Harris Dickinson: Grindr hookup, rent boy, male model, wrestler, heterosexual. Don't forget: he's heterosexual.

 For movie night last Friday, we saw See How They Run (2022), a whodunit about a murder that takes place during the West End run of Agatha Christie's The Mouse Trap.  Harris Dickinson played Richard Attenborough, the lead (spoiler alert: he didn't do it).  Checking him out on Google, I found a lot of articles emphasizing that, in spite of his numerous gay roles, he's STRAIGHT.  No, he doesn't think that playing gay is a threat to his masculinity, he says, "sitting in a very normal meeting room in a very normal London office block."  Ulp...let's check out some of these gay roles.

Skip to the nude photos

Beach Rats (2017): a Brooklyn boy has a girlfriend, but at night he hooks up with older men.  Why older?  Sounds like the long-outdated slur that older gay men recruit boys into their "deviant lifestyle."   When his friends find out, he claims that he's just trying to extort drugs from them, but they don't believe him, so he beats up his gay friend, leaves him for dead, and deletes all of his gay stuff.  OMG, that sounds horrifying.

Postcards from London (2018). The trailer shows a young man looking uncomfortable as an old perv gropes (close up of a wrinkled hand squeezing him through his clothes).  More old guys recruiting boys?  He's coerced into providing a specialized sort of sexual service, recreating classic paintings by Titian, Caravaggio, and so on. Except he faints during each display.  Doesn't sound as bad as Beach Rats, but still, manipulation, coercion, innocence corrupted by gay guys.  Plus there's a girl.

Trust (2018): A tv series about the kidnapping of J. Paul Getty III, 16-year old heir to the Getty Empire.  I thought he was gay.  He's been straightened here, although the butler Khan is "ambiguously gay."

The King's Man (2020): A review in Southern Gay News said that watching this was "like being slapped in the face nonstop for 130 minutes." Fetishization of violence, characters dispatched with glee, rampant homophobia,  a drooling bi predator, horrendous gay panic.  Harris plays Conrad, son of the Duke of Oxford, in 1914 Russia, who is trying to kill Rasputin in the most homophobic way he can think of.

Triangle of Sadness (2022).  Harris plays a male model on a cruise that turns deadly.  I think all of the characters here are straight.

See How They Run (2022).  Harris' character is straight, but there's an original character, a feminine gay stereotype who introduces his young, hot boyfriend as his nephew.  Another old perv!  He's never identified as gay: you have to go by femme and innuendo.  Of course, people were closeted in the real 1950s, but this 1950s is racism free, so why can't it be homophobia-free, too?

The Iron Claw (2023): A biopic of the Von Erich brothers, professional wrestlers in the 1980s, played by Harris, Zac Efron, and Jeremy Allen White.  I think this one is Zac.  World of Reel called it "The most depressing film of the year...all about death, curses, and family."  Wait -- family is depressing?  Have they been to a Thanksgiving Dinner at my parents' house?  "Devastating, gruelling, and heartbreaking." 

I'm not even going to check to see if any of the Von Erichs were gay.

A Murder at the End of the World (2023). A tv series about an amateur sleuth trying to solve a murder in Iceland.  Hey, Reyjkavik is a bustling metropolis of 300,000 people!  Harris plays Bill, who Wikipedia calls her ex-partner (business partner?), but Autostraddle calls her ex-boyfriend.  So, if Bill is straight, why is he in bed with a man?  They look alike; maybe they're brothers?  Wait -- is that a nightgown or a t-shirt?  Maybe a trans woman?

See also: Nude photos of Harris Dickinson

Gemstones Episode 1.9 Review: Jesse is racist, Judy is a rapist, and Kelvin is the Devil. With naked Haitian bonus

 

Go directly to the naked Haitian guys

Episode 1.8 ended with all of the Gemstone siblings and their partners broken up, plus Gideon cast out from the family.  It's going to take a lot of work to make things right again.  

Chicken bone voodoo:  After a flashback to Aimee-Leigh's death (and a bee that will re-appear later in the episode),we cut to Eli finding about about the blackmail, Jesse's assault of Rev. Seasons, and Judy's embezzlement. Kelvin stood by and let them do things that he knew was wrong, so he's just as guilty. Eli angrily fires them all. 

Later, Amber tells Jesse that if he wants to reconcile, he'll have to go to Haiti, where Gideon is doing missionary work, and bring him back. Their conversation is surprisingly racist, referencing chicken bone voodoo, AIDS, and cannibalism. (Left: Port au Prince)

Judy's frst boyfriend: Judy meets with BJ "at a neutral location," the Outback Steakhouse, to give back the stuff he left. She admits that she hasn't really "gobbled 1,000 cocks"; it was a lie to impress him.  She continues with a monologue about her only previous boyfriend, actually her economics professor in college: she misinterpreted his casual conversation,  sexually assaulted him in his office, then kidnapped his son. BJ is mostly shocked that she never had vaginal sex before, so he "took her virginity."  Do you think Keefe took Kelvin's virginity on the night of the Club Sinister rescue?

Jesus never dated much: Sibling movie night at Kelvin's house ((notice the K and the arcade game behind their couch).  They're watching The Neverending Story., at the scene where Artax  horse/companion of the hero Atreyu, is literally consumed by his sadness, sinking into the Swamp of Sadness to his death.  Atreyu yells: "Fight against the sadness. You have to try. You have to care. You're my friend.  I love you."  Suddenly Kelvin bursts into tears (Top photo: star Noah Hathaway, no doubt one of the teen idols of Kelvin's youth).  

More after the break

The Top Ten Ways to Dispatch the Young Allies

We fight together through stormy weather.
We're out to lick both crooks and spies!
We won't be stopped and we can't be stopped.
We are the Young Allies!

The Young Allies first appeared as a backup feature in Captain America #8 (1941), and soon spun off into their own 20-issue title (1941-1946).  They were extraordinarily popular during World War II, also appearing in in Complete Comics #2 (1943), Kid Komics #2-#10 (1943-1944), Amazing Comics #1 (1944), and, after the War, in Marvel Mystery Comics #75-83 (1946-47).

The group consisted of Bucky and Toro, the teen sidekicks of Captain America and the Human Torch,  plus four heavily stereotyped non-superheroic teenagers: the working-class stiff Knuckles (Percival Aloysius O'Toole), the swishy rich kid Jeff (Jefferson Worthing Sandervilt), the tubby Tubby (Henry Tinkle), and the minstrel-show reject Whitewash Jones.

Although they were out to "lick both crooks and spies," they mostly fought Nazi and Japanese super-villains.  Almost every cover illustration depicted at least two of the four non-superheros tied up and awaiting a horrifying doom, while Bucky or Toro or both rushed in to save the day.

In their regular titles, Bucky and Toro were constantly being rescued by their adult chums, so I guess they wanted to be the heroes for a change.

Of course, any male-male rescue in a world of men rescuing women is going to have a gay subtext.

Here are the ten most creative ways that super-villains conjured up to dispatch the Young Allies:

1, A tank of carbon monoxide. Wouldn't strangling them work just as well?  Notice that Knuckles is helping, so there will be three heroes, and they can pair off nicely at the end of the story.

2. All four face a stabbing machine.  Notice Adolph Hitler behind the Red Skull.  The covers have no connection to the stories inside, so I have no idea why the four are drawn as middle-aged rather than young teens. Maybe some sort of aging gas?

3. Just Jeff and Tubby this time, getting racked on a "Stretcher" machine run by skeletons in green pants.

4. Here Knuckles is helping Toro and Bucky rescue the other three from guillotines, but it actually looks like the evil Nazi cultists are planning to stab them.  Notice that Knuckles barely misses hitting Bucky in the butt.

5. Tubby and Jeff are facing death by giant octopus.

More after the break.

Jake Kelley: The Maniac Kid and his buff buds and hung homies

 

Jake Kelley got his degree in Film & Television from the Savannah College of Art and Design and moved to California, where he began a career in film production, editing, and design.

Link to NSFW version

In 2020, he made his acting debut in The Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.1.  In a flashback to 1968, we find the young Eli Gemstone (Jake Kelley) working as a professional wrestler named the Maniac Kid, and, later, a hired goon for promoter Glendon Marsh.  

He is best friends with Glendon's son, Junior (Tommy Nelson), who will reappear in his life as a long-lost friend, potential enemy, and possible ex-lover.

Jake and his two friends, Mavro Diamante and Harrison Chandler (below), are co-presidents of Steal the Sun Productions, producing "web-series, documentaries, and award-nominated short films." 

 

More Jake after the break

"Bodies": Time travel, a gay couple, social commentary, and a naked guy. What more do you want?

 

Bodies, a tv series on Netflix, has an intriguing premise: the same naked dead guy appears in four time periods, to be investigated by four different cops. I reviewed Episode 1.

London, 2023:  Shahara,  young South Asian woman, goes on a 10k run through town, then does some squishy "she's got a family!" stuff and goes to work -- she's a cop, trying to contain the crowds that are protesting a white supremacist parade.  

She  sees a teenage boy, Syed (Chaneil Kular), lurking with a gun -- and chases him across rooftops into Longharvest Lane -- where there's a naked corpse!  It has mysterious symbol on its wrist, and its eye is gouged out. She calls for backup.

London, 1942.  World War II, with the constant threat of air raids. A debonair detective named Charlie (Jacob Fortune-Lloyd, below) double-takes at some ladies to show viewers that he's heterosexual, then goes to work in one of those open-plan, bevel-windowed offfices. We see some ladies oozing over him, then down to business: The Inspector thinks that he's accepting bribes. How else could he afford to "throw cash at every piece of skirt going into this building"?  Aw, I thought he seduced them with his debonair smile and huge penis.  Also he's under suspicion because he's Jewish.Hey, the lady from 2023 was Muslim.  It must be marginalized groups all the way down.  

Charlie twists the interrogation to cast suspicion on the Inspector, then flirt with some more ladies and get instructions from his super-secret spy commander: drive to Longharvest Lane to pick up a body.  He arrives at night, in the rain, and sees the same body that appeared in 2023!

London, 1890: The Gilded Age, but this is in the down-and-out Whitechapel neighborhood (the same place where Jack the Ripper prowled about).  The red-haired Inspector Hillinghead (Kyle Soler, top photo) has to arrest a young boy caught stealing a loaf of bread because he and his mum were starving to death, but after all, the law is the law.  Then all the street lights explode!   He and his assistant continue, look askance at some drag queen prostitutes, and find -- you guessed it -- the same body on Longharvest Lane. 

But this time there's a witness -- a photojournalist named Henry Ashe (George Parker) took some photos.  The Inspector wants them as soon as they've developed.  As he walks away, the Inspector stares, no doubt wondering what he was doing near the Rookery, an infamous gay brothel.

London, 2023: Other cops arrive at the crime scene near the white supremacy parade, and interrogate Shahara about the boy she was chasing -- no doubt he's the killer, right?  Shahara disagrees. Back at the station, they identify him as Syed Tahir, only minor crimes, no hint of radicalization.  His sister wants to know why that makes him a suspect: a) Islamophobia or b.) racism.  

Simultaneously, in 2023 and 1890, the cops watch the autopsy. (Body played by Tom Mothersdale.)  There was no blood at the crime scene, so he was killed elsewhere and brought to Longharvest Lane.  He was shot in the eye, but there's no bullet in his brain. . No DNA, fingerprints, or dental records on file (in 2023). . 

London, 1941:  Charlie finds the body, as he was ordered.  Just then an air raid siren goes off, so he shoves it into his car and drives away toward a shelter. Uh-oh, he's being followed. It's the Inspector who thought he was a spy, demanding a cut of the booty in the boot.  But before Charlie can shoot him, he is disintegrated by a bomb.  And people are milling around, so Charlie can't retrieve the body from the boot.

London, 2023: Shahara rushes to a restaurant just in time for her Dad's birthday dinner. The boss calls to tell her to get back on the case: they need someone to interrogate the suspect's sister, and another Muslim woman has a better chance of gaining rapport.  Besides, if they don't find Syed soon, jittery cops will be shooting every Muslim kid they see. 

The interview: Earlier today Syed called, freaked out, saying that people would think he killed someone, but he didn't.

More time slips after the break

Icarus: The boy who flew too close to the sun

I mentioned before that artists interested in depicting men without women around have only limited mythological and religious themes to choose from, and most involve tragedy.

Take the tragedy of Icarus:
According to Greek mythology, skilled inventor Daedalus and his son Icarus were imprisoned in Crete.  To escape, Daedalus made them wings from bird feathers, held together with wax.  The plan would have worked, except that Icarus flew too close to the sun, so the wax on his wings melted, and he plunged to his death.




In the ancient world, and through the Middle Ages, the story was used to illustrate the folly of over-confidence, trying to do more than you are able.  But more recent artists and writers have a different take: strive to be all that you can.  You may fail, but at least you were able to fly.

Or they just like to portray a muscular nude Athenian youth, before, during, or after his flight.

Daedalus and Icarus (1645), by French painter Charles LeBrun, shows the moment when Daedalus rouses Icarus to try on his wings.

Icarus and Daedalus (1869), by Lord Leighton shows the same scene, but now they're on top of the tower, and a thin swath of fabric keeps Icarus from full nudity.

The Lament for Icarus (1898), by Herbert James Draper, substitutes naked nymphs for the mourning Daedalus, but it has a particularly striking dead hero (modeled by Luigi di Luca)












More Icarus after the break

Johnnie Gordon: WIcked Lips, Black Mafia, Terror Lake, and Chick Fil A. WIth bonus black guys and a Mafia dick

 

According to his instagram, God is guiding Johnnie Gordon through careers as an actor, model, clothing entrepreneur, and college student.  He has been blessed by God with 14 acting credits on the IMDB, including starring roles in two tv programs.  Telling fans what God is doing for you may not necessarily mean that you eat at Chick-Fil-A and say "Amen!" when the pastor preaches against homa-seksuls, but there's a strong correlation.  

But I checked his two shows for gay content anyway.

Link to NSFW version

First up: BMF, which is impossible to type without typing BFM first.  It's  not available on any of my streaming services, but Roku had a "sample episode" to get you hooked before you buy it.

It is a crime drama based on a real Black Mafia Family (BFM...whoops, I did it again), with two of the Mafiosos playing themselves.  Johnny and Jaylon appear in flashbacks as young versions of Lil Meech (so Lil Lil Meech) and Southwest T Flenory.

I only managed five minutes. First Dad comes in while the kids are making breakfast and gives Mom several loud, wet, sloppy kisses -- gross!.  Then he compliments her on how good she was in bed last night -- in front ofhis kids!

Then the boys decide to go into mafia work because they can get clothes, cars, and "honeys."  And from then on, it appears to be smashing honeys and shooting dudes all the way down.  Wait -- did God really guide Johnnie to this role?

Sometimes we see the butts of the adult Big Meech (Lil Meech Flenory) and Southwest T (Da'Vinchi, above), and there's at least one dick shot (below).

Johnnie and Jaylon write on their instagram that the greatest memory God gave them in 2023 was starring in TLD SZN3.  I've never heard of a tv show with that name, and in fact it doesn't appear on Google except in the brother's instagram statements that they loved starring in it.  

They might mean Terror Lake Drive, another series that's not available anywhere on my streaming services.  I couldn't even find a "free sample episode," but it's either about "a single mom who runs away from her matriarchal home to Atlanta" or "a debt-ridden science teacher who inherits a million-dollar estate." Or they might be different women in different seasons. 

Heck with it.  I couldn't even find a trailer.  Let's just look at some black guys.

Lil Meech dick and some other black guys on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

"RobiHachi": Gay-Subtext Buddies on a Planet of Musclemen, Chased by a Horny Gay Stereotype

 RobiHachi, a 2019 anime series on Hulu:down-on-his-luck Robi tries to escape bill collector Hachi by stowing away on a spaceship headed for the planet Iskander, but Hachi follows him on board.  Now "this odd couple will make the trek together," No doubt with a romance developing, as evident in the "shipping" of the two names.

It looks like two boys,but Hachi is rather androgynous, so they could be a girl.  I checked out the voice artists: Kazuya Nakai (Robby) is male, but I can't tell the gender of Keisuke Komoto (Hachi), left.   Plus their biography uses "they/them" pronouns.  

The website Behind the Voice Actors has photos of characters they've voiced.  Darn!  Keisuke Komoto does both boy and girl voices.  Another dead end.

I should have checked the IMDB photos from the series first.  Both boys.  This one is from the episode "Que-eel-ee Surprise."  What the heck does that mean?  I'm reviewing it anyway.

Scene 1: Robi (redhead) and Hachi (pink hair) are piloting the space ship alone, except for a white-headed Hello-Kitty-type pet.  I thought it was a passenger ship?  They plan to stop on Hamama II, a planet known for its eels, just in time for its Great Eel Festival. (They're extinct back on Earth).

Scene 2: They land amid a herd of oxen supervised by musclemen in jockstraps.  "Awesome! You're so buffed! Robi exclaims.  "There's no time for you to admire him!" the Hello-Kitty yells.  "Ask where the Festival is."  Wait -- Robi is admiring male beauty.  Is he canonically gay?

Whoops, the festival is starting now!  The musclemen mount their oxen and gallop off.  Robi and Hachi follow.  

Suddenly a giant eel bursts from the ocean and swallows the oxen -- and chases Robi and Hachi.  The musclemen quickly subdue it.  Another giant eel for the festival!

Scene 3: A festival full of musclemen lassoing giant eels and turning them into sushi.  A little girl asks if Robi and Hachi need a guide.  "Not you," Robi says.  "If you were a young lady, then..."  Wait -- is he canonically straight? Maybe he just thinks that she's too young to be qualified as a guide.  She gives them a sob story, and they hire her.

Scene 4: Mr. Yang, the Big Bad who is chasing Robi, ostensibly to collect a debt,  lands on the planet. He's wearing nail polish and multiple rings.  A stereotypic feminine villain?  His henchmen note that the Eel Festival is going on. A perfect opportuinty to enhance his virility before hunting down Robi.  In English "virility" refers only to sexual prowess.  The Japanese word must refer to strength of all sorts, unless Yang plans on having sex with Robi.  

Scene 5:  Various aliens and humans in swimsuits eating grilled giant eel. Why swimsuits?  I'm going into beefcake overload.  Robi and Hachi, also in swimsuits, eat several skewers, even though Hello-Kitty advises that they're very expensive.  Their guide gives them a rundown of the day's events.

Meanwhile, the henchman bring Mr. Yang an eel bone.  When he eats it, he's overwhelmed with energy -- and shows a big bulge in his swimsuit!  

They stop for a parade, with a giant paper-mache eel carried by innumerable muscle men -- and Robi and Hachi!  Mr. Yang doesn't notice them.  He yells "Robi, I'm going to catch you, wherever you are!"

Scene 6: The Unazuki Hotel, popular among off-world tourists. Robi and Hachi get separate rooms -- not canonically gay. Meanwhile, Mr. Yang is prancing around, swishy hand on hip, wondering where Robi went. He and his henchmen get rooms at the Unazuki, too.  He continues to gorge on eel, over-fortifying his virility.  I think they really mean sexual potency.  The gay stereotype is hot for Robi!

Scene 7: At the hotel buffet.  Everything eel-based, obviously.  "The only planet residents we've seen are muscle men," Robi notes.  "Where are all the local beauties?"  Ugh, he's hetero-horny!  

When a loudspeaker announces the Eel Festival Dance Show, they reason that there's bound to be some girl dancers, and rush into the auditorium.  But it's all musclemen!  Disappointed, Robi goes to bed.  Hachi says he'll "look around some more."  I know Robi is straight, but maybe Hachi is gay?  He wants to gawk at guys.

Scene 8:  While Robi straddles his bed, looking very much like he's about to masturbate, Hachi checks out the Eel Baths: you sit in a tub getting zapped.  "Sounds painful!" Hello-Kitty exclaims.  "Are you a masochist?"  Hachi doesn't know -- maybe.

Scene 9: Night. Robi is still straddling his bed, murmuring "Pretty girls!  Pretty girls!"  Hachi is in his room, reading a pamphlet.  Suddenly he hears a noise outside: it's Mr. Yang, transformed into a snarling bodybuilder with rape on his mind. "Robi! Robi!"  He stops at Robi's room and squirts brown liquid over everything!  Then he reverts to his usual form and murmurs "What happened?  I should go to bed."  Yes, I get sleepy after doing that, too..

Scene 10: Morning.  Robi decides to enter the eel race contest, to win some prize money -- and to impress girls!  Grr!  That gay subtext vanished very quickly!  He chooses a gentle, friendly eel to ride.  

Then Mr. Yang finds him!  He jumps on another eel, pushes the driver off...and the race begins.  "Pay back what you owe me, with interest!" he exclaims.  So he's just interested in money, not in Robi's butt? No, he yells "interest," interspliced with "butt" and "ass"!  "Interest...butt...ass...interested."  He reaches out and pulls off Robi's swimsuit, revealing his butt.  This naturally shocks Robi, who nearly falls off his eel.  

Mr. Yang wins the race, and Robi comes in second.  I'm rather surprised that two offworlders who have never raced before win against locals who grew up racing eels.

By the way, where are the girls?  Their guide explains that she's actually a boy: "This planet has only males."  I'd be asking "Where's the nearest immigration office?", but Robi and Hachi are shocked.

Scene 11:  Back on the spaceship, Hachi wonders why Mr. Yang would collect a small debt himself, instead of sending a bill collector -- and chase them all the way across the galaxy for it.  "Did he say anything to you?"  he asks.  Robi remembers "Ass...butt," and shudders.  The end.

Beefcake:  Constant. The planet is totally occupied by musclemen in swimsuits.  All of the humans wear swimsuits throughout, with bulges visible. 

Gay Characters: Robi and Hatchi start out an obvious gay couple, but Robi regresses into "girls! girls! girls!" very quickly.  I don't know about Hatchi.  Mr. Yang is a swishy gay stereotype.

Homophobia:  Some comments on the anime board find Robi's reaction to Mr. Yang's attention homophobic, but it wasn't exactly a polite date request.  Yang was chasing him, grabbing for his butt, and pulling his underwear off.  Most people would find an attempted sexual assault disturbing.

On the other hand, when Robi and Hachi discover that the planet is all male, their look is one of shock and anger, as if to say "You mean we've spent two days surrounded by...ugh...homosexuals?"  

On the anime fan board, a lot of comments criticize the episode for the all-male planet and its implied same-sex behavior.  "But how do they reproduce?  Wait...they must...oh, gross, gross, gross!"  

My Grade: D. The eel festival was interesting, and I liked the endless beefcake, but the sudden switch from "Admiring a muscleman" to "Girls, girls, girls!" was disturbing.  And the swishy stereotype intending to rape the innocent straight boy?  Shades of gay panic!  

"Saltburn": Brideshead Revisted for the post-gay generation, with kink and penises

 

Whenever possible, I check out plot synopses, reviews, and trailers before watching a movie. Since Amazon Prime has been pushing Saltburn , I checked the reviews: "a spectacularly crafted masterpiece"; "brilliant"; "sick, savage, and satisfying"; "vibes forward" (I don't know what that means); "a febrile thriller."  Sounds like a mishmash of Brideshead Revisted and The Talented Mr. Ripley, a poor (well, middle class) boy longing for the unstated homoerotic tensions and sybaritic excesses of the Polo Club crowd.  Except set in 2016, not the Georgian Era.

Just go to the dicks

Some of the reviews contained plot synopses, which allowed me to make my decision: don't watch, don't even look at a trailer.  Here's why. 

1.  The focus character, sort of, is decadent Oxford richster Felix, seen here eating a popsicle and reading a Harry Potter book like a modern day Sebastian Flyte.  He's played by Jacob Elordi, a bad boy in Euphoria.

. 

2, Felix feels sorry for the sob stories of poor-but-honest classmate Oliver (Barry Keoghan, who has received awards and appeared on a list of the greatest living Irish actors),  So "Come out to Brideshead...um, Saltburn with me."

Oliver doesn't want to date Felix, he wants to be him.  So he does something too disgusting to mention here.  Really, really disgusting.   I'm not kink shaming: probably 3/4ths of the population will get physically sick just by reading about it, but if it's your thing, fine.   Why not just give him a blow job?

3, Felix conquered, it's time to coerce Cousin Farleigh(Archie Madkwe) into sex.  Then Felix's sister, with another really, really disgusting kink.  

4. Felix gets tired of the lies, deceptions, and disgusting kink, and orders Oliver to leave Saltburn.  But Cousin Farleigh ends up dead!  Then Felix! Now, of course, Oliver has to stay to find more family members to do disgusting kink with. Then Venetia kills herself!

5. Oliver is running out of family members.  He tries to seduce Mom, but she refuses.  Wait, dude, you forgot Dad and the Butler  Then Dad, tired of the lies, deception, and dead family members, bribes Oliver to leave.  He does.

6, But when Dad dies, Oliver returns, forces Mom to sign Saltburn over to him, and kills her.  Now he is the master of Saltburn, so he dances around naked.  

Actually, this looks sort of interesting, an a post-gay, everybody-does-everybody way.  Maybe I'll watch, but skip over the disgusting kink scenes. Or I'll just fast forward to the last scene with Barry Keoghan dancing naked like a sybaritic sycophant.

The nude scene is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Revisiting Brideshead Revisited

Gemstones Episode 1.8: Kelvin's testicles, Jesse's butt, and ancient Philistine penises. Plus a testicle bonus.

I decided that I should probably post G-rated episode reviews here, in case someone wants my insightful analysis without seeing a lot of dicks.

Link to the site with dicks

In the last episode, Scotty kidnapped Gideon and Jesse, forced them to open the church vault, and stole the Easter offering money, incidentally confessing that he had been in love with Gideon.  Judy and BJ had a breakup scene, but Kelvin and Keefe barely appeared.  In Episode 1.8,, their romance is centric. 

An Old Man's Dick:  It's still Easter evening.  After dropping off Judy at her house, Baby Billy asks Tiffany "Who wants to suck an old man's dick?" She goes down on him while they are driving down dark country roads near the estate.  Suddenly Scotty, driving away with the money he stole, runs a stop sign and crashes into their car!   They are unharmed, but Scotty is near death (Tiffany finishes the job by accidentally shooting him).  Then they steal the money.  An interesting call-back here: earlier Scotty implies that he forced Gideon into oral sex, and he dies while interrupting consensual oral sex, an ironic punishment of the sort you would see in 1950s horror comics. 

Top five young ministers:  Gideon admits to being Scotty's partner in the offering-theft plan, and is rejected by Eli and Amber.  But he doesn't mention his part in the blackmail plan!  We cut to Jesse telling his siblings that they are in the clear. But how do they know he won't tell later, and implicate them in the assault?   Worried that he'll be arrested, Kelvin is having anxiety attacks and "sharp shit pains in my stomach" (hemorrhoids?).   Even if he wasn't convicted, the scandal would destroy his career.   "I was in the Top Five Young Ministers to watch last year -- I got a reputation -- a following."  Wait -- if he's so famous, why is his whole plot arc about proving his worth?

Denim brings lunch:  We cut to scenes where Baby Billy and Tiffany leave town with the offering money, Eli worries that the whole enterprise is corrupt, and Jesse apologizes to Gideon for pushing him away and starting the whole mess. Eli admits, for the only time in the series, that the church's finances are not entirely above-board.

 Next, Judy tries to mend her relationship with BJ by bringing him lunch at the optometrist office.  Whoops, his coworker Denim already picked up lunch.  "So you're having sex with BJ?"  No, she's a lesbian -- she has a wife.  This does not convince Judy, who calls her: "One of those benevolent lesbians, out to meet a hot guy, make friends with him, so you can sample-suck some clean dick."  BJ's nonchalance about LGBT people, plus Judy's sort-of nonchalance, will become important later.

He refuses to take Judy back, so she storms into the parking lot and starts destroying cars, finally getting arrested.

Testicular tumors after the break

Danny Pintauro: Gay Child Star Comes Out, Gets Engaged

We can roughly divide actors coming out into B.E. and A.E., before and after Ellen Degeneres said "Yep, I'm gay" in big red letters on the cover of Time Magazine (April 14, 1997).

B.E.: You may be out to family and friends, but you always pretended to be heterosexual in public.  If you were "accused" of being gay, you would issue an angry denial.  If you were outed by the media, your career was over.

A.E.: You would casually mention being gay in an interview, and continue to work, although you would never again be cast as action-adventure heroes or romantic leads.

Danny Pintauro came just at the end of the B.E. era.

Born in 1976, he was a popular child star of the 1980s, with a three-year run as Paul Ryan on the soap As the World Turns (1982-85), and starring roles in several movies, including the Stephen King thriller Cujo (1983), The Beniker Gang (1985), about five orphans on the run, and Timestalkers (1987), about time travel.

But he became famous for Who's the Boss (1984-92), starring Tony Danza as Tony Micelli, a housekeeper who brings joie de vivre to his uptight employer Angela Bower (Judith Light) and her horny mother (Katherine Helmond). 

Danny played Jonathan, a preteen who exhibits wide-eyed incomprehension to the sexual tension and double-entendre jokes.  As he entered adolescence, Danny's flamboyant femininity made it rather obvious that he was gay, but nevertheless he gamely followed the scripts and made Jonathan girl-crazy.

When Who's the Boss ended, Danny took time off from acting to finish high school and go to college, studying drama at Stanford.  He fully intended to resume his career.  

Then in 1997, the gossip magazine National Enquirer obtained pictures of Danny frolicking with a male friend, and threatened to out him.  Instead, he gave an interview: "I want Enquirer readers to be among the first to know I've 'come out' and am proud to say I'm gay."

Danny has had only three acting roles since, although he has appeared on Tony Danza's talk show and in a number of documentaries.  Former child stars often have trouble finding adult roles, and in 1997 coming out still made homophobic casting directors queasy. 

But on the bright side, Danny is living happily out of the limelight, managing a restaurant in Las Vegas, and engaged to travel agent Wil Tabares.

Who, by the way, is quite a hunk. 

Miles Burris: Footballer/bodybuilder/family man. "Retribution will come onto you, and I'll do the coming."

  

Former football player Miles Burris broke into acting with roles as football players in Starwood and Safety, and a lot of buffed guys: Rip Hardcore in The Really Loud House,  Triple H in Young Rock, Huge Guy #1 in Gym Rat and Mr. America in Federation.

He played Lucifer's dudebro brother Jophiel in a 3-episode story arc on Lucifer.

Link to NSFW site

In Season 2 of The Righteous Gemstones, he plays, God Squad bodybuilder Titus, who begins the decline and fall of Kelvin's God Squad cult.  He'd rather exercise than listen to a Bible story. When he is sentenced to a week in the tiger cage as punishment, he exclaims: "Retribution will come upon you, and I'll do the coming."

Sounds ok, dude, but I prefer oral

Miles discusses how he prepared for the role: by watching a lot of youtube videos about Christian muscle groups.  "They would lift their brothers and rip phone books."

Miles' instagram features lots of humorous reels poking fun at the buffed-guy experience.  They tend to be entirely heterosexist, assuming that the only reason guys work out is to get girls, but some of them are funny.

Miles of Miles after the break