Gemstones Season 4 Finale: Saying goodbye. With eight gay/bi characters and countless d*cks

  

Link to the n*de dudes

In March 2023, my partner and I subscribed to the streaming service HBO/MAX to watch science fiction programs like The Last of Us and Doctor Who.  He  also wanted to watch The Righteous Gemstones, a comedy/drama about "a famous and dysfunctional family of televangelists," but "No, thanks." After a childhood of preachers screaming "God hates you!" every Wednesday night and twice on Sunday, I thought that even a critique of evangelical homophobia would be too traumatic.

Then one day I was walking through the living room on the way to a snack, and I saw the Gemstones walking in slow motion toward Jason's Steakhouse: A nuclear family husband, wife, and kids; another male-female couple and their pregnant daughter; and, taking up the rear, a gay couple!  They were holding hands!  They joined the others at the dinner table with no recriminations, no stupid questions about "which of you is the man?", no yelling about the Book of Leviticus.  I was astonished.

Watching from the beginning, I found a show that was crass, vulgar, and often grotesque, with annoying plot holes and a complete disregard for internal consistency.  Plus it took forever for the showrunners to admit that Kelvin and Keefe were canon, resulting in endless annoying "they're really straight buddies" arguments. But once they were acknowledged, Season 4 became a masterpiece of gay inclusion, with their wedding the pivotal moment of the entire series.  

A gay wedding was the pivotal moment in a series about Evangelicals!

Plus:

 A more obvious romance between Gideon and Scotty.

Both Eli and Baby Billy have gay relationships in their past.

Queer coded characters everywhere.  Just when you think there couldn't be any more, they start dropping hints about Pontius. 

Two gay bands of brothers taken directly from Tom of Finland prints.

A near total absence of heterosexual activity, and almost no lady parts.

Nonstop beefcake.

P* enises in nearly every episode.  

 A friggin' gl*ry hole!

Gay men were not only welcome at the table, the table was designed for them. In the midst of some profound theological insights into faith and forgiveness.  There has never been anything on tv like it.

Two years have passed, with two conference presentations, a scholarly book, two blogs with over 500 posts, over 20 fan stories, and endless fan discussions. And now it's time to say goodbye.  

Fortunately, the Series Finale features a special message for those viewers who found the show, and the characters, especially meaningful:

Saying Goodbye is Never Easy: During the Kelvin-Keefe wedding reception, while Eli watches everyone dancing, we hear the letter that his deceased wife Aimee-Leigh wrote to her friend Lori years ago:

Saying goodbye is never easy -- it's not something I've ever been good at.  Sometimes it's easier to never say goodbye and just leave things where they lay.  Don't wrap it up all nice and neat.  

Hear that, fans?  We're not going to tie up every loose end.

The Grave:  Eli hugging Lori as she cries at her son Corey's grave.  

Takeaways: 

1. Corey was born in 1976, so he's six years older than Jesse, making it unusual for them to be friends.  Imagine a 10 year old and a 16 year old hanging out.

2. Season 4 begins in September 2024.  Corey dies in July 2025.  The wedding takes place several months later, I estimate in October.

3. Continuity error: the Gator Farm Massacre occurred in late June or early July 2025.  Earlier we read that Big Dick Mitch went missing in March 2024.  No way he was a prisoner for over a year.  

Don't look for closure in a goodbye.  We rarely get the closure we want. Most times we don't even get the closure we need.  Sometimes things happen and the life we knew is taken from us, just like that. It can happen fast.

I'll need a minute.

Hugging: Back at the reception. Eli grins at the people dancing and hugging.  Jesse and Amber hug.  Kelvin dances with Aunt Tiffany and his Sister Judy. Keefe hugs Uncle Baby Billy.  

Cut to Baby Billy, Tiffany, and the Nanny having a picnic. 

It's in those times you realize how precious friends are, family.  

The Gold Bible: The Siblings install the Gold Bible, the Maguffin of the season, on a pedestal at the Salvation Center, in front of a video presentation about Aimee-Leigh and Eli's ministry.

How important it is to let Jesus' love find you through them so we can lift each other up. 

Gideon Finds His Place: Performing at the opening of the new Gemstone Christian Skatepark, Gideon is able to combine his interest in stuntwork and the ministry. Banners say: Christian Skate Summit.

A shot of Jesse talking to his arch-nemesis Vance Simkins was cut. Apparently they're on friendly terms.

Jesse's sons, Pontius and Abraham, with Ash on one side and Edge on the other, gawk at the stunts.  Now there are girl skaters; previously Pontius' group has been entirely male.  I'm calling it: he's bi. 

And Abraham's pink shirt? Plus check out his room: Pictures of Holly Hobbie dolls and a ballerina nightlight.  He's gay.  Prove me wrong. 

Aimee-Leigh continues: So we can fly even higher. 

Shot of Gideon flying high.

More after the break

My 16 teen idol fave raves, from Rock Island to West Hollywood, with David's d*ck and Adam's super-d*ck

  

Link to the n*de photos

This is a list of my favorite teen stars from 1975-2000, when I was growing up in Rock Island and a young adult in West Hollywood (with three years in New York at the end). The profiles are posted for nostalgia, for fun, and for aesthetic appeal -- when I investigated these guys as adults, a surprising number turned out to be gay, or have n*de photos posted online, or both.

1.Michael Cade.  The only reason to watch California Dreams (1992-97),  Saved by the Bell-light.

2. David Naughton.  The cutest guy of the Disco Era taught us how to "be a Pepper," and showed his stuff as an American werewolf (in London).

3. Glen Scarpelli.  The femme boy who valiantly pretended to be straight on One Day at a Time grew up, came out, and moved to Taos.  

4. Jeff East. The Disney teen graduated to play a n*ked fratboy.

5. Zach Galligan.  The Gremlins guy ruined my childhood, sort of, but showed his d*ck as an adult.

6. Mat Botuchis.  The chest that launched a thousand fantasies.

7. Andrew Keegan The original Teenage Caveman played a gay guy in The Broken Hearts Club, and kissed Superman himself, Dean Cain.

8.Chad Allen.  The heartthrob who made Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman a must-see.  He came out and started playing gay detectives with n*de scenes.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Unchosen: A mysterious stranger gets with a gay fundamentalist and his wife. Plus murder, Nazarene triggers, and Asa's d*ck

Link to the n*de dudes

I grew up in the Nazarene Church, a sect so strict that when I describe it, people think it's a cult.  So The Unchosen on Netflix, about a woman who escapes from a cult, caught my eye.  Then I found two articles gushing over the star, Fra Fe, an out-and-proud gay man who is thrilled to be playing an out-and-proud gay man on a Netflix tv series. Doesn't "fra" mean Frater, as in Brother?  Is the guy a gay monk turned actor?

Scene 1: A church service, with people feeding each other communion bread, followed by a picnic.  The Preacher  tells them that they are blessed to live in this holy community, where men provide and women nurture.  Uh-oh, gender polarization.  A cute guy gazes at his girlfriend at another picnic table (no fraternization, see?).  

As she fetches more hot dogs, the boyfriend, Adam (Asa Butterfield, above and n*de photos on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) -- actually her husband -- criticizes her for being too busy.   Their child drops by, then goes to play with her cousins, while the hot Uncle Isaac asks about her hearing aid.  They allow outside medicine?

Next a lady catches their daughter reading Beano comics under the table: "You wicked girl!  You're going to hell!" We couldn't read comic books, either.  I did it anyway.

Now a thunderstorm is coming.  Everyone scurries to pack up, but the girl stands still, not sure if it is God coming to punish her, or the End of Days for everyone.

Scene 2: They rush all the stuff back to their church, the Fellowship of the Divine.  Wait, where's our daughter?  

She's not in the church or the attached school, so the men form search parties and go out into the woods. Finally they use the Wife's name -- Grace.  She can't go, but she sneaks out anyway.  She finds her daughter drowning in a pond, being rescued by a Mysterious Man.  He pulls her to safety and runs away. 

Adam and Uncle Isaac arrive.  She still needs a hospital, so Uncle Isaac pulls out a cell phone and calls 111.  

Cut to the waiting room at the hospital.  The Woman is disgusted by a man and a woman kissing, and another using bad words.  Daughter is fine, ready to go home.  She explains that she ran away because she was worried that it was the Rapture.  I was afraid of that constantly.  Anytime someone left the room unexpectedly, or if I came home at the usual time, and Mom wasn't there.

"You don't need to worry about that.  We're the Chosen Ones.  We go to heaven."  But one little sin, even something as inconsequential as reading a comic book, and you're Left Behind.

Scene 3: Back at the church, the women are cooking lamb stew, and the men are praying, thanking God for letting Adam and Isaac find the girl.  Mom knows that a mysterious man did it. 

That night in their room, Husband Adam prays that God would make their love clean and pure, and then starts doing something with his Wife's behind.  I can't tell what, but she's not happy with it.

Scene 4: Early in the morning, Grace goes out into the woods and leaves her necklace for the Mysterious Man to find.  Hey, the cross on that necklace has an image on it.  Nazarenes would be shrieking in horror. Blasphemy!  Catholic idolatry!

While Grace is making breakfast, Husband Adam confronts Uncle Isaac (Aston McAuley, left and below).  Rosie, whoever that is, saw who he was texting; but it could have been anyone.  Uncle Isaac: "It's over."  Husband Adam: "I don't want to lose you."  He smashes the cell phone.

Wait -- is Uncle Isaac having an affair with his brothe-in-law Adam, or with an outside person?  

Cut to church.  After they praise God for the return of the daughter, Adam stands up and tells them that Isaac is a sinner.  He holds up the contraband cell phone.  Hey, you promised to not say anything!

Left: The IMDB says that this is Aston McAuley, but it doesn't look anything like him.

The Preacher (former Doctor Who Christopher Eccleston) yells "An instrument of the devil!  A pipeline to filth!  You have endangered the whole community!"  They all turn their backs, and two men drag him out.  Can't he just repent?  We lost our salvation a dozen times a week, and repented to get it back.

Grace is angry with her husband for turning Isaac in.  His pregnant wife and kids are still in the community.  What will happen to them?  But he just says "Submit to your husband, as to the Lord."

More after the break

"Alice": There's a new girl in town, with a teen idol son

Used to be scared, used to be shy

Funniest thing, the saddest part is I never knew why

Kickin' myself for nothin' was

My favorite sport

I had to get out and start enjoyin'

'cause life's too short

On Alice (1976-85), a tv adaption of Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (1974), "start enjoyin'" meant working as a waitress in a small-town diner.

When her truck driver husband dies, Alice (Linda Lavin) heads out to L.A. to jump-start her singing career.  Her car breaks down in small-town Tucson, and she's out of money, so she takes a temporary job at Mel's Diner.

It lasts for nine years, but it gives her an opportunity to form a chosen family with her boss, gruff, beefy Mel (Vic Tayback) and fellow waitresses: gutzy Flo (Polly Holliday), whose risque catchphrase "Kiss mah grits!" became a phenomenon (and led to a short-lived spin-off); and mousy Vera (Beth Howland)

Left: Vic didn't actually have a beard on the show, but this was the only semi-shirtless picture I could find.

Alice also had a cute, wisecracking son, Tommy (Philip McKeon, left). 

Three ladies, a kid, and a bear?  I wasn't impressed.  Besides, Alice ran on Sunday nights, after the oldster-favorites 60 Minutes and All in the Family, opposite Battlestar Galactica or Chips.  I didn't start watching regularly until about 1980, when it was squeezed between One Day at a Time and The Jeffersons. 

It was a pleasant surprise.  The banter between the four regulars was sharp and witty, the plotlines were not terribly heterosexist, and there was ample beefcake: cowboys and muscular truck driver patrons of the diner, the various men dating the regulars, and Tommy's school friends.  

Hunky Denny Miller even played a gay character, the school coach: after he comes out, Alice hesitates about allowing Tommy to go on an overnight camping trip with him, but finally relents. Score one for tolerance in the homophobic 1970s.

More after the break