12 hunks and hunkoids of "The Fosters," all grown up. With a few grown-up d*cks.

Link to the NSFW photos

The Fosters (2013-2018) was a groundbreaking drama on ABC Family, now on Netflix, about a lesbian couple (Stef and Lena) with five children, biological, adopted, and foster (Brandon, Jesus, Jude, Callie, Mariana). The Fosters have foster children, har har 

But it wasn't all sunlight and diversity. Actually, it wasn't sunlight at all. I never watched -- I don't do tragedy -- but the episode synopses sound grim. There were drinking problems, psychological problems, incurable diseases, deaths, homophobic hate crimes, custody battles...like a live-action Howard Cruse comic.   But for many viewers, the remarkably open gay content was worth being depressed.

Besides, there are endless teenage boys with their shirts off to draw in the gay boys and straight girls. I'm checking to see if there were any adult hunks in the crowd, or if any of Fosters Fave Raves have grown up.

1. David Lambert (left):  Brandon, the oldest son in the family. an aspiring pianist whose dreams are dashed when an injury paralyzes his hand.  He also becomes the victim of statutory rape by hooking up with his father's girlfriend.

2. Danny Nucci: Mike, Brandon's biological father, a cop who has a drinking problem, shot an unarmed suspect, and has a girlfriend who hooks up with Brandon.

3. Tom Williamson: AJ, Mike's foster son.  Where does he find the time to be a foster parent?

4. Jake T. Austin (left): Jesus, the second son, who has Attention-Deficit Disorder.

5. Brandon Quinn: Gabe, Jesus' biological father, who didn't tell Jesus because he didn't want the boy to know he's a registered sex offender.

6. Hadyn Byerly: Jude, the youngest son, who becomes mute in angst over coming out as gay (with lesbian parents?), but eventually learns to accept himself and starts dating, with probably the youngest same-sex kiss on television.







More grown-up Fave Raves after the break

The 9 Worst TV Series Finales in History

If you watch every episode of a 100-episode sitcom, you've spend 2300 minutes or nearly 40 hours, not including reruns.  That's the equivalent of 19 feature-length movies or 11 novels. A suzeable chunk of your life.

If it was a 60-minute dramatic series, make that 38 feature length movies and 22 novels.  

Then comes the series finale.  There will be no more episodes.

You know the characters better than many of your real-life friends.  Saying goodbye is going to be painful.

For years you've set aside a special part of your week for the program.  You rarely missed it, and when you did, you taped it to watch later.  You watched all of the summer reruns.There will be a hole in your life for quite some time.

So you sit down for the series finale, hoping for a warm, funny, memorable sendoff.  But instead, you get garbage.  Mind-destroying, depressing, confusing, WTF garbage.

May 10, 1983: Laverne and Shirley (1976-1983).  A sitcom about two bromantic "girlfriends" sharing an apartment in 1950s Milwaukee, right?  Except by 1983, there was just Laverne, it was Los Angeles, and the heart of the 1960s (Laverne's boyfriend is a Star Trek fan).  Way to destroy your premise.

But the series finale isn't even about that; it's about Laverne's singer/dancer/male prostitute friend Carmine going to New York to audition for Hair.  

We don't find out if he got the role or not. And we don't see his nude scene.

May 21, 1990: Newhart (1982-1990): For eight years, Bob Newhart played the owner of a bed and breakfast in a small New England town full of quirky residents, whom you grew fond of over the years.  Who can forget "I'm Larry, and this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl?"

But on May 21st, 1990, Bob wakes up in bed as Dr. Bob Hartley, the psychologist in his old series, and tells his old wife, Emily, "What a dream I had!"  Way to destroy beloved characters, Bob!

July 20, 1994: Dinosaurs (1991-1994).  A nuclear family spoof starring cute, cuddly dinosaurs in ABC's kid-friendly Friday night lineup.  Remember "I'm the baby, gotta love me"?

How best to end the hearwarming series:  how about with a eco-catastrophe that kills every dinosaur on the planet?  Including the entire Sinclair family?  Including the baby?

May 20, 1997: Roseanne (1988-1997).  The queen of lower-middle class urban blight and her ragtag family spent eight seasons being the anti-Cosbys, not affluent, or educated, or elegant.  It featured Johnny Galecki as a teenager with a terrible hairdo.  Then Roseanne wins the lottery, and spends the last season hob-nobbing with the rich and famous.

That's not the worst of it, though -- in the last episode, we are told that this has all been a story that Roseanne has written.  The real people are all different.  Dan is dead.  Jackie is a lesbian, so her husband and child don't exist.  But Mom isn't a lesbian.  The daughters switch husbands.  Everything we thought we knew about the show is wrong.

More terrible finales after the break

Searching for the Gay Characters on "On My Block"

Netflix keeps pressuring me to watch On My Block, about four high school friends in a Hispanic neighborhood in Los Angeles.

"You like quirky comedies with gay characters, right? Then watch On My Block."
"You watched Special, right?  Then you'll love On My Block!"
"All of the cool kids are watching it.  You want to fit in, don't you?"
"If you don't watch it, we'll raise your rates."

Surely there must be some gay characters for Netflix to be pushing it so aggressively.  But, I recall, Netflix also pushes endless dramas with descriptions beginning "After the death of his wife....", so I'm wary. 

I watched one episode, entitled "Chapter Fourteen," about the Valentine's Dance.  If there are any gay characters, they'll certainly be out here.

1. His older friend Cesar (Diego Tinoco) has just become homeless, so Jamal (Brett Gray, left) takes him in.  They share a bed, which results in a humorous montage of problems: snoring, feet in face, and so on.

No gay subtext here, but at least the two aren't homophobic.

Later Cesar is trying to make out with his girlfriend, but they have problems meeting all of Jamal's rules, like "you can't wear outside clothes on the bed, too many germs."

2. Monse (Sierra Capri) and Ruby (Jason Genao, center) discuss the upcoming Valentine's Day dance.  Monse seems surprised that the ultra-feminine fashion plate Ruby wants to go, but he explains that he wants to win the dance contest.

Slicked-back hair, fashion-plate ensemble, girl's name -- this guy is definitely gay!

3. A big,boisterous, lesbian-coded girl  appears and tells Ruby that she has some potential dates lined up.

Oh boy, a whole roomful of cute guys for Ruby to choose from.

Except it's a roomful of girls. 

Ok, is Big Girl unaware that Ruby is gay, or are same-sex dates not allowed?

Ruby rejects all of them.  He would like to have sex with the girls, he explains, but in order to win the dance contest, he wants to go with Big Girl

Foul!  Ruby is straight!  Big Girl might still be a lesbian, though.

4. Jamal is watching football practice, when the Coach appears and says "I need you tomorrow night."

"Are you asking me to the dance?" Jamal asks.

No, the Coach wants him to work off his debt by chaperoning.  Jamal doesn't have a date, so why not?

No date, awareness of same-sex relationships, no outrage over the possibility that a guy might be asking him out -- .Jamal must be gay!


5. Monse's Mom, who is white, shows up and wants to take her away to Brentwood because South Central L.A. is too dangerous.

6. Monse and her boyfriend, who looks like Cesar, discuss what to wear to the dance.

7.  The Coach and Jamal bond.

8. Cesar and Jamal's Dad bond.

Lots of male bonding on this show,but does it always have to be adult-teen, thus precluding gay subtexts?

9. The Dance. One of the dance contest pairs is Javi and Javier, but I don't think they're a gay couple, since one grimaces when the other kisses his cheek.  We don't actually see their dance.

10.  Jamal accidentally breaks the Coach's cell phone.  Then he runs into Tyrone in the hallway and hugs him.

Wait -- he's hugging a guy?  Definitely gay.  Even if the hug is just an excuse to plant the phone on Tyrone, so he'll be blamed for stealing and breaking it.

11. Ruby has a flashback to when he was shot at another party.  Everyone is upset.  Monse says "One day the world's a dream, the next day it's a nightmare.  I can't believe she's gone."  Cesar is crying.  Jamal hugs him.

Wow, bummer.  This is definitely not a comedy, it's a drama with jokes.

So, is Jamal gay for real?  According to fan wiki, he's never been in a relationship.   In an interview, Brett Gray states that he hopes Jamal finds a special someone this season.

"Special someone"!  Definitely.....

He continues "A sexy lady..."

Straight.

Bummer.

Sam on "Mythomaniac": Butch Lesbian, Femme Gay Boy, Transgender, Non-Binary, or None of Your Business?

 

The French drama Mythomaniac just dropped amid my Netflix recommendations: a woman tries to get attention from her family by faking a cancer diagnosis.  

Ordinarly I would run from such a depressing premise, but then I saw this person in the trailer. mascara, eye shadow, a dangling earring, and red nail polish.  I couldn't tell if they were a butch girl, a femme boy, trans, or nonbinary.  

Their name is Sam, but that could go either way.  They are played by Jeremy Gillet, who is presenting as male in this photo, but elsewhere on their Instagram page poses in drag, so maybe transgender?  I still didn't know.

In Episode #4, "Niklas discovers Sam's secret."  The secret was no doubt being gay or transgender, which would answer the question of Sam's gender.

There were various plotlines -- everyone in the family has dark secrets -- so I just watched the sections starring Sam.

Minute 1;20: Mom's test results come back negative.  Dad (Mathieu Demy, top photo) and their kids, including Sam, hug her. Sam has short hair for a girl but long hair for a boy.  They're wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans.   They have a striking resemblance to Jo from The Facts of Life, but their gender is unclear, perhaps deliberately.

Minute 5:45: Sam in school.  The teacher compliments them on a good assignment.  Out in the hallway, a girl approaches to ask if Sam is going to Camille's tonight.  They say "no."  For some reason this enrages the girl, who asks if Sam is feeling guilty over what happened to Kevin.  Sam becomes irate and smashes her into the wall: "We're all responsible!  Fuck you!"  

The girl's friends comfort her, saying "She's totally crazy."  Aha, Sam is a butch girl.

Minute 8.27:  Sam visits an unconscious boy in the intensive care unit of the hospital (Kevin, I surmise), and puts earbuds in so he can listen to music during his coma.

Minute 16:29: Sam tossing and turning in bed.  They flash back to a night with a lot of teens gathered outdoors, smoking and drinking.  As Sam watches, a boy, no doubt Kevin, climbs onto a ledge, then stumbles and falls off.  I can't see why Sam would feel guilty about that; it wasn't their fault).

Minute 28.02: Sam, now in a leather jacket, leaves what appears to be a police station.  Their mother picks them up, and wants to know why they didn't tell her about the charges being filed.  Sam doesn't know.  Mom then prompts Sam on what to say in court, to avoid self-incrimination. Sam confesses: "It was my fault. We were playing Truth or Dare, and he got the dare to kiss me, and refused."  So does this mean that Sam isn't a girl, or that they are unattractive?  "I was mad, so when it was my turn, I dared him to climb on the wall."

Minute 44: Sam and their sisters in their bedroom.  Sister wants Sam to cut her hair, in solidarity with Mom's fake cancer.  The end.

Wait -- when did Niklaus discover Sam's secret? Who is Niklaus, anyway?  Actor Marceau Ebersolt is shown in bed with Sam's sister, so I assume he's her boyfriend.  He appears in the episode but does not interact with Sam.

So I still don't know if Sam is a butch lesbian, a femme gay boy, transgender, nonbinary, or what? I guess one's gender identity is important only if one is interested in a date.  

Ok, there's a Mythomanic Wiki.  Sam is a transgender girl.  Niklas is a foreign exchange student staying with the family.  They start to make out, and when Niklas reaches down to Sam's crotch and finds a penis, he reacts badly and punches Sam in the face.    

I could have looked up the Wiki in the first place, but isn't it  more fun to figure out these things on your own?

"Girl from Nowhere": She Knows All Your Secrets

 I don't usually watch tv series with "girls" in the title, but the Thai drama The Girl from Nowhere had an interesting premise: A mysterious Girl from Nowhere arrives at a different high school in every episode, and helps a victim of bullying, sexual harassment, or some other problem get revenge -- or else she eliminates the middleman and wreaks revenge herself.  

I watched Episode 4, because it doesn't mention hetero-romance, and the victim who needs justice is a boy, Dino.  Maybe he's gay.

Prologue: The Girl -- Nanno -- burning an American $100 bill with her picture on it.  She smiles and asks "What can money buy?"  

She finds out as she is being shown around her latest school: the botany lab, the fashion studio, the spacecraft simulation room, all donated by rich parents. Hey, she could buy a room!  She pulls out a wad of cash and magically transforms an empty room into a sanctuary, complete with a huge stained glass window depicting the Virgin Mary. 

Scene 1: Rather svelte Dino (left) comes to class loaded-down with souvenirs from his latest trip to London.  He's competing with another boy, To, to see who can bring back the most souvenirs -- and he wins!  

Scene 2: Students being interviewed about Dino: arrogant, very rich, a show-off, tries to buy friendship.

Cut to Dino asking To why he didn't accept an invitation to dinner: "Duck at the Four Seasons."  Being gay is definitely not this guy's secret: he's right out there.  

The teacher passes out the grades from last term: Dino got a 3.46, very high.  The other students are jealous.

Scene 3: Meanwhile, Nanno is using her room as headquarters for a new company, Nanno Ltd.  

A blond boy worries that, due to his poor grades, he won't get the motorcycle his parents promised.  Nanno can arrange for him to get it, for a small fee (1500 baht, about $50 US dollars).  I thought she was going to use magic, but she hacks into the school's computer system and changes his grades.

Scene 4: Kids are lined up to pay Nano to fix things -- not just grades.  "My girlfriend cheated on me!"  The boy gets beat up.  "My Dad insists that "I get a girlfriend!"  Nanno hires one.

Scene 5:  Nanno offers to take on Dino as a client, but he doesn't need anything: he's rich, smart, and "doesn't have a girlfriend problem."  How about a boyfriend problem? 

Dino's four friends, a girl and three boys (one a ladyboy, a Thai third gender), ask Nanno to arrange a visit to a Buddhist meditation camp.  They invite Dino along, but he refuses.  You'll never get a boyfriend like that, dude!  Instead, Nanno suggests going to Dino's house.  He's bragged about the snooker room, the tennis courts, the swimming pool, the stables with horses.

(This is the only beefcake photo of a cast member that I could find.)

Dino keeps refusing, but they insist, so finally he says "Fine! Tomorrow!"  He leaves the school and gets into his chauffeured limo.

Scene 6:  Hey, it's not a limo, it's an Uber!  Dino lives in a crappy apartment in a bad neighborhood, with parents who have a work-from-home job packing boxes.  He's poor, just pretending to be rich!  Then how can he afford tuition at the elite school, the gifts for his friends, the daily Uber ride?

He goes into his crappy room, lies down on the bed, and gets lots of texts from his friends, all excited about the visit to his mansion. 

Ulp -- now he needs Nanno's help!  "Find me a house like the one I described."

Sure, but the processing fee will be 200,000 baht -- $6400 USD!  How is a poor kid going to get that much money?

Coincidentally, Dino overhears his parents talking about 200,000 baht that they've borrowed from a loan shark to pay for his tuition.  They'll have to pay it back right away, or the loan shark will kill them.  Ulp -- surely Dino won't steal from his parents, just to impress his friends.  But he imagines them ridiculing him, and...the ATM is 1.5 km away.  Feeling guilty, he takes the money.

Dad is played by Nuttapol Kumata, a member of the Babymime comedy mime ensemble.

Scene 7:  Morning.  Dad knows that the money is missing, and is yelling at the bank for its "error."  Feeling guilty, Dino puts on his shoes and leaves.

Scene 8: Nanno shows Dino the palace she's rented.  Geez, it's enormous.  There's a sign out front -- it must be a familiar Bangkok landmark.  

Later, the friends arrive.  The ladyboy is in drag. Dino rings for the servants Nanno has hired -- ulp, they're his parents! They pretend not to know him.

Nanno asks them to go get a photo of Dino's "parents," the ambassador and his wife. Oh boy, humiliation upon humiliation.

Scene 9: Dinner.  Dino asks for whiskey, but his parents/servants refuse to provide it: "You're too young to drink."  His friends find this odd. so he insists: "I'm your boss.  Do as I say."  

Nanno suggests "Since there are no adults around to supervise, let's smoke some weed."  While Dino's parents are right there, unable to act!  

When the "maid" spills wine on the girl's dress, she is irate.  "Fire her!  Fire her!"  

Scene 10: They go into the study, angry and upset.  Why is Dino acting so weird?  Why won't he let them have fun?  Nanno suggests Russian roulette -- but aim for the arm, not the head, so you won't die.. This is what Thai teenagers consider fun?

They actually start playing, but when it's Dino's turn, Dad/Butler rushes in and stops them and starts yelling: "Your parents spent a fortune to raise you, and you're gambling it all away!"  One of the kids gets angry and hits him in the head; he collapses.  Mom/Maid, distraught, grabs the gun, but he attacks her, too.  They're both dead!

Nanno starts laughing hysterically.  She's gotten her revenge.  

Scene 11:  Dino goes home.  Mom and Dad are there, slightly bruised but otherwise fine.  They ask "How was the Buddhist meditation camp?"  Huh?

Flashback explanation: Dino came clean about being poor.  Nanno gave Mom and Dad enough money to treat their wounds and replace the 200,000 baht, on the grounds that they "never talk about it."  So they're going to pretend it never happened.

Nanno faces the audience and asks "What do you think money can buy?"  

Postscript: The students being interviewed: "Money is the most important thing in my life."  "How could I live without money?" "Money can buy anything, even people!"

Beefcake: Some of the guys are cute.

Other Sights: Just the mansion.

Gay Characters:  Dino and his three male friends are all gay.

Supernatural:  No.  Nanno gets everything done through computer hacking and throwing money around.  But in other episodes she is killed and comes back (several times), so she's definitely a supernatural being.

My Grade:  Very impressive.  Excellent production values, excellent acting.  Some problems with motives -- why, exactly, did Nanno want revenge on this boy?  But that might be due to cultural differences.   A-

A Hundred Shirtless Hals in "Picnic"

Picnic is a 1953 play by William Inge about a drifter named Hal, who arrives in a small town in search of his old college buddy and arouses the secret passions of the male and female townsfolk (Inge was gay).

The original play doesn't actually call for Hal to take his shirt off, but ever since William Holden did in the 1955 film version, actors in Broadway revivals and community and college theaters across the country have been stripping down to show us their stuff.

Remember, Hal is a drifter, so he probably doesn't work out; yet he has to be hot enough to incite a lot of secret passions.  So his degree of muscularity varies from production to production.

Jenson Kerr at the Phoenix Theater goes for the abs.






Spencer Sickman at ACT St. Louis goes for the skinny.

David T. Patterson goes for the full bodybuilder pecs and shoulders at the Gym at Judson Memorial Church, an off-off Broadway theater.  Sorry, this guy is incredibly hot and all, but he doesn't look at all like a 1950s drifter.

Justin Sease has long hair and a glory trail to imbue Hal with a 1990s feel at the Hampton Theatre Company.

The Antaeus Theatre Company in Glendale, California, stars Daniel Bess with a bulge and a 2000s hipster smirk.

More after the break

Arabian Nights on Stage: Bare Chests and Turbans

I knew I'd find beefcake in The Arabian Nights eventually.  A dramatic adaption by Dominic Cooke, first performed in 1997, is making the rounds of high school and college drama departments.  It goes back to the original  Persian frame story, with Shahrazad telling stories to King Shahrayar so he won't have her executed in the morning.  She tells six, so each actor plays several parts:

1. Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves
2. Es-Sindbad the Sailor
3. The Little Beggar
4. How Abu Hassan Broke Wind
5. The Wife Who Wouldn't Eat
6. The Envious Sisters

I hadn't heard of 4-6 either.  I suspect that they were put in place to give female performers something to do in the male-heavy traditional opus.

A 2005 version by Adam Forde and David Perkins gives Shahrazad a sister-confidant, and includes the stories of Ali Baba, The Fisherman and the Genie, The Ass and His Ass, Sindbad, and the Little Beggar.

And there have been many other more local adaptions, thrusting lots of guys into turban and golden robes, or tunics with no shirt beneath, or topless, their chests and biceps golden in the stage light.

Brad Ogden performed as Shahrayar at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia.

More after the break.

Breaking Bad: Everyone Loves Jesse

People kept telling me, "You have to watch Breaking Bad (2008-2013).  It's great!  It's fabulous!  It's colossal!"

I turned on the first episode, in which Albuquerque chemistry teacher Walter White (Bryan Cranston) finds out that he has lung cancer, and in order to provide for his family, decides to produce methamphetamine.  He talks one of his ex-students, a meth dealer named Jesse (Aaron Paul),into being his assistant.

Jesse uses anti-gay slurs.

Click.  Why should I watch a homophobic program?

My friends implore me to watch.

But the program is homophobic!

Recently I have been forced to watch The Shield, which was the most homophobic programs ever, dripping with contempt for homos, and with an actual plotline in which a gay guy turns straight due to the power of prayer!  So I figured I could handle Breaking Bad.

The homophobic slurs are infrequent after the first episode.  I guess the writers figured they had gotten rid of all the gay viewers, and didn't need to bother anymore.

So, what did I find, going incognito into a program exclusively for heterosexuals?

Well, of course, there are no explicitly gay characters.  Like most television drama, Breaking Bad is set in a world where gay people are assumed not to exist.

But, wow!  Walt and Jesse.

They behave like romantic partners.

They are treated like romantic partners.

They break up, date other people, then reconcile.

Jesse is wooed by a new boyfriend, Mike, and Walt roils with jealousy and tries to win him back.

Each says to a bad guy (well, to someone equally bad), "If you kill him, you'll have to kill me, too."

Even other people notice.  When Mike is told "If you kill him, you'll have to kill me too," he says "What is it with you two?"

Even in Season 5, after Walt has betrayed Jesse a dozen times, Jesse still behaves as if he's in love with him.

Jesse says "Why don't you stop pretending that you care about me?"

Walt hugs him.  Jesse breaks down and sobs.

Then there are the gay characters, or at least characters who are well-groomed, sophisticated, and expressing no interest in women.

Including big time meth dealer Gustavo Fring (Giancarlo Esposito), who, in a flashback, sees his lover murdered by cartel head Hector Salamanca. He invites guys he likes, such as Jesse, over for dinner and who-knows-what-else at his house.

At one of the drug cartel's gatherings, the entertainment consists of women, who come in and sit on the laps of the men.  Not Gustavo, though.  He's obviously not interested.

During one of Walt and Jesse's breakups, Gale Boetticher (David Costabile) becomes Walt's new assistant.  Well-groomed, sophisticated, no women around, gives Walt a copy of Leaves of Grass, the famous gay-themed classic, with the inscription: "To my star, my perfect silence"

What, exactly, were they up to after hours?

For that matter, few if any of the characters on Breaking Bad exhibit significant

Walt's teenage son Junior (RJ Mitte) has a best boy friend but never mentions girls, although he gets the standard heterosexist "you must be girl-crazy" gibberish from his dad and uncle.

D
Tuco Salamanca (Raymond Cruz), one of the baddie drug dealers, spends all of his time with men.

Jesse's friends, Badger (Matt L. Jones) and Skinny Pete (Charles Baker), display an interest in women in just one scene.










Hank (Dean Norris), Walt's brother-in-law, who also happens to be a DEA Agent, has a wife, but he spends all of his quality time in the company of men.  He even tries to woo Jesse away from Walt.

Who doesn't?  This show should be called Everybody Loves Jesse.

So that's what heterosexuals are up to when they think there are no gay people watching.

The Shield: TV From the 2000s, Homophobia from the 1960s

You already know the most homophobic contemporary movie -- Chuck and Buck, the savagely homophobic "comedy" by Mike White.

Outside of Fox's animated sitcoms, TV series tend to go for erasing gay people from existence rather than excoriating them, but I found an exception.  Excoriations of gay people week after week for six years.

It's The Shield (2002-2008), a police drama set in contemporary Los Angeles.

Contemporary?

In the real L.A. in the 2000s, there were gay police offices.  The LAPD advertised for recruits at gay pride festivals.  Police cadets got  training in LGBT issues.

But on The Shield, all of the cops are intensely homophobic.  "Queers" and "fags" drop from their lips every five seconds, along with the usual heterosexism that we find everywhere on tv.

The key character, Detective Vic Mackey (Michael Chiklis)  is a blustering homophobe -- but so is everybody, so not a problem.  But he is also boorish, stupid, vulgar, racist, sexist, violent, corrupt, and unfamiliar with the concept of "due process."

Oh, he loves his wife and kids -- so much so that when they leave him and go into hiding, fearing for their safety, he pays private investigators $20,000 to track them down.  Then he bursts in and starts yelling.

I guess that's supposed to be positive?

One of his nemeses is detective "Dutch" Wagenbach (Jay Karnes), who's actually intelligent and therefore the butt of constant jokes.  He grinds my gears by offering far-out psychoanalytic interpretations of every suspect, proclaiming that he "studied criminology."

Um...criminology doesn't teach you that nonsense.

But even Dutch is a first rate homophobe.  He asks, "What do they think causes people to be queer?  Is it biological, so they can't help themselves.  And if so, should we condemn them?"

Who's condemning them, Dutch?  I suppose the writers' perception of the intended audience as homophobic.

Criminals are homophobic too -- way homophobic.

There are occasional gay characters -- swishy queens who all have AIDS.
"Are you sure he has AIDS?"
 "Just look at him."

One of the cops, Julian Lowe (Michael Jace), happens to be gay.  Completely angst-ridden, overcome by guilt: it's a terrible urge inside him that he hates and can't get rid of.

He participates in a brutal gay-bashing with his fellow cops, tries to commit suicide, then tries to become "ex gay" through prayer and sex with a woman.

Oh, and he's also being blackmailed -- Vic is threatening to reveal his gayness to the precinct, where he will certainly be fired in disgrace.

Um...anti-discrimination laws for police officers have been in place in L.A. for 30 years.

By the way, the cops are uniformly racist, too.  When a Muslim asks why he is a suspect when he hasn't done anything, he is told: "Because a group of men who look like your twin brothers killed 3,000 Americans."

Um...there are Muslim Americans....

Even though I can't find shirtless shots of the regulars, there is a lot of beefcake on the show.  Criminals -- mostly drug dealers and gang bangers, with an occasional serial killer thrown in -- are often shown lounging around shirtless or in their underwear.  Danny Pino, a drug dealer that Vic extorts and then kills, always finds a way to cover up the bulge in his black briefs.

But, really, a precinct full of racist, sexist, homophobic jerks -- who writes this stuff?

Ok, it was created by Shawn Ryan, who was born in 1966 and grew up in Chicago, and was a staff writer on Nash Bridges and Angel.   In an interview, he said that the "Boys in the Bar" episode of Cheers, in which the bargoers recoil in homophobic horror from two guys that they think are gay, influenced how he "thought about homosexuals."

Homosexuals?  Is this, like, 1973?

On The Shield, it is.

See also: Chuck and Buck.