, Joe LoTruglio)? They hug when the whole town is applauding the Big Frosty-Kathy Kiss, but othewise they have a rather abrasive, antagonistic relationship -- no buddy bonding here. Besides, Deputy reaches inside the dress of a mannekin to fill its boobs, and later the Snowman advises him that "any woman in town would be happy to go out with you."
Chef Isaac, played by Bobby Daniels? He just appears in one scene, in the restaurant kitchen, where he asks if Kathy has gotten her furnace fixed yet. I don't think this is the same Bobby Daniels: Isaac is well past middle age.
One of the Snowman's high school fans, who is not listed in the credits? No, he complains that "I don't know how to dance with someone," dropping pronouns, but he brings a girl to the big dance.
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Bonus: Joe Lo Truglio is a gay ally, an rather hung.
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