Dec 17, 2016

Cousin Buster: Growing Up a Stranger

When I was a kid, I wasn't close to most of my cousins.  They were mostly teenagers or grownups, like my Cousin Joe (who I saw naked when I was 7).  Or little kids, like my Cousin Tracy (born when I was 12).

Cousin George was just my age, but he lived in South Carolina, so I only saw him twice.

Next closest was Cousin Tony, who everyone called Buster, a year and a half older than me.  He lived in a trailer on my Grandpa Prater's farm in northeastern Indiana.

His Dad was a grizzly-voiced Southerner who played cowboy songs on his guitar and found dire threats everywhere:

1. Be careful eating fish, 'cause if you accidentally swallow a bone, you'll die.
2. Don't touch that castoff couch, 'cause the stuffing is poison, and you'll die.
3. Don't go near the peat bog, 'cause there are toads and poisonous snakes, and you'll die.

His Mom, had a huge repertoire of stories about ghosts, like her grandmother's tale of the Naked Ghost at the Crossroads.  Plus poltergeists, mysterious disappearances, and UFOs, probably the beginning of my lifelong interest in the paranormal.

And she made the world's best pancakes.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to stay overnight in the trailer in the dark woods, where Buster and I could read Casper comic books, play with G.I. Joes,  listen to cowboy songs, and fall asleep side by side in his narrow bed while my aunt told us ghost stories. Some of my first glimpses of homoerotic desire.

But one summer his comic books and G.I. Joes were gone, sold at a yard sale.  Cowboy songs and ghost stories were for "dorks."  He liked hunting, fishing, working on cars, and talking about girls.

I gamely agreed to go fishing with him, but my eyes glazed over in the discussions of cars and girls.  And his eyes glazed over when I talked about escaping to Saudi Arabia.

When we visited that Christmas, Buster was off with his grandparents, and I didn't see him again until the summer after ninth grade.  We sat in the living room with glasses of soda, and I talked about our new house and the prospect of high school, and he talked about getting his driver's license and the cute girls who hung out at the Blue Moon Drive In.


"I have a date later," he said.  "To go ice skating.  She could get a girl for you, and we could double."

I didn't want to date girls!  "Um...thanks, but I don't think we have time."

"Go ahead!" My Mom said.  "It will do you good to meet some girls."













That night I saw a light on in Cousin Buster's room, and opened the door to see him -- and his gigantic Kielbasa standing at attention.

So I went miniature golfing with Cousin Buster and two girls.

During high school, my visits to Indiana became sporadic.  I was old enough to stay home alone, and often I had other things to do, like the church conference in Switzerland, or a part-time job at the Carousel Snack Bar.

When we visited in 1978, the summer after high school, we spent an hour or so at the trailer in the dark woods.  Buster was still asleep, but he came out in his pajama bottoms, bleary-eyed, to say "Hi."

"I hear you're going to college," he said.

"Yeah.  Augustana, right in Rock Island."

"Four more years of school!  I couldn't stand it!  I hated school, except gym and auto shop."

"I hated auto shop! I have no idea what goes on under a car hood."

We stared at each other awkwardly.  "Um...so, do you have a girlfriend yet?"

The question made me angry.  It reminded me of the "What girl do you like" chants of the adults.    "No. I've never had a girlfriend," I said with cool precision, "And I don't want one."

He stared.  "Yeah, I like playing the field, too.  A new honey every night -- nothing wrong with that."


I never saw Buster again.

I heard about him from my parents: working at the auto garage, moving into his own place, buying a house, collecting vintage cars, going hunting and fishing, getting girlfriends -- "a new honey every night" -- but never marrying.

He died in 1996, when I was living in San Francisco.

I didn't go to his funeral.  It was too late -- he was a stranger.

The Sausage Sighting story, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

10 Gay Things You Didn't Know about "White Christmas"

1. White Christmas is not about Christmas.  It's a backstage musical that just happens to end at Christmastime.  Backstage movies were well-known for gay subtexts.

2. The songs are by Irving Berlin, who looked good in a swimsuit.
















3. It's about two showbiz partners, Bob and Phil (Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye), who find their relationship threatened by women.

4. The women, Judy and Betty (Vera-Ellen, Rosemary Clooney), are sisters.  At least, they perform as sisters, although their numbers would work well in a drag act.

God help the mister, who comes between me and my sister
And God help the sister who comes between me and my man!


5. Bob and Phil perform as "sisters," too.

6. Rosemary Clooney was a gay icon and reputedly bisexual.

7. Early in his career, Bing Crosby was the roommate of gay jazz musician Bix Beiderbecke.

8. Danny Kaye was frequently rumored to be gay or bisexual.

9. He played gay fairy-tale writer Hans Christian Anderson, whose psychiatrist coined the word "homosexual."


10. John Brascia was in the cast as a "special dancer."  You can see his physique, and his bulge, in several numbers.  As far as I can determine, he didn't have any gay rumors.







Dec 16, 2016

300 Naked Men Before Breakfast

I looked at over 300 pictures of naked men this morning before breakfast.

Old and young, big and small, flaccid and aroused, all ages (18+), shapes, and sizes.

And, if I had the time and inclination, I could easily look at 300 more.

When I was growing up in Rock Island, and even through my years in West Hollywood in the 1980s and 1990s, you might see ten pictures of naked men per month, if you were lucky.

They were glossy photos of professional models in expensive magazines.

Nude photos of amateurs were extremely rare.  Photo labs wouldn't develop them, so you had to have your own darkroom.


Even shirtless photos were rare.  Occasionally a shirtless celebrity would show up in a movie magazine.  Or you could look at the underwear ads in clothes catalogs.



Beginning around 1990, you could buy cameras that developed the pictures on the spot, so you didn't need a photo lab.  Suddenly you could get nude photos.

But only of your friends, who you had seen naked in real life.  There wasn't much point.

The full story, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.










Baptism Beefcake

Baptism is a Christian ritual that symbolizes your spiritual rebirth by dunking you in water or pouring or sprinkling water on you.

Liturgical denominations like the Roman Catholics and Lutherans do it soon after birth, usually by sprinkling.

Nazarenes don't baptize people, calling it "an empty ritual" and a "meaningless superstition."  But other evangelical denominations, like Baptists and Pentecostals, do.

Adults only, by dunking you under.






Imagine having the preacher's strong arms around you as he draws you down into the water and back.  There must be a sensual, homoerotic component to the spiritual experience.

Especially if you war a swimsuit instead of the traditional white robe.












This guy is getting baptized in a towel.  What does he have on underneath?














A couple of teenage boys are performing this baptism in a swimming pool.   Is it my imagination, or is the one on the right bulging a bit?
















Evangelicals have to wait for the "age of accountability" to conduct a baptism, so no kids.


But the adults can be of any age.  This beefy older guy waited until quite late in life to get his baptism in.  He's got two swimsuit-clad preachers to guide him down.













A sports figure of some sort is going under in his team uniform.
















Why is this guy being baptized in a swamp?












Dec 15, 2016

Five Nights of Sharing with Kevin the Vampire

San Francisco, December 1996

Dating Kevin the Vampire was exhausting.  The bedroom activity was a long, complicated ordeal that took two hours minimum.

There was massage with weird oils.

There were ice cubes and strawberries.

His hands and mouth went everywhere.

He kept going and going and going.

 In order to survive, I would have to find some way to dilute Kevin's sexual energy.

Tiring him out with a hard workout?  No.

Depressing him with tales of childhood homophobia?  No.

Keeping him up late?  No.

One morning over our breakfast coffee (Kevin didn't eat), I suggested bringing in a third person.

"I'm really rather monogamous," he said with a frown. "I prefer to devote my full attention to my man, as you know."

 Yes, but your full attention is exhausting!  "I like a bit of variety from time to time."

"Well, I'm perfectly agreeable to an open relationship.  You may certainly attend your Bear Parties, and go out with your friend David to cruise for Cute Young Things."

I took his hand.  "But I want the other guy to experience you in the bedroom.  Your hotness.  Your enthusiasm.  Your power."


He chuckled.  "Flattery has its uses.  By all means, then, bring on the barbarian hoards."

The full story, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Dec 14, 2016

Alan Thicke and his "Unusually Thicke" Family

Alan Thicke, who died on December 13th, was best known as the conservative psychiatrist dad on the Reagan Era warmedy Growing Pains (1985-1992), but he was most at ease as a mc.

He got his start as a talk show host, with The Alan Thicke Show (1980-82), renamed Thicke of the Night (1983-84), and through his career he hosted many specials, from the Emmies and the Golden Globes to The Barry Gibb Love and Hope Festival, and narrated many documentaries, from When Mom and Dad Break Up to How Canada Invented Hollywood.








Most recently he starred in a family reality series, Unusually Thicke (2014-2015), along with his wife, his sons and their spouses, and celebrity guest stars like David Hasselhof, Bill Maher, John Stamos, Lance Bass....

And his nephew Creighton Thicke-Rattray (second from left), a college swimming star.













Handsome but not muscular, Alan was a more of a lady's man than a gay fave rave.  He did get a photo shoot in Playgirl.   No nude shots.

And you could see a bulge here and there, leading to lots of jokes about just how thick Alan was.

Today we might make the same speculation about his sons.











Brennan (born 1974) briefly followed his father into show biz. As a child star, he voiced Scott Tracker in the cartoon MASK (1985-85) and Dennis in Dennis the Menace (1986-88).  He now runs a nonprofit marijuana dispensary in California and works for his wife's wedding dress business, Dolly Couture.
















Robin (born 1977) is a singer/songwriter who has written and produced several R&B hits, such as "Sex Therapy."  He is best friends with gay singer Usher.

He has obviously inherited his father's looks and...um...other things.
















Carter (born 1997) has appeared with his father in Celebrity Wife Swap, Celebrity Family Feud, Unusually Thicke, and the movie It's Not My Fault and I Don' Care Anymore (2015).

He is active in social media, where he has expressed strong support of the LGBT community.

See also: Growing Pains







Dec 13, 2016

10 Things You Should Know about Dating Teenagers

Teenagers are everywhere.  They're delivering your pizzas, mowing your lawn, working out next to you at the gym, reading depressing poetry at the coffee house, texting furiously while sitting six-to-a-booth at the diner.

They are generally attractive, with fresh, eager faces, and tight smooth bodies that haven't yet gone to fat, even if they aren't particularly buffed.

And they're available.  I estimate that about 75% of gay and bi teenage boys are into older guys (a category that includes everyone from age 25 to death), and the others aren't usually, but they'll make an exception if you know your way around a gym.

They are drawn to five things that their peers lack, but daddies have in abundance:  an apartment, a car, a college degree, a hairy chest, and sexual experience.

But before you make a date with that cute guy who is cruising you, there are 10 things you should know:

1. You will have to card him.  Adolescent development occurs at different rates, so the guy who looks like an adult, with hard muscles and hair on his chest, might be only 14 or 15.  Don't take his word for it -- check his id to make sure he's of legal age.

2. He may bring a friend. Teenagers don't actually "date" anymore: they hang out.  They may pair off later for sexual activity, but the social part of the evening takes place in a group.  He won't understand your desire for one-on-one conversation.

Of course, that may work out to your advantage, if the friend wants to share your bed, too.

3. He will be texting constantly.  In his world, it's not rude. His friends expect him to be constantly narrating his life events, and commenting on theirs, no matter what he's doing.

The full list is on Tales of Wet Hollywood.

Jay R. Ferguson, Teen Idol



Born in 1974, Jay R. Ferguson first received gay teens' attention in the short-lived tv adaption of The Outsiders, about boys falling in love with each other.  He had a lengthier tenure on tv series Evening Shade (1990-1994), with Burt Reynolds as Wood Newton, a high school football coach in one of those quirky small town that popped up everywhere in the 1990s.  Jay played his teenage son, Taylor, who was star quarterback, and as aggressively girl-crazy as most other teenagers on prime time in the 1990s.  But for many teens, being "dreamy" was enough.

Jay redeemed himself with The Price of Love (1995): he plays a gay hustler who shows the ropes to the "gay for pay" Bret (Peter Facinelli).




His dreaminess quotient decreased when he got a reputation as a hard partier.  Even tearing off his shirt during a party at Fox didn't help.  Kids like their teen idols wholesome and innocent.

During the late 1990s, Jay did a few buddy-bonding movies.

Blue Ridge Falls (1999), about four friends bonding over a murder. His Shane buddy-bonds with Danny (Peter Facinelli).

Hollywood Palms (2000), about the interconnected lives of residents in the Hollywood Palms apartment complex.  Jay plays rocker Riley, who buddy bonds with Dexter (Jeff Russo).  Together they try to prevent a murder.




But when he graduated to adult romantic leads, the buddy bonding dried up.  All I could find was a 2005 episode of Medium: Jay plays Tommy Lehane, best buddy of the medium's brother Michael (Ryan Hurst), who might be a murderer.









More recently Jay has played Stan Rizzo, the homophobic art director at the 1960s ad agency on Mad Men (2010-2012), and the non-homophobic dad of a gay teen on The Real O'Neals (2016-)

He's still quite muscular, and not averse to stripping down to his underwear.

Dec 12, 2016

Alice Through the Looking Glass

Lewis Carroll's books, Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass, are supposed to be nonsense.  Characters appear and disappear at random.  There is no plot, just a series of incidents.  There is no goal.  Things happen, and Alice wakes up.

There are three ways that you can adapt these books for movies or tv.

1. You can stay true to the original books, and have Alice faced with a random series of events that make no sense.
2. You can play on what would happen if Alice returned to England and insisted that she had actually been to Wonderland:  a grim story of a girl undergoing Victorian cures for insanity.
3. You can make Wonderland a real fantasy or science fiction universe, with internal consistency and logical plot developments (good luck!)

The 2016 Alice Through the Looking Glass did #3, with a little of #1 and #2.  The result varies tremendously in tone, and has about as much to do with the original book as The Lord of the Rings has to do with professional baseball.

Alice (whose last name is Kingsleigh, not Liddell), is grown-up, and who is played by 27-year old Mia Wasikowska, is a sea captain, with a domestic problem: her ex-suitor Hamish (Leo Bill) has bought her father's company (um..Alice's father was a college professor), and will throw her mother out unless she gives up her adventuring life and goes to work as a clerk in his firm.  When she refuses, her mother has her committed to an insane asylum under the evil Dr. Addison Bennett (Andrew Scott).

Got all that?  As turgid as a George Elliot novel.

Then Alice goes through the looking glass, gets involved briefly with some nonsense shenanigans involving chess pieces and Humpty Dumpty, then plummets into Wonderland (now called Underland), where she is given the task of curing the life-threatening depression of the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp).

He's depressed over his family being killed a jabberwock attack when he was a boy, so the White Queen (Mirana of Marmoreal) talks her into going back in time to try to prevent their deaths.

To do so, Alice has to steal something from the chronoscope from the God of Time (Sacha Baron Cohen).

Unfortunately, the exiled Red Queen (Iracebeth of Crims) is dating the God of Time.


She also gets involved with the feud between the White and Red Queens back when King Oleron (Richard Armitage) ruled Underland, and they were just princesses.

Got all that?

I don't.

But at least there's no hetero-romantic plotline.  The Mad Hatter does not express any romantic interest in Alice, or anyone else.  I expected Alice to fall for James Harcourt (Ed Speleers, top photo), the only Victorian who isn't shocked by her eccentricities, but she doesn't.

How Many Sex Partners Should You Have?

I've never understood people who brag "I've had only five sexual partners my whole life," or "I've only had two," or even "I've only had one."  And everyone congratulates them, as if they've accomplished something magnificent.

Why is depriving yourself of beauty a good thing?

Should you also brag that you've only seen two movies in your whole life, or only five paintings?   Is never crossing the Pont Royal from the Tuilieres Garden to the Musee d'Orsay something to brag about?

But when you say you've had 50 partners, or 100, they sternly disapprove.  You're a sexual compulsive.  You have no self control.

Does seeing 50 movies in a year mean that you're a movie compulsive?  Does having a pizza once a month, 700 during your lifetime, mean that you have no self control?

I think this fear of multiple partners comes from the 19th century notion that sexual behavior is inherently dangerous, apt to lead to physical and mental deterioration and even death, so you have to be very careful, treat every partner as if he's your last.

Or from the 20th century notion that sexual behavior is an infinitely transforming experience, to be shared only with the One, the person with whom you have a permanent, lifelong romantic commitment.

Nonsense.

Sexual behavior means experiencing the beauty of another person's face, physique, and sex organs. Certainly you should do it with people you care about, but why limit it to them?  Why not experience as much beauty as you can in life?

Ok, you're thinking, but what about the risks?

When you interact with strangers, there's always a risk of theft or assault, but if you do a screening interview, have a friend on call, and keep him in your sight at all times, the victimization risk is minimal.

And if you use the proper precautions, the health risk is minimal.

And remember what you have to gain:

A universe of men, 18 year olds and 80 year olds, tall and short, masculine and feminine, chubby, muscular, skinny, hairy and smooth, Kielbasas and pencil nubs, facial hair, tattoos, different colors of hair and skin, different races, ethnic groups, religions, languages, an infinite variety to see, feel, touch, and taste.

 But how many partners is optimal?  How many guys should you shoot for during your lifetime?

If you come out at age 20, and are sexually active until age 80, you will have 22,630 sexually active days, or 3224 weeks, or 744 months.

One a day:  Impossible!  It takes at least an hour, maybe two, to find someone who is attractive and interested in you, another hour for the introductory interview, and a third for the sexual activity.  No one has time for that every day, with work, gym, meals, social events, and other leisure pursuits.

Besides, unless you have a large circle of friends who are constantly getting new boyfriends to "share," you'll have to find the guy from scratch every time.  Even in a gay neighborhood, the number of suitable options is limited.  If you try to find one hookup per day with no repeats, you will soon run out, or have to take whatever sleazoid or downlow guy you can get.

One a month?  Not nearly enough.  That means experiencing new masculine beauty for only 1 day out of 30, only 3% of your sexually active days on Earth.   I wouldn't dream of going for a whole month without buying a new book or seeing a new movie, and certainly not without a new experience of the masculine.


One a week?  Better, but still, it means experiencing new masculine beauty on only 14% of your sexually active days on Earth.

Two or three a week?  I think that's optimal.  New experiences of masculine beauty on 30-40% of your days.

 I suggest one new date, hookup, or sharing experience every week, and then, once a month, going to a bathhouse or sex party and getting with five guys.  That's an average of 2.5 per week, not including repeats, and easily doable, unless you are really picky or live a hundred miles from civilization.

Look for variety, not the same type every time.  If you like them young, try an old guy.  If you like them hirsute, go with smooth. Everyone is attractive in his own way.

At the end of your sexually active life you will have fond memories of 5,600 men.

It may seem like a lot if you've been raised with the "one partner forever" myth, but compare it with the number of movies you will see, or the number of paintings, with how many ice cream sundaes and pizzas you will eat, and with how many times you will cross the Pont Royal from the Tuilieres Garden to the Musee d'Orsay.

The uncensored article, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Dec 11, 2016

Kirk Douglas and his Show Biz Dynasty

Hollywood legend Kirk Douglas celebrated his 100th birthday on December 9th.  He's had a career that spanned six decades.  In the 1950s and 1960s he often starred in beefcake-heavy movies as Ulysses (1954), 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954), The Vikings (1958), and Spartacus (1960).

His four sons and grandsons have followed in his footsteps.












Michael (born 1944) was a New Sensitive Man of the 1970s, starring in The Streets of San Francisco (1972-77), Romancing the Stone (1984), and The Jewel of the Nile (1985) before moving on to roles as middle-aged businessmen, cops, and lawyers.  He's played gay characters several times, notably as Liberace (2013).






Joel (born 1947) is a film producer, mostly working on productions with his father and brother.

Peter (left, born 1955) is a tv producer with credits such as The Final Countdown (1980) and Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)













Eric (1958-2004) was an actor and comedian.  He died of an accidental drug overdose.

















Michael's son Cameron (born 1978)  has appeared in four films, including It Runs in the Family (2003).  He spent five years in prison for drug dealing.  Released in 2016, he is anxious to continue his acting career.















Here are two more Douglases.  I don't know if they fit into the family or not.

Ryan


















Jason




A Craigslist Hookup on the Plains

Plains, December 2016 (Thankfully)

Yesterday I turned in the final grades, and decided to celebrate by cruising.  But not on Grindr -- I have had enough of twinks calling me "Daddy."  I placed an ad on Craigslist.

Yep, the bottom of the barrel in cruising, where all sorts of crazies, sleazoids, and downlow guys hang out.

I submitted a chest pic and this ad.

Middle aged, athletic, work out daily, hairy chest, looking to host tonight at my apartment near downtown. Into kissing, cuddling, and oral.  Any age/race, prefer bigger guys.  Send photo. 

Here are the responses, copied word for word, with their photos.



The rest of the story is too risque for Boomer Beefcake and Bonding.  You can read it on Tales of West Hollywood.