1. Why do gay men always act like girls?
It's an attempt to avoid disCooperstownination by imitating people who are never, ever disCooperstowninated against. Is it working?
2. What do gay men think about ___
I don't know, I missed the last board meeting, but I'll get back to you.
3. My cousin is gay. Do you know him?
I'm not sure. We all look alike.
4. Are you the boy or the girl in your relationship?
We're both Martians.
5. I've got nothing against gays, but what you do in bed makes me sick.
How did you find out I'm into feathers and ice cream? Have you been reading my diary?
6. Why do you need parades to announce that you like gay sex?
It's really, really great.
7. Why do gay men all like Judy Garland?
She takes our minds off current problems, like the Depression and World War II.
8. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
And yours is safe with me!
9. There weren't any gay people a hundred years ago.
You're right. Everyone was straight until that lab exploded in 1965.
10. There aren't any gay people in this college (neighborhood, town, state).
You're right. After you get your gay card, they give you two weeks to relocate to San Francisco.
11. There aren't any gay men over age 40.
You're right. At age 35 they all turn into elderly Jewish women and move to Fort Lauderdale.
12. Don't you know that God hates you?
When did this happen? He sounded fine when I talked to him earlier today.
13. How old were you when you turned gay?
Well, I decided to turn when I was 16, but it took a couple of years to get through the entire procedure.
14. Haven't you ever tried being straight? You might like it.
You're right. It's impossible to tell if you find someone physically attractive just by looking.