Gemstones Episode 3.5: A gay boy's bare butt, a pukka shell necklace, castration anxiety, and three random cocks

This is the G-rated version of the review, with no nude images or explicit sexual discussions.

Link to the nude images 

Episode 3.4 concludes with the family in disarray. Both BJ and Keefe have broken up with their partners in the aftermath of a betrayal, Jesse and Pontius are sparring, and the Montgomery Boys are secretly planning a violent retribution. 

Title: "Interlude III." The interludes are meant to build suspense by postponing the action for two weeks, plus give us some background on the major characters.  Interlude I centered on Jesse, and Interlude II on Kelvin, so I imagine that this time it will be Judy.

Judy's Back Story: Rogers High School, 2000.  High school-aged Judy tries to flirt with her crush, art student Trent (Braxton Alexander), by throwing her hair over his desk.  He asks her to stop several times, but she says "You know you like it, Stud," embarrassing him in front of the class.  Finally he gets even by cutting her hair. Wait -- why isn't the super-rich Judy in private school?

She doesn't notice until the girls in the restroom laugh at her.  Then she storms into band practice and smashes his saxophone, yelling "I liked you, asshole!  I loved you!"

Some fans wonder whether Trent is gay.  Of course, lots of straight guys would reject Judy's vulgar come-ons, but Trent wears a pukka shell necklace: according to my research, around 2000, that was a queer code, a way to identify other gay people while leaving the straights oblivious. Plus he's an artist and a musician.  "Artistic" and "musical" are  often code for "gay."

Y2K is Real:  Remember the Y2K panic that Eli and his wife Aimee-Leigh profited from?  A reporter from Time Magazine shows Eli the commercial, telling folks that God wanted them to buy Gemstone Brand survival buckets, first aid kits, commode liners, and so on.  "So...do you think it's ethical to scare people and then benefit from that fear-mongering?" 

"I was trying to help."

"You said that Jesus told you that Y2K was real.  Who was wrong, Jesus or you?"

Kelvin's Little Tiny Doll Pecker: College-age Jesse brings his girlfriend Amber home to meet the family. Is she pregnant?  Gideon is going to be born in a year or less.

At dinner, Judy criticizes her for coming from a poor family.   Jesse says "Suck my dick!", and she responds "I want a meal, not a snack."  

Kelvin laughs: "That was good.  She means you have a tiny little titi" (pronouncced tih-tee).  Jesse then criticizes Kelvin's "tiny little doll pecker."  It is probably perfectly normal for a prepubescent boy, but Kelvin doesn't know that.

Presumably the adult Kelvin is the same size as the well-hung Adam Devine, yet the siblings continue to disparage his penis into adulthood. How, exactly, do they see it?  My sister has never seen mine.  The result is a paralyzing fear of sexual intimacy that jeopardized every potential romantic connection before Keefe.  And only Keefe's superhuman devotion kept him by Kelvin's side as he vacillated between withholding sex and demanding it constantly.

Background Note: "Titi" is a type of shrub, a type of monkey,  your aunt, and an unattractive drag queen. Apparently the writers invented the "penis" meaning to bring to mind the adult Kelvin's obsession with "titty meat."

The Snake Handler. After a scene where Judy bullies Amber and steals her ring, setting up their squabbles in the present, we cut to a service at Peter Montgomery's Pentecostal-like snake-handling church.  Actually, he's the only one playing with a snake, while his sons play the guitar and violin, and his wife May-May goes into a filled-with-the-Spirit ecstasy. 

Background note: Snake-handling, based upon the injunction to "take up serpents" in Mark 16:17, was introduced by the Church of God with Signs Following during the Great Depression, and spread throughout Appalachia.  Today the practice is illegal in most Southern states, including South Carolina, and there are no more than 100 snake-handling churches left.  

In Them That Follow (2019), Walton Goggins (Baby Billy) plays the pastor of a snake-handling church.

Gemstone-Montgomery Tensions: At the Gemstone Compound,  May-May complains about having to identify herself at the security station, just to put flowers on her father's grave. "You can visit the grave whenever you want," Aimee-Leigh assures her. "We'll have security flag you right on through." But she's not satisfied. Geez, he's been dead since 1995. Haven't you figured out the visitation schedule by now?

Later she bosses Peter around and rejects every effort of Aimee-Leigh to be friendly, suggesting a long-standing feud.  We can see parallels in Amber and Judy in the present.

Gay boys and bare butts after the break

The Gay Pride Shirt: Continuing her harassment, May-May criticizes any idiot who believed that Y2K was real.  Peter looks nervous. Uh-oh, did he sink his money into Gemstone Brand survival supplies?  

Yep -- later, he tells Eli that he spent the family's life savings on a warehouse full of Y2K buckets to sell after the world ended, but the world didn't end, and now no one will by them. So you criticize Eli for profiting from the Y2K panic, but you were planning the same thing.  

Eli offers to buy his stock back.

Meanwhile, the Gemstone and Montgomery kids ride four-wheelers, then watch Jesse smash stuff with his Redeemer.  Wait -- the swingset -- this is the site of the Season 3 finale, coming up in a few episodes!

Kelvin is wearing a t-shirt with a row of multicolored hibiscus flowers, a flowered shirt, and a pukka-shell necklace similar to Trent's.  Some fans suggest that his shirt features a pride rainbow, but in-universe, his mother or a professional buyer is picking out his clothes at this point, and they would hardly be thinking of LGBTQ Pride.  Costumer designer Christina Flannery wanted to subtly suggest that Kelvin is gay, not imply that he is self-aware.

Castration Anxiety: There are dozens of protesters at the Salvation Center, claiming that Eli and Aimee-Leigh grifted them, and demanding their money back. Geez, what's the problem?  That stuff could be used as general survival supplies or even camping gear. Aimee-Leigh offers a lackluster non-apology.

Meanwhile, Kelvin cheers as Jesse drives the Redeemer: "That is the coolest thing ever!"  Jesse calls it "the moist maker," referencing lady parts, but Kelvin doesn't understand. Well, he's only eleven.  I didn't know about lady parts getting moist until I started watching this show.  

Uh-oh, Amber's ring is missing.  Kelvin thinks that Judy stole it: she steals a lot of things, dragging him to the mall to distract the salesclerk while she shoplifts. She threatens to cut "his private off" if he tells their parents.  It's not enough to make fun of his dick size, you have to introduce castration anxiety, too?  

I made a mistake:  At their after-church lunch, Peter owns up to the money he lost investing in Y2K gear. May-May rushes to confront Eli: "You tricked him!  You did this on purpose to punish me!" Yep, just like Judy, it's all about you. "But Eli is going to buy it back!"  "Nope, we're not taking his money.  It's evil!"  

Remember in Episode 3.1, May-May attacks Aimee-Leigh for "what you done to my family"?  I can't see here that Aimee-Leigh did anything; she's been perfectly nice.  It's all on May-May for bullying Peter and refusing to let Eli help.

Later, Eli and Aimee-Leigh discuss the Y2K scare.  They never believed that it would really happen. So Jesus never warned you about it?  Was selling all that stuff dishonest?  They're not sure. 

Then they discuss how often they smack their kids -- not nearly enough -- and make fun of Judy's "minor undiagnosed mental problems -- nothing a rubber room won't fix." Ulp, Judy is eavesdropping! 

All sensitivity: Jesse rushes into Judy's room to yell at her for stealing Amber's ring, but she is so distraught over her parents' ridicule that he ends up consoling her.  He explains that they both get angry easily, because they take after their father, whereas Kelvin "is more like Mama that way.  He handles things more like a girl does. Just sensitivitively and stuff."   Sounds like he is identifying Kelvin as feminine/gay at an early age.

Left: Braxton Alexander's stunt butt.

To get revenge on Trent for the hair-cutting, Jesse breaks into the school dressed as Slenderman and bashes his face with a cymbal.  Surprisingly, that doesn't knock him out or kill him.  

Next Jesse shaves his head and pantses him. The other students all point and laugh.  He turns around, but now everyone is laughing at his penis! Ulp -- like Kelvin, the adult Trent will face fears of sexual inadequacy.

Left: not Trent's dick.

Peter's Fall:  In a very effective staging decision, we are looking through the window of a coffee shop as Peter enters the bank across the street. We hear screams and gunshots.  People rush out, followed by Peter and the security guard. Our view is obscured by cars driving past and the condiments on the table, but it looks like they exchange gunfire and collapse. Peter has been shot in the face and the leg. The security guard is dead.     The end.

Random dicks and stunt butts on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See: Braxton Alexander, Model

Braxton Alexander: Three heterosexual boyfriends, three serial killers, one saxophone, and three bare butts