Jan 1, 2025

"Waterloo Road," Episode 10.1 or 14.1: "What I did last summer," with a new headmaster, a side piece, dark secrets, and d*cks





Link to the d*cks

Amazon Prime recommends its new teen soap, Waterloo Road, set in a private school in Manchester, England, but they are lying.  When I was looking for Adam Thomas, who plays a private school student in Episode 1.1, I found a  "where are they now" article and a n*de photo of someone in his thirties.

Turns out that it's not produced by Amazon, and it's not new.  It premiered on BBC 1 in 2006, and it is now in Season 15 according to the IMDB, and Season 10 according to Amazon.  That's not just a misdirection, it's two outright lies.  Would you like to read my new novel, "Wuthering Heights"?  I didn't write it, and it came out in 1847, but I just bought a copy, so it's new, and it's mine.

But with those two misunderstandings (lies!) cleared up, I could use some British blokes' physiques, so let's go with Episode 14.1 (2024) according to the IMDB, or 10.1 (2014) according to Amazon.


Scene 1
: In a kitchen full of boxes, Mr. Absurdly Clueless,  who is about 90 years old, asks if his suit is ok.  His wife, also around 90,  calls him attractive and kisses him.  He's the new headmaster, and she's an art teacher.  She is concerned that the other teachers will think she got the job just because she's living with him, but he insists that he hired her because she was the most attractive...um, best qualified...applicant.  They kiss another 15 times. Ok, they're heterosexual, I get it.  Can we move on?  I'm already running low on time due to watching the first 15 minutes of Episode 1.1 before figuring out the Amazon misdirections (lies!).

Fortunately, their teenage great-grandchildren come in.  Will they hose the hypersexual oldsters down?

No such luck.  "We're going out to dinner so go wait in the car while your great-grandmother and I grind our body parts together and try to swallow each other's faces."  And they do.


It's 10.1, 2014.  Leo Flanagan, who plays teenage great-grandson Floyd, is now a grown adult with a basket.

Scene 2:  They were lying about going to dinner (learning from Amazon?): all four of them arrive at Waterloo Road School.  Only twelve more goodbye kisses.

Mr. Absurdly Clueless parks himself in front of the school and says "Hello" to everyone entering.  They stare like he's looney, and I have to admit, he is. Go to your office!  Kevin, who uses arm braces, can't escape fast enough, so Absurdly Clueless grabs him and congratulates him on being able to move around without an attendant. Exactly what a disabled person wants to hear.



Apparently it's a new disability: when Kevin enters, everyone applauds.  Absurdly Clueless, thinks that they are applauding him. 

Scene 3: A blond woman asks another teacher, George,  if he's heard from the insurance company yet about the cruise.  Apparently they spent three weeks living in a literal sewer pipe. He is tired of her constant questions about the insurance money, and wants to break up. 

Scene 4: A student walks past garbage bins in the poor part of town and enters a flat with terrible wallpaper.  A woman sneaks in, having been beat up by her boyfriend, and he asks why she keeps dating abusive men.  She gives him some money for dinner and that.   

Cut to the teacher's lounge, where Absurdly Clueless welcomes himself and announces that he will be coming 'round to every class today.  He asks everyone to reflect on why they chose to become a teacher (liberal arts major -- no other jobs available) and why they chose Waterloo Road (was offered a job).

Oh, not just reflect: they have to go around the room and say why they became a teacher and chose Waterloo Road.  I hate it when teachers go around the room and force us to say things.

Suddenly Absurdly Clueless's wife shows up at school -- not the side piece he was swallowing the tongue of earlier -- with his two sons.  One hugs him.  The other, named Justin, hugs the wife.  Who died?

More after the break.




No, she's upset because he dumped her to shack up with his side piece, and is having a nervous breakdown, so she's checking into a mental hospital. The sons will have to stay with Absurdly Clueless and his side piece.

The row extends down the hall and into the parking lot, with the students and the Side Piece watching.  The sons say that Mom sprang this on them just a few minutes ago, when they came down for breakfast. 

Scene 5: The poor student is drinking milk out of the carton when Abusive Boyfriend wants to know why he's still here.  While everything is confused, the student steals his wallet, which contains a lot of pound notes.

 Cut to the prof who was trapped in the sewers, going to class to find that all of the students have rolls of toilet paper.  They giggle and make fun of him.  Never make fun of someone who is going to grade you.  

Meanwhile, the Side Piece goes to her class, and gets criticized for wearing inappropriate clothes. She begins lecturing on the Pop Art movement and Andy Warhol, then asks them to copy the style of a Liechtenstein "comic art" print.  Lenny makes a rude noise. 

Third class, Dickens' Great Expectations, which the teacher describes as a soap opera. Well, it was written in monthly installments.  Their assignment: read Chapter 1, and write down what would fit in a soap.  They complain that they don't watch soap operas.



Scene 6: 
Side Piece tells her son and daughter that Absurdly Clueless's sons will be living with them.  They are not pleased.  Meanwhile, the sons refuse to leave his office and go to class.  Just another day in the neighborhood.

I'm out of time, and I haven't found any n*de photos except Adam Thomas and Tommy Knight, so I looked for some real life Manchester blokes, and couldn't find any, so below we have two London dudes.

I'll just go through and see if there are any interesting plot points coming up.

The sons from different mothers get into a fist fight.

The mother of Darren, the poor student, dies of a drug overdose, so he has to move into the school. The end.

Beefcake: None.


Gay Characters
: According to the fan wiki, there have been seven altogether, with some homophobic "questioning his sexuality" and "beating up his hookup" plotlines.

Heterosexism: 3,034 kisses.

Soap Opera: Looks like it will involve the blended family of the Absurdly Clueless guy and his Side Piece.

Characters: These people are all extremely disagreeable. The students treat the faculty horribly.  In the U.S., they'd be arrested for disorderly conduct and sent up the school to prison pipeline.

My Grade: C






See also: Marcus Hodgson: Shape-shifting demon or hyper-masculine Midlands model?

Max Blumberg: Slovakian flute-crafter, drag theologian, Russian-Australian-Uzbek actor

Am I Being Unreasonable: Disagreeable British lady fights grief, gets a girlfriend, has a dark secret



No comments:

Post a Comment

No offensive, insulting, racist, or homophobic comments are permitted.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...