Jan 7, 2017

David's Top 20 Hookups and One-Night Stands

David, my friend in San Francisco, spent the first 43 years of his life in small-town Arkansas, a conservative Baptist minister who had barely heard that gay people existed, and certainly didn't know that he was himself gay.  After all, he was married.  He had two children.  He lived in Arkansas.

On January 6th, 1996, his 43rd birthday, he realized that he was gay.  Within a week, he had his first same-sex experience, resigned from his pastoral job, moved out of the parsonage, and asked his wife for a divorce.

By June he was living in San Francisco, He got an apartment and a job, joined a gym, bought a new wardrobe, and went cruising.

After 43 years in the wilderness of the Straight World, unwilling to touch, look at, or even fantasize about the masculine, he wanted to make up for lost time by experiencing masculine beauty at least once a day, preferably twice.

Hooking up with two new guys every day, even in Gay Heaven, is a herculean task.  You have to be always "on," looking constantly, at work, at the gym, on the Muni.  You have to walk down different streets, go to different bars and restaurants, so you don't run into the same crowd all the time.  And you can't be picky: you have to be available to every man of legal age, whether he's old, young, short, tall, thin, or fat.

Later, the logistical problems of hooking up so often made him revise his goal to one a day.  Still during the last twenty years he's probably been with around 5,000 guys.

Here are his 20 most memorable hookups, one-night stands, and public sexual encounters.

1, The Bible Boy of Castro Street.  In June 1996, shortly after we met, David shocked me by picking up a street preacher.

2. Brad Pitt.  In August 1996,  David and I had a four-way with Corbin the Gym Rat and Brad Pitt.

3. The Homeless Kid.  In September 1996, David shocked me again by actually talking to a panhandler.  And inviting him over for dinner.

4. Santa Claus.  David wasn't usually into the bear type, but he made an exception for Santa Claus, aka Bearnard, in December 1996.

5. The Straight Boy at the Garlic Festival.  David even cruised in the Straight World.  It paid off when we went to the Gilroy Garlic Festival in July 1997.

6. The Car Wash Boy.  David was visiting a friend in Oakland, and they passed one of those buffed college guys who advertise car washes by taking their shirts of.

7. The Abductee.  Alien abductions were all the rage in the 1990s, so what better place to cruise than at a support group for abductees?  Of course, David had to have his own abduction story....

8. The Brothers.  David was quite a twink magnet, but he didn't discriminate.  One summer he hooked up with two tourist brothers from Slovakia, both in their 40s, while they were traveling with their wives.

9. Kevin's Old Apartment.  In March 2003, I flew out to San Francisco for a visit, and David and I tried to track down my ex-boyfriend, Kevin the Vampire.  We hooked up with the guy currently living in his apartment after a conversation of less than five minutes.

10. The Hitchhiker.  In August 2003, David came to visit me in Florida, and we drove down to Key West for the weekend.  On the way we picked up a teenage hitchhiker, on the way to his freshman year at Florida International University.

The full list, with nude photos and sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Davis Cleveland Hangs Out with the Big Boys

If you watch the Disney Channel, you've probably seen the 14-year old child star Davis Cleveland around.

The Houston native started out modeling and doing television commercials, then moved to Los Angeles at age 6.  He guest starred on several Disney Channel teencoms, including Hannah Montana and Zeke and Luther, before being cast as Flynn Jones, crazy little brother of the teenage dancer CeCe on Shake It Up (2010-2013).

More recently Davis has starred in Rufus (2016), about a boy whose pet dog turns into a boy played by the immeasurably feminine Jace Norman of Henry Danger.  The sequel, Rufus 2, will appear in 2017.

Also in 2017, presumably around Halloween, we'll see him (or hear him anyway) in the animated comedy BOO (Bureau of Otherworldly Operations, as a child version of Seth Rogan's character.

In his free time, Davis enjoys rollerblading, martial arts, video games, charity work, and social media.

Kids today figure "it" out at an early age, so you're probably wondering, has Davis said anything one way or another?

Not that I can find online, but I love the fact that he likes hanging out with the the big boys.

Like Kenton Duty (Gunther on Shake It Up).

And Adam Irigoyan, Deuce Martinez on Shake It Up.

The caption to this instagram photo reads "Hold me closer, young Tony Danza."

I find it remarkable that a 14-year old would be familiar with the Elton John song, and the way the line "Hold me closer, tiny dancer" was misheard as "Tony Danza."

And that he would know who Tony Danza is...

Ok, who cares?  They're hugging.

This is probably Dylan Sprouse from The Suite Life and those nude selfies.  It might be Cole.

I don't know who this is, but I'd like to.  Davis seems impressed.

Maybe he walked up to a random guy at the gym and asked, "Can I take a selfie with your bicep?"

Spring 1997: How Matt Started Renting Himself Out

One night in the spring of 1997, around 11:00 pm,
I got a phone call out of nowhere.

"It's Matt -- I'm at the Castro Street Muni Station.  Come pick me up!"

Matt the Cute Young Thing?

Nine years before, my college boyfriend Fred moved to Pomona, California, about an hour's drive from West Hollywood, to study at the Claremont School of Theology.

He brought Matt, 23 years old -- a scandalous age difference!

Plus Matt was an ultra-elitist graduate of the Andover Academy and Harvard University.

Plus he gossiped about everybody and everything, providing the weird voices.

Then Beau told his "Uncle,"  wink wink, "Be sure that yo' get mah new underweah in extra-extra-extra lahge."

In the bedroom...well, never mind.

I don't know what Fred saw in him, except that he was rather cute and had a Bratwurst beneath the belt.

In 1995, Fred took a job in Fresno, about three hours away from San Francisco.

 "This town is so drearyo!" Matt often said.  "And you're living in the heart of gay Heaven, Paradis."

In retrospect, I should have seen it coming.

I picked up Matt and his backpack at Castro Street Station and took him to Orphan Andy's for a hamburger.  He was 32 years old, no longer a Cute Young Thing, but quite buffed from hours at the gym.

"Fred and I are kaput! Over!  I caught him having sex with a kid in the youth group.  I'm all for sharing, but en cachette?  And I'm pretty sure the kid is underaged!"

"Well, you should at least hear his side of the story."

"No, I've had it.  J'ai trop mangĂ©!  This isn't the first time, mind you, but I've put up with it because of my misguided sense of loyalty. But no more."

We returned to my cramped third-floor walk-up, over a hardware store, which he criticized as "impossibly bourgeois" and "a downscale dump," and spent the night.

It was my first time with Matt without Fred being there.  He still...well, never mind.

This story is too risque to continue  You can read the rest, and see the nude photos, on Tales of West Hollywood.

Jan 5, 2017

Tim Matheson

During the 1960s, Tim Matheson voiced some of my favorite cartoon adventurers -- Jonny Quest, Sinbad Jr., Jace on Space Ghost, Young Samson -- all with strong homoerotic friendships.

I didn't actually see him on screen until Yours, Mine, and Ours (1968), about a blended family with 18 kids.   He plays 18-year old Mike, a clean-cut footballer who expresses no interest in girls -- but takes his shirt off, revealing a magnificent physique.

You didn't see shirtless teenagers much in the 1960s.  I was stunned.  And hooked.

I saw him on tv a lot during the 1970s: not a lot of shirtless shots, but lots of intense, passionate same-sex relationships.  For instance, in The Quest, which lasted for only 15 episodes in the fall of 1976, Tim and Kurt Russell play brothers who didn't grow up together, and therefore treat each other more like lovers as they travel the Old West in search of their kidnapped sister.

In The Runaway Barge (1976), Tim and Bo Hopkins, workers on a barge on the Mississippi, struggle to keep it from crashing with a load of chlorine, and end up walking into the sunset together.

 Then something changed.  In Animal House  (1978), Otter (Tim) displayed a beautifully tanned chest in a toga.

Unfortunately, he formed no strong bonds with any of the other boys of Delta House.  Instead, he spent the movie sleeping with every woman in sight, including the Dean's wife.

I continued to go to Tim's movies for a few years.  He was displayed in his underwear or nude a lot, but sometimes beefcake is not enough.

He often played horny teen slackers with little time for same-sex romance.  In Up the Creek (1984), about an intercollegiate rafting race, his Bob has three buddies (Stephen Furst, Dan Monahan, Sandy Helberg), but doesn't buddy-bond with any of them.

Or else New Sensitive Men (like Ryan O'Neal), slim and handsome, but so busy bedding women that they didn't have a lot of time for same-sex romance.

 In A Little Sex (1982), for instance, Michael (Tim Matheson) has a long-term girlfriend plus the dreamy-eyed glances of every woman in town -- but his only male friend is his brother (Edward Herrman).

Or else Ordinary Guys and their wives and kids caught up in paranormal horror.  In Impulse (1984), an earthquake in a small town gives everyone poor impulse control.  Before long, they're fighting, stealing, and having indiscriminate heterosexual sex.

What changed?  The shift from television to movies?  From teen to adult? Or did the culture change, 1980s conservativism, mechanical bulls, "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche," making close same-sex friendships suspect?

I gave up in the mid-1980s.  Since then, Tim has been in over 60 movies  I've seen three.

Jan 4, 2017

The Gay Couple of "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (2015-) takes the standard sitcom premise -- innocent in the big city, surrounded by crazies. -- and turns it upside down.  Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom) is a scatterbrained yet high-powered corporate attorney who realizes that the only time she was really happy in her life was at summer camp ten years ago, when she had a brief romance with Josh Chan (Vincent Rodriguez III).

So she moves to West Covina, California to stalk him.

She gets a job at the law firm of the quirky, boundary-less Darryl Whitefeather (Pete Gardner), finds a best friend/co-conspirator (Donna Lynne Champlin), and embarks upon crazy schemes.

First up: she dates Josh's friend Greg (Santino Fontana, right) in an attempt to get closer to Josh.

Next: she signs up for yoga classes taught by Josh's girlfriend Valencia (Gabrielle Ruiz), in an attempt to find a "hook" to break them up.

She wrangles an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner.

She pushes herself into a beach date with Josh's posse: Greg, Valencia, the gay gym rat White Josh (David Hull, left), and Hector (Erick Lopez, below).

The plot summaries make it sound like Rebecca is a villain, but she's such a wide-eyed innocent that we sympathize with her.

Besides, Josh isn't much of a prize himself: he's controlling, manipulative, narcissistic, and sort of dumb.  Even his friends don't really like him.

Meanwhile, Darryl, Rebecca's boss, comes out as "both-sexual."

It's nice to see a bisexual character on tv who's not being portrayed as confused or a threat, but when he starts dating White Josh, my suspension of disbelief is strained.

I'm all for older-younger relationships -- I've been in several -- but what on Earth does the super-muscular gym rat see in the bumbling porn stache?

The second season isn't up on Netflix yet, but according to the fan wiki, they're still dating, with rather a stable relationship amid the constantly-shifting heterosexual machinations of Rebecca-Josh-Greg-Valencia-Heather.

Jan 3, 2017

Cruised by a Waiter at a Crazy Retro Restaurant

Indianapolis, December 2016

Who ever talked me into going to this crazy restaurant?

I guess my friend Tyler, Fred's "son," did.  It's a few blocks from where he works, so good for having dinner while waiting out rush-hour traffic.

But Tyler is an expert in the culinary arts.  Surely he could drive a few miles to a more...um...modern place, rather than Charlie's Bar and Grille.

Decor from the fifties.

Clientele consisting entirely of heterosexual couples in their 90s.

Grotesquely outdated music playing in the background, syrupy-slow versions of the most depressing songs possible.

"If You Could Read My Mind"
"Sad Songs"

And my personal non-favorite, "Times of Your Life":

The waitress, the only person under 90 in the restaurant, is intrusive, overly aggressive, telling us in detail where every menu item is located, as if we have never seen a restaurant menu before, and coming back twice to ask "How's everything tasting?"

I hate the "How's everything?" question.  It always comes at the exact moment when your mouth is full or you're discussing something embarrassing.  But I hate the "How's everything tasting?" question even more.  I order food for its nutritional value and visual appeal. Who cares about the taste?

And to make matters worse, a second person, a maitre-d or wine steward or something, comes up and asks "How's everything tasting?" a third time!

I'm not answering this time.  Let Tyler do it.

The full story, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Jerry O'Connell's Secret Identity

During the late 1980s, the conservative political atmosphere resurrected the old "I've Got a Secret" sitcom genre of the 1960s (Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, Mr. Ed, My Favorite Martian).  Nuclear families were harboring a child-robot (Small Wonder, 1985-1989), wisecracking aliens (Alf, 1986-1990), and a Bigfoot (Harry and the Hendersons, 1991-1993).  Kids were aliens (Out of this World, 1987-1991), superheroes (My Secret Identity, 1988-91), and spies (The New Adventures of Beans Baxter, 1987-88).  Not surprisingly, many of them featured gay subtexts.

My Secret Identity starred Jerry O'Connell, aged 14 to 16, no longer the chubby, buzzcut kid of Stand by Me (1986), but getting noticeably taller and more muscular before our eyes.

Until by the final season, he had become a teen hunk,  ready for shirtless roles in Calendar Girl (1993) and Sliders (1995-2000).

One episode even involves him becoming a media sensation after he is photographed in his underwear.

His character, Andrew Clement, was accidentally zapped with a photon beam in the lab of his scientist friend, Dr. Benjamin Jeffcoate (Derek McGrath), giving him an unknown number of unpredictable superpowers.  Plots involved learning to use and misuse his powers, plus the standard evil teachers, bratty little sister, bullies, sports teams, and dating -- but not a lot of dating.  Only 7 episodes out of 72 involve Andrew being in love with some girl.

Instead, in the second season, Kirk (Christopher Bolton) comes to town, and the two display an instant, stammering, tongue-lolling attraction (so as to not make it obvious that they have fallen in love at first sight, the script makes them old friends who are reuniting).

They are inseparable for the remainder of the series, taking jobs together, working on sports and hobbies, breaking up and reconciling.  And more than once, Kirk requires rescue, leading to a "my hero" moment.

Jan 1, 2017

Cesar's Hookup with Desi Arnaz Jr. and Dean Paul Martin

Brentwood, May 1991

Cesar Romero, the 1940s heartthrob and 1960s Batman villain, is telling me about some of his more memorable hookups.

"I was the go-to guy of Hollywood," he brags.  "Gay, bi, closeted, I didn't care, as long as you met my standards."

"Which were....?"  I ask.

He squeezes my knee.  "Under 40, handsome, nice hair.  I've dated Desi Arnaz, Cary Grant, Walter Pidgeon, Tony Perkins, William Holden..."

"But what about more recent stars, the ones I knew in my childhood in the 1960s and 1970s?"

"Well, you already know about Burt Ward, who played Robin on the Batman series.  Then there's Rock Hudson, Gregory Peck, Desi Arnaz Jr....."

Desi Arnaz, Jr, one of my biggest childhood crushes!

Born in 1953, Desi grew up in the shadow of his famous parents, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz Sr.  As a teenager he started a boy band, Dino, Desi, and Billy, with his friends Dino Martin (son of famous crooner Dean Martin, left) and Billy Hinsche.  From 1968 to 1972 he starred in his mother's sitcom, Here's Lucy, as she tried to draw young fans.

During the 1970s, Desi appeared in any number of gay-subtext movies: Marco, Billy Two-Hats, Joyride, Gridlock.  

"You've been with your close friend's son?" I ask.  "Did Desi Senior know?"

Cesar laughs.  "My boy, not only did he know about it, he arranged it!  But that's a story for another time.  I'm a bit tired."

It takes a few more visits and a lot more wheedling before Cesar is willing to open up about Desi Arnaz Jr.  Why, I wonder, is this memory more troubling than all the others?

The full story is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Top 10 Hunks of "Supergirl"

Supergirl (2015-) is a tv series on Netflix based on the DC comics character: Kara Zor-El, the cousin of Kal-El (Superman), arrives on Earth somewhat later and goes into the superhero business for herself in National City (Los Angeles).

Cousin Kal-El is rarely mentioned by name. Kara (Melissa Benoist) fights villains on her own, notably her Aunt Astra from Krypton, who wants to take over the world.

Meanwhile she butt heads with her two bosses, the media mogul Cat Grant (Calista Flockheart) and Hank Henshaw (David Harewood), head of the alien-hunting DEO.

And negotiates a relationship with her older, non-superpowered sister (Chyler Leigh), who also works for the DEO.

And ruminates endlessly over romantic relationships.

It's very complicated, deliberately silly, and entirely gay-free.  Fortunately, the beefcake is endless.  Here are the top 10 hunks of the first season.

1. Jeremy Jordan as Winn Schott, Kara's quirky bff and computer-hacking Scooby.  Jordan wanted his character to be gay, but the producers nixed that idea, instead giving him an unrequited crush on Kara.

2. Mehcad Brooks as a beefed-up Jimmy Olson, here "James," a Pulitzer-prize winning photographer who has on-off relationships with both Kara and Lucy Lane (Lois's younger sister).

3. Peter Facinelli as Maxwell Lord, a hunky, fast-talking super-scientist who heads a multi-billion dollar tech firm, has an on-off relationship with Kara's sister, and alternates between villain and ally.

4. Robert Gant as Zor-El, Kara's father back on Krypton, in flashbacks and holo-scenes.  He hasn't taken off his shirt yet, but one can home.

5. Grant Gustin as Barry Allen, aka the Flash, guest-starring from his own series.  His bulge enters a room three seconds before the rest of him.

More after the break.