Gemstones Episode 2.3: Kelvin topples, Keefe cuddles, and Titus is caged. With bonus s* loads

 

Previous: Episode 2.2: Kelvin clenches,Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. 

Link to the NSFW version

Episode 2.3 explores the darkness behind Eli and Kelvins' empires.  

Four guys in the steam showers:  A montage of the God Squad in their compound outside Kelvin's house, working out with wooden equipment, shaving with an axe, growing crops.  Performers that Kelvin hired would have apartments in town and ordinary social lives, with friends and families.  This is a whole society, a homoerotic alternative to the mundane world of men constrained by wives and children, imprisoned in small square houses "made of ticky tacky."  

In literature and film, the adventure ends with marriage.  The hero is domesticated, exchanging his battles and intrigues for a mortgage and a briefcase, his band of brothers for the Eternal Feminine.  The God Squad offers an escape: "no women allowed," either in the Squad or hanging about outside, hoping to "civilize them."

Kelvin congratulates Keefe on his leadership, then says  "I'll meet you in the steam showers, but bring Titus and Odd Chris.  I could smell them during worship."  Every guy working in the hot sun all day will be pungent; in-universe, he is obviously inviting the other men so he and Keefe can each have a sex partner.  The leaders of many messianic cults require sex with random members.  

No one named Odd Chris appears in the cast list, but Titus will be the first God Squad member to rebel. Interestingly, in the Bible the Apostle Paul set Titus to Corinth to deal with a challenge to his authority.

After Keefe leaves to prepare the orgy, Jesse drops by to reveal his theory that Eli murdered Thaniel Block and the other men.  Kelvin refuses to hear it, and wants to defend Eli's honor.  "You ain't as tough as you think, boy!" Jesse exclaims, putting up his fists.  Then he sees the God Squad preparing to defend Kelvin, and backs off.  Messiah Kelvin has some loyal followers!

Junior Threatens Brock:  We cut to Eli at home, putting his bloody pants from last night into the hamper and watching a news report about the murders. Security guard Brock calls to tell him that Junior wants in.  "Tell him I'm not here." Was Junior his partner in the murders, or did he do the job on his own?

Junior blusters and threatens him, but finally he drives away. You may recall that in Season 1, Scotty flirted with Brock to gain access to the Gemstone compound.  But Junior has moved away from his gay-subtext flirting; he is pure threat. 

The Human Pyramid:  We see the God Squad perform before an audience of teens.  Kelvin introduces the strongest member, Torsten, who dated a "female" in high school before she tried to seduce him, and he had to decide on "his celibacy or his soul."  It is clear that by "celibacy," Kelvin means much more than avoiding sex with women.  You must reject the entire heterosexist trajectory of job, house, wife, and kids, the nuclear family myth, the domestication and civilization threatened by the "female."  The way to salvation lies in the beauty of male bodies, in homoerotic desire unhindered by emotional connection. 

But when they move on to a human pyramid, with Kelvin on top, it topples.  The House of Cards collapses.  Maybe it can't be all about the penis after all.  Keefe behaves like a concerned boyfriend, rushing onto the stage and embracing Kelvin  -- to protect him from plummeting musclemen?.

Kelvin Wants to Spoon: After a scene with Jesse and his family discussing whether Eli is a murderer, we cut to Kelvin in his dressing room.  What follows is very difficult to read. Fans are likely to shake their heads and say WTF?  during their first, second, and third viewing. The showrunners want us to be unsure whether the guys are in fact gay, but that's obvious to anyone who pays the slightest attention to queer codes.  The real question: is Keefe Kelvin's assistant and acolyte or his romantic partner?  Are they friends with benefits, or are they in love?

On the surface, it seems easy enough.  Kelvin, in underwear, is looking out the window at the God Squad below. Keefe enters, having drawn him a bath, and tells him that both Liam and Titus were injured in the human pyramid debacle.  Kelvin thinks that it's their own fault for being soft on the fundamentals and skipping leg day.  "Something might have to be done about Titus," he says menacingly, an action-adventure movie villain.  

Keefe: "I completely agree."  Note that he is not an assistant, or his opinion would be irrelevant.  They are equal partners in the God Squad Cult.  "But some of the others have been questioning their place here as well. That's the downside of assembling an entire group of alpha males.  As they grow stronger, they grow more defiant."  The men are not content with being mere objects of desire; they want autonomy and control. 

Kelvin slips off his underwear and hands them to Keefe, who helps him put on his bathrobe -- from behind.   He has to press his body against Kelvin, crotch to butt.  Then he caresses Kelvin's thighs instead of breaking away. It would be much easier from the front.  Why does he go in from the rear?  

When he is finished, Keefe walks over to the mirror, but Kelvin isn't having it, and moves in front of him to get into the butt-to-crotch position again. 

Their gestures and positions are blatantly erotic.  Kelvin is in physical and emotional distress, and wants to be comforted.  In a society where romance is forbidden, this is how lovers cuddle.

"Brother, what's troubling you? " Keefe asks. "Your mind seems dark and black."  It's a secret.  Keefe promises not to tell anyone.

Kelvin turns around to reveal that his Daddy may be a murderer.  Their faces are only a few inches apart, far too close even for lovers, unless they're about to kiss.  One of them must back up to a comfortable conversational distance.  Kelvin is right against the mirror, so it's up to Keefe to back up.  Why doesn't he back up?. 

We see here Keefe struggling with his desire to move the relationship from "erotic partners" to "boyfriends," struggling with his urge to kiss Kelvin. Notice that he says "Are we in trouble?", not "Are you in trouble."  Again we discover that he is not an employee, who could just find another job if the church went down.  They are romantic partners; they are in this together.

Eli lays down the law: In the next scene, Eli notes that Liam (Peter Kaasa), who was injured during the human pyramid stunt, is suing the Gemstones. They don't need another scandal right now. 

He tells Kelvin to "stop acting like a child" and "grow up."  It's time to "put on your big boy pants, and stop playing with your muscular boys."  Kelvin yells "They're muscle men, Daddy," but he has missed the point.

 Eli thinks that Kelvin's erotic play is immature and childish.  Adults can't be all about desire, about doing things behind closed doors; they need connection to the greater society.  His talk omits the usual "find a girl, get married, and have kids" part of the heteronormative litany, since he knows that Kelvin will never relate to a woman in that way.  But he still needs relationships based on love as well as desire.  He needs to be part of a family.  

Sorry, I ran out of space.  Titus will be caged, and do the coming, in the next section.  But I included some bonus s* loads on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends 

Madden Zook: 5 soul-winning movies and 3,000 girl-hugging photos prove that he's straight, right? Plus some n*de ballet dudes

 

Link to the n*de photos

Madden Zook, who just appeared as the #50 most popular on the Teen Idol website, looks like a model -- a little skinny, but with one of those "ratboy" faces that are all the rage. 

No question that he's straight in real life. 90% of his photos show him hugging, kissing, smooching, and licking girls.  Oh, here's one where she is just sniffing his bicep.

The girl-hugging would usually disqualify a guy from further research, but I was fascinated: the heterosexism was so very, very over the top, absurdly excessive.   Lots of straight guys devote most of their social media to hugging and kissing The Girl of Their Dreams, but every single photo on his Instagram and Facebook?  Dozens of them? What are you trying to prove, buddy? 

Wait --  I thought this was another girl-hugging photo, but upon closer examination, it's a dude hugging him.  

So, how did Zook become a teen idol? Hugging and kissing girls won't make you famous. He must have done some acting or singing at some point.    

He has five acting credits on the IMDB:

Laps (2018): Swimmer Mitchell (Brayden Benson, center) is being bullied, so he tells the swim coach (Ian Lang).  That's progressive.  When I was a kid, the teachers said "You have to settle your own disputes," and my Dad enrolled me in judo lessons.  Didn't help.

Zook (left) and Cameron Judd (right) play the bullies. 

It was written and directed by Ian Lang, whose Internet biography reads: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purpose" -Romans 8:28. 

Maybe Zook is fundamentalist, and hugs and kisses a lot of girls to prove that he's not "that way" in spite of his swishiness? 

Ian also wrote, produced, and stars in Red Hood: The Fan Series (2019), Christian-based sequel to Red Hood: The Series (2016),: Jason Todd,  the Second Robin in the Batman mythos, returns to Gotham City as the vigiante Red Hood.  He is subdued by a cadre of born-again Robins led by Bruce Wayne's son Damien (Cameron Judd again).  

I watched one of Zook's episodes: he plays a patient in a sinister hospital rescued by Damien.  I didn't stick around to see if they do any buddy-bonding; gay kids might like the lingering close-ups of 12-year old boys in muscle shirts, or sleeping in their altogether, but they made me uncomfortable.

More after the break.  

Nick Vardakas: Adult toy guy, lucky f*king dude, Atari spirit, Dillon's boyfriend, IT major. A lot of n*de pics, but is he gay?

 

Link to the n*de dudes

 In Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.1, Kelvin and Keefe start a Smut Buster project with the teens, buying up adult toys (so adults can't get them?).  Nick is shown examining a toy that gay men are particularly fond of.

In Episode 3.3, Nick is one of the teens making anti-smut signs as Kelvin invites Keefe to Cousin's Night, and in Episode 3.4, he appears at the Parents-Teens United Party where Keefe is outed.

His father is Nick Arapoglou, who later confronts Kelvin about the "rumors swirling around" (after confiscating the toy from his son's room?).

Our Nick grew up in Charleston and attended Wando High School in Mount Pleasant, where the Gemstone Salvation Center is located (in fiction).  He appeared in Way Off Broadway and Dracula: A Radio Play, and participated in Army Junior ROTC and the swim team.  

He also posted a video of a school film project where he tries to get the courage to talk to a cute boy.

Wait -- talk to a cute boy?

Nick's social media up to that point consists entirely of buddies -- no girls except his mother.  No mention of a senior prom.

No girls at his graduation party in June 2021.  

Those are some interesting femme rings, buddy, and did you get your hair frosted?

But he's interested in mechanics and ROTC.  He and his buds visit a Porsche Museum.  These aren't the typical gay guy's interest.

Nick's first professional acting job, on The Righteous Gemstones, came while he was a student at Triton Technical College in North Charleston.  He also started a career in modeling (in case you are wondering, 6'0", waist 32", shoe size 12"). 

He received a certificate in cyber security in 2023, and transferred to the College of Charleston, where as of this writing he is majoring in IT.  His "About Me" page says that he has experience in acting, mechanics, cooking, IT, and customer service, and speaks English, Spanish, and Italian. Not Greek? Vardakas is a Greek name.

And three more acting credits:

In Lucky F*king Kid (2024), an ad for Lucky Energy Drink shown "on all social media," Nick plays a 23-year old "no money loser" who is paid to deliver a "totally unpaid testimonial."

The Hitchhiker (2024) was written and directed by Ben Beauchamp and Timons Flower (who directed  Spider-Man: The Dark Age with Jak Kristowski) and stars Gemstone alum Dillon Brady as the Hitchhiker.  Nick plays his boyfriend or victim (it's hard to tell from the trailer).

More after the break

"Falling for Christmas": Lindsay Lohan's Boyfriend Gets a Boyfriend in a Ski-Resort Romcom

Most Christmas romcoms depict a woman living a gloriously glitzy life in a big city, getting stuck in a small town for the Holidays, and falling in love with it -- and with a working class guy who lives there.  Coincidentally, 'tis the season where millions of people who have escaped to the City return to their horrible small towns to sleep in their old beds, spend hours talking to people who love everything they hate, and count the minutes until they can get back on that airplane.  Are these movies supposed to convince them to stay?  

Falling for Christmas substitutes poor- and -rich ski resorts for the small town and big city (there are poor ski resorts?).  It reputedly has a gay character, so I'll check it out.     

Scene 1. Lindsay Lohan, who I feel like I should know from something, awakens in her glitzy hotel room in a mountain resort.  Lots of other glitterati are arriving, including two hot guys getting out of a Lamborghini -- are they the gay characters?   Girls in swimsuits show us their butts in a heated balcony-pool.  And there are skiiers.  

Scene 2: Lindsay's boyfriend Tad (George Young, top photo), on the way to the resort, tells her to just say no to her dad. Back story: Dad, hotel magnate Beauregard Belmont (1980s soap hunk Jack Wagner), wants her to take a job as Vice President of Atmosphere (involving, I assume, decor, not oxygen). Guest Services Manager Terry and his "Glam Squad" arrive to do her makeup and hand-feed her caviar and wine.  

Meanwhile, "poor boy" Jake Russell (Chord Overstreet) asks Dad to invest in his struggling lodge next door.  Beginning skiiers choose discount lodges, and then move up to the big time as they improve, so investing in it will actually create some customers for Dad's mega-lodge.  He says no anyhow.

Scene 3:  Exterior shot past the girl-butts in the balcony-pool to Lindsay and the Glam Squad walking through the lobby in slow motion.  Poor Boy Jake, busy on the phone telling someone that Dad didn't buy it, spills his hot chocolate on her for a classic meet-cute.   Boyfriend, who has just arrived, complains that her couture is ruined. 

Scene 4: Having changed, Lindsay has breakfast with Dad and Boyfriend, whom Dad disapproves of.  Well, he works as a social media influencer.  Wouldn't you be leery of him dating your heiress daughter?

Meanwhile, Jake returns to the North Star Lodge next door, which looks quite elegant.  Back story: He's a widow with a young daughter, and a mother-in-law hanging around to help out, sort of like a 1960s sitcom.  And the resort will close after this season,  unless they get "a Christmas miracle."  He gloomily throws his business plan in the trash and recalls how much he loved his dead wife.

Scene 5: Lindsay tries to tell Dad that she doesn't want the hotel job, but she's distracted by a snow-globe belonging to her mother, Dad's dead wife, who died when she was five years old.  They discuss how much they loved her.  Dude, it's been at least 20 years, and you haven't dated anyone else?

More after the break

Why was Bomba the Jungle Boy always tied up?

Johnny Sheffield (1931-2010) spent the first 24 years of his life being filmed in a loincloth cut to the thigh, first as "Boy," son of Tarzan Johnny Weissmuller in 8 movies (1939-1947), and then as the teenage Bomba the Jungle Boy in 12 movies (1949-1955).  After all that, it proved impossible to find a fully-clothed role, so Johnny went to UCLA, got his degree in business, and had a successful second career in real estate.

The Bomba movies were on tv constantly during my childhood, usually on Saturday afternoons when there was no game,  and now they're all available on DVD. 

I noticed something interesting: in all of the Tarzan movies featuring the adolescent Boy, and in all but one of the Bomba movies, Johnny gets tied up. 

Was director Ford Beebe interested in tie-up games?

Or is it a matter of maximizing beefcake?

Of course, Bomba was tied up a lot in the original book series.

And the original Boy was no stranger to tied-up peril.

But the constant close-ups of the young adult Sheffield straining at his bonds were quite impressive to gay kids growing up in a world where same-sex desire could never be named or even thought of.

Was that the point?

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.2: Kelvin clenches, Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. With a n*de Texas dude bonus.

 

Previous: Episode 2.1 Review, Continued: Keefe's kiss, Kelvin's b*ner, and a thug with broken thumbs

In Episode 2.1, while we establish the Kelvin/Keefe, Judy/BJ, and Jesse/Amber conflicts of the season, Eli's old friend Junior stops by, and acts very much like an ex-lover.  They go out to dinner and beat up a tough.  Now we see the aftermath.

Link to NSFW version

Eli Gemstone indicted! Thaniel Block sits on the porch of his rental house in the South Carolina woods, reading some news stories from 1993: Gemstone Family Studios to close due to "a financial and rumors of  sexual scandals," with $4 million missing.  Another article: "Eli Gemstone indicted on charges of fraud and conspiracy." But Episode 2.5 takes place at Christmas 1993.  When did all this happen? Geezer Tim drops by to criticize him for living in New York and having a "nasty attitude." 

A Hot Piece of Tail: Judy and BJ visit Eli to ask him to officiate in BJ's baptism.  They find him asleep on the couch in the parlor. Junior enters and asks "Who's this hot piece of tail?"  He's actually looking at BJ, but Eli assumes that he means Judy and says that she is his daughter.  He apologizes and asks if BJ is her lesbian partner. BJ starts to answer, but Judy cuts him off.

There are several takeaways here.  First, Eli and Junior did not sleep together; Eli fell asleep on the couch. Weren't there any guest rooms in his mansion? 

Second, check out Junior's magenta bathrobe, jaunty hand on him, and pinky ring: he is deliberately presenting as queer.   

Third, Eli may have mentioned that one of his children is gay, and Junior forgot which.

Execretions and Hep C Loads:  After Junior heads to the kitchen to make coffee, Judy wants to know what's going on.  Eli tells her that "things got a little carried away last night," which she interprets to mean that they are having rough s*x.  He grimaces in disgust, but plays along to mess with her.  

Her main criticism is that Junior is unattractive: "I always hoped that if you were gonna yank a pole, it would be someone hot."  So Judy has considered the possibility that Eli is bisexual for a long time. 

She states that the "hookup" signifies that Eli doesn't care about his family.  Remember that Jesse likewise complains that Kelvin "popping boners" with the muscle men is "selfish, not helping the family."  But it's not just gay s*x; on this show, having a partner of any sort is framed as a betrayal.  The family is aghast when Judy wants to move off the Compound with BJ; Baby Billy is still hurt over his sister Aimee-Leigh "leaving him" to marry Eli.  

As they storm out, Judy cautions BJ to not touch anything, as there are probably execretions and Hep C loads everywhere.  This is a call back to Abraham leaving his semen everywhere in Jesse's house, plus an awareness that Hepatitus C can easily spread through s*x, so it is particularly common in gay communities.

Good Sniffer Seats: After they leave, Eli joins Junior on the back patio, overlooking the reflecting pool that leads to Aimee-Leigh's shrine.  Eli invites him to church, but he worries about the cost.  Junior avers that he's been to enough strip joints to know that you have to pay for the "good sniffer seats."  I can't find the term "sniffer seat" defined anywhere, but I guess that it's a seat close enough to the stage to smell the performers.  There are male clubs, but he's probably referencing a lady's club, being a hetero horn dog, backing off from the implication of gay activity. 

But not entirely: Eli offers to reserve a good seat for him, and the guys hold hands!

On closer examination, it turns out to be a man and a woman holding hands. We have cut to a scene involving Jesse and Amber's marital advice group. But it is so abrupt that the misdirection must be intentional.  The man is even wearing a shirt the same color as Junior's robe.

After the group meeting, Matthew and Chad ask why Jesse's old crew isn't hanging out together anymore.  This is all marital stuff, heterosexual nuclear family stuff; what happened to the band of brothers, savage and free?  Gregory explains; "I love you guys, but happy wife, happy life."

This is becoming an ongoing question in this season: how do you balance phileo and eros, the fraternal love of family and friends and  desire that creates husbands, wives, and lovers?  The Bible says that we must abandon phileo for eros, "leave their father and mother and cleave to their husband or wife."  Kelvin is trying to combine the fraternal and the erotic by forbidding romance. BJ is trying to negotiate both.

You Got a Hound Dog Here: Cut to Thaniel visiting the Salvation Center, where he admits that he has s*xual-scandal dirt on Aimee-Leigh, gathered from household staff.  Well, at least Kelvin is off the hook.

The World's Most Famous Christian: Next, Jesse and Amber visit the Lissons in Texas for a party to celebrate the proposed Zion's Landing resort. Joe Jonas, the World's Most Famous Christian, leads everyone in a line dance.  He proclaims his heterosexuality, singing about the "beautiful girls" he's been with while wearing a formless leopard robe and pink bandana, the antithesis of Kelvin's tiger jacket and club bulge. Desire for women un-mans a man, renderng him soft and sickly; only in the manly love of comrades can a man be strong and free.

More after the break

"Christmas on Repeat": "Groundhog Day" romcom with Matthew Lawrence, Peter Pan, a bodybuilder, and some d*cks

 

Link to the n*de dudes

After successfully finding a gay romance tucked into the final scene of Falling for Christmas, I decided to check out some other recent Christmas movies to see if a gay character snuck in under the noses of the homophobes.  First up,  Christmas on Repeat, because it features one of those day-keeps-repeating plotlines, and Matthew Lawrence (sigh), one of the trio of muscle-hunk brothers who brightened the 2000s.  

Scene 1: The Day Before Christmas. Andrea spent the night at the office, because she's a workaholic, but not to worry, her assistant got presents for her husband and kids, and arranged for bonuses for the office staff.  On her way out, her boss, Nick (Matthew Lawrence, sigh) stops her: they have to shoot a commercial tomorrow -- on Christmas Day! --  and the guy in charge of the account is taking Christmas off, so... No fair!  Why don't you do it?

She calls her husband, John (Gary Poux), to say she's on the way home.  He is upset, because that means she will want to cook breakfast, and she's an awful cook.  Wait, how is she going to fall in love with Boss Nick?  Maybe she's just the conduit, and Boss Nick will be the one who falls in love with someone else.

She mentions the "not being home for Christmas" thing, but he's used to it: she works every Christmas.

Scene 2: She stops to buy some groceries -- the supermarket parking lot is empty on Christmas Eve?  And the donation-collecting Santa Claus knows her name.  Creepy.  He points out that there will be a shooting star tomorrow night with "off the charts" magic.

Scene 3: At home, she greets her teenage children. Lexi, who looks like a 30-year old supermodel, has a new dance routine -- this is depressing, as Andrea and her husband used to dance, before she got too busy. 

And Matt (JJ Whyte), who is hope because he decided not to stay overnight with his friend Ryder.  Tell me more about your "friend," dude.

Back story: Lexi is from Andrea's first marriage, Matt from this one.  I guess they want to explain why Lexi is so melanin-deprived.  Or they could have found a 30-year old African-American supermodel.

Scene 4: Andrea works on her laptop until late, and goes to bed after Hubbie is already asleep.  Don't worry, I won't say anything about the BBC she's missing out on.

Scene 5: Here are the things she does wrong on Christmas day:

1. She doesn't recognize her son Matt's friends

2. She is unaware that he has stopped being interested in basketball

3. She tries to make pancakes, but sets the kitchen on fire.  Not being able to cook is apparently a major sin in this world.  Maybe this movie is pushing the nuclear family myth, where Dad works and Mom stays home to cook. 

4. She doesn't stop the "Clean, Green, and Prestine" actress and director Paul (Terry Woodberry) from sniping at each other.

Director Paul yells at the actress, she quits, and then he quits.  And gets heterosexualized by mentioning his wife.  Darn.  

"Die Drei ???": Boy detectives in 44 books and 4 movies, most with gay subtexts. With a lot of co-star d*cks, but no Alfred Hitchcock

The Three Investigators (1967-83) is an American boys' mystery series originally published as Alfred Hitchcock and the Three Investigators, although the famous director rarely appears and plays no role in the stories:

The Mystery of the Green Ghost

The Mystery of the Screaming Clock

The Mystery of the Dancing Devil

The Mystery of the Sinister Scarecrow.

The Secret of Shark Reef

In all, 41 Mystery of and 4 Secret of.

The stories have been translated into over 20 languages.  In Germany, the investigators are Die Drei ???, pronounced Fragenzeichen, "Question Marks," after their business card.. 

The three boys:

The leader, future detective Jupiter: stocky/muscular, highly intelligent, able to piece together clues quickly.  His Uncle Titus' salvage yard provides many mysteries.

Athletic Peter takes on the dangerous assignments, like trailing suspects and rescuing his friends.  His father works in special effects in Hollywood, giving them access to movie-making mysteries.

Shy, sensitive, gay-vague Bob, who wears a leg brace, works at the library; he conducts the research in public and forbidden collections. His father is a journalist, giving them access to news-story mysteries.

I read three of the books back in the 2000s, when I was researching an article on queer codes in children's literature.  None of the investigators express any girl craziness, and the constant kidnapping, tight-squeezes, and nick-of-time rescues create many opportunities for buddy-bonding. Peter and Bob are so intimate that one almost expects them to be a canonical gay couple. So when I discovered that the trio has appeared in two German movies, I had to check them for gay subtexts (or maybe texts).

In the books, the boys are 13-14 years old, but  Julius Weckauf (Jupiter), Nevio Wendt (Peter), and Levi Brandl (Bob)  are 16-18, able to drive and get into more life-threatening situations. 

Die Drei ???: Erbe des Drachen, "The Dragon's Legacy" (2023): the boys have a summer internship on the set of the movie Dracula Rises, filming in Transylvania.  They investigate the disappearance of a boy 50 years ago, encountering a secret society and an "an undead creature." 

The trailer doesn't show anyone meeting the Girl of His Dreams, and Bob looks quite gay-stereotype feminine.  I'll take it as a queer code.

Mark Wachke, who starred in The Dark on Netflix, plays Peter's father, the special effects guy.

Die Drei ??? und der Karpathanhund, "The Carpathan Hound" (2025): gay gallery owner Mr. Prentice asks the boys to track down his stolen Carpathian Hound sculpture.  Darn, I thought it would be a "Hound of the Baskervilles" thing. 

Johannes Nussbaum (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) plays Sonny Elmquist. 

The trailer reveals lots of threatening villians, including a carnival devil. We see Peter rescuing Bob, and again, no Girl of His Dreams. Have they become a canonincal couple?

Plus a homophobic fan complains about "turning some characters gay."  Sounds like it is worth a review.

A third German movie, Die Drei ??? Toteninsel ("Death Island"), will premiere in 2026.

Wait -- "where to watch" showed that the movie is available on Amazon Prime, but apparently not in the U.S.  We'll have to make do with the trailers, and check to see if any of the actors are gay in real life. 

More after the break

Sacha Carlson: Girl, boy, or nonbinary? Gay, ally, or homophobe? The answer will shock you. WIth Gillespie backside and Sacha d*ck

Link to the n*de photos 

When this cute guy appeared on the teen idol website, I clicked on the photo to find out if he's an actor who could rate a profile.  But it turned out to be a collection of photos of his girlfriend (right), Sacha Carlson.

I went through it anyway, hoping to see the cute guy again.   

Wait -- Sacha has some 5-o'clock shadow here.  Maybe they're transitioning?

A shirtless shot, with muscles and chest hair.  This person has a male-coded physique and a woman's face.  Maybe they're nonbinary?

Nope.  They don't give their pronouns on ther Instagram page, but Wikipedia and the IMDB say he/him. Sacha is a femme boy. 

A femme boy who is into girls, as the many, many girl-hugging and kissing photos on his Instagram suggest.

And his song lyrics (he's mostly a singer):

I get lost in the thought of her lovin'

Weak in the knees all of the sudden

I want more

But there's one thing you gotta know

I'm gonna drive you like Cadillac.

Hey, that's not family-friendly!

No reason why straight guys can't be femme, but doubtless everyone Sacha meets, including casting agents, will assume that he's gay, so he will be offered a lot of gay parts.

Other than music videos, Sacha has five acting credits listed on the IMDB:

Two episodes of American Housewife (2018):  his character not listed in the plot synopsis, but he's probably a student at the ballet academy that gay-vague Oliver (Daniel DiMaggio) is hoping to be admitted to.

Julie and the Phantoms (2020), about a teenage girl who forms a band with the ghosts of three teenage musicians who died from eating bad hot dogs in the 1990s: Luke (Charlie Gillespie, backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), Reggie (Jeremy Shada), and Alex (Owen Joyner).

Alex is gay, and fully accepted by his bandmates.  He starts a relationship with Willie  (Booboo Stewart), the ghost of a boy who died in a skateboarding accident. 

Sacha plays Nick, a (living) femme boy who Julie is crushing on. 

A 2022 episode of 9-1-1 Lone Star.  Sacha's character doesn't appear in the plot synopsis, but there's a wrestling match and a road-rage incident, so he must be involved in one of those.

Everything I Ever Wanted (2025): It's the Girl of His Dreams.

More after the break.  What comes next will shock you, as the clickbaiters say.

"Big Boys": A gay university freshman tries to make friends, get a boyfriend, find his tribe. With lots of Dylan d *cks

   

Link to the Dylan d *cks

Should I try out Big Boys, a Britcom on Hulu?

Search for n *de photos first.

Whoa, they are definitely big.  Especially Dylan Llewellan.

Narrated by creator/writer Jack Rooke, Big Boys revisits his 19-year old self, attempting to move out of the house to attend uni in the fall of 2013, looking for friends, boyfriends, and his place in the world.

He shouldn't have a problem finding boyfriends. Like I said, the guy is big.  See the photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

I'm reviewing Episode 1.2, "I Wanna Take You to a Gay Bar"

Prelude: 2011: Jack (Dyllan Llewellan) and his Mum  are watching tv when they get the news of Dad's passing.  Shots of the two  crying, cuddling, pushing their feet together, heads on shoulders, legs on laps.  Cringe intimacy you two have.  Americans will perceive an incest subtext, but it's probably not intentional. Brits just like to treat their Mums as their lovers.

Scene 1: 2013:  Jack's first year at Uni.  He can't get into the dorms, so the university moved him and "mature" 25-year old Danny  into an off-campus shed.  Mom is helping them decorate.  

She gives Jack some Tupperware for his marijuana, although he doesn't use, and a  live-laugh-love mobile so he can "live," "have some laughs with a girl," and "fall in love." So Mum is fine with marijuana, but you're not out?  Surely she already knows.

When she leaves, Danny (Jon Pointing) gives Jack a bottle of lubricant -- they were two for one  at Boots -- but he's not sure if backsides take a different kind.  Jack isn't sure either, since he's never been with a guy before.  

"Don't worry, I'll do some research."   

Scene 2: The Student Union Officer announces the "ca-razy" Brent Uni freshers fair, where the first-years try to find their fams. Older Jack, narrating: "Mostly it was second-year drug dealers trying to recruit new clients." 

She tries to sell Jack on the Christian Union, which does a free roast on Sunday nights. Maybe not.

Roommate Danny points out the LGBTQAIA  Student Union.  Jack is afraid to approach, but Danny insists: "You can't be a little saddo all your life."  Why did he make Jack his project?

"But what does the QAIA mean?"

"Queer, Asexual, Intersexed, Allies."  Blimey, when a straight guy knows more than you do....

Uh-oh, Jack sees Yemi (Odisa Odele), the guy he was trying to make out with at the Fresher Mixer last episode. While they were kissing, his hair got caught in the guy's nose ring.  They had to get the Faculty Advisor to cut them loose.  Yemi tries to ignore him, but reconsiders (you think he's hot, or feel sorry for him?). He talks about about the various gay tribes: twink, bear, daddy, pos, otter, trans, and geek.  Jack is obviously a geek.

 They're all going clubbing in London tonight. Wanna come?

Meanwhile, Danny tries to pick up a woman at the Feminist Society table by pushing the free tampons and claiming to be interested in women writers.  Name two. Corinne, a lesbian, interrupts to point out the inconsistencies in his story, but it works: the woman he was cruising invites him to a pre-lash tonight (a private drinking party before you head to the clubs).

Scene 3: Roommate Danny wants Jack to skip the gay clubbing and go to the pre-lash with him, so they can meet some of their fellow students.  They need mates on campus.  Danny is setting himself up as a mentor, but he needs a friend as much as Jack does.  He must have some tragedies and pain in his background, to be revealed later.

Montage of the two getting ready, Danny by working out so he's nicely swole, Jack by reading so he can have an intelligent conversation.

Uh-oh, the Security Guard, whose name is Ru Pal, stops them. Only dormitory residents and signed-in guests, no townies. 

Ok, Danny insists that Jack go to the gay club after all, and he'll stay home, "cooped up like Anne Frank."  Not quite the same thing, buddy.

Scene 4:  Danny is sitting on a bench on campus, trying ineptly to start conversations with passersby, when Corinne, the lesbian from earlier, runs into him.  They argue about feminism.  Her back story: she was the only one in her friend group to get rejected by Oxford and Cambridge.  This is her dull, mundane, state-university-type safety school, full of jocks and eejits.  Wait -- they're doing "You're arrogant!" flirtation arguing.  Is she actually a lesbian, or did I just assume because of her outfit and hair style?

Jack passes by on his way to the pick-up for the gay club, and invites them along.

Scene 5: "No way!  They cannot come!" Yemi, Jack's mentor, yells. "Gays only!"  But their driver says it's fine.

Older Jack, narrating: "It's scary going to your first gay club, 'cause the vast majority are called things like Savage, or Envy, or Revenge."  What about Heaven?

At the club, Gordy's, the drag queen bouncer sizes up Danny: "Straight allies are welcome, but any funny business, f*cking around, laddy banter, any pretending to be Louis Spencer, and you're out!" Louis Spencer is King Charles' nephew, a 30-year old theatrical actor.  I don't know what the drag queen is talking about.

Scene 6: Clubbers dancing, drinking, hugging,  and whooping.  Older Jack narrating: "In spite of being individual misfits, we spent the whole night together."  So this series will be about the various problems of the friendship group.

Danny gets cruised by an obnoxious guy, but gets rid of him by claiming that he comes to London to visit his cousin in Wormwood Scrubs -- a prison.  

I thought Obnoxious Guy was played by Gordon 'Gordy' Maxwell, to whom the episode is dedicated.  There's a memorial article on the Minka Guides website, which describes him as a tv producer and a regular at the Sink the Pink Nightclub.  Except he was over 40, and the episode aired in May 2022, several years after his death in December 2018.  Wait -- the club is named "Gordy's."  That's the homage.

More after the break. 

OMG, some jaw-dropping queer codes on "Chad Powers." Russ and Danny are in love! With Zahn backside, Clayne d*ck, and some random Tennessee dudes

  

Link to the n*de dudes

This is huge.  This is Glenn and Zy holding hands on Solar Opposites,  Finn on a date with a boy in Unprisoned, Scotty telling Gideon "You knock me out" on The Righteous Gemstones. 

This is Kurt Russell smiling at Patrick Dawson on a dreary November night many years ago, the smile that gave me the first clue that two boys can fall in love. 

 A few weeks ago, I reviewed Episode 1.2 of the Hulu sports series Chad Powers: several years after he was cancelled for being an a-hole, footballer Russ (Glen Powell) tries to get into the game by pretending to be high school superstar Chad Powers and playing for  he South Georgia State College Catfish.  

He is assisted by Danny (Frankie Rodriguez), the team mascot, who gives him a place to stay, provides his prosthetic cheeks, and makes sure that the back story details he ad-libs are consistent.

They aren't at all consistent,  but Coach Hudson (Steve Zahn) is desperate for a winning season, so he doesn't dig too deeply.

Danny displays a few queer codes, but doesn't express any same-sex interest.  Frankie Rodriguez stated in an interview that it's nice to play a gay character where being gay is not the main thing about him, but I wasn't happy.  Most viewers won't notice, or will dismiss the queer codes with "Straight guys do that.  It doesn't make him gay."

Then came Episode 1.4.  I'll do a brief synopsis to get to the jaw-dropping part.

Scene 1: On the bus en route to an away game in Knoxville, the Coach presumes that Chad/Russ and Danny are boyfriends, even though they aren't sitting together.  He personally doesn't care, but they will in Tennessee, so keep it closeted.  

Chad/Russ claims that they're not boyfriends, they're brothers: Danny's family fostered him for a few years, and then Chad/Russ's family fostered Danny.  This makes no sense, and doesn't fit the established back story at all, but the Coach just shrugs.  Whatever, he's a good player.

Scene 2: At the hotel, Assistant Coach Dobbs (Clayne Crawford, right) cautions the players to not "spread any cheeks" tonight, so they'll be rested for the big game (while looking directly at Chad/Russ, also assuming that he and Danny are boyfriends). 

Bedtime is 11:00 pm.  If you're not in your room by bed check, you don't play tomorrow. 

Scene 3: Problem: someone left the cap off the glue, so there's no way to affix Russ's prosthetic cheeks.  The ones he is wearing will fall apart by morning.  What to do?

"There must be prosthetic glue somewhere in Knoxville," Russ suggests. 

The other players have invited some fans, including Mean Girl Sasha, to a pre-bedtime party in their room. Russ and Danny steal her car keys so they can drive to a Halloween store.

Noticing the messiness of Mean Girl Sasha's car, Russ exclaims "Girls are gross!" 

"But not Assistant Coach Ricky?  Don't you have a crush on her?"

"Heck, no.  She's just nice, that's all."  So you don't like girls, Russ?  I did notice that you brought a dude to the club in Episode 1.   "And she's being nice to Chad, not Russ."

"Yeah, she'd hate Russ.  She's not into f*kboys." A f*kboy is someone who treats his partners like objects.  So Danny doesn't think of Russ as a potential partner because he wants something more meaningful?

Scene 3: At the Halloween store, Russ notices his face on a Halloween costume: "A-Hole Quarterback."  He's depressed, but Danny tries to console him by suggesting that the model was another a-hole "with frosted tips and a cubic zirconia ear stud."  

A big guy bought the last bottle of glue, and is using it to apply a mask.  Russ wants Danny to ask him for the glue, but he refuses: "Bears are not my type."  What about A-hole quarterbacks?

So Russ approaches and starts a conversation.  It's a mask of the rival team; he's planning to wear it to the game tomorrow in honor of his dad.  

While they are talking, Danny steals the glue.  That's a lot of theft, buddy. Aren't you supposed to be encouraging Russ to become a better person?  

Scene 4: The Bear notices and chases them out of the store. 

Another problem: Someone broke into the car and stole their stuff, including Danny's $180 airpods and the prosthetic cheeks! 

They track down the guy,  but he starts shooting, so they run away.  And Russ cut his hand on the broken glass in the car! 

Scene 5: The wait at the ER is too long --bed check is in an hour -- so Russ orders Danny to find some bandages.  He'll take care of his injury himself.

Danny: "You can't order me around. Am I your employee?"

Russ: "I don't wanna litigate the nature of our...whatever this is...right now."  It's a friendship.  Why is it so hard to define?  Unless....

 Danny is incensed over his refusal to name their relationship "Our whatever? I save your *ss again and again and again..."

Russ:  "You're just hanging out with me because of Chad.  Chad makes you relevant." 

More arguing.  Each accuses the other of using him, not really loving...I mean caring about him, and finally Russ orders Danny to leave.  

"Ok, if you don't need anyone, get your own goddam glue."  He dumps the glue out onto the floor and storms out.

Russ sits there for awhile, upset over the breakup.  Back to his problem: they use medical adhesive in hospitals.  He steals some, bandages his hurt hand, and rushes back to the hotel.  

The jaw-dropping scene after the break.