Gemstones Episode 4.2: Baby Billy's d*ck, BJ's pole, Kelvin's pipe, and the Clobber Verses

Link to the NSFW version

Title: "You Hurled Me Into the Depths, Into the Very Heart of the Sea." Jonah 2.3: Jonah is in the belly of the great fish, praying for deliverance (not a whale -- there are no whales in the Mediterranean Sea).

Gemstone Roll Call: A gold-and-purple Baby Billy announces Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin in angel costumes.  The rest of the family joins them on stage for the Aimee-Leigh Birthday Give-A-Thon (in case you're interested, she was born on September 21, 1955).   Keefe does a high kick.  

The siblings appear in jetpacks, and rise up over the stage, but things go wrong and they crash.  Fortunately, it's just a rehearsal.

Baby Billy's D*ck:  In the dressing room, the siblings want to cut the jetpack bit, but Baby Billy insists: this is too important. So he's in charge now? And where the heck is Eli?   Somewhere in Florida. He won't answer their phone calls. 

Baby Billy then drops his trousers to flop his d*ck around: "This is what a real man looks like.  I booked all these people to the Give-a-Thon, so Eli has to be there!"   Fans were complaining that the stunt guy had no balls.  Who's looking for balls?

Eli Hooks Up:  Somewhere in Florida (actually the Keys), a grotesque long-haired Eli awakens on his boat, Nice Mussels, and cooks eggs for the lady he entertained last night.  She wants more of his "thick breakfast sausage" instead, but he explains that he is not ready for a relationship.  He's still trying to figure out what he wants.  Dude, you're 73.  Better hurry.  Besides, "I don't like you."  

She rushes off, but Eli struts down the dock, smoking a cigar, cruising the ladies.  Easter Egg: he has a cap from Adams College, a call-back to "Revenge of the Nerds"

Uh-oh, it's the siblings, for some reason dressed in their Cape and Pistol society costumes.  Judy has an unexplained bandaged hand.  They yell at Eli for drinking too much, and when they find a bra, hooking up with ladies.  "Am I supposed to be in mourning all my life?"  "Yes!"  They had the same argument with him in Season 2, when Junior arranged for a hookup with a lady.

He refuses to go to the telethon.  The siblings annoy him by saying "p*ssy" over and over, and making the tongue-through-fingers gesture, until he consents.  How does Kelvin know about that?

Time to set up the sibling conflicts for the season:

BJ's Pole:  BJ (not pictured) is in a pole dancing class otherwise occupied entirely by women (the casting call asked for men, too, but I guess none showed up).  Judy disapproves of him spending so much time aroiund hot ladies, or having any life outside of her, but he explains that the "physical rigor and slightly taboo nature of pole dancing" has keyed into his obsessive nature, like pickleball in Season 3 and skating in Season 2. BJ's story arc always involves trying to become his own person, distinct from Judy.

It turns out that pole dancing is a competitive sport, with men and women participants.

Living Loud and Proud: Kelvin and Keefe in glittering green hold their all-inclusive Bible study in a glittering green hall.  Applause by a drag queen, a butch lesbian, a couple of gay guys.  Kelvin explains that Prism, "where diversity sparkles," involves "looking at the Bible in a different light."  They talk all around it, but they don't say "gay."  I'm concerned. 

They see the Bible differently from "older, lamer generations."  They omit the yucky stuff and concentrate on the good stuff, with the Kelvin Gemstone Edition Bibles.  So they're censoring the text?  You're not allowed to do that. Why not discuss the contemporary scholarly consensus that the Five Clobber Verses have nothing to do with contemporary LGBTQ identities:

1. The story of Sodom: their sin was being inhospitable to strangers, not being gay.

2. "Thou shalt not lie with man as with woman": A reference to temple prostitution.  Anyhow, the next passage says that eating shrimp is an abomination, too.

3. "Men, leaving the natural use of women, burned with l*ust."  It's a story about l*ust, not a condemnation of gay relationships.

4. "Strange flesh."  Dating angels.

5. "Homosexuals," a mistranslation of arsenokoitai and malakoi: slang swear words like motherf*ker, not meant to be taken literally

Back home, Keefe helps Kelvin de-flamboyant himself by taking off his shirt and rings.  Kelvin is happy that he can finally "be myself and be worshipped for it," and their success is something that he can "throw in Jesse and Judy's faces."  I liked you better when you were buying d*ildos, buddy.

Left: a cute devil plushy on Keefe's side of the bed.

Keefe wants to be more open, like "kissing more in public," or maybe..... getting married?   Keefe's story arc always has him trying to push a resistant Kelvin to the next stage in their relationship. Doubtless there'll be a Kelvin/Keefe wedding in Episode 4.8.

Kelvin is alarmed by the idea of marriage. Maybe if you did it right, on one knee, with a ring?  

Being more open would hurt the ministry.   What about Sigfried and Roy? "They were lickin' each other's d*cks just like you and me do, but they didn't...put in the pipe with each other in front of the audience."  He wants to kiss you on stage, not put his pipe in  you.  It's not the same thing.

Siegfried and Roy performed magic acts with a white tiger in Las Vegas from 1967 to 2003.  They never  denied that they were romantic partners, but they never actually came out either.  When Roy died of COVID in 2020, Siegfried announced that "I have lost my best friend."

To assuage Keefe's hurt feelings, Kelvin becomes "the kissy monster."  Annoyed, Keefe complains that he doesn't have time for the kissy monster right now, but Kelvin chases him across the room.  He starts climbing, presumably onto the bed. Dude, he said no, and that "kissy monster" shtick is not at all sexy.

More after the break

Ayden Mekus: Croatian tease, star of quirky shorts and "what happens next will shock you" videos, into Jesus, dudes, girls, and tongues.

 

Link to the n*de photos

When Ayden Mekus popped up on the teen idol website, I wanted to do a profile because of his unusual name -- is he Croatian?   

And because a lot of the photos on the site show him with his girlfriend sticking her tongue out.  Either he's way into tongues or he likes to have her insult his fans: "I'm so much better than you, because I have him and you losers don't!" 

I guess the younger generation finds that attractive.  Ayden has over a million followers on TikTok and Instagram, and 14,000 on X.   

There are also a lot of photos of Ayden getting romantic with this blond dude, and earlier with a black guy.  

 It's a clean break, suggesting a change of boyfriends, not making a new friend.

Neither is shown sticking his tongue out, but maybe that's just a girlfriend thing.

Wait -- Ayden is not Croatian.  He was born in Northern California (straight code for San Francisco) and grew up on Coronado Island, where his father is the co-founder of Positive Choice Apparel (the clothes all have slogans like "Spread kindness.").  

Mekus is the Anglicized version of the Southern Slavic Mikuš, "Nicholas."  So maybe his ancestors came from Croatia (see my photo collection of Serbian and Croatian hunks).

Ayden got his start as a child model, dancer, youtube celebrity, and aficionado of tongues sticking out, but  his two older sisters are actors, so it was inevitable that he would start auditioning.  

His on-screen acting began in 2017 with a video game, and in 2018 with a lot of music videos and quirky shorts: 

Chocolate Chip Cookies: A  boy puts laxatives in them to prank his cranky neighbor.

To Smell the Roses: A boy steals his father's cell phone so he will "stop and smell the roses."

Utensils: Everyone at the dinner table is eating soup with a fork.

The Lilac Thief: No plot synopsis available, the film itself is stuck behind a paywall, but the cast list includes SWAT team members and "warrior youth."  So time travel?

Then came a lot of reality shows with internet celebrities: 14 episodes with Piper Rokelle, 16 with Friendzy Friday, 41 with ClaireRockSmith, 2 with Sawyer Sharbino, plus his own Ayden Mekus.

And some fictional series:

13 episodes of P.S. Positive Stories, about people making "positive change." 

One episodes of Sister Rules, about sisters who "finally decide to put family first."

73 of Dhar Mann's "uplifting" clickbait videos: 

 "Dad rejects stepson, then learns shocking truth," 

"This poor kid can't buy school lunch, the end will shock you,"

 "Kid gets humiliated playing ball, what happens next will shock you," 

More after the break.