The Disappointing Beefcake of "Animal Kingdom" (Not a Nature Show)

When I was searching for beefcake pictures of Joshua Cody of Santa Girl, about a thousand pictures of this guy appeared.  Another actor named Joshua Cody, with a respectable physique.But he doesn't appear on the IMDB.

On Reddit, someone posted this pic and asked "Are you on Animal Kingdom? I'm on Peaky Binders."  So this Joshua Cody must be on one of those.

I search for Animal Kingdom first.It must be a nature show on Animal Planet, like the Wild Kingdom of my childhood.

Nope.  The title is completely misleading: no animals (except for humans), no kingdoms, and it airs on TNT.  It's a drama about a crime family led by matriarch Smurf  (Ellen Barkin).

Joshua Cody must play one of her children.  And if he's got 10,000 shirtless and nude photos floating around the internet, there must be many more of the other mafiosi.  With visions of angelic faces, bulging biceps, and bulging bulges floating in my head, I check the list of Mama Smurf's boys:

1.Scott Speedman as Baz, who is  killed during a robbery in the second season.

Not exactly a gym rat. Rather plain, nondescript, the kind of guy cast as
lawyers and corporate suits.  I wouldn't go out of my way to meet him at a bear party.

2. Shawn Hatosy as Pope, who is mentally ill and spends time in mental institutions and churches as well as prison.  He's into Baz's girlfriend, and smothers her to death.

Ok physique, a little pale and waxy, but his face is grotesque.  I'm actively avoiding him at bear parties.









3. Ben Robson as Craig, who is a drug addict, "adrenaline junkie," and violent thug.  For instance, when his girlfriend overdoses, instead of calling 911, he ransacks her apartment looking for money and drugs.

Another pasty, waxy chest, gross tattoos, and a grotesque face.  I get that they wanted a drug addict to be less than gorgeous, but really, this is a bit much.

4. Jake Weary as Deran, a "former competitive surfer" who is gay.  He runs a legitimate business as well as participating in the family capers.

OMG.  At least they're not pandering to gay stereotypes.

 Question: how did the casting director get a list of my top 10 turn-offs?

5. Finn Cole as Joshua, Mama Smurf's grandson, who wants to take over the business.

His last name is "Cody" --  I finally found Joshua Cody!

 And Finn Cole turns out to be not grotesque.

His physique is nondescript, but at this point I'm happy just finding someone who can walk into a room without shattering all the mirrors.

Ok,  I get it.  The criminals were deliberately cast with ugly guys due to our stereotypic association of ugliness with evil: if they were hot, they would be too sympathetic.   But what about the rest of the cast?  There must be some hunks among them.

6. Spencer Treat Clarke as Adrian, Deran's boyfriend, another "former competitive surfer."

Lord have mercy, he's awful.  But he was cute as Jerathmiel on The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina in 2019.  How....

7. John Beavers as Jake, Craig's father, a former member of Smurf's gang, seen in flashbacks.

He's got some pecs -- again, of the pale, waxy variety-- but no tats!  And he's reasonably nice looking.

8. Grant Harvey as Colin, Pope's father, Smurf's former mentor, seen in even moe flashbacks.

Not bad.  Give him a smile and a nice bulge, and I might ask him out.

9.  Gil Birmingham as Detective Pearce, who has been trying to bring the crime family down for 20 years.  From the name, I was expecting a Brit,but Gil is actually a Texan of Comanche ancestry, and apparently former bodybuilder.

In 1982, he appeared among the backup boys in the music video of Diana Ross's "Muscles"

It's been 37 years, so you have to cut him a little slack, but I still have a 40" chest and 16" biceps. It's not that hard to keep up.

10. Rigo Sanchez as Manny. a member of Smurf's gang in one of the endless flashbacks.  This photo is from before he was cast on Animal Planet.  You don't want to know what he looked like as Manny.

The Mystery of Lee Kinsolving Solved

You asked about the hunk on the left in this publicity shot from The Explosive Generation (1961).

Short answer: 

He's high school student Dan Carlyle (Lee Kinsolving), helping classmate  Bobby Herman (Billy Gray) hold up a girl in a scene that doesn't appear in the movie (it's about teaching sex education).

You're probably more interested whether there are any more beefcake shots.

So am I.

Long answer:

Arthur Lee Kinsolving Jr. was born in Boston on August 30, 1938, son of Rev. Arthur Lee Kinsolving, Rector of Trinity Church, and Mary Kemp Blagden.  He had three younger siblings (born in 1940, 1942, and 1948).  In 1947, Rev. Kinsolving became Rector of the extremely prestigious St. James Episcopal Church at Madison and 71st in Manhattan.

Going by "Lee" to distinguish himself from his father, the younger Kinsolving graduated from Episcopal High School, an exclusive private boarding school in Alexandria, Virginia, in 1956.

He enrolled at Trinity College, an exclusive private college in Hartford, Connecticut. The summer after his freshman year, he was performing at the Westchester Playhouse, when a Broadway scout signed him on to star in Winesburg, Ohio (which ran from February 5th to 15th, 1958, at the National Theater).  He played Seth.

 Next Agent Richard Clayton, the gay agent who signed on such gay and gay-vague stars as James Dean, Tab Hunter, and Richard Chamberlain, signed Lee on and got him gigs on some East Coast tv programs (Playhouse 90, Alcoa Theater).  

I wonder if Richard Clayton had a casting couch.

After graduating from Trinity in 1959, Lee moved to Hollywood, and  appeared in a variety of tv programs, mostly in dramatic roles and Westerns (Have Gun -- Will Travel, The Rifleman).

His movie credits include: All the Young Men, The Dark at the Top of the Stairs (which won him a Golden Globe nomination), Ah Wilderness, and The Explosive Generation.

He retired from acting in 1966 due to "personal frustrations with the business."  That is, he hadn't worked in 2 years.

He managed the hip restaurant Toad Hall in Manhattan from 1968 to 1969.  I wonder if it's the same Toad Hall in Soho today.

In 1969 he moved to Palm Beach, Florida, where he managed the Lillian Phipps Gallery and later the Wally Findlay Gallery, which "became the opulent setting for flamboyant openings for socially prominent artists."

Must have been some gay people wandering around.  Wally Findlay himself died in 1996 at the age of  92, never married.

Lee also raced speedboats and acted as the captain of the DuPont Family yacht.

This guy was well-connected!

He was linked romantically with Tuesday Weld and Candace Bergen, and was married to  model Lillian Bishop Crawford from 1969 to 1972.  I don't know what "linked romantically" means, but such a short marriage may indicate that he was gay and closeted.

Sometime in 1974, he contracted a respiratory disease that didn't display any symptoms, so no one was aware that he was sick until, on December 4th, he collapsed at his apartment and died.  He was 36.

The Photos of Celebrities Website claims that the following shirtless and nude photos are of Lee Kinsolving.  Which ones are real?

1. Doubtful.

2. No way.

3.  Not even the right hair color.

The Snaps of Poston Butte High School

Poston Butte High School is not in Butte, Montana.  It's in San Tan, Arizona, in the far south of the Phoenix metro area, 43 miles from downtown. 

There is no person named Poston Butte.  The high school is named after a nearby hill (a "butte"), which contains the pyramid-shaped tomb of Charles DeBrille Poston (1825-1902), who petitioned to create Arizona Territory and served as its first representative in Congress.  He also wanted to build a Parsi (Zoroastrian) fire temple, but ran out of money.

There is no saint in the Catholic schedule named Tan.  The town is named after the San Tan Mountains, which may be a corruption of Santa Ana, or maybe the name of an early post master.  Residents wanted Belle Vista (that's rather a misnomer), but San Tan won out in 2009.

The town is on the radar for paranormal and miscellaneous weird mysteries, like the 500 year old petroglyphs, and a 2019 sighting of a UFO with "tendrils" that made it look like a jellyfish

It's also newsworthy because:

In 2014, a Poston Butte math teacher was arrested after coming to class drunk (blood alcohol level .205) and swearing at students.

In 2014, Poston Butte student Tyler Kost was arrested and charged with sexual assault and sexual abuse of 11 high school girls over the course of 5 year.  He spent three years in prison.

In 2017, the school apologized for publishing 15-20 "inappropriate" quotes from students in the yearbook: references to sex, drugs, and death.   The yearbook advisor was removed from her position.  The school offered new copies with the quotes expunged for free, but no one took them u p on the offer.

With all of that weirdness, I was disappointed to find no "there" there.  The high school is surrounded by flat, desolate scrub land and a Mormon chapel.  The nearest restaurant is a McDonald's, 1.6 miles away.  No city center, just a few gallerias with a Walgreen's, a Bank of America, Papa John's Pizza, and Fry's (supermarket).  No museums, no historic sites, no gay presence other than a Gay-Straight Alliance at the high school.

But a lot of beefcake.

I do it for the snap, too.

Snap.

Snap.

He's second from the left, but who's the new guy with the abs and flag?

I like the big hair.

Even bigger hair.

Cute coach with a Mormon haircut and a barber-shop-quartet striped bowtie.

"Tell Me a Story," and Be Sure to Include Biceps and Bulges

Tell Me a Story (2018-), on CBS and Vudu. "A re-imagining of classic fairy tales."

Well, I've already seen Once Upon a Time, but ok, I'll give it a shot.

First scene:  close-up of a bare chest tattooed with the words "Fuck You."   The uber-muscular Eddie (Paul Wesley) is asleep in his underwear in his trailer, when his friend Mitch (Michael Raymond Jones) drops in.

Nice.

Next scene: Jordan (James Wolk) strips down to take a shower. 

Bare chest and butt, and I think a bit of his penis. Wow!

Third scene: Gabe (Davi Santos) and his roommate Billy (Luke Guldan, left) are talking.  In their underwear.

Muscular physiques, underwear bulges!  Four in a row!  

I've never seen a tv show display so much male skin and so little female.  Just the way I like it.

Next scene:  High schooler Kayla was a screw up out on the West Coast (she smoked marijuana!), so she and her dad have moved to small-town Manhattan to make a fresh start.

Dad doesn't have his shirt off.  Maybe later.

I keep watching.

Unfortunately, they all turn out to be despicable people.

Gabe and Billy, who both have drug problems, work as go-go dancers and hustlers at a mixed gay-straight club.  Right, all gay people are drug-addled partyboys.

Billy talks Gabe into having a three-way with the ultra-rich, cocaine-addled Dan (Paul Rolfes).  While Gabe is...um...busy, Billy goes into the bedroom and steals from the guy's wallet.   Dan catches on, gets violent, and ends up dead.  Billy runs away, leaving his "friend" Gabe alone an apartment with the corpse of a man he didn't even know.

Meanwhile, at the same club, Kayla graduates to Ecstasy, washed down with vodka, and picks up Nick (Billy Sullivan).  After a lot of sex (showing us Nick's bare chest and butt, of course), she discovers that he is her new teacher. 

Well, I guess they couldn't help that, except  they continue the relationship.  Teacher-underage student.  Nice. 

Eddie (of the "fuck you" chest), Mitch, and a third buddy are saddled with debts and drug  something or other, so they are planning to rob a jewelry store wearing pig masks. 

Jordan (of the nude shower) is pressuring his girlfriend to get married and have a baby.  But she doesn't think that Trump's America is a fit place for a child, with all the neo-Nazis and guns and mass murderers.  Why bring a baby into the world, when it will be killed at age seven by a school shooter?   But Jordan finally talks her into it, so they go ring shopping at the..um...jewelry store where

Well, you know what happens next.  

I think I need a shower and about six hours of old Golden Girls episodes.

And I don't see the connection to fairy tales.  The pig masks?

Instead of more plot summary, wouldn't you rather see the chest of Dan Amboyer, who plays one of Gabe and Billy's go-go-boy coworkers?

Or the bulge of Rarmian Newton, who plays one of Kayla's classmates who gets a crush on her, finds out about her relationship with her teacher, and goes ballistic?

The Top 16 Hunks of "The Greenhouse"/"Greenhouse Academy"

Greenhouse Academy, now in its third season on Netflix,  is a reboot of The Greenhouse (Ha-Hamana, 2012-2016) is about a brother and a sister, children of a famous astronaut, who enroll in an exclusive private school with a secret.

The original series was Israeli, and Greenhouse Academy is still filmed in Israel, with lots of Israeli actors, and characters with Israeli names.  But it's set in the United States.  Cop-out!

I read that Alex (Finn Roberts, left) is the son of Carter and Ryan. Cool, two dads!  But it turns out that Ryan is a woman. Cop out #2!

No out gay characters in either of the two series.  Cop out #3!

Well, at least there's beefcake.

Other than The Secret, the drama is based on competition between the Eagles and the Ravens, rival sports teams/dorm groups (basically Slytherin and Griffindor).


Eagle/Slytherin boys:

1. -2. Alfie Reshef (Yadin Goldman), central character, who joins the Eagles to embrace the Dark Side, while his sister joins the Ravens.  In Academy, he becomes Alex (Finn Roberts, top photo)

3. -4.Daniel Goren (Daniel Litman, left), head Eagle, dating the principal's daughter. Sort of evil.  In Academy, he becomes Daniel Hayward (Chris O'Neill).  Fans were shipping him and Parker, but a ship is not good enough in 2019; where are the actual gay students?

5-6. Ron Ashkenazi  (Tamir Ginzberg), Daniel's bff.  Mean, aggressive, rude.  In Academy, he becomes Parker Grant (B. J. Mitchell, left).

Raven/Gryffindor boys:

7-8.  Iftach Har Lev (Lee B.), head Raven, "it's just a game" nice guy.  In Academy, he becomes soft, sensitive aspiring musician Leo Cruz (Dallas Hart, left), who is dating someone with the unlikely name of Aspen.

9-10. Mati Spivak (Lior Shabtay), computer nerd and mama's boy (see how the Ravens are open to all...um...types?).  In Academy, he becomes Max Miller (Benjamin Papac).
















Others:

11-12. Louis Klein (Raffi Tavor), head of the Greenhouse Academy, becomes Louis Osmond (Parker Stevenson).  In case you need reminding, the former Hardy Boy is famous for his super-sized penis, which he always carefully hid from view, lest he frighten the horses.

13-14. Robbie Klein (Asaf Kleinberger), his grown-up son, becomes Jason Osmond (Yiftach Mizrahi)

15-16. Guri (Daniel Reshef), the siblings' father, becomes Carter Woods (Ishai Golan).

So much beefcake in the two shows -- which will you stream?

A Gay "Haunting on Fraternity Row"

David DeCouteau used to direct movies in which hunks in their underwear...well, there are hunks in their underwear, and either no girls or a couple of fully-clothed girls in the background.  In other words, movies for gay men.  He swore up and down that he was not aiming at a gay audience, that he hadn't even been aware that gay men existed until someone told him.  1 1/2 hours of guys in their underwear just made artistic sense.

Brant Sersen continues the tradition with Haunting on Fraternity Row (2018), which is available on Amazon Prime, Vudu, Netflix, and probably everywhere else.

It's mostly "found footage," like The Blair Witch Project,  about a demon targeting a party at a frat house, possessing people and eating their eyes.

But contrary to stereotypes, this is the nicest fraternity you'd ever hope to see.  They have pledges of various sizes and shapes, not just hunks, and they require only mild hazing: wear dresses and film the festivities.  Nor do they leer at, sexually assault, or make nasty jokes about the girls.

Contrary to what one might think at a frat party, there are virtually no discussions of "getting laid," and only two sex scenes (both cut short when the demon intervenes).

And there are  are beaucoup guys hanging out in their underwear or in shorts, or taking their shirts off, while the girls are fully clothed  (the semi-naked girl on the poster seems to be a misdirection).

Although there are no identifiably gay characters, this is obviously a movie designed for the gay male gaze.

The hunks are:

1. Jayson Blair (top photo) as Tanner.

2. Ashton Moio (the one with the biceps) as Dougie.

3. Eduardo Losan (the one with the bulge) as Lube.

4. Chester Rushing as Drew.  I don't know who the cruisy friend is.

5. Cameron Mouléne (the one with the chest) as Grant, whose girlfriend keeps trying to pressure into sex.

6.  Jacob Artist (the one with the pumpkin) as Jason.

7. Breon Pugh as Wiggles, the fat guy who keeps his shirt on.

8. Hawn Tran as Nascar, the skinny guy who keeps his shirt on. Are you noticing a pattern here?

9. Blaze Burkenstock (the one inviting you to read his shorts) as a miscellaneous fratboy.

10.  I don't know who this is.