Black Summer: The First Days of a Gay-Free Zombie Apocalypse

Do we really need more zombies, after Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, Shaun of the Dead, Juan of the Dead, Zombieland, 28 Weeks Later, after zombie comedies, children's movies, and teen romances?

Probably not, but yesterday I still binge watched Black Summer (2019)  (except for a couple of episodes that looked boring), taking the point of view of someone who has never heard of zombies.

It opens with running.  People running fast through a suburban neighborhood (filmed in Calgary), trying to reach the army trucks that will evacuate them.  Something bad happened several weeks ago, and the world is in chaos,  There are marauders everywhere who will steal your supplies.

Plus when people die, they instantly turn into monsters and attack their companions. The monsters are very fast and impervious to bullets unless you hit them in the head, but they can't open doors.

In the first episode, there are five interconnected stories of survivors running, and when the army trucks leave without them, trying to get to the Stadium, where all of the survivors are gathering.

There is a lot of heterosexist rhetoric: "Do you have a family?"  "I'm a good guy.  I have a family."  "I have to find my wife/daughter/husband/ boyfriend."  And no gay characters or male-male bonding to speak of.  Mostly people interact in boy-girl dyads.

Finally they merge into 2 groups.

Group 1 consists of:
1. Rose (Jaimie King), whose husband monsterized, but her daughter got on the truck.

2. Ryan (Mustafa Alabssi, a deaf Syrian refugee).  His character is apparently not  Syrian. Cop-out!

3. Lance (Kelsey Flower), whose girlfriend monsterized.  He and Ryan have a brief buddy-bonding moment, but then Ryan monsterizes and turns on him.

4. Spears (Justin Chu Cary), who was being held by the army when he killed his guard and escaped.  He actually has taken his guard's name.  He hints that he knows something important, but we never find out what.

At least Justin Chu Cary has some beefcake photos.

Group #1 is trapped in a school where Lord of the Flies kids lure survivors in to play monster-human games (Aiden Fink, left, plays the Head Boy)

Ryan is killed (my favorite character!), and Lance gets separated from the group, leaving...wait for it... Rose and Spears, the same boy-girl dyad we see in every zombie movie ever made.  They'll be falling in lo-ooo-ove soon, I betcha.

Group 2 consists of:
1. Barbara (Gwyneth Walsh), who is separated from her family out west.

2. Velez (Sal Velez), who is also separated from his family out west.

3. Sun (Ooh Kungsun), who speaks only Korean and is separated from her mother.

They get into a car-battle with the occupants of a pick-up truck, resulting in Barbara monsterizing and Velez and Sun...another boy-girl pair...taking refuge in a deserted diner.

They add some new members:
1. Manny (Eddson Morales)
2. Carmen (Erika Hau)
3. Phil (Stafford Perry)

But Phil monsterizes, leaving Manny and Carmen, a third boy-girl dyad.  How much lo--ooo--ove can one zombie series take?

Eventually the groups converge and make it to the Stadium downtown.  There is utter chaos, with survivors shooting monsters and each other everywhere.  Most of the survivors are killed in the fallout.  Only Rose, Sun, and Spears actually make it inside.

The Stadium is deserted. It was not a refuge after all.

But on the bright side, a soldier brings in Rose's daughter.

What?  How did he know?  I mean, she got on a truck with lots of other survivors, who aren't around.  How did....

Beefcake:  None.  No one has time to take anything off.  I did find some beefcake photos of Nathaniel Arcand, who plays Governale in three episodes (I don't know who that is).

Gay characters/subtexts:  None to speak of.

Gay actors: None that I could find.

"I'm looking for my husband/wife":  A lot.

Sigh. When is The Walking Dead coming back?

The Catholic Fundamentalists

When I was growing up in the Nazarene Church, we yelled.  We jumped up and down.  We raised our hands.  We clapped our hands.  We chanted "Jesus!  Jesus!  Jesus!"

I hated it.  It went against everything in my nature.

Even though Nazarenes were supposed to fear and hate the Roman Catholic Church, I was totally into all things Catholic:  crucifixes, Rosaries, chalices, novenas, solidarities, quiet contemplation of the Divine.

I always go to Mass if I'm near one of the great cathedrals of Europe.   Who wouldn't jump at the chance to pray and meditate in a setting like this?

So I was dismayed to see a guy at the gym wearing a t-shirt for the "Divine Mercy Youth Evangelization Team."  "Divine Mercy" sounds Catholic, but "evangelization" is what evangelical Christians do.

Turns out that YET (national organization NET), open to all confirmed teens (the equivalent of evangelical "saved"), is dedicated to "making disciples of the whole world."

(It's very hard to get photos of the guys, as every "evangelization team" seems to be arranged in boy-girl order. I have to crop a representative out.)









They have retreats, neighborhood missions, door to door evangelization, events in public parks, days of recollection, and Pro Life seminars.

The Nazarenes, Pentecostals, Mormons, and Jehovah's Witnesses are already knocking on your door. Make way for the Catholics?

But...but...in Roman Catholicism, salvation lies in the sacraments, in the mystery of the Eucharist, not in getting "right with God." Doesn't it?

Well, doesn't it?

Gulp.

They kneel to get right with God.

But...but...that's what Confession is for, isn't it?

They read the Bible, not The Little Flowers of St. Francis.

They testify about being persecuted for their pro-life views, just like Nazarenes testified about being persecuted for our refusal to go to movies or dances.





They talk about Jesus.  A lot.

This was part of a boy-girl-boy-girl photo spelling out "Jesus" in t-shirts.

Whatever happened to the Immaculate Conception of Mary Mother of God?

This looks like one of the weird games Nazarene youth played because they weren't allowed to go to movies, dance, listen to rock music, or play any game involving dice.

But...Catholics can do all of those things.

We had "abundant life ministries," and sang "if you want life, real life, wonderful life, let Jesus come into your heart."

Except we didn't illustrate the concept with a real human heart.

They raise their hands to indicate that they've been filled with the Spirit.

Where there is evangelicalism, there is homophobia, so as the Roman Catholics turn into Nazarenes, I predict that they will become increasingly ravenous in their anti-gay ideology.

Whose bright idea was it to turn Roman Catholics into Nazarenes, anyway?

And, in this brave new world, where do you go for quiet contemplation of the Divine?

Dynasty 2017: For Fans Only

Rebooting classic series is tricky.  You have a built-in audience of aging fans of the original, but after the initial nostalgia, they will get bored and leave -- unless you give them something to make the show stand in its own right.  After all, the original is still available on DVD, right?  And new fans want more than a retread of a show from dinosaur days.

Dynasty (1981-1989) was the quintessential 1980s show, a glitzy, trashy escape from the horrors of Reagan's America, about the scandals, schemes, backstabbing, and power-plays of a super-wealthy Denver family:  brutal patriarch Blake Carrington, his trophy-wife Krystal, his socialite ex-wife Alexis, and the scheming, catfighting, problem-of-the-week beset younger generation, notably Fallon (who falls in love with every man she sees) and Steven (who struggles with being gay...er, straight...er, gay...er..."confused").

It was all the rage in West Hollywood. There were Dynasty nights at the local bars. Drag queens would perform as Alexis and Krystal. We would bet on whether Steven was gay or straight in this episode.  But will a 2010's reboot work?

1.  The 2017 cast is much younger.  John Forsythe (the original Blake Carrington) was actually only five years older than Grant Show (left), and Joan Collins (the original Alexis) was younger than Nicollete Sheridan.  But we have gyms now, and nobody eats transfats, so the entire cast looks like twinks.

2. In the original, Fallon just went shopping and dated, leaving the business to the men. In 2017,she's a vice president of something or other, and is scheming to become CEO.  She still sleeps around, though.

3. In the original, Steven was closeted, conflicted, guilt-ridden, harrassed by his homophobic Dad, and constantly dating and marrying women (which was common on tv in the 1980s; audiences were rooting for the gay guy to "be cured").  In 2017, being gay is no problem.  Dad sets Steven (James Mackay, top photo) up on dates.  And Sammy Jo, one of the women Steven marries in the original, has become a guy (Rafael de la Fuente, left).

3. The cast is considerably more diverse.  Blake's competitor, Jeff Colby (Sam Adegoke) has become black. So has Michael Culhane (Robert Christopher Riley), the chauffeur Fallon is sleeping with. Trophy wife Crystal is Hispanic.

But is Dynasty 2017 worth a watch?  In a field overcrowded with soap operas about glitzy rich people, does anything make it stand out?

I don't think so.  Most of the fun is for fans of the original: "Look what they did with the Fallon character!  Look, Michael Culhane is black!   Look,Steven is not 'confused!"

Which is good for about an episode.  Then it gets boring. 

Then we pop in a DVD of the original and relive those golden days in West Hollywood when the drag queens all dressed as Alexis, and we bet on whether Steven was gay or straight this episode.

Eli Goree Keeps His Shirt On

Eli Goree was on Riverdale, briefly.  He had a total of three scenes in three episodes, and about a dozen lines. Most viewers didn't hear any of those lines, because they had fainted at the sight of his perfect face and breathtaking physique.  Nobody can get a glimpse of a Greek god and remain unfazed.

After I watched his scenes a dozen or so times, the initial shock of seeing perfection diminished, and I could pay attention to the plot.  After rushing to the IMDB to see if he has appeared in anything else.

Surprise: Some 26 credits.

 Eli grew up in Halifax, Nova Scotia.  While attending Dalhousie University, he hosted The Big Black Rap Show on the campus radio station. He transferred to the Canadian Film Centre in Toronto, where he received his degree in Film and Television Acting.  Meanwhile he became a freelance journalist for Canada Now, hosted the Canadian teen talk show Street Cents, and started auditioning.

His most important roles are:

1. Da Kink in My Hair (2007-2009), a sitcom about Jamaican-Canadian women who run a hair salon, based on a play by Jamaican-Canadian queer playwright Trey Anthony. Eli played Malik.

2. Secrets of a Black Boy (2009) on stage.  Five friends meet in a Regents Park, Toronto recreation center to reveal their secrets.  Eli plays Jakes, whose secret is...wait for it...he's gay.

3. Pure Pwnage (2010), a mockumentary about a gamer. Eli had a six-episode run as Tyrel, a professional gamer who falls in love with a girl.







4. Race (2016), about Jesse Owens at the 1936 Olympics (even I know about that).   Eli played fellow athlete David Albritten, who was apparently straight.

5.Dead of Summer (2016 tv series), about "ancient evil" awakening at a summer camp in 1989.  Eli played Joel Goodson, who helps reveal the identity of the Tall Man.  The series features a trans character, Drew (Zelda Williams),who -- wait for it -- is not the killer.

6.  The 100 (2014-2017).  A space ship of teenagers try to settle on a desolate far-future Earth. Eli plays Wells Jaha, who is in love with Clarke (sorry, a girl) and appears to be at odds with every one of the male colonists. It has a gay male character.

I was disappointed to find no nude pictures, but then, if he's perfect beneath the belt, too, the effect might be overwhelming.  As it is, Eli rarely takes even his shirt off.  I guess he can't, or no one would be able to pay attention to ...um....to the...what was I talking about?

See also: Riverdale, Season 3