Dec 13, 2014

He Walked Around the Horses

I'm a big fan of the paranormal, especially mysterious disappearances, people who suddenly and inexplicably vanish.

You and a friend are hiking in the woods.  He's a few paces ahead.  You see him go around a bend, but when you arrive, a second later, he's not there.

Your father walks out the front door of your house to go to the mailbox, a journey of 10 yards.  He is never seen again.

A man boards an airplane.  He is served by the flight attendant in flight.  When the plane lands, he is gone.

But the greatest of the "they never came back" stories happened on November 25th, 1809.  Benjamin Bathurst, a 25-year old British diplomat, was on the way to Vienna for  a meeting with Emperor Francis II.  He and his assistant, Krause, stopped for dinner at an inn in Perleberg, Germany.  When it was time to continue the journey, he walked around the horses to climb into his carriage.  Except he never made it to the carriage.

He was never seen again.

It was a journey of 10 feet.  He was out of Krause's sight for only a few seconds.

A few days later, his coat was discovered on a farm a mile north of Perleberg.  And his pants, in the woods near the town of Quitzow.




The gay connection:
1. Bathurst and his servant sharing a room.
2. Wherever he  went, he was naked when he arrived.

The story didn't get much press in 1809, but when it was rediscovered by Charles Fort in the 1920s, paranormal enthusiasts went wild.  It was repeated in every compendium of the unexplained.

Maybe he was abducted by aliens, or zapped into a parallel world.  Maybe he became a time traveler.  Or a vampire.

Many science fiction writers, including Poul Anderson, H. Piper Beam, Robert Heinlein, and Robert Bloch, have covered his story.

Recently debunkers have been pushing a more mundane explanation: that Bathurst was dragged back into the inn and murdered, with robbery or political assassination as the motive (it was a rough part of town, in the middle of the night).

An adaptation of H. Piper Beam's story He Walked Around the Horses will appear in February 2015, written and directed by Claude Miles, who will also play Benjamin Bathurst.  Miles has also appeared in such films as Trouser Snake (aka Penis Monster), The Last Temptation of Fluffy, Cow Tippers from Outer Space, Flying Saucers over Fetishland, and Tarzan's Teenage Daughter, so I'm going to guess that this will not be a serious production.

See also: Richard Halliburton

Dec 12, 2014

Spending the Night with Baptist Boys

When I finally managed to drop out of the Nazarene church, during my freshman year of college, my parents told me, "You don't have to be a Nazarene, but you can't be a heathen!  Find another church to go to!"

So I started going to my boyfriend Fred's United Methodist church. They thought that was ok.   A little too liberal, but ok.

After Fred and I broke up, I tried Catholic, Lutheran, and Russian Orthodox churches.  My parents were ok with that, too, as long as I didn't tell their Nazarene friends.

During my first year in grad school in Bloomington, Indiana, I joined the Baptist Student Fellowship.

My parents were horrified!

Nazarenes thought that Baptists were the ultimate evil.  At least the Catholics and Lutherans were open about worshipping idols and tearing apart the Bible, but the Baptists pretended to be Christians.

They believed the "once saved, always saved" heresy -- once you were saved, you could do whatever you wanted, from going to movies to dancing to saying bad words, and God wouldn't care.  Disgusting!


When I was a kid, the older boys at church whispered that since Baptists had no morals, they would "put out" for anybody.  So if you wanted a "sure thing" on a date, ask a Baptist girl.

The rest of the story, with uncensored photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Gay Connections of the "Christmas Story" Kids

A Christmas Story (1983) is not just about Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) lusting after a rifle and a lady-leg lamp.  There are other plots and gag bits, other actors who are forever known as for their parts in this long-ago movie, no matter what else they've done.  Many have a gay connection.


1. Zack Ward (the bully Farkus) has become an accomplished actor and beefcake hunk, with many credits on tv and in movies, including Just for Fun (1993), "a story of homophobia and gay-bashing," according to the IMDB.

Look for him as Dave, brother of the titular Titus (2000-2002) and slacker college student Murray in The Pink House (2003).


2. Yano Anaya (his crony, Grover) is, according to Linkedin, a personal trainer at the Atlanta School of Massage.














3. R.D. Robb (Schwartz, Ralphie's buddy) continued his acting career into adulthood (including a role in The Brady Bunch Movie as a nerd who kisses Marcia).  He is also involved in directing.  Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire agreed to star in his Don's Plum (2001), which includes a gay teenager, only on the condition that it not be shown in the U.S.













4. Ian Petrilla (Randy, Ralphie's kid brother) continued acting as a teen and later studied the art of puppeteering. He has worked with the Henson Company, and currently owns an animation company in L.A.

5. Scott Schwartz (Flick, who got his tongue stuck to a flag pole) later starred as The Toy, and then used his Flick notoriety to land roles in some heterosexual porn films (mostly in non-sexual roles).  Now he still does some non-porn acting, and runs a baseball card and nostalgia shop in California.  He's heterosexual.



Dec 11, 2014

Legends of the Superheroes: a Long-Forgotten Beefcake Fest

January 18, 1979, a Thursday night.  I was 18 years old, upstairs in the room I shared with my brother.

At 7:00, he turned on the tv.  I expected Mork and Mindy, but he turned the channel to Legends of the Superheroes, explaining that it was a sort of live--action version of The Challenge of the Superfriends on Saturday morning.

I hadn't watched Saturday morning tv for a few years, and I was never much interested in superhero cartoons like The Superfriends, but I let Ken watch, glancing over occasionally from my German textbook to see if there was any beefcake.

There was.

The premise: the Justice League of America from DC Comics  -- Batman, Robin, Green Lantern, Hawkman, Captain Marvel, the Huntress, and the Black Canary (have you ever heard of the last two?)  -- gather to celebrate the birthday of retired superhero Scarlet Cyclone.  Suddenly the Legion of Doom announce that they have planted a bomb in the headquarters, and offer them some clues on finding it.  The rest of the hour-long special involves the superheroes deciphering the clues.

Batman and Robin were played by Adam West and Burt Ward, reprising their roles from a decade before.  The other actors were unknown, at least to me

Garrett Craig bulged nicely in his Captain Marvel uniform.

But Bill Nuckols was the most memorable,  a massive bodybuilder, half-naked in his Hawkman costume.


Apparently there was a sequel the next week, a spoof of Celebrity Roasts, but I didn't see it.

There was no internet yet, no way to find out anything else about the beefcake stars, so I shuffled them into the back of my memory, and eventually forgot about them.

But recently, I found an interview with them about Legends of the Superheroes.


Garrett Craig, who was a stand-up comedian before  Legends of the Superheroes, did a little acting, but not much: Third Party Guest in The Blue Knight, a swimmer in Heaven Can Wait, and Richie in Starsky and Hutch.  He's currently a substitute teacher at an elementary school.

Bill Nuckols returned to bodybuilding, placing #6 in the AAU Mr. America competition.  His only tv and film credits are Moose on Sunset Cove, and Wally in Supertrain.  

But you can buy Legends of the Superheroes on DVD and marvel at this long-forgotten beefcake fest from 35 years ago.


Dec 10, 2014

My 12 Christmas Boyfriends

After my 15 Reasons to Skip Christmas post, you may think that I've had nothing but dreary, depressing, heterosexist holidays.

Actually, only about 30% of the Holiday Seasons I recall have been traumatic or otherwise unredeemably awful: getting sick, getting dumped, being bored to death, hearing that "Merry Little Christmas" song a thousand times, my dad yelling at us, the year my sister gave me office supplies.  50% have had a few redeeming moments, and 20% have been rather pleasant.

My top 12 have all involved boyfriends.







1. Tarzan: When I was seven years old, we drove six hours east to Indiana to spend Christmas with my Grandma Davis.  My brother and I got one present each; very stingy for Christmas in the 1960s!  Then, on January 1st, we drove home, and Santa Claus had come!  And he broke the bank!

I got a Tarzan Bopper, an inflatable full-sized punching bag that you could punch -- or pretend he was your boyfriend and hug.

We drove away from a house with nothing under the tree.  Surely Dad didn't sneak out, drive six hours back to Rock Island, and put out the presents.  How did they get there?

The rest of this post, with uncensored photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Dec 7, 2014

The Walking Dead: Gay People Unwelcome at the End of the World

I saw an episode or so of The Walking Dead on Netflix a couple of years ago.  I wasn't impressed.

It begins, like 28 Days Later, with Georgia cop Rick (Andrew Lincoln) awakening from a coma to discover that most of the population has turned into zombies, leaving only scattered bands of survivors.  He goes off in search of his wife and son.  The first survivor he meets is heartbroken because his wife has become a zombie.

That was more than enough heterosexism at the end of the world, thank you.

Recently I've begun watching again. We're in the middle of Season 3.  So far there have been innumerable other men who have lost their wives, plus a few women who have lost their husbands.  Apparently the zombies target only one half of each heterosexual couple. 

And there's been exactly one reference to the existence of LGBT people: when former prison inmate Axel (Lew Temple) joins the group, he complains that it doesn't have any eligible women: they're either too young, or already involved, and Carol (Melissa McBride) is a lesbian. She protests that she's not a lesbian -- she lost her husband to the zombies --she just happens to have short hair.

That's it.

The comic book series apparently introduces a gay couple in Issue 67: Andrew and Eric, "the only two gay guys left in the world," who live in the Alexandria, Virginia Safe Zone.  Eric is eventually killed, but Andrew survives and becomes a regular character.

The tv series hasn't gotten out of Atlanta yet, so there has been no opportunity to introduce Andrew and Eric.  You could invent gay characters of your own, of course, but every time a fan board suggests that this or that character might be gay, the producers summarily deny it. 


Norman Reedus (left), who plays Daryl Dixon, the redneck hunter (and the only one in the group who hasn't found a way to stay perfectly coiffed) states that his character is "prison gay," open to same-sex relationships if there aren't any women available.  But this apparently was his own decision in fleshing out the character, unknown to the producers.

There are no gay people in their series to date.

Are they making a homophobic statement about the survival chances of limp-wristed, fashion-obsessed swishes in a zombie attack?  

Or are they proclaiming, like Giles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, that with so many important survival issues, there is no room at the end of the world for discussions of "orientations"?  Except heterosexual orientations, of course.

Or are they just following tradition: except for a few low-budget indie pictures and Stephen King's Cell, gay people are always unwelcome at the end of the world.

But not to worry: there's plenty of beefcake, such as Shane (Jon Bernthal (top photo, Rick's cop buddy who slept with his wife while he was in a coma), and Glenn (Steven Yeun, left), a former pizza delivery boy who becomes the group's most skillful scout.

And there's plenty of same-sex buddy-bonding going on, sometimes between men who don't express any heterosexual interest (presumably they are still grieving over wives lost to the zombies).

So we can go back to what we did in the dark ages before Stonewall: find glimmers of meaning even when we are being told over and over again that we do not exist.

Or we can stop watching.

The Secretary: The Bottom Always Calls the Shots

It's not often that I agree to watch a movie about heterosexual romance, but Jeremy wanted to see The Secretary (2002), so I watched.

I wasn't happy:  first, it's set in a weird faux-retro world with cell phones and the internet, but everyone looks and acts and thinks like the 1950s No one has ever heard of the women's rights movement, or sexual harassment (turns out that it was actually based on a short story published in 1988).

Second: this is an utterly gay-free world, with not even a subtext to alleviate the heteronormativity.  I don't think two male characters are ever in the same room with each other.

Third: there's no beefcake.  There are full-body shots of naked women (I mean breasts, vagina, the works) in bed with fully-clothed men (I mean even the shoes stay on).

Still, I found something that accidentally resonated with my coming out experience.

The plot: repressed, emotionally unstable Lane (Maggie Gylenhall), who cuts herself, goes to work for repressed, emotionally unstable lawyer Mr. Grey (James Spader).  He is a very bad boss criticizing her hair and clothing, asking personal questions, and berating her for making typing errors.  After a particularly egregious error, he bends Lane over his desk and spanks her.

She loves it.

She begins making errors on purpose, so Mr. Grey will spank her again.



Soon he is dictating how she should get to work, what she should have for dinner, what she can do with her boyfriend (Jeremy Davies of Lost, playing yet another emotionally unstable person).

She loves that, too.  In fact, by allowing herself to be controlled, she blossoms, becoming more assertive, standing up to her weird parents, walking through the park alone for the first time in her life. She stops cutting herself.

Neither Lane nor Mr. Grey have any idea what is happening.  Why do they have the desire to control and be controlled? Is Mr. Grey evil?  Is Lane sick?  They have no vocabulary, no models, no explanations.  As far as they know, they are the only people in the history of the world who have felt this way.

They stumble about, searching for meaning.

I kept wanting to yell, "You nitwits, there's no big mystery -- you're into S&M!  There are clubs, newsletters, guidebooks, retail outlets!  Go online, and look it up!"

But then I thought about growing up in a world where same-sex desire absolutely did not and could not exist, where gay people were never mentioned or written about in books.  I was stumbling about in the dark, without even a name.

And, as far as I knew, no other person in the history of the world had ever felt this way.

In case you're wondering, Lane does do some research, figures out what S&M is, and then demands that they start a full-time dominant/submissive romance.  Mr. Grey reluctantly gives in.

The bottom always calls the shots.

See also: Finding Larry's Fetish.; and Fetish 101.