May 7, 2016

May 2016: A Day of Beefcake, Bulges, and Sausage Sightings

Springtime on the Plains is a paradise of beefcake, brawn, cruising, and sausage sightings, but yesterday was especially busy.  Muscles and bulges everywhere I looked.

1. Student Union.  I arrive on campus and walk through the Student Union on the way to my office.  There are tables full of students in muscle shirts.  One is a bodybuilder, displaying a smooth, hard chest and thick biceps as he bends over a chemistry textbook.

2.  Intro Class. 100 students in stadium seats.  I wander among them as I lecture.  A bird's eye view of tight t-shirts and short pants.

3. Bathroom Break. I always stop at the bathroom between classes, both to go and to check my grooming. A young professor with an uncut Kielbasa+ is just finishing up.

4. Prospective Students on Tour.  A group of fifteen boys in muscle shirts, plus a few girls, being led across the quad.  They gaze, gawk, ask questions. A Hispanic guy with brown skin and long, thick muscles makes eye contact and smiles.

5. Lunch at Chipotle.  The guy making my chicken and black bean burrito has his shirt unbuttoned three buttons.  From my angle, I can look right down it to see the outline of his hard, slightly hairy chest.

6. Afternoon Seminar.  Seven women and three men.  The men sit together in the front row -- safety in numbers, I guess.  One always has his legs spread as far as they will go, like he's cruising in a bar.  I'm not allowed to ask out students in my class, but after final grades are posted...

7. Campus Bookstore.  An older guy, professor or nontraditional student, husky, Middle Eastern, is leafing through one of the bargain books.  Definite bulge.

8. Volleyball.  They're playing volleyball on the grass outside the Fine Arts Building.  Eight guys, all of them shirtless.  I can't stand it!

9. Gym.  It's warm enough to jog outside, but I run around the indoor track anyway, to get a view of the three (three!) shirts vs. skins basketball games being played on the floor below.

10. Locker Room.  The physics professor with the husky, hairy body, the six-pack abs, and the enormous Mortadella on his way to the shower as I come in.  He doesn't bother with a towel.

11. Student Union Snack Bar for my post-gym apple and power bar.  There's a cute, nerdish guy named Dustin at the cash register who always cruises me.  Today he makes sure that our hands "accidentally" touch as he gives me my change.

12. Bathroom Again.  This time on the second floor of the Student Union, down the hall from the student organizations.  A row of urinals with no barriers between.  There's already someone standing at a urinal, talking on his cell phone as he [censored].

13. Office Hours.  One of the other professors in my department is talking to a gigantic bodybuilder in a black muscle shirt.  "I'd like you to meet my husband," she says.

14. The Artist.  I walk through the Fine Arts Building on the way to the parking lot.  An art student passes me, carrying an abstract sculpture.  He's short, sandy-haired, smiling, wearing green shorts guessed it.  Yet another enormous bulge.

"Nice," I tell him.  "A real work of art."

15. The House Across the Street.  A few yards from where my car is parked: four guys sitting on the front steps.  One is playing a guitar.  They're all shirtless.

It's been like ten hours in a bath house.  And I still have dinner and trivia night at the gay-friendly coffee house to go.

Who needs West Hollywood?

The full post, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood

The Top 10 Hunks of The Cosby Show

10. Malcolm Jamal-Warner as Theo.

On a 1986 episode of The Golden Girls, the girls are planning a funeral, but of course they can't hold it on Thursday night, because of The Cosby Show.

During the 1990-1991 tv season, The Simpsons was facing off against The Cosby Show on Thursday nights, inspiring participants in The Rocky Horror Picture Show to alter Frank's line "I'll remove the cause, but not the symptoms," to "I'll remove The Cos, but not The Simpsons."

9. Reno Wilson as Howard, Theo's friend

It didn't work -- The Simpsons fled to Sunday nights, leaving The Cos intact.  For ten years, every series that aired opposite The Cosby Show floundered in the ratings.  Does anyone remember Our World,  The Charmings, Knightwatch, or A Fine Romance? But anything that aired after The Cosby Show was guaranteed gold: Family Ties, Cheers, Night Court, Wings, L.A. Law...

8. Bill Cosby as Cliff

What was this comedy juggernaut, and why did it resonate so much with audiences during the 1980s conservative retrenchment?

Bill Cosby, previously featured on I Spy, The Bill Cosby Show, The New Bill Cosby Show, and Fat Albert, was the Art Linkletter of the 1970s.   As black comedians became increasingly angry and politicized, their jokes aimed at fighting The Power, Cosby retreated into a cozy suburban world about henpecked husbands, sullen teenagers, and kids who say the darndest things.

7. Allen Payne as Lance, Charmaine's boyfriend

When his tv series, The Cosby Show, premiered in 1984, it featured something tv audiences had never seen before: an affluent black family for whom being black was incidental.

No one expressed surprise over seeing an affluent black family.  No one experienced racism, or even remembered racism.  In fact, race was not mentioned at all, except for an occasional nod to African-American culture ("remember when we danced at the Apollo?") and very, very occasional references to the Civil Rights Movement as a relic of the long-dead past ("see what we overcame?").

6. Earle Hyman as Russell, Cliff's father.  Gay in real life.

That was just what 1980s conservatives wanted to hear.  There's no racism.  If you're poor, it's your own fault.  You'r just too lazy to get a job as a doctor or lawyer, like the Huxtables.

In West Hollywood, my roommates and I watched it sometimes -- we had to, or face accusations that we were racist -- but not often.  It had some other features that appealed to 1980s conservatives, but not to us:

More after the break.

May 6, 2016

Tarzan Also-Rans

Most people prefer Johnny Weissmuller's Tarzan.  In 12 films (1932-1948), the former Olympic swimmer embued Edgar Rice Burroughs' creation with a savage innocence borrowed directly from Rousseau.

Others prefer  Mike Henry's suave 1960s James Bond-style Tarzan, Denny Miller's beach boy, Ron Ely's lanky environmentalist, or Miles O'Keeffe's New Sensitive Tarzan of the 1980s.  But there have been many others.  Twenty men have played Tarzan since Elmo Lincoln in 1918.  All provided ample beefcake, but some were better than others at evoking homoromantic subtexts:

1. Buster Crabbe, better known as Flash Gordon, played an exceptionally buffed Ape Man in a 1933 movie serial.  He invented the Tarzan yell, and fell in love with a girl named Mary.

2. Herman Brix, who changed his name to Bruce Bennett so he wouldn't sound German,  competed with Weissmuller in two movies, The New Adventures of Tarzan (1935) and Tarzan and the Green Goddess (1938).  His Tarzan was cultured, sophisticated, and spoke proper English.  He rescued girls, but never fell in love with them.

3. Lex Barker took the mantle from the aging Weissmuller and played the Lord of the Jungle five times (1949-1953).  He had Jane at his side just as often as his predecessor.

4. Gordon Scott, who had an amazingly v-shaped torso, played Tarzan six times (1955-1960), with a "Me Tarzan" patois that sounded very odd coming from an immaculately coiffed 1950s head. He was uninterested in heterosexual romance most of the time, but never met a man who wasn't planning to stab him in the back.

5. Jock Mahoney, at age 44, became the oldest Tarzan in Tarzan Goes to India (1962) and Tarzan's Three Challenges (1963).  He doesn't have a girlfriend, but in Three Challenges he gets a sidekick, the young Thai prince Kashi (Ricky Der).

6. Greystoke: the Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984) was an attempt to provide a realistic view of the Ape Man mythos.  Though this was the era of the man-mountains, Christopher Lambert was not particularly massive, because the Ape Man's diet would not have been good enough for bulking up.  He had romantic relationships with both Jane (Andie McDowell) and Philippe (Ian Holm)

7. Joe Lara starred in Tarzan in Manhattan (1989), with Jane as a cab driver, and Tarzan: The Epic Adventures (1996-97), with no Jane.

8. Wolf Larson (left) became the second TV Tarzan in the French-Canadian production (1991-94), and the only one to have a teen sidekick (played by Sean Roberge). Jane (Lydie Denier) became a French environmental scientist.

9.  The last live-action Tarzan on the big screen was played by Casper Van Dien in 1998.  He's engaged to Jane Porter.

10. In 2003-4, a WB series transformed Jane Porter  into a NYPD detective, and Tarzan (Travis Fimmel) into her industrialist boyfriend. Sounds awful.

Pudge and Bum, the Beefcake Buddies of Yale University

I saw the name Pudge Heffelfinger online the other day.

Ok, "pudge" means fat, and a "heffelfinger" is a sex act, so..surely this was a made-up name, from a humorous story or satire.

But no, there really is a Heffelfinger family, with a member named Pudge.

Obviously I have to write a post about him.  Someone with such a distinctive name must have some gay connection.

Pudge Heffelfinger (1867-1951) played baseball and football in high school in Minnesota, then went to Yale, where he became all-American three times in a row (I don't know what that means).

I couldn't find any shirtless pics, but he fills out this Yale sweater well.  He was 6'3 and 200 lbs, a giant in his era.

After graduation, he played for the Chicago and Allegheny Leagues, where, in 1892, he was paid $500 for a game against Pittsburgh,  becoming the first professional football player in history.

Later he coached the California Golden Bears, the Lehigh Brown and White, and the Minnesota Golden Gophers, plus returning to Yale as a guest player and coach.  He appeared in exhibition games through his life -- the last time he played was in 1930, when he was 63).

Meanwhile, he published sales booklets for sports equipment and an annual book, Pudge Hefferfinger's Football Facts.  

He produced a sports quiz radio program, plus a spy show, Secret Agent K-7.

For a career, Pudge worked in the shoe business and real estate, and spent twenty years as the Hennepin County, Minnesota Commissioner.  In 1930 he ran unsuccessfully for Congress.

He died in Blessing, Texas in 1954, leaving a wife and four children.

But being married with children doesn't necessarily mean that Pudge was straight.  What about this intimate pose in a cabinet photo from his Yale days?

The moustached guy with feminine hand thing and his wrist an inch or so from Pudge's crotch is Bum McClung, aka Thomas Lee McClung (1870-1914), three years younger, a "frosh" who became a football star in his own right, and, like Pudge, returned to Yale  to coach throughout his life.

After graduation, Bum became the treasurer of Yale University, and in 1909 the United States Treasurer under President Taft.

When he died unexpectedly from an illness in 1914, an obituary called him "a remarkable athlete, a wonderful football player, a lovable classmate, a diligent student, a manly man–a type Yale men idealize for emulation."

You'd never make it to a high office in the U.S. today without being married, but Bum managed.

The late 19th century was the "era of the bachelor," when many men who liked women feared the loss of freedom that came with marriage, as well as the debilitating effect of the sex act itself.  Being unmarried doesn't necessarily mean that Bum was gay.


Maybe he and Pudge....

Here's another picture of Bum McClung with an unidentified friend.  He's doing that feminine hand thing again.


How to Throw a Real West Hollywood Party

In West Hollywood our main form of entertainment was the Dinner Party. We hosted them, or were invited to them, at least once a week. They were a good way to catch up in those days before text messaging, meet your friends' new boyfriends, and of course, do a little sharing.

But you don't need to live in West Hollywood to host a real West Hollywood Party.  You can do it anywhere, even in small towns on the Plains.

The Datae and Time:

Saturday night is best.  Ask everyone to arrive by 6:00, so they'll be there by 6:30.  You sit down to eat at 7:00, have the entertainment at 8:00, and the bedroom or bars by 10:00.

The Guest List:

The most that can sit comfortably in your living room, at least four, as many as eight plus you, your partner, and your housemates.

Only gay men, of course, and always an even number.

About half single and half partnered (romantic couples or best-friend pairs).  Try for a mix of races and ages, and be sure to include:

1, A celebrity.  Someone who is famous, at least locally. Actors are best, but musicians, politicians, and porn stars will work, too.

2. A newcomer, someone who has just come out.  A Cute Young Thing preferred, but not required.

The Pre-Dinner Refreshments:

Most of my friends didn't drink, so there was just an assortment of soft drinks, juices, and coffee and tea.  I suppose you could have alcohol, but not a lot.  Some of the guys will be heading to the bars later.

For appetizers, something simple, cheese and crackers, a veggie platter, or hummus with pita pieces.

The Background Music:

Either classical or a selection of gay-positive pop songs.  If you want to do the 1980s, I suggest:
1. "I'm Coming Out"
2. "It's Raining Men"
3. "Time Warp"
4. "Like a Virgin"

Never jazz, country-western, or show tunes!

The Conversation:

Before dinner, about half the conversation should involve gym routines, and the other half the latest movies and tv programs with gay subtexts or hunky stars.

Afterwards, it will be about sex, coming out, or homophobia.

If there's a lull in the conversation, ask guys to share one of the following:
1. Your coming out story.
2. The biggest penis you ever had.
3. A date from hell.
4. A celebrity date or hookup.

The Dinner:

We eat healthy all week, so the Dinner Party is a time to show your skill.  Fatty meats, cheeses, cream sauce, rich desserts, bring them all out. Make sure it's colorful and festive-looking.

 But don't prepare too much: half of your guests will just have a salad.

The Entertainment:

Usually a movie: fast, easy, and visual. But nothing serious or hard to follow: you will be chatting constantly throughout.  A gay classic, or an action/adventure movie with a lot of beefcake.

You can substitute a gay-themed version of Trivial Pursuit or another party game, or, if you have some willing volunteers and the group is cool with it, an erotic dance or a sex show.

The Bedroom:

After the entertainment, your guests have the choice of going out to the bars together, or "sharing."

The uncensored post, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

May 5, 2016

June 1992: We Track Down the Gay Baron of Eindhoven

West Hollywood, February 1992

Have you ever wondered what happened to the Jews and other prisoners liberated from the concentration camps in 1945?

A few returned to their homes.  But 800,000 had no homes to return to, or refused to go back to the neighbors who wanted to kill them.

 They were put into displaced persons camps or residential facilities for up to two years, until a friend or relative could send for them, or until they could be repatriated

When she was liberated from Auschwitz, Lane's mother Rosa was sent to a residential facility run by some Catholic nuns in Weert, Netherlands, just over the border from Germany.  She spent her first two weeks walking up and down the streets, stopping in every pastry shop, and eating all she could hold.

Then she set about returning to life again.  She was planning to become a journalist before the War, so she found a typewriter and began writing.  She brought articles around to the local newspapers, first in German, then, as she learned the language, in Dutch.  Soon she was making enough money to move into an apartment with a female friend.

But in August 1947, an American cousin found Rosa and offered to bring her to Los Angeles.

Palm trees and movie stars!  She eagerly agreed.

That's all we knew about Rosa's life in the Netherlands until after she died unexpectedly in February 1992, a few days after her 67th birthday.

When Lane and I were sorting through four decades of cards, bills, business papers, old school assignments, clipped magazine and newspaper articles, Jewish society newsletters, playbills, programs, and miscellaneous records, we found a packet of old letters addressed to Rosa at the Zusters Birgittinessen, and then at her apartment in Weert, and finally at her cousin's house in Los Angeles, with the postmark Eindhoven, Netherlands.

It's hard to decipher one side of a conversation in a foreign language after 47 years, but we got the general plot: Rosa was dating a member of the Dutch nobility, a Baron Hein Van Tuyll, who lived about twenty miles away in the Eymerick Castle.

In February 1947, Hein apparently proposed, and Rosa turned him down.  She explains why: Je niet moet trouwen.  We zullen vrienden altijd (You should not marry. We will always be friends).  

He gamely continued to write to her every week through 1947, when the letters suddenly stop.

The Van Tuyll family is important in the Netherlands.  Hein's father was the first president of the Dutch Olympic Committee.  This statue outside the Olympic Stadium was erected in his honor.

This is the family coat of arms: three hounds, a crown, and two half-naked wild men carrying flowers.

"You should not marry," I repeated.  "Maybe Hein wasn't the marrying kind.  Could your Mom have been dating a gay guy?

"We should go to the Netherlands next summer," Lane said, "And look him up."

"Look up your mother's old boyfriend, and ask if he's gay?"

"It wouldn't hurt.  Or...maybe he has a hot gay son who will invite us to live in his castle.  We would be sort of like brothers, after all."

I was hesitant.  We spent last summer looking up Lane's heritage in Poland, and now we had to do it in the Netherlands?  But I could wrangle a side-trip to Amsterdam out of it, and maybe even Paris, so I agreed.

In the days before Google, family research was tough.  We couldn't track down Hein, but we found his son: 41 year old Sammy, the current Baron Van Tuyll.  We made the call, and got an invitation to visit.

Disappointingly, he didn't live in the family castle.  He had a house in Den Haag, where he worked for the Dutch Ministry of Finance.

Den Haag, Netherlands, June 1992

We spend three days in Paris (not nearly enough time), overnight in Brussels to look at the Grand-Place and the Mannekin Pis, and then take the 2 1/2 hour train trip across the border to Den Haag.

We're only going to spend a few hours: in the late afternoon, we'll get on the train to Amsterdam, where the bars and bathhouses of Warmoesstraat await.

But we have time to see the Escher Museum, walk through the Haagse Bos, an ancient forest in the city center, and meet the Dutch deputy minister of finance at the Allard Restaurant.

Sammy is youthful-looking and athletic, surprisingly hip, a rock musician as well as an economist.   But straight -- he shows pictures of his wife and four children.  We show him the letters.

"You must not marry.  We should be friends," he translates.  "I can't imagine what your mother meant.  Papa married in 1947.  There were never any problems between him and my mother, none that I could see."

Remembering the evidence that my grandfather was gay, I ask "Did he have a lot of male friends?  Maybe Rosa didn't want to compete."

"Oh, yes, Papa was very sociable.  He had a passion for sports.  He was always bringing home athletes: football players, rowers, bodybuilders...."

Lane and I exchange glances.  "Was he into bodybuilding?" I ask.  "I used to work for Muscle and Fitness."

"He didn't lift weights himself, but he loved bodybuilding as an art form.  I remember when Reg and Marian Park came to dinner -- a former Mr. Universe -- he was as excited as a schoolgirl with a crush on a pop star.  And this in a man who is the godfather of Queen Beatrix!"

A crush on Reg Park?  Shouldn't marry?  Was Hein gay or bi?

We keep our suspicions to ourselves.

Lane offers Sammy some of the letters. He takes four, including the last, written to Rosa in Los Angeles.

It ends with "After all, my dear Rosa, vriendschap is het enige dat telt."

Friendship is all that matters.

The uncensored post is on Tales of West Hollywood.

May 4, 2016

Guys Who Need to Come Out on "Fear the Walking Dead"

I'm watching the second season of Fear the Walking Dead (2015-) about a family caught up in the first days of the Zombie Apocalypse of The Walking Dead.  

The first season was slow and dull and heterosexist, more about family squabbles than zombies, as high school teacher Travis Manawa (Cliff Curtis) tried to round up his ex-wife and son, girlfriend and her son and daughter, and move them "to the desert" where it was safe.

They took refuge with Daniel Salazar (Ruben Blades), a barber with a Secret Past, and his heterosexual nuclear family, and mostly sat around waiting for the government to come and save them..

But at least there was a lot of beefcake, guys taking off their clothes for no apparent reason, and some hunky recurring characters, like Shawn Hatosy as the clueless Corporal Adams.

This season has thinned out the herd a bit.  The mysterious Victor Strand (gay actor Colman Domingo), who has a Secret Motive, takes them all out onto his yacht, where they are seeking a safe harbor.  There are just enough castaways to start a new Gilligan's Island.

1. Strand can be the Skipper.

2. Nick (Frank Dillane), Travis' moody, drug-addict son, is Strand's protege, and the reason he offered to rescue them in the first place.  Do I detect bromance in the air?  Ok, he's Gilligan.

3.-4. Travis and his girlfriend Madison (Kim Dickens), a rather dim-witted guidance counselor.  Mr. and Mrs. Howell, certainly.

5. Daniel Salazar.  The Professor.

6. Alicia (Alycia Debham-Carter), Kim's daughter, a former modeling student.  Ginger.

7. Chris (Lorenzo James Henrie), Travis' son.  (That's him behind his older brother, David Henrie of The Wizards of Waverly Place).

Well, let's just say Chris is feminine.  Definitely Mary Anne.

The second season is still rather heterosexist -- the first group of survivors they run into is a nuclear family with its own survivalist compound on Catalina Island (which they call Catrina Island).

But there's still a lot of beefcake, as the guys decide to go swimming in zombie-infested waters, or just take their shirt off for no reason.

We're waiting to see if the still to-be-introduced actors, like Daniel Zovatto and Dougray Scott, increase the beefcake potential.

And we're still waiting for Strand, Nick, and Chris to come out.  Last Sunday's episode, where Chris buddy-bonded with the survivalist family's teenage son (Jake Austin Walker) over a zombie-killing chore, was close.


On the May 1st episode of Fear the Walking Dead, we discover that Strand is, in fact gay, and guiding the castaways to a rendezvous with his lover.

But Chris indicated that prior to the zombie apocalypse he was dating a girl.

Nick is still in the closet.

See also: The Walking Dead

October 2000: The Boy Who Refused to Leave My Room

Long Island, October  2000

I met Ozzie at one of Ravi's Bear Parties on Long Island: a 21 year old NYU undergrad, tall, muscular, with smooth dark skin and an enormous Kovbasa beneath the belt.

He was Moroccan, from in Tangiers, on the Strait of Gibraltar, where his father worked at the Continental Hotel, He spoke Standard Arabic, Moroccan Arabic, English, French, and Spanish.

Obviously I wanted to invite him home!

There was only one problem: I had (and still have) an inviolable rule, drummed into me through ten years in West Hollywood: you must end the evening with the same people you began the evening with.  No abandoning them halfway through for a trick.

I always came to the Bear Parties with Yuri, who lived in a graduate student apartment at Setauket University, about thirty miles in the wrong direction from NYU.

The Bear Parties were on Wednesday nights, and I had class on Wednesday and Thursday both, so it made sensee to drive with Yuri and spent the night in his room afterwards, rather than taking the train all the way into Manhattan, and back again.

Besides, there were distinct advantages to spending the night in Yuri's room.

I wasn't going to abandon him tonight to escort a Cute Young Thing back to Manhattan, and I wasn't going to suggest sharing: Ozzie wasn't Yuri's type.  He liked older men with bodybuilder physiques.

But Yuri, always easy-going, said "Not a problem.  If you like him, I don't care.  We will share him."

The full post, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

May 3, 2016

October 2000: Ozzie Hooks Up with John F. Kennedy, Junior

Old Westbury, New York, October 2000

It's raining hard outside, so Ravi's Bear Party in Old Westbury had rather a low turnout to begin with, and now there are only five of us left:
Ravi and his partner Ken
Yuri and me, waiting for the rain to lighten up a bit.
Ozzie, a NYU undergrad whose ride left, so he's stuck. He'll probably be staying overnight.

We're sitting in the living room, finishing the last of the snacks and swapping stories about the biggest guys we've ever been with, dates from hell, and celebrity hookups.

I tell about my date with Michael J. Fox
Ravi tells about his hookup with Elton John.
Ken tells about his date with Barry Manilow.

Then Ozzie says "Have you ever heard of John F. Kennedy, Junior?"

The jetsetting son of President John Kennedy, lawyer, journalist, athlete, a fixture of New York high society?  Of course!  He was rumored to be gay or bisexual throughout his life, but we haven't heard about anyone who actually dated him.

"I helped him come out," Ozzie says.

"But..he never actually came out," Ravi protests.  "He was married to the end of his life."

"To the end of his life, yes."

Eastside Club, New York, Summer 1999

Ozzie was 19 years old, a biochemistry major from Morocco, newly out, enormously attractive and enormously well-hung.  He had a fake id, and he was living in the city with the largest concentration of gay men in the world.  Where could he go to meet some?  As many as possible?

He wanted to go to the bars, but his friend Jeremy suggested a bath house.  No blaring music, no drunks, you could see the guys naked without bringing them home, and you could get with them instantly.

New York had only two bathhouses.  The closest was the East Side Club on 56th, a very perfunctory affairs with showers, a small sauna, a video room with bleachers, and rows of small cubicles.

They went on a Friday in July.  It was stormy, with black clouds and thunder.

"So, like tonight?" Yuri asks.  "Is this a Halloween story?"

Ozzie smiles.

The rest of the story, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

May 1, 2016

April 2016: A Gigantic Sausage Sighting in the Campus Locker Room

Plains, April 2016

Getting Sausage Sightings in the locker room at the gym is harder than it sounds.

First, you have to be discrete, "accidentally" turning your head at the exact moment he drops his pants.

Second, you can't gawk.  A momentary sidelong glance, no matter how big it is.

Third, guys know that other guys are trying to check out their equipment.  Some walk around swinging in the breeze, or even semi-aroused, but most turn their backs at the moment of truth, put on their underwear under a towel, or even head for the showers in their underwear.

My campus gym is even worse: most guys don't even bother with the locker room.  They stash their coats, work out, then put on their coats and leave.

And we have single-stall showers with a little curtain, so you can't even get a shower sighting.

But today, against all odds, I got the mother of all Sausage Sightings, a Kovbasa+++ for the record books.

The full post, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Breaking Bad: Everyone Loves Jesse

People kept telling me, "You have to watch Breaking Bad (2008-2013).  It's great!  It's fabulous!  It's colossal!"

I turned on the first episode, in which Albuquerque chemistry teacher Walter White (Bryan Cranston) finds out that he has lung cancer, and in order to provide for his family, decides to produce methamphetamine.  He talks one of his ex-students, a meth dealer named Jesse (Aaron Paul),into being his assistant.

Jesse uses anti-gay slurs.

Click.  Why should I watch a homophobic program?

My friends implore me to watch.

But the program is homophobic!

Recently I have been forced to watch The Shield, which was the most homophobic programs ever, dripping with contempt for homos, and with an actual plotline in which a gay guy turns straight due to the power of prayer!  So I figured I could handle Breaking Bad.

The homophobic slurs are infrequent after the first episode.  I guess the writers figured they had gotten rid of all the gay viewers, and didn't need to bother anymore.

So, what did I find, going incognito into a program exclusively for heterosexuals?

Well, of course, there are no explicitly gay characters.  Like most television drama, Breaking Bad is set in a world where gay people are assumed not to exist.

But, wow!  Walt and Jesse.

They behave like romantic partners.

They are treated like romantic partners.

They break up, date other people, then reconcile.

Jesse is wooed by a new boyfriend, Mike, and Walt roils with jealousy and tries to win him back.

Each says to a bad guy (well, to someone equally bad), "If you kill him, you'll have to kill me, too."

Even other people notice.  When Mike is told "If you kill him, you'll have to kill me too," he says "What is it with you two?"

Even in Season 5, after Walt has betrayed Jesse a dozen times, Jesse still behaves as if he's in love with him.

Jesse says "Why don't you stop pretending that you care about me?"

Walt hugs him.  Jesse breaks down and sobs.

Then there are the gay characters, or at least characters who are well-groomed, sophisticated, and expressing no interest in women.

Including big time meth dealer Gustavo Fring (Giancarlo Esposito), who, in a flashback, sees his lover murdered by cartel head Hector Salamanca. He invites guys he likes, such as Jesse, over for dinner and who-knows-what-else at his house.

At one of the drug cartel's gatherings, the entertainment consists of women, who come in and sit on the laps of the men.  Not Gustavo, though.  He's obviously not interested.

During one of Walt and Jesse's breakups, Gale Boetticher (David Costabile) becomes Walt's new assistant.  Well-groomed, sophisticated, no women around, gives Walt a copy of Leaves of Grass, the famous gay-themed classic, with the inscription: "To my star, my perfect silence"

What, exactly, were they up to after hours?

For that matter, few if any of the characters on Breaking Bad exhibit significant

Walt's teenage son Junior (RJ Mitte) has a best boy friend but never mentions girls, although he gets the standard heterosexist "you must be girl-crazy" gibberish from his dad and uncle.

Tuco Salamanca (Raymond Cruz), one of the baddie drug dealers, spends all of his time with men.

Jesse's friends, Badger (Matt L. Jones) and Skinny Pete (Charles Baker), display an interest in women in just one scene.

Hank (Dean Norris), Walt's brother-in-law, who also happens to be a DEA Agent, has a wife, but he spends all of his quality time in the company of men.  He even tries to woo Jesse away from Walt.

Who doesn't?  This show should be called Everybody Loves Jesse.

So that's what heterosexuals are up to when they think there are no gay people watching.