Mar 18, 2017

Shirtless Parkour Boys

Parkour is a training procedure involving freestyle gymnastics in a natural environment, typically the concrete buildings and walls of the urban jungle.  It was developed by David Belle (1973-), a French teenager, based on his father's military training drills.  David later brought parkour to films such as District 13 (2004) and commercials for Nike, Nisson, and Canon.














The goal of Parkour is to jump, leap, or tumble onto natural obstacles, or vault over them, landing feet-first on the other side.

It requires strength, stamina, agility, and a lot of practice.











Since it requires no equipment, it is a favorite pastime of poor urban youth around the world.
















And non-urban youth.  Here Austin McClure of Santa Rosa, an aspiring stuntman, practices his parkour moves (photo from Kent Porter)
















There are few professional parkour players, but many sports enthusiasts, gymnasts, and stuntmen have added parkour to their repertoire.  Stuntman Damien Walters has used it in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Captain America: The First Avenger, Skyfall, The World's End, and Jupiter Ascending.
















 In 2014, Carlos Lopez, a stuntman who worked on Hunger Games, 22 Jump Street, and Olympus Has Fallen, was killed when he tried to jump from his 4th floor window to an adjoining porch.

But there have been actually few reported deaths as a result of parkour, although sprains and fractures are common.





Naked Nazarene: The Catholic Bear's Bulge

When I was a kid, the Nazarene church taught us to:

1. Pity "heathens," the Buddhists, Hindus, and Muslims who hadn't heard the Gospel.

2. Be suspicious of "liberal so-called Christians," the Methodists, Presbyterians, and Baptists.

3. Run in terror from Roman Catholics.  They drank, went to movies, and worshipped idols. Their Pope was the anti-Christ. They were probably demon-possessed.  We weren't supposed to make friends with them, set foot in one of their churches, or even walk on the sidewalk outside one of their houses, lest we be corrupted.

I left the Nazarene church around my freshman year of college, but my parents, brother, and sister are still active.

Ken is actually more devout than when we were kids.  He's ok with gay people, but he doesn't go to movies or the theater, doesn't shop or work on Sunday, and doesn't go to restaurants or stores with alcohol on sale.

He married in 1981, and had four kids.  Then his wife died, and he married a woman who had three kids of her own, plus an elderly mother.  Ten people, four dogs, two cats, and a parrot all living together in a big, rambling house downtown.

Most of Ken's kids turned out less devoutly Nazarene than their parents.

The oldest spent time in prison for aggravated assault.

The second sang in a punk rock band.

The fourth got pregnant while still in high school.

But somehow the third, Katie, turned into a ultra-devout "Suzie Nazarene."

In high school, she was president of the NYPS and a delegate to the International Institute.

She enrolled at Olivet, the Nazarene college on the prairie, where girls generally majored in becoming a preacher's wife.

I wasn't out to her.  Fundamentalists insist on a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy.  When I brought Lane or Yuri over for Christmas or a summer holiday, we stayed closeted.

We weren't close.  I didn't visit Rock Island much after my parents moved to Indiana in 1995, just brief Christmas visits, and after 2000, I didn't visit at all.  I sent her a birthday card with a check in it every year.

In the spring of 2008, when I was living in Dayton, I got a wedding announcement in the mail.  I almost threw it out.  I usually boycott heterosexual weddings."


Then I saw that it was being held at St. Patrick's Catholic Church in Kankakee, Illinois.

Katie was marrying a Roman Catholic boy named Steve!

I had to see this!  How would my Nazarene relatives react?  Would they grit their teeth and go into a Catholic church?  Would they wait outside?  Would they disown Katie and refuse to talk to her again?

The uncensored story, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Mar 17, 2017

The Hottest 10 Ten Doctors of "Scrubs"


I can't tell you how much I dislike Scrubs (2001-2010), the "comedy" about obnoxious doctors acting like jerks.  In last night's episode, they were all in a tizzy because Elliot (a female doctor) was dating a male nurse.  A male nurse!   How ridiculous!  He must be "the girl" in the relationship, and Elliot must be the "boy"

It wasn't just one character.  They all ridiculed the guy who degraded himself so much that he did a woman's job!

But at least there's substantial beefcake.  Not only patients.  The doctors take their shirts off every second.

 1. Zach Branff as J.D., the obnoxious narrating character: "Today I learned that relationships are hard."






2. Donald Faison as his bff Turk, who acts like a five-year old and is obsessed with the ladies.  He's the one who decided that going to the gym makes you a pathetic loser.  I can tell.  He's been in better shape.














3. Johnny Kastl as Doug, a skittish doctor who's terrified of his supervisor, and often runs away n a panic.




















4. Dave Franco as Cole Aaronson, a spoiled fratboy doctor.


















5. Travis Schuldt as Keith "The Dude" Dudemeister (I'm not making this up.)

More after the break.















Nude Norse Gods

I went to a Swedish Lutheran college, where we were proud of our Viking heritage.  Our team was the Vikings, our radio station was WVIK.  There was a quote from the Icelandic Hamaval over the circulation desk in the library.  The courses in Norse Mythology was well populated.

Ancient Greek and Roman myths seemed somehow decadent: wandering around the bucolic Mediterranean half-naked, eating grapes and having erotic encounters.  The last story is about Venus and Cupid.  But the North was harsh, with frost giants and battle-hammers, and it ended with Ragnarok, the Apocalypse of the gods.

But Greek and Roman myths had a benefit: nudity.  The gods were portrayed naked, with hard, thick chests and abs and even penises on display.  You had to did deep to find a Norse god with his shirt off.

Ok, it was cold in the north, but still...



Thor was the most popular of the Norse gods among the college students, due to his appearance in comic books and fantasy illustrations.  Here Boris Vallejo shows him fighting some very buffed giants.

















But Freyr or Frey seems to have been the most popular among the real Vikings.  He was the god of fertility and prosperity.

















Some phallic images of Freyr have survived.



Some phallic images have survived, and modern Neo-pagans have produced many more.

















My favorite myth is of Baldur the Beautiful, so beautiful that all the gods were in love with him.  His mother went around to ask every animal, plant, and natural object to agree not to hurt him, so the gods played a game of throwing things at him, to see them bounce off harmlessly.  But Mom forgot to ask mistletoe.














The evil Loki convinced the blind god Hodur, here portrayed as a muscular Classical beauty, to throw a sprig of mistletoe at Baldur, thus killing him.

For punishment, Loki was chained beneath a giant serpent that sprayed venom onto him forever.















We don't see a lot of myths about Odin, the leader of the gods, but here he, plus archaic gods Villi and Ve, are creating the world.

See also: Loki.


Mar 16, 2017

What Happened on My Date with the Grocery Boy

Plans, March 2017

You're probably wondering what happened on my date Monday night with the grocery boy, aka the face of supreme beauty, aka Zack, the assistant manager at the Hy-Vee.

I picked him up in the check-out line on Saturday afternoon, and invited him over for dinner.  I planned to serve chicken a l'orange, arugula salad, and fried plantains.

7:10

Zack arrives.  I invite him to sit down in the living room while I finish the chicken and make the salad.







7:12

The chicken can simmer for awhile.


7:20

I'm not usually into anal, but who can say no to that face?

7:50

I ask Zack to start on the salad while I finish the chicken and heat the casserole.









7:55


I don't even know his last name yet.

8:10

I'm usually good for just once a night, but....

The full story, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.






Men at an Anvil: Edwin Austin Abbey's Beefcake Art

This is "Men at an Anvil," one of the homoerotic paintings of the Gilded Age, now on display at the Yale University Art Gallery.  (the men are holding hammers, not hanging by their arms).

The artist, Edwin Austin Abbey (1852-1911) was a Philadelphia illustrator before he moved to England and became involved with the pre-Raphaelite Movement.  Famous as a muralist, he received a commission in 1902 to paint murals for the Pennsylvania House and Senate Chambers and the Rotunda.

This study, completed 1904-1908, was for "The Spirit of Vulcan," a mural praising Pennsylvania industry.




Here's the version on the mural.














Abbey also did a study of naked miners or geologists for "Science Revealing the Secrets of the Earth," another mural in the Rotunda.















Here's the completed version.













.







Abbey was a friend of gay artist John Singer Sargent, who drew this portrait, and didn't marry until he was in his 40s.  Those facts would ordinarily set off my gaydar, except:

There is no other beefcake in Abbey's work, not a single bicep or chest anywhere.

Why he wait until his life was nearly over to express his joy in the male form?

Mar 15, 2017

Henry Danger Grows Up

I don't have tv anymore, so no Nickelodeon programs, but my original review of Henry Danger back in 2014 called it a "gay subtext classic."  I don't know if it's lived up to my prediction, but I have notice that the slim, ultra-fey Jace Norman, who plays the teen sidekick to befuddled superhero Captain Mann (Cooper Barnes), has grown up.

He's got abs and a chest.






Compare to the skinniness of two years ago.












In a pool with friends.  He's the one who looks slightly nauseous.















Sean Ryan Fox, who plays Henry's best friend Jasper, used to be a bit portly, but at age 15 he's slimmed down and developed abs of his own.  Soon he'll be a teen idol.

No doubt there's a lot of teen fan fiction shipping the two.















Apparently they're best buds in real life, too.

See also: Henry Danger














Naked Men in Every Country in the World

 This is Part 2 of my list of dates, hookups, and sausage sightings from the countries I've visited, except for the United States and Europe.  To count, the guy has to be from the country (no expats).

1. Australia. At a conference in Brisbane in 2002, I set out looking for aboriginal men, and ended up  meeting a lot of Caucasians, including a guy with a moustache and a beer can-thick Mortadella.

2. Canada.  I've been to Montreal and Toronto several times, as well as camping in Manitoba and visiting my Canadian cousins.  Probably the muscular bear that Troy picked up at a video booth in Montreal: he worked as a farmer, and spoke no English.

3. Colombia.  In the summer after my freshman year in college, I went to Colombia to build a church.  I wasn't out to anyone yet, so I didn't hook up, but I met a "cannibal" (hustler).

4. Egypt.  After my semester in Turkey in the spring of 1989, I visited Egypt for a few days, enough time to hear Arabic spoken, see the pyramids (not very impressive) and hook up with an auto mechanic from Cairo in his mid 20s with a short beard and a hairy chest.  A little smaller than this photo, but what he lacked in size, he made up for in stamina.

5. India.  My friend Viju took me to India during the summer after we got our M.A. degrees from Indiana University, just before my execrable year in Hell-fer-Sartain, Texas.  A lot of public cruising, notably the Zoroastrian who did it six times a day.

6. Israel.  After my semester in Turkey, I visited Egypt and Israel for a few days.  I mostly wanted to see sites of historic interest, like the Wailing Wall, but I managed to hook up with a student at Bar-Ilan University.

7. Japan.  I spent six weeks in Japan with Alan in the summer of 1986.  We cruised a lot, but I'm going to have to go with Jin, the bed-hopping boyfriend (he started out on Alan's bed, and moved to mine).


8. Mexico.  Tijuana several times when I was living in Los Angeles, plus spring break in Mexico City last year.  I'm going to go with the time Alan and I went to Tijuana in search of sex and languages and went down to a dark, muscular guy at the Banos Vicos.  He didn't speak Nahuatl, though.

10. Panama.  I always wanted to see the Panama Canal, so during spring break in Mexico, I took a side trip to Panama City (it's a five hour flight).  The sightseeing was so great that I didn't have time to cruise,  Fortunately, the gay guys approached me, and I landed a date with a pair of boyfriends.

11. Philippines.  A three-hour layover on the way to Thailand. On the way back, I spent the night. I wanted to go to Rizal Park and the National Museum, and the Club Baths, but instead I ended up on a date with a Filipino teen idol.

14. Thailand.  I visited Bangkok and Pattaya in 1988. It was a paradise if you like soft, smooth Cute Young Things.  I held out for a guy with muscles.

15. Turkey.  During my semester of teaching English in Ankara, I saw a lot of street cruising going on, but my favorite hookup was with Halil, a bodybuilder trainee who invited me to a competition in Istanbul.

The full list, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Mar 14, 2017

Picking Up the Grocery Boy

Plains, March 2017

I hate shopping for groceries, especially:

1. The old people who act surprised that they actually have to pay, and rummage through their purse for their checkbook.

2. And who can't figure out how to use the card swipers.

3. The checkers who get into long, involved conversations with their friends.

4.  And who let their friends cut in line.

So I have a system: I go only on Tuesday mornings around 10:00 am (no old people, and the checkers' friends haven't arrived yet), and I go only to the Food Co-Op, which is much less crowded, and doesn't take coupons. Besides, it stocks fresh fruit and vegetables you can't get anywhere else, like jicama and carambola,

But today I need some things that can't wait until Tuesday --  mouthwash, bananas, protein bars, a can of cream of broccoli soup, that sort of thing -- and I'm too busy to drive all the way out to the Food Co-Op.  So I take a deep breath, grit my teeth, and go to the Hy-Vee.  On a Saturday afternoon.

It's packed, of course. but I'm an expert at choosing the shortest line -- only five people, no full shopping carts, no one elderly.  And the checker....

The most beautiful guy I have ever seen -- or at least, the most beautiful guy since the highway rest stop in Iowa last summer.  A glimpse of supreme beauty in a supermarket on the Plains.

In his 20s, about my height, rather slim, but with a dreamy teen idol face. Sharp, classic features, dark eyebrows, a dazzling smile.

I feel a little shaky.  Even at age 50-something, supreme beauty makes me weak in the knees.

I watch him work, gazing at his face and hands, glancing down to see if he has a physique or a bulge, grinning like a teenager at a boy band concert, strategizing how to ask him out.

Get ahold of yourself! This is a supermarket. He's 30 years younger than you, probably underaged, and probably straight!  Besides, he's busy.  You can't cruise a guy at work.  

Now there's only one person ahead of me, a middle-aged lady who fishes around in her big purse for her small purse, pulls out a check book, and laboriously writes a check, including the memo line, then records the amount in her ledger.  Ordinarily I'd be fuming.

He sees me watching, mistakes my gaze for impatience, and says "It will just be a minute, sir."

I'm tongue-tied.  He's so stunning, I can't think! This must be what the ancients felt when Zeus or Apollo appeared before them.

His nameplate says Zack: Assistant Manager.

"Um...um...no problem, Zack...I'm in no hurry.  I've got nowhere to go this afternoon except the gym.  It's chest and shoulders day."  I unzip my leather jacket. Underneath I'm wearing a blue sweater that accents my pecs.

He looks!

He turns to my items while the bag boy is still bagging the middle-aged lady's stuff, and flashes that smile again.

"Bananas and cream of broccoli soup!  I'd like to see the recipe that calls for those."

I laugh.  "I'll invite you over to sample it."

He's cruising!

Get ahold of yourself!  This is a supermarket checkout line, not a gay bar!  Besides, do I really want to see him naked?   Perfection becomes imperfect very quickly in the cold light of the bedroom

"Any coupons today?"

Even his voice is dreamy!  I glance down, check for a bulge. "Um...no."


The full story, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

George Nader: Actor and Gay Activist of the 1950s

Lots of monsters landed in space ships during the 1950s, or crawled out of the ocean, but by far the most ridiculous was Robot Monster (1953): a guy in a gorilla suit and a diving helmet. He's killed everyone on Earth except for eight survivors. He goes after them one by one, even killing a little boy (breaking the rule that children in horror movies are invincible).  He falls for a survivor girl, refuses to kill her, and gets in trouble with his boss, who destroys him, leaving three survivors. But it might be a dream.  Hopefully it's a dream.








Other than the ridiculousness, the movie's main claim to fame is George Nader's chest.  The actor spends most of the movie with his shirt off -- until he's killed by the Robot Monster.




The 28-year old Nader had only been in Hollywood for a few years.  He arrived just in time for the beefcake revival, when gay agent Henry Willson placed dozens of guys with monosyllabic names like Rock and Guy in movies based on their hunk appeal.  George costarred with several of them:











Steve Cochran in Carnival Story (1954)
Rory Calhoun in Four Guns to the Border (1954)
Tony Curtis in Six Bridges to Cross (1955)
John Saxon in The Unguarded Moment (1956)

But stardom eluded him, probably because of the gay rumors; he refused to put on a heterosexual facade, like his lifelong friend Rock Hudson.


In the early 1960s, the gay rumors forced George and his partner Mark Miller to move to Europe, where he finally found stardom -- and gay subtexts -- as secret agent Jerry Cotton in a series of German movies.  Heinz Weiss played his assistant/ boyfriend, Phil Dekker.






George retired from acting in 1974, and devoted himself to writing and gay rights activism.  His first novel, Chrome (1978), remains rare example of a science fiction novel with a gay male protagonist.

He died in 2002, survived by Mark Miller.  They had been together for 55 years.

Mar 13, 2017

The Homoerotic Hamburgers of the 1970s

When I was a kid in the 1960s, we had three fast-food burger joints: Henry's, Sandy's (where cute college boys in kilts sold Edin-burgers), and A&W (where my boyfriend Bill and I became a Mama and a Papa).  Then, during the 1970s, they all closed or got bought out during the invasion of national franchises: McDonald's, Hardees, Wendy's and Burger King.

The raucous, competing ads about sizes and shapes often became nearly as homoerotic as hot dog ads.

1. Burger King had the worst burgers -- horrible things -- but the most homoerotic ads.  It introduced the Whopper in 1957, but stepped up the ads in the early 1970s, calling the restaurant "Home of the Whopper" and annoucing "It takes two hands to handle a Whopper."

Soon the slogans began to appear on t-shirts, on underwear, and in sleazy comments made by sex-obsessed men in sitcoms (and in 1970s sitcoms, nearly all men were sex-obsessed).




2. McDonald's had a similar "Big Mac," which also began to appear on t-shirts and underwear, while teenage spokespersons pretended not to notice.

3. Wendy's was rather colorless in the 1970s, with pictures of a redheaded girl eating the square burgers.  They didn't hit homoerotic paydirt until their "Where's the beef?" campaign of the 1980s.


4. Fortunately, I wasn't living in southern California, where Carl Jr's had some extremely embarassing ads that showed underwear-clad women gazing at a burger with erotic intensity, like they intended to have sex with it, with captions: "Size does matter." By the time I got to West Hollywood in 1985, they had switched to Big Carl, a homicidal maniac who ordered us to eat his burgers, or "I will hunt you down like a dog."

5.  We didn't have Jack in the Box, either, so we never saw the ads starring the tiny tot Rodney Allen Rippy (top photo, with bodybuilders Ric Drasin and Don Peters demonstrating his size).  His commercials had him trying to get his hands around a Jumbo Jack, and complaining, "It's too big to eat."  Let the dirty jokes begin.



One of several cute, diminuitive black kids who charmed America during the period (others were Gary Coleman and Emmanuel Lewis), Rodney Allen Rippy became a sensation, appearing everywhere, on The Tonight Show, The Odd Couple, Marcus Welby, Medical Center, The Six Million Dollar Man, and Laugh-In.

As long as he was a cute kid.  Rodney retired in adolescence, got a degree from Cal State Northridge, and today is involved in writing, production, and marketing. In 2012 he ran for mayor of Compton, California, but dropped out after getting only 75 votes in the primary.  He intends to run again in 2017

He's never married, but according to his Facebook page, he likes women.

See also: Have you had a Squirt today?