May 20, 2017

My Nephew Tries to Turn a Boy Gay

Wilton Manors, March 2003

One morning in March 2003, just after I got back from visiting West Hollywood and San Francisco for spring break, my mother called -- at 6:00 am!   "Your nephew is in jail!" she exclaimed.

"Wait  -- ?" I asked, confused -- that's not the sort of thing you expect to hear first thing in the morning.  "What did he do?"

"He's accused of breaking and entering and sexual assault."

Sexual assault?  That's a very serious charge, the Illinois equivalent of rape.  "Who did he...assault?"

"It was a boy -- a college boy, one of his classmates," Mom said, the accusation barely hidden in her voice.  She thought it was my influence, that I somehow encouraged my nephew to 'turn' gay and commit....

"Hey, in no way do I condone assault!  No means no!  Besides, how much influence could I have on him?  I barely see any of Kenny's kids, and I haven't told them that I'm....you know."

I wasn't out to Kenny's kids, although Joel, the youngest, had figured it out.  I lived on the other side of the country, and saw them only briefly, with their parents.  We never hung out or went places alone.  I gave them Christmas but not birthday presents.  We weren't at all close.

"Well -- that's what happened.  That's what the other boy is saying, anyway."

Maybe it was a misunderstanding, a hookup that went wrong, a college boy experimenting who got cold feet.  "What does Joel say happened?"

Kenny had three sons and a stepson, but the only one who gave me a gay vibe was Joel, age 17, a punk rock singer with green hair and a nose ring.  He was kind of androgynous, and he asked me to "teach him about gay sex" three years ago.  But Mom said, "It wasn't Joel, it was Ethan."

"Ethan! But he's...a..." I stopped myself from saying "a good kid," but Ethan, Kenny's oldest, was, in fact, "good": quiet, gentle, polite.  No one you would ever think of as capable of a violent crime.

 He was 21 years old, in his junior year at Olivet, the Nazarene college, majoring in either nursing or computer science -- I didn't remember which.  Tall, big-boned, with a barrel chest, thick arms, and big hands.  Scruffy dirty-blond hair, a little fuzz on his chin, blue eyes.

He was a troubled kid.

He suffered from panic attacks, paranoia, and depression. He was seeing a counselor, and taking some kind of medication.

Once he ran away from home and was gone for five days.

Once he ran out of church screaming that he had committed the Unpardonable Sin, and couldn't ever be saved.

Maybe it was caused by the trauma of his mother dying when he was six years old, or bullying from his brothers and stepbrothers, or the overcrowding in that rambling house downtown. or  overzealous Nazarene discipline.

Or internalized homophobia.  Was Ethan gay?





The full story, with nude photos and explicit sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Beefcake and Gay Characters in "Dear White People"

Dear White People (2014) was a comedy-drama about black students at an elite Ivy League school facing microaggressions, institutional racism, and "There's no racism here!"  Samantha White (Tessa Thompson) broadcasts a Dear White People program, which is lambasted for "reverse racism" by Kurt (Kyle Gallner), the president's son and head of the most prestigious fraternity on campus. In retaliation, Kurt hosts a Halloween party where the guests dress as black stereotypes.

The comedy-drama tv series Dear White People (2017), currently airing on Netflix, deals with the aftermath of the party.  There's an ongoing plot arc, but every episode centers on a different character.

Troy (Brandon P. Bell, left) finds his chances for becoming student body president jeopardized when Kurt films evidence of his affair with African-American Studies professor Neika.


Sam (Logan Browning) is incensed when her white boyfriend Gabe (John Patrick Amedori) reveals their relationship on Instagram.

















Lionel (DeRon Horton), a nerdy journalism student, comes out and negotiates a crush on his roommate, Troy, and the unrequited attraction of fruity newspaper editor Silvio (D. J. Blickenstaff).









At a party, Reggie (Marque Richardson) is held at gunpoint by a police officer for being black.







The gay content is not done very well: there are two bisexual characters, both horndogs who grab at everything in sight, and three gay characters, Lionel and two flamboyant stereotypes.

And I'm not sure about Troy -- is the guy stupid, or deliberately leading Lionel on with statements like "I need something, and you're the only one who can give it to me" and "I want you to do something for me in the bathroom."

But tv series most often present the myth that racism doesn't exist, or exists only among alt-right bigots, so it's interesting to see institutional racism being played out.

And there's a tremendous amount of beefcake.

Kurt (Wyatt Nash), who happens to be Troy's childhood best friend.



Al (Jemar Michael, who posted this underwear pic in real life.  Interesting that his right nipple sits below his pec).
















Kordell (Brandon Black)





10 Shirtless Photos of Ben Schreiner, Sort Of

Someone said that Ben Schreiner, who appeared on six episodes of You Can't Do That on Television in 1984, near the end of its run, is gay.

Ok, I never heard of him, so I did an internet search.

He must be in his late 40s now.






I'm usually good at internet searches, but there are just so many Ben Schreiners in in the world.

The owner of a construction company in Topeka
A freelance writer in Oregon
A cycling enthusiast in England.
A salesman for a steel company in Vancouver.
A banker in Luxembourg.
A student in Heidelberg
A designer at the Greenheck Fan Company in Wausau, Wisconsin.

I'm not sure which is our Ben, but this one is cute.






So, maybe there are some shirtless shots of the adult Ben Schreiner floating around out there.  When I did a search on google images, here's what popped up.

Nice abs, but too young to be the right Ben, unless this photo was taken 20 years ago,













This is the salesman from Vancouver.  Apparently he used to be a model.


















A football player shirtless in the rain.

More after the break.















May 19, 2017

You Can't Do That on Television

In 1981, the new children's network Nickelodeon was filling space with anything it could find, from 1930s-era Warner Brothers cartoons to the teen soap Degrassi Junior High to the old British series Danger Mouse.  One of its happier acquisitions was You Can't Do That on Television (YCDTOT), a sketch comedy series which premiered in 1979 in Canada.  It lasted until 1990, bringing on an endless array of kids (over 100 in all) to mock the conventions, fears, and idiocies of the preteen world.

Everything from the standard (tedious homework, nonsensical school rules, horrible cafeteria food) to the edgy (racism, gender roles, divorce).

And a lot for gay boys to like.


1. The boys in the cast appeared shirtless or in their underwear constantly, in nearly every episode.  Gay preteens must have been mesmerized.

Unfortunately, cast members usually retired when they hit adolescence, but there were a few exceptions to provide beefcake for the teenagers, such as Alasdair Gillis (above and left).











And Kevin Kubusheski.








2.  Two ongoing bits reflected gay kids' anxiety over desires that the adults insisted could not and did not exist.  In one, a boy is about to be executed by firing squad, yells "Stop the execution," and cleverly talks his way out of it.  In another, a boy is in a dungeon, hands manacled over his head, being interrogated and tortured (usually by being slobbered on).



3. Gender stereotypes were frequently critiqued.  Boys dressed as ballerinas, played with dolls, disliked sports, and were bad at math. Girls worked on cars and wore leather jackets.

4. Although gay people were never mentioned, the critique of the most cherished myths and preconceptions of childhood helped gay kids recognize that the myth of universal heterosexual desire could be critiqued as well.


The Beefcake Bonanza of Hula Boy Memorabilia

The hula is a traditional Hawaiian interpretive dance accompanied by music.  Although practiced for hundreds of years, it did not become widely known outside Hawaii until the Tiki Craze of the mid-20th century brought various aspects of Polynesian culture to restaurants, bars, and game rooms across the U.S.

Men and women both performed, and not in grass skirts -- women wore pa'us, and men malo loincloths.

You can find a lot of hula boy memorabilia in antique shops and on ebay.  You may have to buy boy and girl figurines and throw out the girl, or endure the sappy heterosexist "He's looking for a hula girl," but you can get some nice retro Hawaiian beefcake.







A very muscular figure in a beige grass skirt.

















Car bobbler with the same face as the above figure, but different hair.  A skirt of real fibers and a ukelele.

















A rare ceramic figure from the 1950s.  Not exactly hula, but he has a ukelele and a flower lei.














This hot cartoonish Hawaiian guy is decked out like Father Christmas.  He's actually on wall paper; his "hula girl" is on the next panel.

More after the break.














The Boy Meets He-She


Boy Comics, aka Boy Illustories, was a Golden Age comic book (1942-1956) with a revolving cast of boy heroes: a boxer, a pilot, a Tarzan clone.


















But the star was Crime Buster, aka Chuck Chandler, a muscular teenager who pulled his underwear over his school hockey uniform, added a blue cape and a monkey sidekick, and set out to foil super-villains, notably the Nazi Iron Jaw.





After the war he dumped the cape and white shorts and wore a standard hockey shirt and blue pants.  He started having high school adventures involving bullying, sports, and stealing test answers from the deans' office.

But he kept the monkey sidekick.














His oddest nemesis was "He She," who appeared in Boy Comics 9 (1943): not a transgender person, but a "half man, half woman," actually male on one side, female on the other. "The deadliest of the species is the female!  The strongest of the species is the male!"

He-She marries a woman for her money (I'm not sure how the courtship worked), and when she discovers he-she's secret, kills her -- and escapes easily just by changing his profile.

The confused Crimebuster then says "Pardon me, Ma'am, did a villain just run past here?"

Twice.


May 18, 2017

Fabian Forte at the Beach


Born in 1943, Fabian (he didn't need a last name) was a superstar by age 16.  He was a competent singer, but in a market flooded by teen singers, it was his curly hair, heavy-lidded gaze, and buffed physique that sold his records.  He practically created the teen magazine market, with beefcake pinups boosting the sales of Teen Magazine, Teen Live, Teen Illustrated, and many others.  He even got his own magazine, Fabian: Boy of Mystery.  

After his film debut in Hound Dog Man (1959), buddy bonding with Stuart Whitman, Fabian played androgynous, gay-vague, girl-crazy teens against any number of men's men: Robert Mitchum, Bing Crosby, Stewart Granger, John Wayne.




Surrounding a fey teen idol with all that brawn created a problem: the boy simply did not seem straight, in spite of his girl-ogling, especially when he sang.  So, when Henry Koester directed Fabian, he simply gave up.  

Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1962) has Fabian on stage for about five minutes, long enough to dance with Jimmy Stewart's daughter and sing "Cream Puff."








He gets slightly more screen time in Dear Brigitte (1965), but no songs, and though he buddies around with Jimmy Stewart's next daughter, he is never identified as her boyfriend and never gets physical with her.  Instead, his part of the plot involves exploiting math prodigy Erasmus Leaf (Billy Mumy) for capitalist gain.










Ride the Wild Surf (1964) capitalizes on the star's androgyny.  College student Jody (Fabian) hits Hawaii's North Shore with his buddies Steamer (Tab Hunter) and Chase (Peter Brown), to surf amid crowds of male surfers and spectators (only a few girls). Surfing becomes intensely homoerotic spectacle: they stand, their power distilled into a sharp thrust of surfboard, and explode toward the shore, all bronze chests and thick biceps, war-whooping a triumph over the elements that has nothing to do with heterosexist civilization.




Should Jody stay in Hawaii forever, luxuriating in the male beauty, living as a beach bum, or get a girl, go back to college, and settle for the staid heterosexist future of wife, kids, job, and house?  You know how it will end -- he picks the girl. Yet there is no fade out boy-girl kiss: Jody wins a surfing contest and is enveloped by his jubilant buddies, all hugging and hollering, a solid mass of men as the camera pans out to a wide-angle shot of surf and sky.

Fabian continued to act through the 1960s and 1970s, starring in Fireball 500  and Thunder Alley with Frankie Avalon, in an adaption of Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians, in a cautionary tale about the dangers of marijuana.  And he continued to display his physique, including nude shots in Playgirl.  

You can see the nude photos on Tales of West Hollywood.

Today he is still performing, based out of Branson, Missouri.

I Become a Birthday Present at the Horseman's Club

Back before I met Troy, who doesn't care for traveling, I used to go to Europe at least once a year, sometimes twice, usually at Christmastime or in the spring.  I flew into Paris or Amsterdam, whichever was cheaper, and split my time between the two cities, with an overnight in Brussells in between.

I was always careful to be in Amsterdam on Sunday night, for the Horseman's Club meeting at the Argos Bar on Warmoesstraat.

A club for guys with 20 cm (about 8 inches) or more beneath the belt.

I don't meet those standards, but I usually just took my shirt off and got waved through without measuring.  When they did measure, I was sometimes graded A (20 cm and over) and sometimes B (17-20 cm).

It was a social club -- no sex, but most guys sneaked into isolated corners for some groping or oral anyway.  Guys had to get naked or strip  to their underwear.

I usually found someone to go home with.  In 2003, a bodybuilder named Janik asked me to stay on in the Netherlands and become his lover.  I almost agreed.

In 2006, I met a Dutch-Caribbean-African guy with a gigantic Kovbasa, who invited me home to become the birthday present of his younger brother.

The rest of this story is on Tales of West Hollywood.

May 17, 2017

Lou Ferrigno and Bill Bixby: Bodybuilder and Buddy

Speaking of bodybuilder buddies, when Bill Bixby finished his gay subtext series My Favorite Martian and The Courtship of Eddie's Father,  he cashed in on the 1970s superhero craze in The Incredible Hulk (1977-82).

He played the antiheroic Marvel comic book character Bruce Banner, heterosexualized by being renamed David (Bruce "sounded too gay") and a getting a dead wife. When he gets angry, David transforms, Jekyll-Hyde style, into the green-skinned, muscular Hulk, who has super-strength, subhuman intelligence, and a nasty temper.  Fortunately the Hulk knows enough to avoid harming good guys or bystanders, and he usually disarms or scares the bad guys rather than killing them.



Like The Fugitive, David is wandering the countryside, trying to find a cure for his "problem," fleeing an tabloid reporter (Jack Colver) obsessed with him, and getting involved with people's personal lives along the way.









The Hulk was played by 26-year old bodybuilder Lou Ferrigno (left and top), a multiple Mr. Universe and Mr. America contender whom I met when I was working for Muscle and Fitness; he appeared on the cover at least once a year.

Other than the documentary Pumping Iron, this was his first screen appearance, but soon his physique and his inspiring story -- he had been nearly deaf since childhood, and had a slurred voice -- propelled him into fame.  After The Incredible Hulk, he had starring roles in Hercules (1983), Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989), The Cage (1989, with James Shigeta as the villain), and The Incredible Hulk TV Series (1996-97), where the Hulk could speak.   A special favorite of kids, he appeared as himself on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?


I don't know if there were any gay subtexts in the series -- it was on Friday nights, so I never saw it -- but there was an off-screen bromance.  Bill became Lou's mentor and confidant, and like Paul Newman and Rocky Graziano twenty years before, they were often seen socializing together off the set.

I remember them coming into the Muscle and Fitness editorial office together, looking for all the world like a gay couple, especially Bill in his tan suit and sunglasses.

In his memoirs, Lou stated that he doesn't like to watch The Incredible Hulk now because it is too sad.  Bill "was like a brother to me.  We grew together.  I miss him."

Bill Bixby was a gay ally, of course, and Lou Ferrigno always seemed perfectly fine with the adulation of gay fans.  When he appeared on the reality series The Apprentice, he was fine with the elderly gay icon George Takei commenting on his  hotness of his semi-nude body, but got upset over a joke that criticized his fashion sense.

Lou is now appearing on the webseries The Incredible Ferrignos, in which his entire family, all certified personal trainers, offer make-overs to families with unhealthy diet and exercise habits.

Lou Ferrigno, Jr., (born 1984) starred in two of David DeCoteau's nearly-gay movies: 1313: Hercules Unbound! (2012) and 1313: Night of the Widows (2012).

I get more of a gay-friendly vibe from Brent (born 1990).  He's not an actor, but you can see lots of shirtless pix on his facebook page.

See also: Guess Which Celebrities I've Dated.

May 16, 2017

The Beefcake Bonanza of Surfing Ads, Logos, Decals, and Miscellanea

If you're a collector of beefcake art, check out surfing miscellanea: decals, logos, posters, and ads, meant to be thrown away after use, and so quite rare today.  You can get some surfing history and culture along with the muscular guys.

This is a parking sticker attesting membership in the San Onofre Surfing Club.  (San Onofre is a state park about 80 miles south of West Hollywood.)









Distressed wooden surfboards frame the decal for the North Shore Longboard Club in Oahu, Hawaii.

















A wooden plaque advertising the North Shore of Hawaii.


















Waikiki Beach, south of Honolulu, where the Hawaiian royalty surfed on longboards.  This plaque shows three hot guys and a surfing dog wearing a lei.



















La Côte des Basques is a beach in Biarritz, in the Basque country of southern France.  La Côte Basque was a famous restaurant in New York City.

More after the break.













Ryan's Three-Way with Harry Styles

Plains, October 2016

In search of celebrity dating and hookup stories, I've been asking all the gay men I know, with little luck.  But I got a good one last night, from of all places, Ryan H., the college track star I met two weeks ago while driving through small-town Illinois on the way back from a funeral.

Last night we were chatting on Facebook's instant messenger:

Ryan:  I have one for you.  Me and Harry Styles.

Me: For real, or a fantasy?  

Ryan:  Real.  Summer before last.

I quickly wikipedia Harry Styles.  Born 1994, member of the boy band One Direction from 2011 to 2015, five albums, five Brit Awards and four MTV Music Video Awards, "Live While We're Young" hit #3 on the U.S. charts, and "Best Song Ever" #2.  Just signed with Columbia as a solo artist.  

Me: So summer of 2015.  You were...17?  

Ryan:  Right.  Just after my junior year in high school.

Me: So how did you meet Harry Styles in your small town in Illinois?

Ryan: No, LOL, it was in Indianapolis [two hours away].  My family goes down for the weekend several times a year.  We go to a Pacers game or a concert, go to the Children's Museum, that sort of thing.  Well, this time my friend Sam came along, and there were so many of us that we got our own hotel room.

Me:  Were you and Sam a couple?

Ryan: Sam?  LOL.  He's a year younger than me, and straight!  I just like older guys.  But he's a sweetheart, my cuddly bae.  So we had it all planned out.  After they were all in bed, I snuck out -- Sam covered for me, right -- and I walked about seven blocks to the Metro [a gay club on Massachusetts Avenue.]

Me:  You got in ok?

Ryan:  I had a fake id, and besides, look at me!  I've been flashing a smile to get whatever I want since I was little.

Me:  Well, you are rather cute.

Ryan: Def!  So I'm into silver foxes, hot ones like you, and this one really hot guy piques my interest -- in his fifties, tall distinguished, white hair and beard, nice muscular chest.  But he's already hitting on this cute, long-haired twink.  I don't care -- I go up and flash my smile anyway.

Me: Planning to steal the Silver Fox away?

Ryan: I don't know.  I thought maybe a three-some -- I never had one of those before. So I flash my smile, and Silver Fox gets that dopey grin -- the one you got when you saw me, right?  And the guy he's with looks a little jealous.  And I see it's Harry Styles from One Direction.  I was never a big fan, but every girl in school was into him, so I recognized him instantly.

The rest of the story is too risque for Boomer Beefcake and Bonding.  You can see it on Tales of West Hollywood.

May 15, 2017

I Prove I'm Not Gay by Kissing a Guy

Many non-runners don't realize that runners get harassed a lot.  People yell out criticisms, slurs, and epithets, Over the years, I've heard:

"Run faster!"
"Run!  Maybe you'll catch up with them!"
"Where's the fire?"
"You lost your pants?"

And the standard array of epithets:
"Fag!"
"Fruit!"
"Dork"
"Wimp!"

They throw things or spit out of cars.

They mimic your actions,

They try to trip you.

Sometimes they even attack.



Rock Island, June 1976

It was the summer after my sophomore year at Rocky High, about a month after my date with King Carl Gustav of Sweden.  I had been running for a few months, in preparation for joining the track team in the fall (which never happened).

I know now that you should always vary your route and time o day, to minimize harassment, but in 1976 I always followed the same route: down 20th Avenue to 38th Street, down to 31st Avenue, over to 24th, up to 18th, and back, about three miles.

At the same time of day.

Past a school.





I know, dumb!

As I passed, I always saw a group of three boys, one junior high age, two younger, playing basketball or hanging out in the school yard.  Sometimes they were in a kiddie pool in the front yard of one of the houses across the street.

The junior high boy was sort of cute, with thick brown hair, and a tan chest with pinprick nipples, but too young for me (I was 15, and he was probably 13 or 14).  So I didn't pay him much attention.

Not even the day he grabbed his crotch and yelled "Fag!" while his cronies laughed.

The full story, with nude photos and a forced kiss, is on Tales of West Hollywood.