Oct 26, 2017
The Babysitter: Hetero-Annoying Hetero-Romantic Hetero-Horror Comedy
I was drawn in to The Babysitter (2017) by a promo of the spectacular Robbie Amell bare-chested.
But it's all hetero-annoying from there.
But first he is the victim of old-school bullying by a gang led by the feminine but "I grabbed her pussy" hetero-obnoxious Jeremy (Miles G. Harvey). His hot hetero-teenage babysitter, Bee (Samara Weaving), rushes to the rescue.
They discover Cole spying, tie him up, and try some lame explanations before coming clean: they're a hetero-Satanic cult that needs the blood of a hetero-innocent for their rituals.
The police arrive, things go wrong, half the hetero-cult is killed and the other half chase hetero-Cole around, trying to kill him (including the shirtless Robbie, who encourages Cole to stand up to his bully as his last act on Earth).
But hetero-Bee rescues hetero-Cole again: she doesn't want him to die, she sort of likes him.
But instead of sleeping with her, hetero-Cole rushes over to kiss The Girl Next Door and thwart the forces of evil with her help and embrace his hetero-destiny.
In the last scene, Mom and Dad arrive at the scene of the multiple murders. Hetero-Cole explains that he is too old for a hetero-babysitter.
Holy hetero-annoying, Batman!
Ken Marino, by the way, plays the hot Dad. Not shirtless.