Jun 4, 2016

The Great Hookup Contest of Philadelphia: 15 Guys in 24 Hours

Philadelphia, March 2013

David from San Francisco has just arrived for a week-long visit.  I pick him up at the airport, drop his stuff off at my apartment, and take him to dinner at a tapas place nearby.  I'm complaining about how much I hate it here: my tiny apartment, the long commute to my terrible job, the lack of gay organizations...

And especially the endless parade of twinks desperate to come to my room for NSA sex before they go on to their real lives with their real friends.

"Nonsense!" David exclaims.  "This is a bona fide gay neighborhood, lots of guys to date.  You're just going about it wrong.  Let an old pro demonstrate."

"I've been out longer than you have."

"True, but I've had more experience.  Watch me do my magic in the City of Brotherly Love -- I'll bet you I can get dates with 10 -- no, 15 guys in one day."

"15 guys in one day!" I exclaim.  "No way!"

"If I get all 15," David says, "You have to pay for my trip out here.  If I don't, I'll pay for a flight out to San Francisco to visit me next summer."

I accept the bet, with these rules:
1. "Getting a date" will be defined as: convincing a guy to give you his telephone number.
2. The phone number must be real and working.  On a follow-up call, the guy must answer.
3. You don't have to actually go through with the date or hookup.
4. You must acquire all phone numbers during the next 24 hours, between 8:00 pm Wednesday and 8:00 pm Thursday.

David puts a 24-hour timer on his cell phone.  "Well, we better get started."


The full post, with nude photos and sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.




Free You, Be You: Beefcake and Bullying

"Free You Be You" is an anti-bullying video, produced by Shirley Pierce and Angus Ledgerwood, being promoted extensively in Australia.  Instead of the usual tactic of telling kids how to recognize bullying and how to respond, it attempts to empower the victims.

The song was written and performed by nine-year old bullying victim Amber Arnold  (center, below):

I  know it's hard to rise up, to pick up your soul and go.
A cut goes deep that comes from another.  When will these feelings go?

Can't skip over the cracks, or fill them in with hope.
You can't hold your head up high, you reach up but there's no sky

The world will never know the pain inside of you
Take one little step, free you by being you

It stars three teens who are victims of bullying, cyber (Cleo Massey), racial (Larissa George), and physical (Eric James Gravolin).  They break into an empowering song, and draw allies, including ex-victims like rapper Bulldog (Cameron D'Arcy):

I used to be one of those kids that got pushed around.
I'd listen to anything they would say just to put me down.
Back then I was left shook with a frown, but today I'm doing great.
So I say, look at me now.






Performers were drawn from among amateurs and professionals in Queensland, including:

1. Chai Romruen (The Mako Mermaids).
















2. Tyler Rostedt (K9, left)















3. Model Taylor Seage


















4. Athlete Lachlan Smith








Jun 3, 2016

Arabic and Class Rings: Cruising at West Point

Rock Island, September 1976

It's the beginning of my junior year in high school, time to register for the SATs, the college entrance exams.  My parents are vehemently opposed to the idea of college, but finally Dad gives in:  "Ok, you can go to college, as long as it's West Point."

"The Military Academy!" I exclaim, shocked.  "What for?"

"I'll tell you what for: full tuition, room and board, plus a stipend.  All you have to do is sign up for five years of active duty afterwards."

"Five years in the Army!  That sounds awful!"

Dad's eyes narrow.  "I was in the Navy for four years.  It was the best time of my life.  A real man's world.  You don't know what real friends are until you've fought side by side."

"Um...a man's world?  Real friends?"  I imagine sitting in class surrounded by hunky collegiate athletes, the cream of the crop, the most muscular in America, stripping down next to them in the locker room, sleeping beside them in the dorms...  "But...um..Vietnam?  500,000 Americans sent overseas?  50,000 casualties?  Khi Sanh?  My Lai?"


"Oh, Vietnam is over with," Dad says dismissively.  "We stabilized the region."

"There will be another war.  And another.  And another. Anyway, I'm not big on military science.  I want to major in Arabic."

"They have Arabic," Dad says, leafing through the catalog.  "And Chinese.  You can major in both, if you're that into languages.  Plus, it's only an hour from Manhattan.  You like all that Broadway musical stuff, right?"

Arabic, Broadway musicals, and army hunks?  It wouldn't hurt to apply....

The rest of the story, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.


Mako Mermaids and Mermen

Mako: Island of Secrets (2013-), airing in the U.S. as The Mako Mermaids, is a sequel to H2O: Just Add Water that expands on the mythology and introduces that rarest of creatures, a merman.

Actually, anyone who comes in contact with the magic water on Mako Island will become a mer-person, but it never happened to a guy on the original series.

Here the protagonist is Zac (Chai Romruen), who becomes a merman after falling into the magic Moon Pool.  He heads back to Australia, trailed by three mermaids, Sirena, Nixie, and Lyla, who want to take away his merman powers.  They eventually befriend him and start dating mortal boys.

The mythology is further developed, with mermaid society skirmishes, dark secrets from the past, and a mysterious trident that may be the key to everything.



Heteronormativity still reigns supreme, but there's a tiny bit of homoerotic buddy bonding between Zac and his mate Cam (Dominic Deutscher), who quickly discovers his secret.













And Eric (Alex Cubis), a mysterious figure who belongs to a rival mermaid pod.

Plus, the beefcake quota is even higher.  In addition to Zac, Cam, and Eric:












Chris (Taylor Glockner), a dolphin trainer who suspects the secret.

















Gabe (Chris Cocciolone), a lifeguard.

















Karl (Mikey Wulff), a marine park worker.

















Joe Davidson.  Ok, he was only in one episode as "Surfer Boy," but I couldn't resist.
















Jun 2, 2016

Borden's Elsie: Alpha Bull Dad and Gay Son

Sometimes when we were visiting my Grandma Davis in Indiana, my brother and I got permission to go up into the attic and browse through her piles of old magazines. Good Housekeeping, Saturday Evening Post, Grit...nothing really exciting, but we liked to marvel at the craziness of the past.

One day we stumbled upon a series of illustrated stories from the 1940s starring Elsie the Cow, the mascot for Borden's Milk.

Wait -- was this cow selling the milk that came from her body?  Disgusting!  And who would name it "Hemo," after blood?


The stories were about a battle of the sexes between housewife Elsie and her alpha-male bull spouse, Elmer, with an incredibly sexist passive-aggressive vibe and the hint of violence:

"But Elmer, all the answers in the book can't be wrong!"
"I'm not trying to turn the child against you, darling!"
"Why do men lose their temper more easily than men?"
"It's possible to kill a wife with kindness, dear."



Was this an idealization of the 1940s nuclear family, or a critique?

Borden created a whole back story for the cow couple, including a teenage daughter, Beulah, a mischievous son, Beauregard, and infant twins.  Stories of their domestic life appeared through the 1940s, and for the kids, there was a 1950s comic book series.  And so many advertising tie-ins that there's a whole book devoted to them.

Elmer the Bull, future mascot for Elmer's Glue, was blustering but, oddly, sexy.  He was naked though his family wore clothes.  He had thick bull-muscles.  And, most provocatively, his sex organs were coyly obstructed. I had seen bulls on the farm -- I knew what was being hidden.





Beauregard was a general mischief maker, but he also had some gender-transgressive qualities that lent him some gay symbolism.  Here he seems to be trying on green lipstick and hair dye.










In the 1950s comic books, he's a teenager, and also rather muscular.

By now I imagine he looks something like this.

(Image borrowed from Roberto Linares on YGallery).

See also: Grit


H2O: Just Add Beefcake


H2O: Just Add Water (2007-2010) was a popular Australian "my secret" drama now airing in the United States.

It was about three girls, Rikki, Emma, and Cleo, who become mermaids whenever they touch water (so no more washing up).  They also can control water to combat antagonists and, eventually, save the world (no, not from global warming).

Heteronormative boy-girl plotlines run rampant, but at least there is substantial beefcake.

 1. Lewis (Angus McLaren, left), the trio's ally, whipping boy, and all around factotum.  He dates Cleo.




2. In Series 3, Emma and Lewis vanish, replaced by a new girl, Bella, and a new ally, whipping boy, and all around factotum, Will Benjamin (Luke Mitchell).  He dates Bella.

















3. Zane (Burgess Abernethy, second from the right), the local arrogant rich kid, who suspects the girls' secret. He dates Rikki.














4. Byron (Christopher Poree), a windsurfer who dates Emma.




















5. Ash (Craig Horner), a riding coach who dates Emma after Byron.


















6. Ryan (Andrew Lees), a geologist with rather a spectacular physique who sometimes helps the girls, but doesn't date any of them.  Not because he's gay, though --  at age 22 and 23, he's too old for them.













7. Nate (Jamie Timoney), who starts a band with Bella, and flirts with the girls but gets rejected.  Not hot enough.

With all the beefcake floating around Australia, I can see their point.  I wouldn't turn him down, but he might get relegated to a Sunday or Monday night date.  I'd save the weekends for the heavy hitters.











A Glimpse of Supreme Beauty at a Highway Rest Stop in Iowa

Interstate highways have rest stops every 30-50 miles, so you don't have to get off the highway to do your bathroom business.

The older ones consist of just toilets and maybe some vending machines, but the modern ones have pathways through picnic grounds, flower gardens, and even wooded areas, so you can walk or jog.  I've covered 7 miles in a day just by stopping at a rest stop every hour and circling the path once or twice.

Rest stops are perfect places for sausage sightings.  Men typically need to urinate every 2-3 hours, so on a 6-hour road trip, they'll be at the urinal at at least twice.

 Rest stops are also perfect places for boy watching:  glimpsing handsome faces, muscular physiques, and spectacular bulges as dozens of guys walk past every minute,

But what happens when you encounter supreme beauty, and there's no time to make a connection before he's gone forever?



The full post, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Jun 1, 2016

How to Survive the Top 10 Problems of Summer

It's June 1st, the first day of summer.

My least favorite season of the year, hot, boring, and depressing.  But I've managed to find solutions to the top 10 problems.

1. There's nothing to do during the daytime.

At least when I was a kid, there were summer enrichment classes, summer camps, Vacation Bible School, and the weekly visit of the bookmobile, but as an adult, it's sitting around the house for three months waiting for fall classes to begin.

Solution: Pursue a new hobby, like BDSM or hooking on Grinder.







2. There's nothing to do in the evening.

TV is all reruns, and the theater, opera, and ballet seasons are over.

Solution: Host a M4M party.  Advertise on Craigslist, and invite 20 gay and bi-curious guys over.  Nudity optional; prizes for the biggest and smallest endowments.

3. There is no night.

The sun doesn't go down until 9:00 pm.  You're wandering around in a creepy, eerie twilight until 10:00.

Solution: spend 6 pm -10 pm in a bathhouse, where it's always dark.

4. You gain weight.

I always pace while teaching my classes, so I cover easily 5 miles a day.  Without all that walking around, I gain weight.

Solution: Spend more time at the gym, particularly if it's a gay gym where you can do more than work out.


5. You're forced to "enjoy the outdoors."

Come on, the outdoors are what you go through to get places.  What's the fun in spending time there?  Yet your friends get upset when you "waste" a day indoors, and drag you off for swimming, boating, canoeing, or just wandering about.

Solution: when you are forced to "enjoy the outdoors," insist that everyone take their shirts off.  Concentrate on the muscles, and it will soon be over.

6. You're even forced to eat outside.

I've never understood the fun of eating on hard wooden benches, with the wind blowing napkins and paper plates around, and leaves and twigs and bugs falling all over the food.

Solution: Again, shirts off.


7. It's ungodly hot outside.

In the winter you can bundle up, but there's nothing you can do about getting drenched with sweat after walking half a block,

Solution: I had this problem all the time in Los Angeles and Florida.  Hot weather means clothes off, so there lots of opportunities for guy-watching.

8. It's ungodly cold inside.

After getting drenched with sweat, you walk into a building in a tank top and shorts, and face an Artic wind -- air conditioners are blasting away, and it's 60 degrees!

Solution:  Carry a warm sweater with you, and every time you walk into a building, put it on and pretend that it's December.  This will help alleviate your summer depression, too.

9. There are no good holidays.

Fall has Halloween and Thanksgiving, winter has Christmas and Valentine's Day, spring has Easter and St. Patrick's Day.  What does summer have?  In the U.S., Independence Day, the 4th of July, a holiday of jingoistic patriotism, noisy fireworks, and eating outside.

Solution: there are Gay Pride Festivals in hundreds of cities, mostly in June, some in July and August.  Go to as many as you can.

10. There's no escape.

If you don't like cold winters, for some crazy reason, you can fly south to balmy Los Angeles, Fort Lauderdale, or Phoenix.  But there's no place in North America that's cold during the summertime -- even Fairbanks, Alaska can hit 80 degrees.  You'd have to summer in Australia.

Solution: Only 88 more days until fall.

See also: Playing Outside; 34 Reasons to Like Summer

May 31, 2016

Time Warp: My Hookup Turns into a West Hollywood Trick

In the 1960s and 1970s, when gay men were overcoming years of oppression, they often tricked -- like today's hooking up, but quicker and far more dangerous: you invited the guy home with no preliminary questions, no exchange of phone numbers, no introducing him to your friends, no precautions of any sort.

 It was risky -- you could get robbed or assaulted -- but gay men of that era believed that they were a band of brothers, so no one you invited home could possibly have ill intent.

Tricking fell out of favor during the AIDS crisis of the 1980s, replaced by dating and sharing your friend's boyfriends, and then, in the 2000s, by hooking up, with lots of screening questions and precautionary measures.  No one tricks anymore.

Except last Sunday night, I did.




The full post, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Fall 1982: Prince Charles is Gay, And Other Things I Learned in College

In the fall of 1982,  I moved to Indiana University to work on my M.A. in English.  One night -- Saturday, September 25th, to be exact -- I bolstered my courage enough to walk the mile or so into downtown Bloomington and go into adult bookstore.  The clerk, an obese man in a dirty t-shirt, was watching Love Boat on a small black-and-white tv set.  I asked "Do you have anything gay?" and without looking up he jerked his thumb toward a rack near the bathroom.  It contained straight softcore porn like Playboy and Penthouse, but also the gay news magazines The Advocate, Christopher Street, and In Touch -- plus, on a bottom shelf, the directory, The Gayellow Pages.








I bought them all, along with a Playboy for cover, and rushed back to my dorm room, and read them all that night.  One of the articles listed 10 reasons why Prince Charles was...you know. (They didn't say "gay" for fear of a lawsuit): he was musical and artistic, enjoyed the theater, and often wore the color pink.   He was a hunk, with a tight, muscular physique.  And more importantly, he was never seen with women, but often seen with attractive men, some of whom worked as his "butlers" or "valets," where they had intimate access to his bedchamber.



But: Prince Charles' fairytale wedding to Lady Diana Spencer last year, in July 1981, was a major event, televised worldwide.  Their romance was the subject of two tv movies, both coincidentally airing a few days ago: Charles and Diana: A Royal Love Story on September 17th, and The Royal Romance of Charles and Diana on September 20th.   He had a son, Prince William, born July 1982.  (Prince Harry, bottom photo) would be born in 1984). How could he be gay?

 But he was well over 30 when he married, the article stated, and he picked Diana seemingly at random.  His mother, Queen Elizabeth, no doubt pressured him into it.  It was a screen.

At the time, I thought that gay people were physically, emotionally, and spiritually unable to engage in heterosexual relations, even as a screen, so I was astonished.


Thirty years later, Prince Charles is still the subject of gay rumors.  They may or may not be true.  But he was essential to my first realization that the gay world was more vast and complex than anything I had ever imagined.

See also: My First Visit to an Adult Bookstore

Lane's Date with Batman, Robin, and the Joker

West Hollywood, Spring 1991

Everybody in West Hollywood had a good celebrity dating story.

Older guys claimed that they had dated Marlon Brandon, Cary Grant, or Rock Hudson.

Younger guys claimed hookups with Scott Baio, Johnny Depp, or Keanu Reeves.

Everybody claimed sausage sightings of Rob Lowe, Tom Selleck, and Sylvester Stallone.

Since nearly every actor was closeted in those days, and vehemently denied any "accusations," it was hard to tell which story was real, which an exaggeration of a casual meeting, and which just wishful thinking.

But Lane didn't have any good stories.  Oh, he had dated some actors: a minor cast member of M*A*S*H,  the star of a Saturday morning tv show, a guy who played a Klingon on Star Trek.  But nobody really famous.

For someone who grew up a stone's throw from Paramount Studios, it was downright embarrassing.

"You can have my Celebrity Boyfriend," I told him one day.  "We broke up a while ago, but I'm sure I can arrange some sharing."

"The guy who starred in one tv show that nobody watched?  I'd rather stick to my M*A*S*H story."

"How about Michael J. Fox?"

"I don't want a getting-coffee story.  If I'm going to do this, I want at least a sausage sighting out of it!"

Then I had an inspiration:  "How about Cesar Romero?"

Lane frowned.  "The guy who played the Joker in the old Batman show?"

"You mean Sophia's boyfriend on The Golden Girls," I corrected him.  "And also the Cisco Kid.  And a Latin lover in about a hundred movies.  He was a big heartthrob, back in the day."

The rest of the story, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Fred Dryer's Nude Modeling Career

Hunter (1984-1991) aired during the Reagan-Bush years of conservative retrenchment, on Saturday nights, aimed at an audience of oldsters sitting at home complaining about how much better things when they were kids.  It took the new "tough on crime" stance -- forget about social programs, go out and break some heads -- with tough, trigger-happy Sgt. Hunter (Fred Dryer) and his female partner/eventual romantic interest McCall (Stephanie Kramer).

I never saw it; in West Hollywood we went out on Saturday nights (after The Golden Girls, of course).





Born in 1946, Fred Dryer spent 13 years as a pro-football player (for the Giants and the Rams), only hitting Hollywood after retiring in 1980.  He had "muscle stud" guest roles on Laverne and Shirley, Lou Grant, Hart to Hart, and Cheers, and a few man-mountain roles in movies: The Star Maker, The Kid from Nowhere, Something So Right, before being cast as uber-macho Sgt. Hunter.

Since Hunter ended in 1991, he's done several reprisal movies, and a sequel tv series (2003), plus some tough-cop movies.

There was a serial-killer-targeting-gays episode of Hunter, but otherwise no specific gay content in Dryer's works.  He's a hard-core Republican who supports the homophobic Tea Party movement.

So why does he have gay rumors?

Maybe it's just the incongruity of the uber macho having a "feminine" gay side.

Or the fact that he didn't marry until he was trying to make a go of Hollywood, and his marriage lasted for only five years.


Or this nude beefcake photo.

I don't know where it came from, but it looks like some of the physique photos gay magazines began to publish when the restrictions on nudity eased in the late 1960s.










Excpet in the late 1960s, Fred Dryer had hair.  Quite a lot of it.  This was the hippie generation, after all.

The uncensored photo is on Tales of West Hollywood


May 30, 2016

Bobbseys, Boxcars, and Beefcake

I was never much of a fan of the mystery genre, but many gay kids liked the gentle, pre-Hardy Boys exploits of The Famous Five or their American counterparts, the Bobbsey Twins and the Boxcar Children.

Laura Lee Hope’s Bobbsey Twins series lasted through 72 installments from 1904 to 1979.  Originally the two sets of twin siblings aged normally, but when the series was revised and extensively rewritten during the 1960s, Bert and Nan remained twelve (but behaved as adolescents), and Freddie and Flossie remained six (they all seemed to behave somewhat older than their "real" ages, or maybe that is just a reflection of the extra freedom kids had in earlier generations).  In the 1960s they also began to have more dramatic adventures in realistic locales, though the titles were still aimed at a youngish market: The Secret of Candy Castle, The Doodlebug Mystery, The Flying Clown.






Gay boys found most resonance in Bert, who was in his last days of childhood, still happy to play with his sister and younger siblings but obviously longing for emotional connections outside the group.  In fact, an ongoing theme of the books is the conflict between the comfort and safety of family and the need to “leave the nest” and find one’s own way in the world.  But girls play no part in any of the stories; instead, in nearly every book, in the midst of piecing out clues and solving mysteries, Bert goes off on his own with a boy.

The Boxcar Children were another group of siblings, Henry (14), Jessie (13), Violet (10), and Benny (6), orphans who moved into an abandoned boxcar in the 1924 novel by Gertrude Chandle Warner.  Then, in the late 1940s, Warner realized that the four would make ideal child-sleuths.  She had them adopted by their wealthy grandfather, Mr. Alden, who traveled around the country to keep track of his various business investments, thus providing lots of exotic locales for sleuthing.  Eighteen new installments appeared between 1949 and 1976, sending the kids to haunted houses, bedeveled ranches, mountain cabins, and seaside resorts.   The children age through the adventures, and by #19, Benny Uncovers a Mystery, Henry is in college.





Like Bert, Henry is trying to establish his independence while still remaining part of the family, but, unlike adolescent boys in children's media today, he is never portrayed as girl-crazy.  Instead, when his life outside the family appears in the novels, he is usually seen in the company of a boy (the girl on this cover is his sister).