"Killer Heat": Modern film noir set in Crete, with 1940s cliches and gay teases, but no Minoan ruins

  

Link to the nude photos

I haven't done a movie review in a long time, mostly because it's hard to find one that doesn't begin with "after the death of his wife" or "to win the girl of his dreams."  But the Killer Heat trailer showed two muscular guys, no semi-nude ladies, and no boy-girl kissing.  That's good enough for me.

Scene 1: The gams of a hot guy, Richard Madden, climbing a mountain.  His hands, legs, biceps, face, as gumshoe Nick Bali, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, tells us about Icarus, who flew too close to the sun.  Suddenly Hot Guy falls to his death!

Cut to his funeral procession in a Greek village. Newspaper headline: he was Leo Vardakis, son of the ultra-rich Vardakis family.

Scene 2: On an airplane, Bali mourns -- maybe he was the guy's boyfriend -- and continues to think about Icarus: "That's the thing about myths.  Easy to ignore." 

Back story: The Vardakis family ran the island of Crete through violence and extortion.  He has an awful haircut and a stupid panama hat. Hetero. 

A Broad with Legs Down To Here meets him at the airport.  Yes, he mentions them.   After a few minutes devoted to flirting and describing her eyes and...gams...we learn that she is Mrs. Vardakis, sister-in-law of the dead guy, and his death was...drum roll, please...NO ACCIDENT!  But no one will investigate because the optics are bad for the Vardakis stockholders.

"But why pay for an investigation that will cause your family to hate you?"

"Leo was my friend."  Oh, so Leo was gay.  More room for you to move in, Balky Buddy

Scene 3:  Baldy follows The Broad up the narrow, curving roads and onto a dirt road to a ramshackle...monastery?  You're not going to get any skirts that way, Jackson.  But maybe one of the monks are hot.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt butt on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Esconced in his cell -- um, room -- Baldur umpacks his stuff, and tries to drink enough to black out -- don't you have falling-in-love to do?  Oh, he flashes back to his dead wife and kid.  There's always a dead wife, but the kid is a less overdone angle.  

Guess whether it's a boy or a girl.  Yep, of course.

Scene 4:  Down in the village, Bulky bribes a cop to see the police file.  Wait -- if it was an accident, why is there a police file?  Injuries consistent with falling off a mountain.  But his fingers were broken, as if he was trying to hang on.

Next he interviews the arresting officer, Georges Mensah, played by Babou Ceesay, and his little dog, too. Great name.  Dude is hostile and suspicious, moreso when Bummer points out that he was taking photos at the funeral.

We get a rundown of the family. Hey, Leo had a twin brother, Elias!  He's the one with the "perfect wife" that Balfour is in love with.  "Every couple is unhappy in its own way," he says, "But who was unhappy with Leo?"  Some guys are single?

More after the break

Jake Kelley's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: The Maniac Kid and his buff buds and hung homies

  

Link to the nude photos

In Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.1, we flash back to 1968, when the young Eli Gemstone (Jake Kelley) is working as a professional wrestler named the Maniac Kid, and, later, a hired goon for promoter Glendon Marsh.  

The Maniac Kid's backside

He is best friends with Glendon's son, Junior (Tommy Nelson), who will reappear in 2022 his life as a long-lost friend, potential enemy, and possible ex-lover.

Jake Kelley had his tv debut as the young Eli, but he and two friends, Mavro Diamante and Harrison Chandler (below), were co-presidents of Steal the Sun Productions, producing "web-series, documentaries, and award-nominated short films." 

In 2023, Jake wrote, produced, and starred in Dogwood, a miniseries about a screenwriter -- Mavro; a director -- Harrison; and an actor -- guess who?  

They form an "unwaivering alliance."  I wonder if any of them are gay.

Jake has also worked in theater and modeling.

More Jake after the break.  Caution: nudity.

"You're the Worst," Episode 5.6: Is Jimmy hooking up with his buddy? Is Rapper Sam still bi? Is Dax a gay porn star?

  

Link to the nude dudes

Recently American comedies have been breaking the longstanding rule that sitcom characters have to be nice, the sort of people you'd want to invite into your home in real life.  Of course, the British have been doing it for years, but in the U.S. it's so uncommon that it still comes as a jolt to see someone who isn't very likeable in a sitcom.

You're the Worst, on Hulu, warns you in advance. Jimmy and Gretchen (Chris Geere, Aya Cash) are horrible, amoral people who dislike each other (well, except in the bedroom) and pursue a five-season long romance culminating in a series-finale wedding.  The B-plots usually involve the marital squabbles of another amoral couple who dislike each other, Edgar and Lindsay (Desmin Borges, Kether Donohue).  

I already reviewed an episode where rapper Sam Dresden  gets cancelled for using the f*-word, but turns out to be ok with gay men -- they're good at sucking.  To see if he is still bisexual or straight-but-open-to-oral interests, I reviewed Episode 5.6,  "This Brief Fermata."  According to the Google AI, "A fermata is a musical symbol indicating that a note should be held longer than its normal duration."

Scene 1: Jimmy and Gretchen are planning the table seating for their wedding reception, but Paul, Allan McLeod, is too boring to be placed.  They deserve a break from the drudgery of planning the wedding.  Jimmy suggests F*ck Week, a week where they can have sex with whoever they want.  He is surprised that Gretchen is so quick to agree.  

Scene 2: Monday.  At her job at the public relations firm, Gretchen checks out the hunk bulges and butts.  Assistant Lindsay notes a problem with Rapper Sam, Brandon Mychal Smith: his new track is bad, "Vietnam bad."  

But Gretchen doesn't care: it's Fuck Week, so she and Lindsay can go "day dicking" like they used to, at the Museum of Tolerance and Barney's Beanery -- wait, the notoriously "Fagots keep out" joint?

First she has to sign up the new guy, Nok Nok -- Lou Taylor Pucci, top photo.  She figures he's so spaced-out, he'll be easy to snare, but he wants to hear the full pitch -- "Strategy, targets, concept art."  Uh-oh, she'll have to do work instead of getting dick.

Scene 3: Tuesday: Gretchen and Jimmy eat Chinese food while watching Nok Nok's videos and trying to come up with a pitch.  Jimmy has lipstick on his collar -- he's already successfully gotten laid.  Wait -- Buddy Edgar brings him a drink and gazes lustfully, but Jimmy shakes his head. Did they have sex, or is Edgar offering?

Cut to Wednesday: Gretchen revealing her pitch to Nok Nok.  He doesn't like it: how about a hard-scrabble life?  He was on the street at age 15, and he's a single dad?  

Assistant Lindsay went out dicking yesterday, and she, too successfully got laid. By the way, Rapper Sam is angry because his new, terrible track hasn't seen any radio play yet.  But screw it: Gretchen is going to forget about work and get some dick.

Scene 4: Thursday.  Jimmy comes in with a hickey, having gotten laid again. Another lustful gaze from Buddy Edgar.  Are they going at it?  Gretchen is still working. 

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Shane Michael Parker: Soldier, stunt cock, wolf fan, gay BDSM performer?

 

Link to the nude Shane.

Shane Michael Parker was "proudly born" in 1994, grew up in Ohio, spent time overseas in the military, and moved to South Carolina in 2016, at the age of 22, to pursue an acting career. Why, was Los Angeles full? 

As Shane Miclette, he worked as a production assistant on the horror movies Separation and Scream (2022).  He filmed an appearance as Matthew in the second season of Outer Banks (2021) but his scene was cut.

As Shane Michael Parker, he played a Confederate soldier in Lessons from Ebenezer Creek, (2021), about a massacre of recently enslaved African Americans in North Carolina in 1864.

He has also appeared on stage.

His most impressive role to date is in  Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.1, a flashback to 1968, when Young Eli, the Maniac Kid, bests his opponent in a huge wrestling arena, then goes back to the locker room to talk to his manager, Glendon Marsh.   

A muscular naked guy walks from the showers across the scene. Glendon says   "Nice cock, Ernie."

There is no "Ernie" in the cast list. Either Glendon is talking about someone off-stage, or the naked guy's name was changed to Jason, played by Shane.

Glendon's son Junior gawks at Jason's dick, so overwhelmed that he trips, then catches himself and turns to peek at his bare butt.  

The gay/bi coding continues when the elderly Junior shows up in Charleston to reunite with his old friend or boyfriend Eli.

More Shane after the break