My 16 favorite Gemstone d*cks, displayed on the show or off

The Righteous Gemstones was unique in its enthusiastic portrayal of men's frontsides, in nearly every episode. Plus a number of the actors who didn't get a chance to show their stuff on the show have obligingly posted pictures on the internet.  Here are my favorites, some huge, some not, but all a pleasure to watch.

Link to the uncensored list

1. Stephen Schneider (left) as Stephen had an affair with Judy Gemstone in Season 3.  Her husband BJ burst into his house, and fought him to reclaim his manhood. The actor was offered a prosthetic, but he wanted to perform with au naturel.  I can see why.

2. Blair Jackson played the boyfriend of Dot Nancy, whom Kelvin Gemstone is trying to draw away from Satan, in Season 1.  Off-camera, he has shown us his stuff.

3. Walton Goggins.  In our first view of the elderly grifter Baby Billy, he stands up in his bathtub to reveal superheroic proportions.  It re-appeared so often in Season 4 that even gay male viewers got tired of it.

4. Stephen Dorf,  who played the nasty, homophobic, and probably gay megachurch pastor Vance Simkins, goes big in a movie from 2005.. 

5. Jak Kriskowski appeared in a scene where Pontius enrolls in military school.  His scene was cut, but Jak joined the army in real life, and has given us a peek..

6, Kelton Dumont, as wild child Pontius Gemstone, was caught with girlfriend and jumped up and tried to hide it. After a lot of photo manipulation, you still can't see much, but I found a few other possibilities.

7. Adam Devine: To our disappointment, Kelvin Gemstone showed his backside quite often, but never his front. Probably because the dude is canonically small, and the actor is obviously not. We've seen it several times in his movies.

8. Cullen Moss as the security guard hot for Gideon's boyfriend Scotty.  He is on display in a 2021 movie.

More after the break.  

Montgomery Brothers Manscaping: If you've got a d*ck, we're on it

 

Link to the n*de photos

This is a fake ad for Montgomery Brothers Manscaping, featuring Karl and Chuck Montgomery (Robert Oberst, Lukas Haas) from Righteous Gemstones Season 3.  Tumblr didn't get the joke, and deleted my account for "commercial activity"

Montgomery Brothers Manscaping

For all your manscaping needs
Beards, pits, pecs, pubes
"If you've got a d*ck, we're on it."

Karl Montgomery is not only an owner, he's a customer.

No job too big or too small.

Need your chest chiseled for the beach?

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.1: Junior likes d*cks, Kelvin likes pecs, and f*k yeah, we got both!

 

Link to NSFW review

Righteous Gemstones Season 2 is my favorite.  Season 1 muddled the Gideon-Scotty plotline, Season 3 had some infuriating queerbaiting, and Season 4 was rushed and muddled, but Season 2 did the Kelvin/Keefe and Junior/Eli romances exactly right.    

Memphis Soul Stew: Memphis, 1968. Teenage Eli Gemstone, the Maniac Kid (Jake Kelley), is playing a heel, a pro wrestling villain: "from the wrong side of the tracks, a newcomer to the League, all muscle, all attitude."  He fights dirty, pretending to reconcile with opponent Kyle Hawk, then throwing him out of the ring.  

As he fights, his manager Glendon Marsh (Wayne Duvall) cheers. Glendon's teenage son Junior (Tommy Nelson) watches, sometimes happy but usually disturbed.  Is he jealous of the attention Eli is getting?  Is he a rebellious teenager during the era of the Generation Gap?.

Junior is gay: In the locker room, Glendon offers Eli "some bonus pay on the South Side," while Junior looks on, smoking a cigarette, still either jealous or angry. As they leave, they pass a n*de guy.  Junior is so busy looking that he trips, and then looks back again.  The boy is definitely into men.

Jim Crow Must Go:  As they drive through a black neighborhood on the South Side of Memphis, near where Martin Luther King, Jr. will be assassinated on April 4th.  Junior looks out at the townsfolk in disgust. 

Suddenly they are surrounded civil rights protestors: "Jim Crow must go!" "We protest injustice."  Junior calls them "bums," which was usually applied to hippies, not African-Americans, leading me to believe that something changed between writing the script and hiring the background actors.  Glendon punches him: "they just want what everybody wants, a piece of the fucking pie."

Ok, Junior is racist, and Glendon is abusive, but why this scene? Hiring background players, costume, and staging must have been very time-consuming, with no payoff: civil rights are never mentioned again.  

The Loan Enforcer: Glendon is a loan shark as well as a wrestling manager: the job involves beating up a deadbeat.  Eli and Junior both go, squabbling over who's the boss.  

"Kill 'em!" we hear.  Psych!  It's the tv.  We meet a slovenly, drunken, foul-mouthed, abusive jackass of a husband.  While Junor subdues his wife and baby, Eli punches him a few times and asks for the money, and when he doesn't have it, breaks his thumbs. Junior laughs "derangedly" (according to the subtitles).

Afterwards Glendon drops Eli off, hands him some money, and tells him, "Buy yourself something nice." This is a feminizing statement. 

As Eli drives off on his motorcycle, we hear Buck Owens' "Tall Dark Stranger":

 They say a tall dark stranger is a demon, and  that a devil rides closely by his side.

 So if Junior is the demon, Eli must be the devil riding beside him.  How long will they ride together?

Abusive Daddies all the way down:  Eli drives to the Gemstone residence (it's not a stage name, apparently), where his abusive dad chastises him for being late for dinner. So they're eating after Eli's wrestling match?  Like at 11 or 12 pm?   There's also a mousy, skittish mom and a little sister, May-May (important in Season 3). 

Ordered to say grace, Eli jokes: "Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat," which makes May-May laugh.  Dad slaps him.  End of flashback.

We're fine with the f*ggots:  In 2022, elderly Eli Gemstone is a megachurch pastor and televangelist.  He and the satellite church ministers are discussing the case of Pastor Butterfield (Victor Williams), caught with his wife and another woman in a dance club restroom, while they were all high on Molly ("we thought they were Sweetarts").  The story made the front page of The New York Times, thanks to reporter Thaniel Block (Jason Schwartzman), who has made a career of publicizing ministerial  scandals.  Eli wants to be lenient, but the others object. 

A Spanish speaking pastor explains: "My church is ok with the maricones, but we're not ready for swinging and tropus."     Pastor Diane translates: "His church is really cool with the gays and the queers, but not so much about the swingers and the thruples."  They fire Pastor Butterfield; he tries to commit suicide.

Left: God Squad pecs

Gideon returns from a job as a stuntman to assist with the Gemstone ministry.  He's going to move into the house that Eli built for his abusive dad.

In other news, Gideon's younger brother Abraham has been leaving "secretions" all over the house, like in the freezer next to the Dreamsicles.  

We cut to a church service with Eli Gemstone and his children, Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin, announcing the start of their streaming service, GODD.  We see Jesse's wife Amber, their kids, and Judy's husband BJ in the audience.  No partner for Kelvin. He must be single

F*ck, yeah:  After the service, the family drives in a caravan to Jason's Steak House.  They get out of their cars in slow motion and walk past the al fresco area, heterosexual couples reveling in their nuclear family conformity, the "job, house, wife, kids" litany of my youth made visible. The background song brags about their heteronormative success:

Turn your head when I walk by -- I got the world at my feet.
All I want out of every day, is to wake up every morning
Sun is shining, smiling, and we've covered every room 

 Wait -- where's Kelvin?

Suddenly the record scratches off. Two vans pull up with a flexing muscle Christ and the logo "Strength above All Else." Twelve muscle men emerge, wearing identical canvas gis: the God Squad! Biceps and pecs, abs, bulging flexing intruding on the smug primness of the nuclear families. Wait -- where are the bulges.  They wear cargo pants that don't show anything.

There is no romance here.  There is no heterosexual desire.  It is raw homoerotic power. The song changes to:

F*ck, yeah!  F*ck, yeah!  F*ck, yeah!

We see their leader from the back of his tiger-splashed leather jacket.  Who is this Messiah of Muscle,  this Pope of the Phallus, demolishing the iron cage of heteronormativity, leading us to homoerotic Eden of masculine power?

He turns around for the big reveal.  

 Kelvin!  The prissy little femme boy from church earlier?  I thought it would be Junior.

 He has changed his jacket: more shiny buttons, a gold bracelet.  And his pants: a porn-star bulge and a bright gold zipper to help guide us to his....   Obviously gay, but hardly closeted.  His life, career, and religion all center on masculine beauty.

A man we haven't met before stands beside him, identified as Keefe.  His relationship to Kelvin is unclear.  Assistant or boyfriend?  Acolyte or lover?   

Kelvin gives his God Squad some micromanaging instructions about "eating light," and starts to walk toward the steakhouse.  Keefe stops him. "Excuse me, sir. Will you be dining with the men and I?"  Sir? Assistant. 

Kelvin says no, he'll be dining "above you" with the family.

Keefe: "Shall I join you?"  Boyfriend.

Kelvin: No. "Upstairs church lunch is only for family...and Daddy's closest work associates." 

This upsets Keefe.  He looks like he's about to cry.  Apparently they have enjoyed intimacy before, so he thinks he should be treated as a boyfriend. Never hook up with your boss, Dude: it only leads to trouble.

Kelvin: "Do not take this personal.  No matter how many disciples we gather, you're still my Number One."  So Kelvin is Jesus, and Keefe is the Beloved Disciple.  Assistant

Keefe still looks upset, so Kelvin says "Let me tickle them meats" and reaches out to squeeze his nipple through his shirt.  Hey, that's inappropriate with an employee. Boyfriend..  

Then he swishes off with a jaunty over-the-shoulder smile, pushing up the gay stereotypic behavior  Boyfriend.

Now we see Kelvin's central conflict: he is closeted after all.  He imagines that being gay is incompatible with the cozy families sitting upstairs in Jason's Steakhouse, so if he wants a career and a family, he must deny Keefe like Peter denied Christ: "Him?  Oh, he's my...um...assistant."  During this season, Keefe will be pushing for a place at the table, recognition as a romantic partner. Will Kelvin find a way to admit him?  

 More after the break

Dillon Brady: Four-time Gemstone extra, IT guy, crabber, model, polar plunger, Slytherin

Link to the n*de photos

Dillon Brady received his undergraduate degree in ecomics and his master's in health administration, and has a day job "developing system integration solutions for cloud-based services, specializing in enterprise."  In his ten years of experience, he has written 95,000 lines of code for 34 websites in 7 programming languages.  Whoa.

Frankly, I'm more interested in seeing him at a ball game with his shirt off.

Or crabbing with his shirt off.

Or at a music festival with his...well, you get the idea. 

Dillon's acting career began in 2019, when he played a cop extra during Season 1 of The Righteous Gemstones.  He returned for Seasons 2 and 3, playing a member of the church choir, a member of Peter's militia, and "Attractive Club-Goer," partying near Baby Billy and Dusty Daniels at the Y2K party in Monaco.  

More acting jobs, mostly uncredited, followed:

"Man outside Window" in the psychological drama May December (2023).

"Husband" in Mother Couch (2023), about a woman who refuses to leave a furniture store. Starring Ewan McGregor.

"Club Goer" in Suncoast (2024).  The IMDB description is too convoluted to summarize.

"War Department" (that's what it says) in Manhunt (2024), a miniseries about the aftermath of the Lincoln assassination. Starring Tobias Menzies (left) as Edward Stanton, Lincoln's Secretary of War.

A starring role as Dennis, an abusive husband, in the short Swine (2024).

Also some commercials and modeling work.

A modeling headshot?

More Dillon after the break.

Kelvin/Keefe memes: Cooking, honeymooning, testifying, sinking. With Jack from "Will and Grace" and some random nude dudes

 

I've had nothing but trouble with this post with memes -- jokes -- featuring Kelvin and Keefe of The Righteous Gemstones and friends.  First the G-rated version gets slapped with a "sensitive content warning," and then I accidentally save the G-rated version on the other site.  I hope these memes are worth it. 

Link to the not entirely clothed photos

1. I like my coffee hot and black, like my...

Wait, that won't work for the G-rated photos.  Go back in the bedroom; I'll think of a joke later.

2. BJ and Keefe go to church

BJ: Praise Jesus!  Testify!  I got the Spirit of God in me!

Keefe: When will this be over so Kelvin and I can go home and make out?

3. The Men's Room

Keefe: During my Satanist days, I spent a lot of time in the men's room of that truck stop off Highway17. Want to give it a try?

Kelvin: You always have the best ideas for Date Night.

4. The honeymoon

Kelvin: You want to go sightseeing?  But Keefe, this is only the fifth day of our honeymoon.  The Eiffel Tower can wait.

5. I got your Eiffel Tower right here.

More memes after the break

Nick Arapoglou: A Hasidic boy, a straight drag queen, a gay Muppet, the Adult Toy Teen's Dad. With his backside and a n*de Chris Evans

Link to the n*de dudes

In Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.4, the Sex Toy Guy (Nick Vardakas) attends Keefe's Ice Cream and Wieners Party with his Dad (Nick Arapoglou).  Biker Clarence happens to be there, and  tells them that Keefe bought out his adult store's entire inventory.   Afraid of being outed, Keefe says "that's just something we used to do with the kids." Great idea, buddy.  Now they don't think you're gay, they think you're...

Later, the parents meet with Kelvin to complain that Keefe is "weird" and not qualified to be a youth leader. Dad continues: "With all the rumors swirling around you, can't you see how strange this all looks?"

"There's rumors about me?" Kelvin asks, shocked.  

Jack: And then Kelvin said...he said...

Karen: That no one knows he's gay!

The real-life Nick Arapoglou (a gay ally) was born in Huntington, New York, but moved to Atlanta as a child.  He was a Drama Club Kid in high school, appearing in an al-fresco production of Midsummer Night's Dream (in a real forest).  

He received a B.A. in drama from Indiana University in 2007, then returned to Atlanta, where he became a mainstay of the theater scene.

Nick's theatrical performances include:

A closeted gay guy in Speech & Debate (2009)

A straight guy in the queer-themed Spring Awakening (2011). 

My Name is Asher Lev (2012), based on the classic coming-of-age novel by Chaim Potok, about a Hasidic Jewish boy torn between his religion and his art.

The Gifts of the Magi (2012), based on the O. Henry story, where Nick met his future wife Caroline.

Bobby Strong in Urinetown: The Musical (2013). 

Romeo in Romeo and Juliet (2015)

The Toxic Avenger (2016), based on the 1984 movie about a slime-covered superhero.

A straight Elvis impersonator turned drag performer in The Legend of Georgia McBride (2017).

Straight Muppet Princeton and gay Muppet Rod in Avenue Q (2023), which won him the Suzi Bass Award for best actor in a musical.

Plus he has 33 acting credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with Frat Guy in the short Married Sex (2009) and Fashion School Kid (probably queer coded) in a 2011 episode of Single Ladies.  

More after the break

Asher Alexander: Brax's brother makes shrimp fudge, rides a drag queen train, plays a gay judge. With Brax and Brock c*cks

Link to the n*de photos

Asher Alexander is the little brother of Braxton Alexander, who you know as a model, the college boy with the missing t*sticles on Free Bert, and  the gay kid on a flashback episode of The Righteous Gemstones: he rejects the vulgar advances of young Judy, so her brother Jesse retaliates; He hits the boy with a cymbal, then pantses him so the whole class can see his junk...and laugh at him?  Or make it one of the iconic moments of their gay awakening?

It's was a stunt backside, of course, and we didn't see his front.   At least not until he turned 18 (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

 

Asher, born in March 2015, broke into on-screen acting with Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branching Out (2024), a "meta comedy on the holiday horror and romcom genres."  Fleeing from the murderous yule log, Zoe and her gay buddy Jaxter (Chase Steven Allen) are trapped in the romcom town of Mistletoe, where she falls for struggling ornament shop owner Birl and his young son Jaxon (Asher).

She teaches Jaxon how to make shrimp fudge. Talk about horror!

No Good Deed (2024) is about three families, including a lesbian couple, competing to see who will be chosen to buy a house.  Well, it's a very nice house.  Asher plays the young Paul (Ray Romano).

Hal and Harper (2025) is a comedy miniseries featuring siblings who reminisce about their dysfunctional childhoods.  The adult actors play themselves as children.  I can't imagine how weird that must look. Asher appears as Josh, not mentioned in the plot synopses.

Stop! That! Train! (2026): Two drag queen stewardesses on the Glamazonian Express train must deal with a disaster.  RuPaul plays President Gagwell, and we see Jerry O'Connell, Brian Jordan Alvarez, Brock Yurich (c*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Charo (still shaking her maracas at age 75), and Joel McHale (right).  His companion is not identified.

More after the break

Charles Ambrose: Civil War soldier, coast guardsman, martial artist, male model. With some photos of his you-know-what

  

Link to the n*de photos

Charles Ambrose. real name Jason Ambrose, also Jason Charles Smith, is from Sandwich, Illinois, 60 miles west of Chicago. He attended Waubonsee Community College, then studied comedy at the Second City in Chicago.  I wonder if his standup routine is about growing up in Sandwich.

His resume lists several local Chicago-area plays, including The Music Man, The Moon is Down, Act Your Age, The Dating Game, and Julius Caesar.  And skills including combat, archery, horseback riding, firearms, rock climbing, jiu jitsu, and motorcycles.

Plus modeling (n*de modeling on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)

23 credits on the IMDB, beginning in 2008 with the short Hell Mary.

Then occasional guest spots on tv, one or two every year.  Most of these characters don't appear in the plot synopses:

Andy on Sons of Anarchy, featuring the backside of Charlie Hunnan.

Zane on Henry Danger

Deputy Jimmy on Lovecraft Country

Donny in Hollywood Vampire

Lucas in NCIS: Los Angeles

Coach Watkins in The Wonder Years update, with Julian Lerner as Brad Hitman.

Union Soldier Stephens in Righteous Gemstones Episode 4.1

His most substantial role to date: 23 episodes of the soap General Hospital, playing Ambrose, henchman of the evil Victor Cassadine.  On Victor's orders, he kidnaps Liesl Obrecht, kidnaps Ace Prince-Cassadine, and almost kills Spencer Cassadine (Nicolas Bechtel).

Coming up: The Legend of Van Dorn, about a Confederate soldier played by Lee Wilson, who was "immensely attractive to women."  Never to men, of course.  He was murdered by a husband upset over his wife's canoodling.  

And Secrets and Yards, about a small town football team with secrets.

More Charles after the break. 

"Lost Boys": Music video by Phoebe Bridgers, with Skyler Gisondo escaping to Middle Earth, or not, plus some not fully clothed dudes

  The censors are becoming extremely picky lately.  There was nothing inappropriate for a five-year old in the previous version, but they still slapped a "sensitive content" thing on it. I wouldn't mind, except they yell at you for it every time you go to the edit page.  

Link to the not fully clothed dudes

I'm not happy with the Gemstone guys since the show ended in 2025.  Both Adam Devine (Kelvin) and Tony Cavalero (Keefe) were married to women, but they played a lot of gay-subtext roles, and in their social media, they minimized their hetero interests, even pretending to be into guys.  

When the show ended, it suddenly became wife and kids, marriage and family, all through their social media, and their productions are entirely gay-free, even gay-subtext free.

Gavin Munn filled his social media with buddies and grown-up beefcake guys, until the Gemstones ended.  Then it was "I'm not doing this anymore, I'm taking a girl to junior prom, and i'm joining the homophobic Port City Community Church!"

Skyler Gisondo is the worst of the lot.  His social media was full of gay buddy-bonds, with girls rarely if ever mentioned -- until the show ended.  Then it was "Here's my girlfriend!  Have you met my girlfriend?  I have a girlfriend!"  And his Superman (2025) involved blatant, slap-in-the-face queerbaiting: "I'm going to pretend I'm gay for two hours, then pull the rug out from under you in the last scene, har har!"

Skyler's latest work is in the music video "Lost Boys" (2026), by Phoebe Bridgers, an American singer/songwriter who has won four Grammies for her "melancholy" songs with complex lyrics mirroring personal issues. 

Left: Phoebe's partner, Bo Burnham (not fully clothed on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

 Phoebe is bi and an advocate for LGBTQ rights, and "Lost Boys" has a strong gay connotation: the boys are "lost" beause they have rejected the heteros*xist trajectory into job, house, wife, and kids in favor of the infinite joy of the world of men.

We stop the fight right now, we got to be who we are.

So doubtless the song is about that joy.  

Right?

Scene 1: Phoebe, dressed as the Elf Galadriel from The Lord of the Rings,, drives with her knight on a motorcycle to a LARP battle in an auto graveyard.  The players are dressed as Medieval warriors. But it's a real battle, with people hurting each other.

The first stanza seems to be about joining the army, "Where they make you remove your hair/ Impatient with a rifle and your papers." 

Scene 2: They have dinner in a Japanese restaurant, looking not entirely happy.

More after the break

The N*ked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we won't like these dudes. Is that even possible? With chubby guy bonus.

Go directly to the d*cks

Commenting on the frequent male n*dity in the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, Edie Patterson said "We're not gay baiting" (using the term wrong), and Danny McBride (Jesse) claimed that gay men "won't like these d*cks."

Nonsense.  All danglers are beautiful. Big, small, thick, thin, micro, they all draw us toward the power and promise of the male body.  

And the rest of these guys ain't bad, either

They are a group of thugs hired in Episode 1.3 to take down megachurch pastor Eli Gemstone by destroying his satellite church, set up in a shopping mall.  He gets the upper hand and humiliates them by forcing them to run n*ked through mall.  

1. Casey Hendershot (top photo), who has played a variety of mobsters, bouncers, rednecks, serial killers, and miscellaneous miscreants.  He didn't show us his junk, but his physique more than makes up for it.

2. Zach Osterman is a Savannah, Georgia-based actor who appeared on Danny McBride's previous show Vice Principals. He's an avid cosplayer, gamer, comic book fan, ghost-tour guide, and pizza expert.  Some people with his physique get fat-shamed and size-shamed, so it took a very positive self image for him to agree to bare it all for Gemstones viewers.  

It was worth it.  He's easily the cutest of the trio.

3. Justin Matthew Smith  has 29 acting credits on the IMDB, plus a special thanks for the short The Runner.  Nothing wrong with his junk.

The Running of the Boys: The guys and some extras are forced to run through the mall n*de, as the shoppers all laugh at them.

Why is male n*dity  assumed humorous for the viewer and humiliating for the subject?  If I saw one of these guys running through the mall, I would not be laughing.

Bonus chubby guys after the break

"Dad Can't Know That I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Adventure, with Ash, some twink d*cks, and a special appearance by Pontius and Stacy

 

 

Link to the n*de dudes

In The Righteous Gemstones, Abraham (Gavin Munn) is the teenage son of megachurch pastor Jesse Gemstone, and grandson of patriarch Eli Gemstone. He doesn't have many queer codes, but Gavin has a few.  I'm writing Jesse's other two sons, Gideon and Pontius, as gay, and Uncle Kelvin and his partner Keefe are canonical.

 

August 23: The first night of The Play that Goes Wrong, and everything did go wrong!  It was supposed to be about mishaps during a performance, with forgotten lines, broken props, and so on, but Ash really did forget his lines, miss his mark, and open his eyes while dead!  It was unusual for juniors to get starring roles, even during the Lowland Summer Stock -- usually they went to seniors preparing to study drama at prestigious universities.  So this was a big opportunity -- that he flubbed.  

After the requisite standing ovation, he wanted to slink out quietly, skip the cast party, and go home, but Pontius Gemstone and Stacy, two guys from his skateboarding group, were waiting in the wings, along with the cutest boy Ash had ever seen: a round face, blue-grey eyes, a shock of unruly brown hair.  He looked familiar, but Ash couldn't place him.

"My man!" Pontius exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.  "We had to come out and support our skating bro!"

"So...er...how did you like the show?" he asked the cute boy.  

He  said "Nice" in a near whisper, and looked up at Pontius.

"You know my little brother Abraham, right?"  

Now he remembered.  "Oh, sure -- I've seen you around the skate park, and in French class last year?"  He turned to Pontius.  "This guy spends three-fourths of the class not saying a word, and then suddenly he gives a five-minute spiel on Cocteau."

"Cock Two?" Pontius repeated.  "Sounds like my kind of writer."  

Stacy laughed and grabbed his arm.  "Be good!"

"Oh, I'm always good, Stace."

Wait -- were Pontius and Stacy dating?  He knew that Stacy was gay-- but didn't Pontius like girls?  

"We're...um...going out for pizza," Abraham said, looking down.  "Do you want to come with us?"

"En Francais, s'il vous plait."

He grinned -- a smile that made Ash melt!  "Veux-tu manger une pizza avec nous ? Et baise-moi "

And kiss me?  Whoa....  

They stopped at Famulari's for a bacon-cheeseburger pizza.  Yep, Pontius and Stacy started dating while he was in the hospital after the Gator Farm Massacre.  Stacy didn't want to tell their parents or anyone in the skating group yet.  He didn't explain why, but Ash suspected that it was because Pontius didn't seem like the monogamous type, and why get everyone all excited for them if they were going to break up in a few weeks?  

Once he had about a quart of soda in him, Abraham opened up.  His parents took him to Paris for his tenth birthday, and he was hooked.  He wanted to major in French in college, and become a translator.  He liked Heartstopper on Nickelodeon, country-Western music, mountain bikes, water-skiing, and scary movies.

Ash saw his chance: "Have you seen Sinners?  It's about twin brothers fighting vampires during the Great Depression."

"Sounds cool," Abraham said, flashing that incredible smile.  "Where's it playing?"

Ash checked his cell phone.  "At the Terrace.  I'm performing tomorrow and Sunday, but we could go on Tuesday night, if you're free."

Pontius began "Sure, we'd...", but Stacy shushed him.  "I mean, sorry, we have plans.  Why don't you and Abraham go together?"

Abraham looked down at his plate. "That'd be ok."

"Great.  I'll pick you up..."

"No!" he said forcefully, almost angrily.  "I'll pick you up..."

They all stared.  

"See, Grandad gave me a car for my sixteenth birthday, so I like to do the driving."

Ash's performance was better on Saturday night, and nearly perfect for the Sunday matinee, but still, the hours dragged.  He couldn't stop thinking of Abraham's smile, and resisted the urge to text him every five minutes.  He still texted a lot, just not every five minutes.

August 26: The movie was one of the best he'd ever seen, and the date was the best he'd ever had, cuddling against the amazingly cute Abraham Gemstone, arranging to reach for the popcorn when he did so their hands could touch.  But things came crashing down when Abraham dropped Ash off at his house, and he leaned in for a kiss.

Abraham moved his head.  "Hey, watch it!"

Ash's stomach churned.  Wasn't this a date?  Wasn't Abraham gay? "Sorry.  I thought..."

He was staring straight ahead.  "It's ok."

"If you don't like me in that way, we can always be friends, right?"

"Sure."

"Shake hands?"  He held out his hand.  Abraham took it, pressed the open palm to his face, and closed his eyes.  Was he trembling?

"Are you ok?" 

"No.  I mean, yeah, sure, of course."  He dropped Ash's hand.  "Good night."

When Ash texted a "thanks for a nice evening" later, he didn't respond.  And in the morning, when he texted "Are we still friends?", no response.  

The full story, with n*de photos, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: "My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

Gavin's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 4: A boy and his bully, a boy and his stuntman, Kelton Dumont, Santa Claus, and some n*de dudes

Michael Sayfou: Ethiopian-American model/theater major with a cat, a physique, and a lot of queer codes. Plus some Ethiopian d*cks.   I'm using Michael as the model for Ash.

Gavin Munn's polar plunge. Plus Tony's cold dip, a bondage hookup, and some nude dudes in the snow