Netflix just dropped a tv series called
Revival, with an icon of a woman "under conviction," heading to the altar? Sounds cool.
When I was growing up in the Nazarene Church, hearing the same preacher screaming about the same topics (the Second Coming, The Book of Jor-shua, Homa-Sekshuls) three times a week for month after month got a little tedious. So twice a year we invited an evangelist in for a week-long "revival" to get us revved up again.
Scene 1: Christmastime at the crematorium of Wausau, Wisconsin. Randy the Creepy Mortician (Graeme Barrett) wheels a cremation box past a dead girl while a female reporter sets up. He explains the procedure, but wonders if anyone really cares about a story on cremation.
"It's a piece on unusual jobs, so..."
Suddenly warning lights flash, and inside the dead guy starts yelling "Let me out!" As the mortician tries to override the system, the door bursts open, and the dead guy jumps out, covered in flames. He runs around screaming. The corpses in the other chambers are screaming and yelling to be let out, and someone in a body bag sits up.
Wait -- this isn't about church revivals, it's about the dead coming back to life!
Scene 2: Sheriff Wayne (David James Elliot, d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) is arguing with his grown daughter, Dana: "This ain't my fault! You've been running ever since you fumbled the Black Deer case!"
"I'm doing what's best for me and Cooper! After all we've been through..."
The Sheriff gets a phone call, but can't deal with it, because he's trying to guilt his daughter into not moving away.
But the phone starts ringing "off the hook." "You'll have to come back to work --- it's an emergency. Go see Randy the Creepy Mortician."
Scene 3: Dana drives through the rainy December night, listening to 10-33 (emergency) calls. Suddenly she screeches to a stop, staring in horror. A bunch of people in suits are walking through the cemetery toward her, asking what's going on. A n*ked man rushes by (he was buried without clothes). A little girl wants to know where her mommy is.
Scene 4: TV report: It's been about a month since Revival Day, December 18th, and Mayor Ken (Conrad Coates, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) is finally lifting the lockdown order, but the town is still under quarantine while the CDC investigates the 47 people who revived. All of them died during the two week period before Revival Day. I looked it up. In a town the size of Wausau, Wisconsin, about ten people will die during any two-week period. This is way too many.
Cut to the Mayor interviewing one of the Revivers. He felt pain in his arm, collapsed, and then he was in the funeral home, as if no time passed.
Cut to Dana taking a gross milky bath. Her friend comes in and complains that: she was supposed to visit her brother at Northwestern, not get quarantined with zombies; a girl she hates was revived; Dana never cleans up; and the lockdown is over, so get out!
Time to send her son Cooper to school. The mean, aggressive, barbaric boys make fun of the girl who revived, but Cooper thinks she's nice. (Heterosexual identity established at age 11).
Left: Hudson Wurster (Cooper) has a femme affect, but he is surrounded by girls in most of his Instagram photos, so I'm going to identify him as straight.
Scene 5: Nellie's Bar. Dana stumbles out, smooching with a guy (I can't find him in the cast list). They jump into her cop car and fumble around, trying to do it through heavy coats. Then the Sheriff calls: she has to go investigate a dead horse.
"So, can I call you?" The hookup asks. "Sure." But she doesn't give her number.
Cut to the dead horse, on the property of a rich jerk who writes books about how to live to 100 (cut out red meat, and walk a lot). There's also a dead coyote on his property, and some small objects that Dana finds disturbing. I can't tell what they are.
Scene 6: Dana arrives at the sheriff's office, which is swamped by people wanted to know if their loved ones were revived. We meet several quirky small-town deputies, including McCray (Nathan Dales, top photo), a condescending jerk with bad breath; and her ally, Gunderson (Mark Little), "quirky, kind-hearted, the lead bowler of the Pinsconsin Pride."
Dana wants the list of the Revived, but the Sheriff won't let anyone else see it. In other news, she's been assigned a partner, and Gunderson calls him "a cutie patootie." Gay identity established instantly.
Left: Mark Little seems to be straight in real life, but he is inclusive in his comedy routine. Among the phrases he suggests for "the nonchalant man" to say during bedroom stuff: "Whoa, buddy, that was awesome."
In his office, the Sheriff is arguing with the Mayor about bringing in a guy from the CDC to help investigate the Revived. Shouldn't they have done that weeks ago?
More after the break
