The Full Monty, 2023

 In The Full Monty (1997), some Midland blokes fight the grinding poverty of their depressed industrial town by putting on a strip show.  They were not Chippendales: they were middle aged, fat, scrawny, not hung (with an exception), but that was the point.  Regular guys coming together and showing you "the Full Monty" became a triumphant moment that brought the community together.   Plus Lomper (the scrawny one) and Guy (the hung one) became a couple.

26 years,eight prime ministers, and innumerable redevelopment plans later, the Midlands are still depressed, and the guys are still together.  They've gotten old; some have children and grandchildren; Lomper and Guy are married, and run a cafe that used to be called the "Big Bap," due to the size of their dinner rolls.  Then "bap" became slang for something dirty. 

Every episode appears to center on one of the gang.  I am reviewing Episode 4, which is Lomper-centric..  

Scene 1: Lomper sneaks across the border with contraband: a pigeon!  He and his friend bring in another pigeon, have them mate, and in ten days they'll have a pigeon egg and be rich!  Except it doesn't lay an egg.  I don't get it.  According to the RSPCA, it's legal to own pigeons in England.  They're protected, so you can't kill them without a license.  So why is Lomper's pigeon contraband, and how could a pigeon egg make them rich?

Scene 2:  Horse driving his scooter down the highway, getting honked at.  He runs out of petrol on a traffic island, and can't get off, so he sets up camp.  Guy's girlfriend offers him a ride.

Scene 3:  Lomper explains to a loan shark that the pigeon isn't laying, so he'll need some extra time to pay back his loan.  They agree to an extra week.

Scene 4:  Guy's girlfriend and Horse driving.  She's on the phone, complaining about the cost of the wedding.  Horse is surprised that they are getting married.  "He sent you an invite."  Wait: I thought Guy was with Lomper? Weren't they the gay couple in the original movie?  

Scene 5:  Horse being assessed to see what kind of aid he needs.  "Can you stand up without help?  Can you prepare meals?"  He heads home.

Scene 6: Lomper at home, being excited.  His husband asks what he's on about at 2:30 in the morning.  Lomper won't say.  Who is this guy?  He doesn't actually act like a husband, more like a cranky roommate.

Cut to the next day:  They have a buyer for the pigeon!  A software billionaire from South Korea.  I guess you'd have to be a billionaire to afford a pigeon.  Or just go to any public space and grab a few.

He's named the pigeon Lewis, after the fastest racing pigeon in Europe.

Scene 7: Lomper heads to the Mercure Hotel, feels out of place amid its elegance, and meets with the buyer, Mr. Sang-Choi.  Ulp, he wants to see the pigeon egg, but Lewis hasn't laid yet.  I'm sick of pigeons, and I can't figure out who the husband is, if it's not Guy.  

Scene 8: Lomper's restaurant, now called Le Grand Pain.  It's being run by...um, the middle aged guy from the original movie?  No, a new character named Dennis(Paul Clayton). The pigeon sneaks out of its box, and Gerald, not realizing that it's worth millions, shooes it away.   Lomper comes out of the bathroom and freaks out.  So Lomper and Guy didn't stay together, Guy turns out to be bi, and Lomper marries someone else.  That's disappointing -- I thought it would be a love for the ages.  But then, I've had more than one boyfriend during the last 26 years, too.

Scene 9: The loan sharks come in, and ask if Dennis and Lomper are married.  He says that they are.  Good -- now they can shake down him, too.  "Your husband owes us 17,500.  Pay up!"

Dennis closes the restaurant and calls Lomper to ask WTF?   The pigeon-buyer and the guy he bred the pigeon with also show up, asking for money.  

Scene 9:  Dennis thinks that Lomper is cheating on him with Guy, so he rushes to the house to confront him and his girlfriend.  "Yes, I know that he's bisexual, and he dated Lomper 25 years ago.  So what?"  After all the creditors, he's worried about cheating?  

Guy wants to know why his old friend is so upset: "He's gone.  Found someone else."  Maybe if you weren't so mean to him, he'd stick around.  But what does this have to do with the pigeons?

Scene 10:  Lomper on a rooftop, being depressed.  Dennis finds him.  "Best view in Sheffield."  Wait -- I've been to Sheffield.  Some neighborhoods were a bit run down, but it was nowhere near the urban wasteland of, say, Gary, Indiana.

He still thinks that Lomper has spent 70,000 pounds ($90,000) on a guy.  "Where'd you meet him?"  "Her," Lomper corrects him, thinking of the pigeon.  "Worse and worse." 

"I picked her up in Amsterdam.  I had to smuggler her in.  I wanted to breed her."  Ok, this is like a plot from "Three's Company" in the 1970s, where people overhear innocent conversations and think they are about sex.  Fortunately, it doesn't last much longer.

Scene 11:  They give "missing pigeon" fliers to their friends, including two teenagers (must be the kids of the guys whose lives have not been accounted for yet: Gaz, Gerald, and Dave.  They go out searching among the millions of pigeons in Sheffield for the special 70,000 pound pigeon.  

Guy complains that he doesn't have time for this, being a CEO: "I only went out with Lomper for a few months."   Dave ducks into a shop to buy a hoodie, but his wife doesn't like it. Gaz makes like a statue to catch pigeons.  Horse applies for jobs.

Scene 12:  Back at the coffee shop, Dennis asks Lomper why he did it.  "I wanted you to notice me.  Mostly I'm invisible.  Then you'll spot me, and this look crosses your face like you don't like me anymore."  You mean we weren't seeing a few mean moments, he's mean all the time?  I'd be looking for someone else, too.   "I disappoint you. You deserve better."

Doesn't that exchange beg a kiss, or a hug?  Or at least a reassuring pat on the back?  But Dennis just sits there. After Lomper leaves, he starts crying.

Scene 13:  Brian, a middle-aged guy I don't recognize (not in the original movie), comes into teenage Destiny's room to complain about the loud music. Back story: he's moving in with her mother, and she hates him, so he's going to pay her 500 pounds to find somewhere else to live.  Can you do that with teenagers in England?   There appears to be some nastiness between them.  

Scene 14: Lomper sees the pigeon at the footie (soccer) stadium, so he and his mate go to fetch her. He ends up hanging from a lighting fixture far above the floor, while everyone else is worried that he will fall.  "I don't care about our coffee shop," Dennis calls.  "I just care about you."  But the pigeon laid eggs, which Lomper retrieves for a ton of money.  Nope -- Dennis rushes up to hug him, and the eggs all crack