Dec 19, 2015

Florida Beach Boy #2: Jack the Grocery Store Clerk

When I was living in Florida, I got cruised by a guy in the Publix Supermarket.  He said he was a friend of my ex, Wade the Beach Boy.  So naturally I called Wade to "get the dirt."

Wade said that he was very nice, with a very nice physique, but they were incompatible.  He wouldn't go into details.

Intrigued, I accepted the date.

The rest of the story is too risque for Boomer Beefcake and Bonding.  You can read it on Tales of West Hollywood.

Dec 18, 2015

16 Florida Beach Boys

16 Florida Beach Boys

Wilton Manors, Florida was a lot like West Hollywood.
1. A small, constrained, concentrated gay neighborhood where you could walk anywhere.
2. Surrounded by homophobia
3. Ungodly hot.
4. Full of tourists.
5. And jobs that went nowhere.

But there was a big difference: 

West Hollywood in 1985 was all about long-term relationships.  No hookups.  After two dates, you were a couple; after four, you were renting a U-Haul.

Wilton Manors in 2001 was all about right now.  Hookups, sharing, a never-ending supply of dates.

There were a few long-term couples around, but it was much more common to date for a few weeks, and then move on.

Here are my longest Wilton Manors romances.

Just One Date:

1. The Brazilian Twink who turned out to be the drag queen Miss Chita Taboo.

2. Jack, the Grocery Store Clerk who thought he was a vacuum cleaner.

3, Andre, the Worst Date in Florida Historyinvolving an alligator, an unfinished house, hustlers, druggies, and a lost wallet.

4. The Former Child Star who invited me back to his apartment to listen to his demo tape.

5.  Jean the Violinist in Paris, who wouldn't let me touch his instrument.

6. The Jolly Green Giant, 6'10", bodybuilder physique, hands the size of typewriters, average beneath the belt gifts.

1-2 Weeks:

7. Janik the Frisian Bodybuilder  from the Horseman's Club in Amsterdam, who invited me to stay in Friesland with him.

8. Sammy Blowfish, the son of my high school speech teacher, who invited me back to small-town Iowa. I only got rid of him by pawning him off on my friend Dick.

9. Comic Book Guy, who was attractive, passionate, and affectionate, but had bedroom practices that were a complete turn-off, plus a surprise beneath the belt.

10. The Urantia Book Devotee who took me to karate tournaments.

11. Randy the Pharmacist. I made the mistake of inviting him to a Hurricane Party for our second date, where he ran afoul of the rules of sharing.

12. Florian, the boy who cried Fabulous, so aggressively upbeat that I couldn't stand him.

3-4 Weeks:

13. Wade, the Real Beach Boy.  How much time can someone with a fair complexion really spend at the beach?

14. Tom, the Log Cabin Republican. Yeah, very conservative, not up for a long term relationship.  But did you see what he looked like?

1-3 Months

15. Stanton, the high school bodybuilder.  We didn't have a lot in common, but my friends kept pushing us together.  "You'd be crazy to break up with him!  He's so cute!"

Over 3 Months:

16. Matt the Security Guard, a wannabe novelist with amazing beneath the belt gifts. Three months, from October to January, when I went home for Christmas and returned to be dumped for the 60-something Troy.'
This is the g-rated version of the post on Tales of West Hollywood, which contains nude photos.

Dec 17, 2015

Lesbian Subtexts in the Harvey Girls: Little Audrey, Little Lotta, and Little Dot

When I was a kid in the 1960s, I loved Harvey supernatural comics: Casper the Friendly Ghost, with his brave nonconformity to ghost society; Spooky the Tuff Little Ghost, who had a homoromantic back story; and Hot Stuff the Little Devil, who had homoerotic potential.

I didn't care much for Richie Rich, until he began bulking up in the mid-1970s, and I never bothered with the "girl only" titles: Little Dot, Little Lotta, and Little Audrey.

But I recently bought an anthology of Harvey Girl comics in the interest of completeness (I already had the other volumes), and in retrospect, those girls had a lot to offer.

No quiet, sweet, well-behaved "little ladies,"  they were intelligent, resourceful, and daring.  They gleefully surpassed the boys in every masculine-coded activity, from playing football to catching crooks, and their adventures usually had a satiric edge.

1. Little Audrey was named after a series of 1930s jokes about a girl who got into a terrible, morbid, or dirty situation, then "laughed and laughed" before delivering the punchline.

She had an African-American friend, Tiny, a first in 1960s comics, and a working-class boyfriend:  Melvin, who wore a spiked fedora and spoke Brooklynese.  Middle-lower class friendships were often forbidden, lending their bond a queer subtext.

2. Little Lotta was fat, a compulsive eater, yet very strong and athletic.  She had a small, eyeglass-wearing, feminine-coded boyfriend, Gerald, reminding one of the old blues song "Masculine Women, Feminine Men."

Some stories involved Lotta saving the day from bullies, but mostly they were extended gags with the gay symbolism that must have appealed to preteen lesbians:  Lotta's parents, teachers, or friends complain that she is inadequately ladylike so she unsuccessfully tries to "femme" it up.  In the end they decide that she's just fine the way she is.

3. Little Dot had two claims to fame: an obsession with dots, and an endless proliferation of uncles and aunts, who took her on secret-agent and science-fiction style adventures.

 In the 1950s stories, she had a boyfriend named Red, but by the 1960s, Red was forgotten, leaving Dot the only Harvey Girl who doesn't display any heterosexual interest.  She is the most feminine-coded of the trio, however, interested in "girly" fashion.

Dot and Lotta were best friends; the two often shared a story as well as a bed, giving them a nice butch-femme lesbian subtext.

Dec 16, 2015

Get Your Beefcake on Route 66

Speaking of buddy-bonding tv,  Route 66 (1960-64) was before my time and never rerun, so I've only seen a few clips on youtube, but older Boomers tell me that it was one of the gay-friendly lights of the early 1960s.

It starred clean-cut Yale undergrad  Tod (29 year old Martin Milner, who had just appeared in a loincloth in the risque Private Lives of Adam and Eve).  Tod -- not Todd -- and his boyfriend traveled around in a blue 1960 Chevy Corvette "in search of America," like Jack Kerouac before them.

His first boyfriend,  Buz (not Buzz -- evidently the producers didn't care for last letters), was a streetwise former juvenile delinquent from Hell's Kitchen, played by 32-year old George Maharis.  A 1973 Playgirl centerfold, Maharis was gay in real life.

After 2 1/2 seasons, Maharis dropped out, citing the grueling schedule and a bout of hepatitis, Tod quickly found a new boyfriend, haunted ex-GI Lincoln (30-year old Glenn Corbett, recently of It's a Man's World). A former Physique Pictorial model, Corbett was bisexual in real life.

They didn't stick to Route 66; they crossed the U.S. and Canada several times, surfing in Southern California, working on a lobster boat in Maine and a ranch in Wyoming, going to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, vacationing in Toronto. As usual in road series, they got involved in the private dramas of people they met along the way.

The buddy-bonding seems rather intense, and virtually none of the episodes involved getting girlfriends. However, there were little else for gay kids to watch:
1. Very few rescues (usually they were taken hostage together).
2. Insufficient beefcake, considering the number of bodybuilders in the cast (these pictures are from other projects).
3. And the series ended with Tod getting married, his youthful spirit -- and his same-sex romance -- giving way to heterosexual destiny.

But sometimes just an intense friendship is enough.

After Route 66, Martin Milner starred in the beefcake-heavy  GidgetAdam-12 and Swiss Family Robinson (with Willie Aames).  Glenn Corbett starred in The Secret of Boyne Castle and a few Westerns before moving behind the scenes.  George Maharis had guest spots on many tv programs, performed in nightclubs, and pursued a second career as a painter.  

Jason Gedrick

Born in 1965, Jason Gedrick broke into show business with The Heavenly Kid (1985), a comedy in which the nerd (Jason) wins The Girl with a little help from a dead teenager from the 1950s (Lewis Smith).  In the process, he bonds with the teen angel (and exhibits the usual 1980s homophobia), and shows off an implausibly buffed physique.

The actioner Iron Eagle followed (1986): avid video-gamer Doug (Jason) rescues his dad from Islamic terrorists, with a little help from an older pilot (Louis Gossett Jr.), who is distraught over the many kids that he has seen die over the years, and isn't about to watch Doug die, too. More buddy bonding.

Promised Land (1987): Davey (Jason) and Danny (Kiefer Sutherland) pursue an elite-working class friendship through high school and failed marriages.

Teen magazines paid some attention to him, displaying his dark, sultry pout and lean muscles.

Gay teens in the 1980s saw a pattern developing: his characters always had girlfriends but found meaning with guys.

The pattern continued in Rooftops (1989): a homeless teen named T, who lives on rooftops, has a girlfriend, but is also in love with a boy.  When his boyfriend is killed by drug dealers, T vows to use his dance-combat skills to clean up the neighborhood.

The pattern continued in Backdraft (1991), with Kurt Russell, and Crossing the Bridge (1992), with Josh Charles.

And we saw more of Jason's body in the nude shower scene.

I lost track of Jason in the 1990s.  He apparently moved into television, playing a college boy in Class of 96 (1993), a Hollywood star accused of killing a teenage girl in Murder One (1995-96), and an ex-con trying to go straight in EZ Streets (1996-97), plus significant roles Desperate Housewives, Luck, Necessary Roughness, and Dexter.  I haven't seen any of them.

But in 2007, for old time's sake, I saw Jason in  Kings of South Beach (2007).  He plays Chris Troiano, a New Yorker who moves to Miami to escape the Mafia and start a new life.  He opens a nightclub and takes bouncer Andy (Donnie Wahlberg) under his wing.

Andy is actually an undercover cop who must choose between his love for Chris and his job.

There is a palpable chemistry between Andy and Chris which almost moves from subtext to text.

Dec 15, 2015

The Top 10 Beefcake Sights of Brno

Most visitors to the Czech Republic stick to Prague, which is admittedly one of the most beautiful cities in Europe, with more public penises than anywhere else except maybe Bhutan.  But there's more to see in the Czech Republic.

Like Brno (pronounced Bir-noh), the capital of the Moravian district and the second largest city in the country (and it's a lot closer to Vienna, only about 2 hours by car).

Brno has a lot of beefcake potential, like #1 bodybuilder Jakob Holub.

Plus the 13th-century ┼ápilberk Castle, the Capuchin Monastery where you can see the mummified remains of long-dead monks, and the Cabbage Market (I'm not kidding), with its Parnassus Fountain.

And Beefcake Sight #2, a beefy Hercules fighting the Hydra.

#3 is this lintel decoration.  I'm not quite sure what's going on, but there are two people, one screaming, and one putting his

#4. Luzanky Park, the oldest public park in the Czech Republic, has a lot of interesting statues, like this rather fey Apollo.

5. For some reason, judo is big in Brno.  Here are some of the teenage participants from 1986.

More after the break.

Dec 14, 2015

The Naked Ape: Johnny Crawford's First Nude Scene

Other than Burt Reynolds posing on a bear skin rug for Cosmo, this is probably the most famous nude photo ever: a frontal of Johnny Crawford, a Boomer icon for his teen idol songs and his role as the squeaky-clean, innocent kid on The Rifleman, no longer squeaky-clean or innocent, letting it all hang out for the swinging 1970s.  It was used to advertise The Naked Ape (1973). 

But no one has actually seen the movie, unless you went to the theater on the three days in August 1973 when it was playing.

The book The Naked Ape (1967), by Desmond Morris, attributes our behavior today to the evolutionary advantages of our caveman ancestors.  Women are attracted to big muscles, for instance, because they were better for fighting off saber-toothed tigers, thereby enhancing survival.  Men are attracted to big breasts because they can nourish infants better, thereby enhancing offspring survival.

Wait...not every woman likes big muscles, and not every man likes big breasts.  Sometimes it's the other way around.  Physical attractiveness is primarily a matter of cultural norms.

Anthropologists thought it was ridiculous, but the back-to-nature set grabbed copies as fast as they could be printed, creating the first anthropological bestseller since Margaret Mead's Coming of Age in Samoa.  

But how do you make a movie out of an anthropological text?

Not very easily, apparently.

It seems to be about two college student (Johnny Crawford, Victoria Principal), who get all horny with each other and hang out naked, while a psychiatrist (John Hillerman) explains their behavior as cave-people grunting.  There are trippy animated sequences.  Robert Ito of Quincey plays a samurai.  Davis Olivieri of The New People is in there somewhere.  Since it was produced by Hugh Heffner of Playboy, I doubt that there is any gay content.

In spite of the word "naked" in the title, The Naked Ape came and went instantly.  Writer/director Donald Driver never wrote or directed any movie ever again.  It received no play on tv, hardly any on cable tv, it's not on youtube or Netflix, and there's no DVD available. It's hard to even find a plot synopsis.

Maybe it's for the best.  After seeing the nude frontal of Johnny Crawford so often for so many years, what movie could live up to the expectation?

You can see the uncensored photo on Tales of West Hollywood.


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