At 7:30, I want to watch The Invaders, but my parents say no, it will be too scary. They turn on Red Skelton instead.
The boring, bumbling comedian does a pantomime of Shakespeare's Seven Ages of Man, narrated by Maurice Evans, who plays Samantha's father on Bewitched.
He starts with a "mewing" baby, which I find hilarious -- only cats mew.
Next is the whining schoolboy, with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping unwillingly to school.
That's cool. I'm a schoolboy! There are lots of cute boys with shining morning faces in my class.
The lover, sighing like a furnace, with a woeful ballad, made to his mistress' eyebrow.
I don't know what many of those words mean, but Red Skelton acts out a boy who is in love.
There's nobody else around, so I can't tell who he's in love with. Probably a boy.
I don't understand anything except jealous, but Red Skelton plays somebody picking a fight. Maybe they're mad because the same boy likes them both.
Next I'm going to get fat, and have a beard, and cut things with saws. That's cool -- fat boys are cute! Everybody at Hansche School wants to hang out with them.
That's a lot of big words. All I understand is, I'll have a big, manly voice, wear glasses, and like to whistle.
So when you're very old, you turn into a kid again, and start hanging around with other kids.
Sounds like a fun life. I can't wait.
See also: Shakespeare: The Original Gay Poet.