Eight more hot/hung guys from Portugal

  

When I visited Switzerland for the Nazarene World Youth Conference in high school, I met two guys from Portugal.  We didn't stay in contact, but I've visited Portugal three times since, and met (or seen) more hot/hung Portuguese guys.

Link to NSFW version

An actor in Porto

Arab guy from Porto

Braga castle

Hot workman with wheelbarrow outside the art museum.

More hunks after the break

"Zero's Tea Time": Two Guys Flirt in a Restaurant, Probably.

 

The promo to Zero's Tea-Time shows two guys in a restaurant together, no doubt on a date.  Enough gay potential for me to investigate further.

It's a anime with 6 episodes, each 15 minutes long (including a 5-minute intro).  Netflix keeps track of everything you've watched, even for a few minutes, since the beginning of time, and apparently I watched 3/4ths of the first episode.  But I remember nothing about it, so I'm going in fresh.  The two guys in the restaurant scene is from Episode 3, entitled "Time 3."

Intro: A blond guy serves tea, shoots a gun, brushes his teeth (chest shot), types into a computer while sitting in a dark alley.  

He or another blond guy makes eggs at Coffee Poirot ("Amuro Toru"), then shoots a gun ("Private Eye"), walks down the street in a business suit ("Furuya Rei"), plays baseball ("Tomisiro").  Apparently he has four personas: they all appear together as "Zero!" 

You think the intro is over?  Nope, the four personae appear again, one at a time, doing their individual tasks, and Detective Conan (the boy-detective who apparently appears in every Japanese anime ever produced) invites us to "enjoy a slice of Amuro Toro's life."   So this episode is about the barista persona?

Scene 1: Furuya Rei (Business Suit Persona) drinks coffee at a red light while telling a woman on the phone that the case is closed, thanks to Detective Mouri.  Ugh, slow camera pan of her caressing her legs in the bathtub!  She pauses to caress her boob and bring a rose petal seductively to her lips.  This is straight porn!  But I sat through the entire 5-minute long intro, so I'm sticking with it.

She wonders if he is going to give up "following him," now that the case is over?  Nope, he's even more intrigued by the "sleeping Kogaru." 

Scene 2: As Rei walks up to his apartment, the woman seductively gets out of the bath tub, wraps a towel around herself, and notes that she's having trouble falling asleep at night. He suggests: not taking a bath before bed, no cell phones or laptops, and no alcohol: try Ume Kombucha instead. During the suggestions, the camera lingers on her legs as she drops the towel and puts on lingerie.  Boy, was I mistaken!  This is all disgusting horny hetero male gaze dreck!

Scene 3: The porn over, Rei gets on his computer and pulls up a photo of a smiling older man with his arms around two teenage boys, one blond, both looking angry.  His dad and brother? Then some military guys clowning.  He apparently falls asleep.

Scene 4: Four guys in suits tell him "You're late."  Rei, now named Zero, wakes up at 5:00 am, in bed (partial chest shot).  He goes to work at the Cafe Poirot and complains to his girl coworker that he didn't sleep well.  She suggest Ume Kombucha.

More after the break

The Quest for the Shirtless Superman

When I was a kid, I read Harvey Comics, the Disney ducks, the Gold Key jungle comics, and occasionally an Archie -- but not DC: Superman, Batman, and their ilk.

Who could follow the never-ending story arcs, spread across multiple issues and multiple titles, with references to event that happened ages ago that everyone was supposed to know about?

Besides, the big-city settings were dull -- give me a jungle any day -- and who cared about battling bad guys?  Find a lost civilization or seek out buried treasure, something mildly entertaining instead of the constant zap! pow!

But the biggest problem -- the musclemen were never naked!  Tarzan, Korak, Brothers of the Spear wore skimpy loincloths, so there were massive chests, 6-pack abs, and bulging biceps to ogle in nearly every panel.  The DC superheroes were never shown out of their stupid costumes.

Logically, I can understand why -- strip Superman out of his suit, and no one will know who he is   You'd never know that this is a picture of Superman (actually Kal, from an alternate reality where Krypton explodes in the Middle Ages rather than 1930s, so the super-baby refugee grows up to be a blacksmith rather than mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent.  Got all that?)

But still, there's no reason why there couldn't be at least a few shirtless scenes.

Nope.  I just spent 2 hours on the Grand Comics Database, looking at the covers of  866 issues of Action Comics (1938-2016), 423 issues of Superman (1939-1986), 333 issues of the second incarnation of Superman (1987-2006) and the third 92011-2016), plus all 230 issues of The Adventures of Superman (1987-2006) ), The Justice League of America, Batman/Superman, Superman/Batman, and Supermen from Britain, France, Brazil, Spain, Italy, Sweden, and Finland, over 2500 covers in all.

7 of them show a shirtless Superman.  

That's 0.26%

Nothing at all for the first 25 years.  Then, in 1963, Superman agrees to fight his arch-nemesis Lex Luthor on a planet with a red sun, where his superpowers don't work.  He takes his shirt off to get pummeled.

In 1964, on another red-sun planet, a caveman steals Superman's clothes (he has a beard so we know it isn't really Supe).

Why the lack of beefcake?  I suspect it has something to do with the writers, who were typically girl-chasing heteros who had no interest in drawing the male form.  Or else they thought that the audience consisted entirely of 15 year old hetero boys who had no interest in seeing the male form.

No shirtless covers for 36 years, until, in 2000, Superman appears in a wilderness setting, his shirt half torn off, fighting monsters, with Wonder Woman behind him wielding an axe.  The title "Immortal Beloved" seems to be reflecting the Edgar Rice Burroughs story "The Eternal Lover," about a warrior from 100,000 years ago who falls in love with a 20th century woman who is a reincarnation of his ex-girlfriend.

Then 13 years passed with nothing.

In 2013, "the “Psi-War” epic begins! Psi-War erupts as Hector Hammond tries to take control of H.I.V.E. from its queen, but there are other forces in play as well, as a new Psycho Pirate emerges, and Superman is caught in the middle, unable to protect those closest to him."

The 3-D cover shows a brutal, scary Bizarro or Borg Superman, but at least he has his shirt off.  Note the "real" superman captured in the background.

More Supe after the break

"Country Comfort": Is seeing Ricardo Hurtado, Eddie Cibrian, and Eric Balfour worth the pain?

 

Ricardo Hurtado, best known for starring in Nickelodeon's School of Rock, has a perfect combination of face and physique.  I would definitely be asking him out -- if we were both single and he didn't include Bible verses on his Instagram.  Quoting the Bible doesn't necessarily mean that he hates gay people, but I'm not risking it.    

He hasn't had many tv or movie roles recently, so if I want to see him perform as an adult, it will have to be GlichTechs, Malibu Rescue: The Next Wave, or Country Comfort.

We'll start off with Country Comfort, which must mean something like "cold comfort." (something that is supposed to encourage you, but actually makes you feel worse).

Link to NSFW version.

Scene 1:  A rainy night in a small town.  We pan past a church (see, we're religious) to a middle class house.  

There's a knock on the door.  Tuck (Ricardo!) answers: it's Bailey (Katherine McPhee), a young woman with black hair wearing a black cowboy hat.  He gawks at her gorgeousness and says "Looks like they sent the right woman to do the job."  Did he call for a prostitute?

Bailey thinks she has been mistaken for a prostitute, and starts to bolt, but Tuck explains that he thought she was from the nanny agency. (He makes gross sexual come-ons to all of his nannies?  And why does he need a nanny at age 21?)

No, she's not a nanny.  Her truck broke down, her phone died, and she wants to use theirs.  But Tuck is so horny for her that he trots out his siblings for introductions: two little girls, 12-year old Dylan, and Brody (Jamie Martin Mann, left).  Wait -- he's 17 (20 now), and way too old for a nanny.  

While all three of the boys gaze at Bailey with unbrindled lust, Tuck explain that their mom died two years ago, and they've gone through 10 nannies since (do  they get tired of the sleazy come-ons and quit?)   

But Baily likes their sleazy come-ons: "You think I'm hot?  You have no idea how much that means to me!"  Two of those boys are jail bait, lady. 

Finally Dad, a middle-aged cowboy, arrives, accompanied by his blond bimbette child-hating girlfriend Summer.   (wait -- if they didn't need a babysitter while Dad was out, why do they need a nanny?  To, like, restore their joie de vivre, like Fran Fine and Charles in Charge?).  He's Beau (Eddie Cibrian, who played lots of lifeguards and teen hunks back in the day).

Beau asks: "Why are you so early for your nanny interview?" (Wait -- he's just getting back from a date, so it must be after 10 pm.  Why did they schedule an interview in the middle of the night?  Oh, right, the sex...)

Then: "If you're not the new nanny, what are you doing here?" Baily explains:

Scene 2:  Flashback to earlier that evening.  Bailey and her boyfriend Boone (Eric Balfour) are singing at a honky tonk, with a record producer listening.  We hear her entire song: "Dream baby got me dreaming sweet dreams the whole day long."  Ugh!  That's terrible!. And are they supposed to stare at each other instead of the audience through the whole song?

The record producer hates it, naturally. So Boone replaces Bailey with a boobalicious bimbette (yeah, that will fix those atrocious lyrics), and Bailey angrily breaks up with him.  Since they live together, she has no place to stay (um...a friend's house?  A hotel?  Let her stay there until she finds a place?).  She starts driving aimlessly.  Then her truck conks out right outside the home of a family that needs a nanny.  Well, it worked for Fran Fine.

Boone is played by Eric Balfour (left), who played many hunkoids back in the day.

Scene 3: Dad offers to call Bailey an Uber (to take her where?  She's driving aimlessly, remember?).  At that moment there's a tornado alarm, so everyone rushes to the basement.   Beau jokes about the last nine nannies being buried there (whoa, creepy! If I was Baily, I'd take my chances with the tornado.)  But Bailey is too overwhelmed by the love and togetherness of this family to be scared.  

Hey, there are musical instruments in the basement.  Could the family be...coincidence of coincidence -- country-western singers?   

Yep -- they join her for an impromptu song: "When Will I Be Loved."  The kids know all the words to a song that last charted in 1975?

One of the girls -- Cassidy -- gets upset because her mom was a singer, and this is bringing up old memories.  Beau tells her to get over herself.  Great parenting, Beau -- why not let the girl be sad?

Now Tuck is upset -- since their Mom died they haven't been allowed to touch their instruments.  Why not?  This family gets more and more screwed up.  Fortunately, Bailey has come to the rescue. 

Scene 4: Cassidy runs out into the storm.  Bailey follows her into the barn and apologizes for the "singin'" (of course it's singin', not singing).  I fast-forward through their heart-to heart, which no doubt solves the psychological trauma that no therapist has been able to handle.  And no doubt Mom will never be mentioned again.

Scene 5: Morning.  I fast-forward through this scene, too.  Obviously Bailey will agree to become the nanny, get the Partridge Family band back together, and start dating Beau.  And the ex-boyfriend will be around in some capacity.

Beefcake: Probably.

Gay Characters: Are you kidding?

Teens Out of a 1980s Sex Comedy: 2

Creepy Lines: 7

Absurd Coincidences: Too many to count.

Bible Verse that Ricardo Quotes; Hebrews 11:12: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Is seeing Ricardo Hurtado worth the pain of Country Comfort?: Heck, no.

There are some frontal and rear photos of Eric Balfour and a bulge shot of Eddie Cibrian on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends

Showering with Two Boys at a Nazarene Church Conference

  

When I was sixteen years old, I was selected to join 500 Nazarene teenagers from around the world in Fiesch, Switzerland for our World Youth Conference

It was like Nazarene summer camp, with daily sermons, Bible studies, jump quizzes, and seminars on soul-winning, except we had afternoons and one full day off for field trips and sightseeing  We could go out on our own, but:
1. Don't talk to the locals.
2. Don't set foot in any Catholic church.
3. Be back by 7:00.

But every good Nazarene knows how to bend the rules.

"I'm sure the rules don't apply if we're going to save souls," my friend Annette, a delegate from Idaho, exclaimed.  "We're in a country full of Catholic and Reformed Church sinners.  Wouldn't it be great if we could plant the seeds of a mighty revival and win Switzerland for the Lord?"

Overbrimming with the "Faith in God can move a mighty mountain" and "If you ask anything in My Name, that will I do" mantras,  we decided to go soulwinning in the Belly of the Beast, the most evil, depraved site imaginable, a Catholic church!

But not in Fiesch -- we figured that would be well-traveled territory.  On our free day, we packed several copies of the Gute Nachricht Bibel, a English-German phrase book, some snacks, and a change of clothes, and took the train 2 hours south to Zermatt a famous tourist town at the base of the Matterhorn. Our guidebook led us to the St. Mauritius Church, which dates from 1285.  We marched inside to bring the Gospel to the idolators.

It was a Thursday morning at 10:00 am.  It was empty.

Disappointed, we stood around outside, waiting for a Catholic to come by so we could start a soul-winning conversation.

Soon two cute black-haired teenagers came by, wearing backpacks.  One was tall and slim, the other more compact and muscular, but they looked so alike that they must have been brothers.

The full story is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Christian Boeving: fitness expert turned porn star turned movie monster. With samples from his porn career

With a name like Christian Boeving, you expect someone from Belgium or the Netherlands, but in fact the bodybuilder was born in Dallas, Texas, and grew up in Missouri.  He began posing for muscle and fitness magazines at the age of 18, and is one of the most photographed people in the world, appearing on over 400 covers to date.

Skip to the NSFW version

He's also a fitness writer, consultant, and spokesperson for bodybuilding supplements, though he has lost status in the industry after admitting that he had been using steroids since age 16.

He broke into show biz with a gay porn video, Posing Strap (1994) and a tv pilot, the aptly named Muscle (1995).  

Guest roles in a number of tv series and movies followed, usually roles requiring musclemen: Prey, Nash Bridges, Malcolm in the Middle, and Sheena.

He also continued his porn career in the gay Coverboys (1996) and the softcore straight Andromina: The Pleasure Planet (1999).  

Although Christian starred in a man-mountain "let's rescue someone in Southeast Asia" movie, When Eagles Strike (2003), his most important roles have been in sci fi and fantasy:  The monster Grendel in Beowulf: Prince of the Geats (2007);  Jack Stone in Apocalypze Z, aka Zombie Disaster (2013); Andre in Legend of the Red Reaper (2013).

More recently he has appeared in Bane: The Series, which seems to be about a DC Comics character, and Knight's End, which stars Kevin Sorbo. 'Nuff said.

I don't care for his social media sites.  Too many photos of Christian with half-naked women, too many dirty jokes, and some of...this stuff.  A guy holding a giant American flag doesn't necessarily eat at Chick Fil-A and watch Fox and Friends, but....

Very explicit photos on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Gavin Munn's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 3: Bodybuilders, surfers, beefcake relatives, and a boy with his monkeys

  

This photo collection is mainly for fans of Gavin Munn's work in The Righteous Gemstones and Raising Dion.  Since he's only 15, no nudity, but there are some beefcake photos that may be of interest to non-fans.

Let's start with the bodybuilders

A boy and his Dad

More of Dad

A boy and his Mom

Swimmer in Ponce. The full collection is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

"To Live is to Live": Spanish Movie with the Deal-Breakers Carefully Hidden to Reel You In

 Live is Life, on Netflix: the title makes no sense, and the plot synopsis is disturbing: "On the cusp of adulthood, five friends search for a magical flower that can cure everything."  What needs curing?  One of the friends is hairless, so apparently he's dying of cancer.  I hate movies about people dying of incurable diseases, especially when they trick you into watching with vague phrases like "their distressed friend's issue."  

But none of the plot synopses mention girls.  None of the first three reviews I read mention girls (or what the friend's issue is).  Could there be some gay subtexts centered around lack of heterosexual interest?  And it's set in Galicia, one of my favorite regions in Spain.  Maybe I'll just start watching...

No, I won't be satisfied until I'm sure no one is dying.  Several more reviews and Wikipedia tell me nothing, except that the title "Live is Life" comes from an 1984 song of the same name by the Austrian pop group Opus.  It peaked at #1 in Austria and Canada, but I never heard of it -- or Opus.  The lyrics sound they were translated from German:

Live is life, when we all feel the power/ Live is life, come on stand up and dance / Live is life, when the feeling of the people / Live is life, is the feeling of the band, yeah

Apparently it means "to live is to live," or less clunkily "to live is to live." 

I read several more reviews, but none come out with what the "friend's issue" is.  Finally I bit the bullet and did a google search on "Live is Life" "movie" "cancer."  A detailed plot synopsis popped up!

 Yep, the hairless one, Alvaro, has cancer.  They also want the magical plant to cure one of their fathers, who is in a coma after falling off a roof.  Plus, on the journey, they find a woman who has died of a drug overdose, and adopt her orphaned baby.  And one of the boys meets The Girl of His Dreams.  

I can understand hiding the cancer -- no one who knows about it will watch the movie.  But why hide the hetero-romantic plotline?  Don't most movies have those?    

Wait -- it's advertised as a comedy/drama!

Listen up: any movie where someone has an incurable disease cannot, by definition, be a comedy!

Whew!  Dodged a bullet there!  

By the way, the main actors are too young to have beefcake photos, or photos of any sort, so I populated this article with random pictures of Spanish men.

"The Silence":What Do Barry Van Dyke, Boxing, and "Jurassic Park" Have in Common?

Netflix already had a horror movie, Bird Box, about sight:  alien monsters compel anyone who sees them to commit suicide, so you have to walk around wearing a blindfold.

Next comes The Silence, about monsters attracted to sound, so you have to keep your mouth shut.

There are more senses.  Will we be getting monsters attracted to taste?  And smell?

The premise is patently ridiculous: blasting through an ancient rock formation releases millions of vesps (Jurassic Park-style flying raptars) who have eyes but prey on noise.

What have they been doing in that cave for 7 million years, with no food or air?

So the focus character, a deaf girl namedAlly (Kiernan Shipka), gets into a car and heads out of town.

The flying raptars will be attracted to the sound of the engine, you idiot!

She is accompanied by her father, the engineer responsible for the mess (Stanley Tucci channeling Walter White of Breaking Bad);  his best friend Glenn (John Corbett, top photo); Mom; kid brother; coughing, terminally ill Grandma; and barking dog.

They rush through a Walking Dead world, except with flying raptars instead of zombies.  There are casualties. They encounter a weird religious cult that has removed their tongues, led by The Reverend (Billy MacLellan). 

You can make noise in other ways,you idiot!

Eventually the last three surviving members of the family (Ally, Dad, and kid brother) make it to The Refuge, where Ally reunites with her boyfriend.  The two go hunting vesps.

The only redeeming features of this mess are:
1. Best friends are never included in "family fighting monsters" movies, so John Corbett's character is unique.  Maybe he's gay.  Of course, he's the first to die.

2. Dempsey Bryk, who plays the boyfriend, is an amateur boxer (Ontario Bronze Gloves).  He also received his IB and an OSSD diploma
and won an AEO scholarship at UWO.  I guess Canadians know what all of that means.

3. The screenplay was written by Carey and Shane Van Dyke, sons of buffed actor Barry Van Dyke and grandson of the great comedian Dick Van Dyke. But it's not their fault; they were adapting a young adult novel by British writer Tim Lebbon .

The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we "won't like these dicks." Is that even possible? With chubby guy bonus.

Commenting on the frequent male nudity in the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, Edie Patterson said "We're not gay baiting" (using the term wrong), and Danny McBride (Jesse) claimed that gay men "won't like these dicks." 

Go directly to the dicks

Nonsense.  All dicks are beautiful. Big, small, thick, thin, micro, they all draw us toward the power and promise of the male body.  

And the rest of these guys ain't bad, either.

They are a group of thugs hired in Episode 1.3 to take down Eli Gemstone by destroying his satellite church, set up in a shopping mall.  He gets the upper hand and humiliates them by forcing them to run naked through the shopping mall.  

1. Casey Hendershot (top photo), who has played a variety of mobsters, bouncers, rednecks, serial killers, and miscellaneous miscreants.  He didn't show us his junk, but his physique more than makes up for it.

2. Zach Osterman, a Savannah, Georgia-based actor who appeared on Danny McBride's previous show Vice Principals. He's an avid cosplayer, gamer, comic book fan, ghost-tour guide, and pizza expert.  Some people with his physique get fat-shamed and size-shamed, so it took a very positive self image for him to agree to bare it all for Gemstones viewers.  

It was worth it.  He's easily the cutest of the trio.

3. Justin Matthew Smith, who has 29 acting credits on the IMDB, plus a special thanks for the short The Runner.  Nothing wrong with his dick.

The Running of the Butts: The guys and some extras are forced to run through the mall nude, as the shoppers all laugh at them.

Why is male nudity assumed humorous for the viewer and humiliating for the subject?  If I saw one of these guys running through the mall, I would not be laughing.

Uncensored dicks and a chubby guy bonus on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

 

Workaholics Episode 1.9: Adam kisses a cougar, gets frisky with Ders, and raps as a bodybuilding fairy wizard. WIth a Michael O'Hearn bonus

 

After the gloomfest of The Mick, I needed something a little more upbeat.

 So Workaholics Episode 1.9, which was heavily criticized on the Gender/Sex/Media blog as homophobic: the guys think of "homosexuality" as weird and wrong  -- and something you can catch.  Plus Adam uses a homophobic slur!  We'll see. 

Link to NSFW version

Scene 1: The guys dressed as wizards in long beards and conical caps, rehearsing a rap number for the Renaissance Faire. Ders asks why Adam has ripped his shirt off: "We're trying to get people excited, right?  The world needs to see the madness that is my upper torso."  Can't disagree with that.  

Next Ders objects to "whoring out" the art of rap, but the guys remind him that ladies with big boobs will be watching their performance, so ok.

Scene 2: At work, the guys are watching through the window as Adam lifts weights on the patio. Geez, don't you gawk at his bod enough at home?  Sorry, of course there's no such thing as "enough."  

Suddenly a middle-aged lady comes onto the patio to smoke: Sharon, the owner of the whole building!  The guys, watching, don't understand..  "Why is that lady talking to Adam? Wait -- why are they kissing?"  Well, Billy, some boys like to kiss boys, and some like to kiss girls.  

Scene 3: Blake wonders where Adam has been for three days; he's missing the Wizard Rap rehearsals. He comes in to announce that he's moving in with Sharon!  They're in love, they're having sex, and besides, she's helping him with his bodybuilding career.  She got him a gig at the Tri-County Amateur Bodybuilding Competition.  Um..buddy, anyone can sign up for those things.  Blake and Ders disapprove: she's a cougar (middle aged lady who's into young guys.)  Nonsense, she's the same age as Adam's mom, who has sex a lot.  

He zooms away on the back of Sharon's motorcycle.  The guys feel betrayed, and decide that they will break up the lovebirds. Their plan: Ders will seduce her. Won't work -- I'm sure Sharon is fine with three-ways.

Scene 4: The guys arrive at Sharon's mansion. While Adam shows Blake around, Ders asks to check out the pool (we've already established that he's a former swimming champ).

The grand tour, consisting of the various places where Adam has made "the magic happen": their bedroom, the staircase, her son's bedroom, the kitchen. Have they ever actually had sex?  I think a big reveal is coming. 

Meanwhile Ders goes out to the pool in a very tight Speedo and flirts with Sharon.  She can't swim, so he offers to teach her.  

Scene 5:  Adam shows Blake the gym, where he's preparing for the bodybuilding competition.  Blake wants to stall him, to give Ders enough time to complete the seduction, so he asks for a demonstration of the bicep curl.  Adam likes to keep the window open during his workouts, so when he screams, people outside think he's having sex.  But aren't you having sex a lot anyway?  

Meanwhile, in the pool, Sharon asks Ders "Are you trying to seduce me?"   She is totally open to the idea.

Scene 6: Adam looks out the window, sees Sharon and Ders flirting, and runs down in a jealous snit. "We're going to fight!"  

Upset at being interrupted in the midst of a seduction, Ders cries "You are frickin' dead, boy!" But when he climbs out of the pool, he is aroused!  

They can't fight that way, so he has to lie down until he gets soft.  But the minute the two start grabbing at each other, they both get aroused! "Your boner is contagious!" Adam exclaims.  He orders Ders to put on a shirt to hide his hunkinest.  What about you, Mr. Sexiest Man on the Planet?  It can't be a fair fight with your gorgeousness  distracting your opponent.  "Wait, am I supposed to hit you or kiss you? I'll compromise with a blow job."  

Ders agrees -- they're too attracted to each other for a physical fight.  Maybe if they just hurl insults?  Nope -- it turns into an "are you as turned on as I am?" tirade that stops just short of the kiss.  And they're aroused again! 

Bodybuilding after the break

Everybody's Talking about Jamie: A 16-Year Old Aspires to Drag Stardom

For movie night, we almost always get post-apocalyptic, sci-fi, or Marvel Comics Universe.  But last night, we watched a musical: Everybody's Talking About Jamie on Amazon Prime.  

Newcomer Max Harwood plays Jamie New (great name!), a 16-year old gay boy in Sheffield, England who dreams of becoming a drag queen because performing in drag always means instant fame and fortune.  (Um...no.  Most drag queens perform as a hobby; only a few make a living from it).  

He has the full support of most students, including his best friend Priti (the only Muslim girl in school), plus his Mom and her best friend, a woman named Ray.

His only detractors are a group of homophobic, Islamophobic bullies led by the boorish Dean Paxton (Sam Bottomley, top photo and right, who is 20 years old and a gay and Muslim ally in real life).

Plus the Career Education Teacher, Miss Hedge, who claims that she's opposed to drag because it won't lead to a successful career, but actually just disapproves of feminine boys.  

Also, in a subplot, Jamie's father (Ralph Ineson, but without the scraggly hair and muscular chest) wants nothing to do with him, but Jamie's Mom has been sending him cards and presents under Dad's name.  When the deceit comes out, Jamie has a meltdown and angrily breaks up with his Mom (yes, they have a quasi-romantic relationship, most evident when Mom sings about a "lost love" who broke her heart when he left, and she means Jamie: "my man...my son...my man!").

Turns out that Jamie was traumatized early in childhood, when Dad caught him trying on makeup and called him "disgusting," "a freak," and so on.  Ever after, he's considered himself "nothing," and he thinks that becoming a drag queen will make him "somebody."

Seeking out a dress, Jamie goes to a drag shop in Sheffield (Sheffield, England has drag shops?), where he meets Hugo, aka legendary drag queen Loco Chanelle (Richard E. Grant, who is not a drag queen in real life, but he has starred in Twelfth Night, My Fair Lady, Doctor Who, and some Marvel Comic Universe movies).  Hugo demonstrates that drag is not about being famous, it's about fighting homophobic oppression.  With his mentoring, Jamie performs as Mimi Me at the local drag club (yep, Sheffield has drag clubs, too), and gets a standing ovation.

Now all that remains is to go to the prom in a dress.  Miss Hedge, who apparently has full power to dictate proper prom attire, absolutely forbids it, but gives in when the students rebel en masse.  Even the bully Dean Paxton promises to be nice "just for one night," and he and Jamie go into the prom hand-in-hand.  

Beefcake: None.  

Gay Characters:  Jamie and the drag queens, presumably, although here "gay" really means feminine.  Jamie never expresses any same-sex interest.

Heterosexism:  None.  No one but Ray expresses any heterosexual interest, unless you count Jamie's Mom being in love with "my man."

Implausibility:  A drag store and a drag club in Sheffield, but no other gay kids at Jamie's school.  Are 16-year olds admitted to bars in England?

Soundtrack:  Some of the songs are annoyingly repetitious.  

My Grade: B.

"The Mick," Episode 1.12: Strong gay subtext and ample beefcake in this gloomfest. Dick and butt shots do not help.

  

The Mick (2017-2019) was a Fox sitcom (and you know what that means: raunch) starring Kaitlyn Olson of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (and you know what that means: raunch).A low-life grifter, she becomes the guardian of her upscale sister's kids after the parents flee the country to avoid a federal prosecution.  It doesn't sound like my cup of tea, but Episode 1.2, "The Wolf," features both Scotty McArthur and Andy Favreau, who are definitely my cup of tea, so let's review. 

Link to the version with dick and butt shots, on RG Beefcake and Bonding

Scene 1: Mick: "You've never sucked anything before."  Her boyfriend Jimmy (Scotty McArthur): "I'm sucking as hard as I can, ok?" Mick: "It's not coming!  Suck harder!" Actually, guys, a successful blow job is more about the lip and tongue act...psych!   He's not giving a blow job, he's sucking gas out of a car in a show room, so they can steal a different car.   Meanwhile, hetero-horny teen Chip (Thomas Babusca) impresses a lollipop-sucking girl by bragging about all the cool cars he'll drive when he gets his license.

Horny Teen brags to Mick and Jimmy about the girl he met on an online dating site; he's sending her money fo air fare so she can fly over from Russia for a visit.  Scam!  The grown-ups laugh at him.  "You know nothing about the real world."

Scene 2: Mick, her young adult niece Sabrina, and another lady  drinking beer in the kitchen. Niece tells them that her boyfriend Kai, introduced in an earlier episode, is back from studying furniture design in Scandinavia, and taking her out to dinner.  And here he comes, in a muscle shirt!  But he ordered Chinese delivery instead of going out, which makes Niece angry. And he didn't actually go to furniture school, because the application wasn't in English. "Loser!" Mick exclaims.

Mick's boyfriend Jimmy comes in and starts eating the kung pao chicken with his hands.  Mick notes that he used to be hot, but he let himself go, "grew breasts," and became into a slob.  And now Kai is on the same path.  Niece doesn't believe it.

Scene 3: Horny Teen at the luggage carousel at the airport, holding a bouquet of flowers, while Mick films him for humiliation.  There's only one bag left: a long-haired blond picks it up.  Horny Teen rushes to hug...a guy!  Gender misidentification joke, yuck. Mick is jubilant: "Watching you being destroyed was so good!"  Hey, you're the guardian.  How about comforting the kid?

She explains.  The world is full of wolves and sheep. Mick and the Russian girlfriend are wolves, taking advantage of people.  Horny Teen is a sheep, getting taken advantage of.  But he could change, learn to be a wolf. "Sure, what the hell."

Scene 4:  In a grocery story for the first lesson: a wolf takes what it needs.  Mick orders Horny Teen to steal a bag of chips.  He hides a bag under his shirt, and immediately is caught by the security guard.  

Out in the parking lot, Mick is eating the fried chicken that she stole.  She was using Horny Teen as a distraction!  Lesson 2: Never trust another wolf.

Scene 5: Kai and Jimmy bonding in a sauna.  Jimmy: "Turns out he was Mormon all along."  You discussing an old boyfriend, dude?  Niece enters and wonders what they are up to.  "We got a friendship cooking."  Tell me more....

She asks Kai about his goals for the future. "Nothing, just hanging out with Jimmy...and you, of course."  "Well, get some goals, or people will think you're a loser."

Scene 6: Off-track betting joint. Next lesson: how to spot a sheep.  Horny Teen suggests the guy waving money around like a jackass. The scam: you get mussed up, slip your wallet into the guy's pocket, and claim that he mugged you for your winning ticket.  The haul is $38 -- but they also ruined a $1,000 suit and sent a guy to jail!

Scene 7: Back home, Horny Teen is done -- this is totally immoral! Besides -- his online girlfriend is here!  She was detained by ICE, and she didn't have a cell phone to call on.  Horny Teen gives her some money for a cell phone and asks the maid to make up the guest room for her. Don't you, like, want to have sex with her?  Mick isn't buying it: she's a wolf.  The scam is continuing.

Scene 8: Kai in a towel, getting ready for a meeting.  "Oh boy," Niece thinks, "He's looking for a job!"  Nope, his meeting is with Jimmy -- also in a towel -- about their new business.  Women like hot guys, and they can't fix anything around the house, so Stud Nailers, shirtless household repair.  Hey, that's sexist and heteronormative!  Lots of ladies can fix things, and lots of guys like hot guys.  

They hug: "Having a business partner who's also a friend takes off a lot of the pressure." Aww, why don't you kiss him?  Oh, right, your girlfriend is there. "Now let's go hit that sauna."  Butt grab.  Gay subtext just turned into text.

Scene 9: Dinner: pizza. Jimmy and Kai found a van for the Stud Nailers business. Good idea.  Photos of shirtless guys with big..um...hammers.  The Horny Teen's Girlfriend suggests a web show.  Also a good idea: Actually, that show already exists: "Flip the Strip."  

Niece tries to discourage them.  What's her problem? Does she think that the guys are actually having sex?

Next: Mick asks the Girlfriend about her intentions.  What does a wolf like her want with a sheep like Horny Teen?  Reveal: She likes him because he is a sheep, kind and gentle.  "He will neve hurt me."Aww. She's had to do a lot of things to survive.  

Jimmy: "We've all had to do things to survive."  Tell us about your hustler days, dude. 

Spoilers after the break, and the most disgusting tv episode conclusion in tv history.