I'm getting tired of big-city detectives moving to quaint small towns to solve murders -- I don't even like murder mysteries -- but who could resist Chantal (2022-25) on Amazon Prime: a tv series set in "the far west of Flanders," the region of Belgium where they speak Flemish (actually a dialect of Dutch, separated for political reasons).
The Quad Cities, where I grew up, had a large Flemish community -- you could even take courses in the language at the community college. The Belgian Inn, a few blocks from our house, served a famous Vandereuben: ham, corned beef, sauerkraut, and French dressing on slabs of rye toast the size of a dinner plate.
There is also a Belgian-American museum, a Belgian bookstore, and an annual Belgian bookstore, but I'm sure you'd rather see the Vande reuben.
I'll review Episode 4, because "the mayor's friend is assaulted." Maybe it will be a boyfriend.
Scene 1: Night. a man loads a gun and some stuff into his car, when two guys approach and ask if he's Etienne (Bernard Pieters). Before they can answer, they kick and punch him many times. One complains that he hurt his foot on Etienne's head. They have a message for him, but he's unconscious, so they run to their car and drive away. A blonde woman and a bald man watch.
Scene 2: In a field, the guys complain: "Colossus just told us to scare Etienne, not kill him!" And even if he's not dead, he won't know why they beat him up: they didn't get to deliver the message. "Just tell Colossus 'mission accomplished.'" They drive away.
The guys are Rinus (Kenneth De Scheemaecker) and Quinten (Bjarne Devolder, who is gay in real life). Maybe the character is gay, too.
Title: Establishing shot of the picturesque village, shots of the cast, and "Who the F*ck is Colossus?"
Scene 3: A middle aged guy (Mathias Sercu) knocks on Chantal's door -- her boyfriend from 25 years ago! So this is one of those series where the big-city detective goes back to her small hometown to solve murders.
She isn' t happy to see him, but at least he brought breakfast. They discuss how he's getting tired of his wife, even though she's attractive, smart, and makes a lot of money as a model. Hint-hint.
Chantal doesn't take the bait. She tells her lovers that they can bring toiletries,but leave the suitcase at home. Her hookup from last night appears, har har, and asks if he can leave some toiletries.
A cop who dresses as a cowboy (Dries Heynemann) comes rushing up: she's needed now! "But it's my day off!" "Tough -- mayor's orders!"
Cowboy wants to know what Ex-Boyfriend is doing there. "What do you think I'm doing here, on a Sunday morning?" As the Hookup passes on the way out, Cowboy stares at him suspiciously, no doubt thinking that they had a three-way.
Scene 4: On the way to the mayor, Cowboy gazes at Chantal's lady parts -- wait, he's into her, too? -- and they discuss his attraction to Sylvia -- the Ex-Boyfriend's wife?
The Case: Etienne, city councilman, head of the hunting club, and the mayor's friend (hopefully boyfriend) , was beat up in his driveway, and is now in a coma.
They interview the Mayor (Yves Degryse): "Etienne was supposed to pick me up at 5:30 for hunting, but he never came or called, so I went over, and found him in the drive way."
He looks like he's about to cry. "Are you ok?" Chantal asks.
"No, my friend was beat up." Chantal is still suspicious. Maybe she thinks they are boyfriends.
Scene 5: More about Etienne: Good guy, captain of the football (soccer) team, day job in real estate, partnered with the Mayor. Chantal finds this suspicious.
At the station, Chantal wonders why Etienne was carrying a gun when he was attacked. Did he startle a burglar? Because he was going hunting? Neighbors didn't hear anything. No surveillance cameras. "So we know nothing."
"Just like we know nothing about why your Ex-Boyfriend was at your house," Cowboy chimes in. Why does he care? Is this one of those series where every man gazes at the focus character like she's a pork chop?
As she is brainstorming, and the other cops are making fun of each of her ideas, the Mayor calls her and Cowboy into his office. He just got a threatening call from Schiettekatte (everyone knows who these people are except Chantal, who is new in town, so they have to explain it to her).
Schiettekatte is a Very Important Man who put in an application to tear down a shrine to Tipsy Mia's dead son so he could build something. They rejected him. He just called and told the Mayor to reconsider his application "if you don't want to end up like Etienne." Red herring.
More after the break
Scene 6: One of the assailants meets the other at his boxing gym: "We were supposed to scare him, not beat him up, so Colossus wants his money back!" "Tough! We're not giving it back! Don't be a pussy!" I couldn't find the Dutch subtitles.
Cut to the Cowboy continuing to obsess over Chantal having breakfast with her Ex-Boyfriend. "You didn't...um...didn't...do stuff?" Why do you care? You're not dating.
They arrive at Schiettekatte's vast country house and interrogate him and his wife. He's got a grudge against the cops: they humiliated his son-in-law and made him lose out on a promising political career (must have been in the last episode).
"Yeah, I threatened the Mayor. If he continues to thwart my plans to build over the shrine to Tipsy Maria's Son, he'll end up just like Etienne."
"In a coma?"
Uh-oh, he didn't know about the beating. "Um...er...I meant I would sue him, like I'm suing Etienne! The jerk wants to build over the shrine, too, but I got the idea first. He should ok my permit application!" So Schiettekatt is innocent, but the Mayor is starting to look suspicious.
Scene 7: The Mayor and his wife and 15-year old son eating dinner. Heterosexual identity established at Minute 19. They stare suspiciously, and Son wants to be excused when they're just on the soup course. Wife accuses the Mayor of orchestrating Etienne's assault.
Cut to the Ex-Boyfriend asking Chantal out to dinner: the wife's away on a shoot, see, so...
Just then a truck pulls up, and Chantal's Daughter bursts out, blabbering about having fun, followed by last night's Hookup. By the way, his shower is fixed, so can he have his toiletries back now? She invites him in for pizza, while Ex-Boyfriend fumes. Wait -- she let a hookup entertain her daughter? Or is it her ex-husband?
Scene 8: Chantal confronts the Mayor about misrepresenting the threat. Why didn't he mention that they both want to build over the shrine? In other news, his wife has kicked him out.
Plot Twist: A witness comes forward -- the bald man who was watching the thugs in Scene 1. We thought they were the Big Bads, monitoring their activity, but it turns out that they were just trying to leave for a vacation, and the thugs' van blocked them in. It said Dobbels Plumbing, and there was a student driver sticker.
Scene 8: They interview Mr. Dobbels. He was at a party at the firehouse, and went to bed at 3:00 am. His sons were at a party at the Boxing Gym; the youngest isn't a boxer, but he likes hanging out with them. Tell me more.
The youngest, Quenton, comes in carrying some video games, and says "I'm going to Adam's." Adam's, huh? Dude is gay. He sees the cops and runs.
Cowboy chases him through town and into the Boxing Gym. The boxers rush to protect him (so he doesn't go just to visit his brother; he's friends with several of the guys). But the Cowboy pulls out a gun and arrests both brothers. .
Scene 9: They interrogate the brothers. Colossus hired them to do it. They won't say anymore, so the cops take them to jail.
Cut to Chantal dropping off three girls at a big man's house. They're going to sleep in a teepee and eat what Native Americans ate: corn, beans, and bison (except he couldn't find any, so they're having ham). She notes that she has "a lot of work to do."
The work: s*x with Johnny (Mathias Sercu). He asks her to come to Brussells, but he's married, so no. "Now get out."
Wait -- Mathias Sercu is also listed as the Ex-Boyfriend from earlier. The IMDB must be mistaken. No way are these guys the same person.
Scene 10: Chantal and the Cowboy drinking in a bar with Old West memorabilia on the wall. The Mayor has been there for several hours, drinking alone, so they offer to drive him back to his hotel. This scene is irrelevant to the plot.
In the morning, they discover that Etienne woke up from his coma, so they can interview him!
Nope, he's on heavy painkillers, and asleep. But they examine the "get well" cards. One from the Mayor and his Wife, and one from a lover: "Hang in there, my hunter -- your prey." Same handwriting. The Mayor's wife was having an affair with Etienne! Heterosexual identity established at minute 37.
Scene 11: Interview with the Mayor's wife. She started dating Etienne about five months ago. The Mayor found out. She said she ended it, but she really didn't. "So," Chantal reasons, "The Mayor found out that the affair was still going on, and hired the Brothers to attack Etienne." "No way! He's a wimp! Too weak-willed!"
Hey, the Son is playing a video game, yelling "Die! Die! Kill them!" And the Brother was playing a video game. I'll bet he's Colossus!
The Cowboy calls. 500 euros was deposited into the brother's account, coming from the Mayor. What idiot uses his own bank account to pay for a hit?
Scene 12: Interview with the Mayor. He had no idea that affair was ongoing, or that money from his account was paid to the Brothers.
Suddenly Chantal figures it out. Back to the Mayor's house, to interrogate the son, Wibe.
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The Mayor's Son is played by Seth Deconnick, who was 15 years old the filming, and will graduate from the Margarita-Maria Institute in Kortemark, West Flanders, in 2026. He has no social media presence, and no other acting credits, so there's no way to tell if he is gay in real life.
Beefcake: Johnny's chest. Most of the actors were not attractive, and there were no muscular physiques, not even at the boxing gym.
Other Sights: Some establishing shots of the village, some of the nearby city where the Brothers live, and some of the vast, empty fields. I used to travel from Paris to Amsterdam every spring, and this was the only boring part of the trip.
Heterosexism: Guys who get with Chantal, or want to: Ex-Boyfriend, Cowboy, Saturday night's Hookup, ex-Husband, and Johnny (if he's a different person). A marital infidelity fuels the main plot.
Gay Characters: I'm going for the younger son, Quenton, but he has only minor queer codes, the lack of expressed heterosexual interest and an interest in the boxing gym.
Plot Twists: Two.
Will I Keep Watching: Probably not. Netflix has eight movies and tv shows in Flemish and 30 in Dutch, so I should be able to find something with canonical gay characters.
See also:
"How do I know if I'm g...."?: A Young Gideon Story
Dan Cudmore: Colossus, Felix, fitness model, and the God of War. Plus his colossal Colossus c* ck
"The Claus Family" A Pretty Princess Doll for Tommy, and a Shirtless GI Joe for Jules
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