"Christmas in the City": Double Bait-and-Switch

 Christmas in the City: I doubt that there is any gay representation, but if this cover icon is any indication of the beefcake spreading Yuletide joy, I'm in. 

The blurb: Ashanti plays a grouchy store manager who tries to ruin Christmas.  Wait -- don't store managers like Christmas?  It's where 40% of their sales comes from.  

And am I supposed to recognize the name Ashanti?

Maybe I'll just go through it on fast-forward.

A single Mom puts her kid on the school bus, goes to a store, talks to an older friend, then picks the kid up, takes her ice-skating, and tucks her into bed.  She gets a job selling toys in a department  store at Christmas.

Meanwhile, Scrooge walks imperiously through the store, taking down decorations, firing employeees, and snorting about how much she hates Christmas.

Boss Jon Prescott arrives at Minute 13.   He's the store owner's nephew, so he outranks Scrooge and wants to fire her, but the Board wants her there.  .

Single Mom meets the other employees, including Santa Claus, who all are terrified of Scrooge.

Scrooge has some cost-cutting ideas: get rid of the employee daycare program, cancel Christmas bonuses....um, pass out coal instead of candy canes, and have Santa Claus spank the kids.  And why spend all that money on Christmas decorations? Why not some black and white signs saying "Buy!" instead?

She returns to her office and yells at her henchman, Hunk #2 (Josh Crotty): "How dare they reject my ideas?  Now get me a puppy!  I skipped breakfast!"

There are a lot of beefcake photos of Josh Crotty on his instagram page, but this is the only one where he's not sticking his tongue out or making a silly face.

Scrooge has more Christmas-cutting ideas.  No carolers!  No background music!  No kids on Santa's lap!  Doesn't she know that these things push up sales?

She butts heads with Single Mom and Boss, who commisserate -- and date.  

Another five or six tucking-the-kid-into-bed scenes.

Boss reminisces about his childhood with Uncle Harry, back when Christmas meant something.  He plays the piano and sings "The First Noel."  

A Christmas song!  Right in the store!  And to make matters worse, it actually mentions Jesus Chr--- Scrooge can't say it, or she'll burst into flame.   She is outraged!

Falling in love stuff between Single Mom and Boss, Scrooge talking to Boss, some mishegas about a Christmas display, more tucking-kid-into-bed.  

Scrooge doctors the receipts to make it look like Single Mom has been stealing from the store. Mwah-hah-hah.  

Another tuck-the-kid-into-bed scene.  Single Mom seems to live with another woman.  I'd think they were a lesbian couple, except for the falling-in-love montages with Boss.

One hour in, and no shirtless hunks.

"You stole from the store!" "I'm innocent!" "You're fired!" 

Advice from Santa Claus in the park -- the real one, not the store Santa who was fired.

Joel Rush gets second billing as Hunky Santa #1 (he's the one on the left, from the Eating Out series of gay comedies).  But he's not around.

 

 Andy Ashton plays Hunky Santa #2. I haven't seen him yet, either.

Oh well, back to fast-forward: The real culprit is revealed.  Reconciliation.  Even henchman Bruno abandons Scrooge.

In a last ditch effort to ruin Christmas, Scrooge displays videos of dancing, shirtless hunks in Santa Claus hats, plus some live hunks in the background (too obscured for a screen capture).

Single Mom's roommate counters by singing "O Come, All Ye Faithful."

So the shirtless hunks represent the Dark Side in this battle of Good vs. Evil?

Everyone joins in, even the shirtless hunks: "O come, let us adore Him, Christ the Lord."

Hearing that name makes Scrooge writhe in pain.  She melts into a pool of goo. 

No redemption?  No heart growing three sizes?  

Santa Claus comes.  Boss and Single Mom kiss.  The end.

Wow.  I am flabbergasted.  What's with the huge disconnect between the audience they hope to draw in with the cover icon and the actual presentation!  This movie is about shirtless hunks,  Aha, foold you!  Shirtless hunks are evil!  It's really about Christ the Lord, and no, you can't have both."

Question:  Ashanti is a popular singer, so audiences were obviously expecting to hear her sing.  Why doesn't she get redeemed and sing the climactic song?  If I was a fan, I 'd be angry at the bait-and-switch.

Two bait-and-switches, actually.