Friday's Movie Night movie was Bullet Train (2022), starring Brad Pitt as a professional assassin assigned to do an "easy" job, grab a briefcase full of money, on the bullet train that travels the 440 km (220 miles) from Tokyo to Kyoto in two hours. He doesn't realize that the train is crowded with other assassins, professional and amateur.
1. The Father, Andrew Koiji, wants revenge on The Prince, a gang lord who had his son thrown off a building.
2. The Prince is also on the train, but he doesn't recognize her. She forces him to retrieve the money and load it with explosives, to assassinate her estranged father, #6, below.
3.-4. Tangerine and Lemon, Andrew Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry, a queerbait couple. After nearly two hours of the two bickering, being affectionate, and discussing their life together, director David Leitch loses his nerve and makes them brothers.
They have rescued...
5. The Son, Logan Lerman, top photo, from kidnappers, and also retrieved the ransom money that Brad Pitt is supposed to steal. But the Son is killed, I forget by whom, so....
6. The Son's father, Russian crime lord The White Death, Michael Shannon, shows up to kill Tangerine and Lemon and whoever else he thinks flubbed the job.
More assassins after the break
7. Meanwhile, Mexican crime lord The Wolf, Benito A. Martinez Ocasio, is seeking revenge on...
8. The Hornet, who killed his entire wedding party with poisoned cake. But he doesn't know who the Hornet is, so he targets Brad Pitt.
9. Eventually the Elder, Hiroyuki Sanada, the father of The Father, #1. shows up to kill whoever is left over after the assassins have been targeting each other, on purpose or by mistake.
10. Meanwhile, back at the hospital where the Father's son is in intensive care after being thrown off a roof, the Hospital Thug, Jenson Chen, keeps watch. He is assigned to kill the boy if the Father doesn't do the job that..um..the Prince assigned...um....
The various agendas and changing alliances make for quite a confusing two hours: "Wait...I thought he was allied with the other crime lord, so why is he trying to kill that guy?"
I strongly disliked the queerbaiting, and the heteronormative ending, where:
11. Brad Pitt drives off into the sunset with his handler, Sandra Bullock.
But the dialogue was witty, there was a lot of dark humor, and the setting added some interest.
My Grade: C+
Nude photos of Lerman, Pitt, Shannon, and other dudes: RG Beefcake and Boyfriends
See also:
Aaron Taylor-Johnson: Varying levels of hotness and homophobia
No comments:
Post a Comment
No offensive, insulting, racist, or homophobic comments are permitted.