Foundation: The top 12 hunks of the tv series based on Isaac Asimov's incredibly boring "classic" science fiction

Link to the n*de dudes

Every three or four years since I was around 15, I've picked up Isaac Asimov's Foundation (1951), lured by assurances that it's a magnificent accomplishment, a classic, essential reading, the book that propelled science fiction from Buck Rogers-style space operas to college literature classrooms.

So I start.  And it's just so darn bo--rrrr--ing that I give up after 10 or 20 pages.  Asimov is obsessed with politics, economics, and business, three of the dullest topics imaginable.  

There's a Foundation tv series on Apple Plus, but from the description it seems to committing an even worse sin: rampant heteronormativity.  So I don't think I'll be watching.  Let's just look at the hunks instead.

We've seen the premise 100 times before, but I suppose that in 1951, it was brand new:  12,000 years after the beginning of the Galactic Empire, it is in decline.  Just like...um...er...the Roman Empire?   Asimov is not good at cultural changes, so people 20,000 or so years from now act exactly the way they did in 1951, smoking cigars, wearing neckties, and filling their offices with men only.  They don't even have automatic elevators.

There are five or six parts, each with different characters.  I've only read the first:  A  young man named Gael travels from the provinces to the galactic hub planet of Trantor.  En route, he explains in detail how the spaceship works, which seems ridiculous.  Do you usually spend your flight thinking about how airplanes work?

1. Alfred Enoch as Raych. There are no women in Foundation except for nondescript wives, so in the tv series Gael becomes a woman, to add gender diversity (and heterosexism).  She gets a boyfriend, Raych, her boss's son.

In the city, Gael befriends a man named Jalen or something (naturally -- there are only male characters).  I'm thinking  "Gay subtext!"  But Jalen turns out to be a spy of the Galactic Empire, trying to get the dirt on his new boss, Hari Seldom or something.

2. Jared Harris as Hari Seldon.

Hairy has invented the field of psychohistory, which can predict societal change.  Asimov obviously doesn't know anything about the social sciences -- societal change is a matter for sociology, not psychology.  He has determined that the Galactic Empire is falling apart, leading to 30,000 years of Dark Ages. 

3. Lee Pace as Brother Day, one of the three emperor clones.  I don't think he appears in the original novels.

Predicting the fall of the Empire doesn't sit well with the Galactic Bigwigs:  They think that Hogwarts is trying to bring about the downfall.  So after an inquisition and trial,  they exile Hungover, Gael, and their workers (plus wives and children) to the planet of Terminus, on the far edge of the galaxy (20,000 years, and they still revere Latin?).

4. Cassion Bilton as Brother Dawn, another of the Emperor Clones.  Don't get excited, he's with a girl.

But it turns out that Hinkley has been manipulating the Galactic Big Wigs behind the scenes.  He wanted to go to Terminus, but he didn't think that his workers would go unless they were forced.  He needs a safe space to work on the vast Encyclopedia Galactica, which will preserve human knowledge and reduce the Dark Ages from 30,000 years to 1,000 years.  

Except it's all a trick.  A distraction.  The narrative switches to many years later, and a man named Salvor Hardin, who I thought was Hari Seldom's great-great grandson, but turns out to be just someone with an equally forgettable four-syllable name.  He discovers that the real goal of the Encyclopedists to start a revolt against...well, I don't know who.  

5. Daniel MacPherson as Hugo Cranst.  In the tv series, Salvor Hardin has become a woman too, so she can fall in love with a Han Solo-type.

By this point, I'm thinking "Life is too short.  I could be reading The Hobbit."  And I understand that the tv series is nothing like the books, anyway.

6. Brandon B. Bell as Han Pritcher, who falls in love with Gael (after her first boyfriend disintegrates) and works for the Foundation, although his real allegiance is to the Second Foundation.  I don't know what that means, either.

More hunks after the break

George MacKay: The time-traveler's buddy chooses movies about endless pain, misery, and despair. Just because he has a small di*ck?

  

Link to the n*de dudes

I've been watching 11.22.63:  Jake (James Franco), disillusioned by how awful his life (and everything in general) is in 2016, takes a time portal to 1960 in an attempt to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy and make life perfect. In Episode 2, he hooks up with Bill (George MacKay), a Kentucky redneck with a standard Stephen King backstory -- abusive father, murdered sister.  

They have to live together for several years while waiting for Lee Harvey Oswald to show up, so they pass themselves off as...um... brothers.  Not much of a gay subtext--  Episode 3 is entitled Other Voices, Other Rooms, but it has nothing to do with the Truman Capote novel about gay awakening, and Bill's heterosexual identity is established very quickly, when the guys relax by going to a gentleman's club.  But at least some people suspect that the two are a gay couple, and Bill is beaten up in what we would call a homophobic hate crime. Later he is institutionalized and given shock therapy, a common experience for gay men in the early 1960s.  And killed.

So, a queer-coded character, displayed in his underwear a lot.   Enough for me to check to see if George MacKay has played any other gay-subtext roles, or is gay in real life.

He was born in 1992, and broke into film as one of the Lost Boys in Peter Pan (2003).  Then he played a gang member in The Thief Lord (2006), which has a gay-subtext romance.

Next came a long string of angst dramas 

The Boys are Back (2009): man with a dying wife and estranged sons.

Private Peaceful (2012): Tommo (George) has a brain-damaged brother, sees his father being crushed by a tree, loses the Girl of His Dreams to his other brother (Jack O'Connell).  They go to war together, and Bro disobeys an order to abandon the wounded Tommo, and is executed.  Sounds delightful.  

How I Live Now (2013): Daisy, who has a dead mother (of course), survives a nuclear war, sees her friends massacred, finds her boyfriend (George) severely injured, and nurses him back to health.  Lovely.

 

The Outcast (2015), a two-part tv movie: Lewis (George) sees his mother drown (of course), and grows up feeling responsible, so he self-harms and sets a church on fire.  He spends time in prison, then confronts his toxic family members (hint: every man is bullying and abusive),  and confesses his love for The Girl of His Dreams before..you guessed it...going to War. Ugh!  Or as one reviewer notes, a "relentlessly emotional, heart-tugging story of tragedy."

Does every single one of George's movie and tv roles involve the endless misery of life?  I'm surprised someone doesn't start singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

Let's check his gay and gay-subtext roles:

I  already reviewed 1917 (2019).  The tragedies piled on World War I soldier George and his gay subtext boyfriend (Richard Madden) were laughably unyielding.  The darn thing was too grim even for torture porn.  But the gay subtext lasted until the last scene, with a last-minute tacked-on reference to a girlfriend back home.  I can hear the writers panicking: "Wait, we forgot to establish that he's straight!  Quick, add a line about a girl!"

 On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: Richard Madden is n*de in Sirens. He's playing the gay Ashley Greenwick (stereotyped name, that) caught in the act.  I don't know who the disgusted buddy is. 

Pride (2014): Members of the gay group LGSM are raising money for the families affected by the British Miners' Strike (1984).  Joe (George) is so closeted that his out-and-proud boyfriend dumps him, and dies of AIDS two years later.  Bummer, but at least it's a gay role.

True History of the Kelly Gang (2019): George plays the notorious Australian bushranger (outlaw), who has a gay friend (Nicholas Hoult) and likes to hang out affectionately with his male crew, but also gets a girlfriend.  It ends badly.

In Femme (2023), George plays Preston, a homophobic gang member  who beats up and then starts hooking up with a drag queen.  But she gets revenge by filming their encounters and showing his friends, so they suspect him of being gay.  Preston gets angry and beats her to a pulp, but doesn't kill her.

OMG, George, what is this, Hee-Haw?

Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me

More after the break

Blair Jackson's Hot Photos, Part 2: Fitness model, stripper, deputy, blond, brunette. Only his abs and d*ck stay the same

Link to the n*de photos

This is a collection of hot/hung and humorous photos of Blair Jackson, the actor/model who became Kelvin's nemesis in Righteous Gemstones Episode 1.4, "Wicked Lips." 

1. Teenage abs.

2. Grown-up abs.

3. Austin from "Wicked Lips" goes cruising. 

4. Going blond.

5. Blair's Starry Night.

6. You weren't looking at his face, anyhow.

More Blair after the break.

Gemstones Episode 1.4: Keefe looks for love in a sports bar, Gideon and Scotty date, and Kelvin meets a girl. Plus Blair and Daedalus d*cks

 

 Link to the n*de photos

Episode 1.4 is pivotal to the Kelvin-Keefe relationship, establishing that they both are gay, and that they have similar life goals: treated as babies in their subcultures, they long to prove themselves men.

Title: "Wicked Lips," from Proverbs 17.4: "An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue."  I wonder who will be listening to wicked lips.

The Satanists:  Keefe is walking through downtown Charleston, eating an ice cream cone -- a childlike activity, maybe signifying that he has been "born again," started life anew.  He had to give up his old Satanist friends and romantic partners to follow Christ, and now he's looking for new friends -- and a boyfriend (he does not yet think of Kelvin as a potential partner).

He looks longingly at a hot guy through the window of a sports bar (it's Kyle Walsh, who has been Adam Devine's assistant  in 10 of his movies and tv shows).  Then the hot guy turns around licks through a v-symbol: a vulgar offer of s*x, usually aimed at a woman. Disappointed, Keefe moves on.

Update: I have watched this scene several times, and Kyle is not addressing Keefe with the vulgar gesture; he is facing away, at an unseen person with an orange sleeve.  It seems that Keefe is upset because Kyle has identified himself as heterosexual, thus not an appropriate romantic partner.

Next Keefe runs into his old Satanist buds, especially Daedalus and Cryptocore (who wears a gas mask and doesn't speak).  They heard the he was hanging out with "those Gemstone weirdos," but he denies it.  Then he refuses their invitation to a party at Club Sinister Friday night. 

"Keefe's a fucking nerd now!" Daedalus exclaims.  The slurs he uses, "nerd" and "weirdo," suggest the taunts of a high school bully rather than critiques of Christian believers.

As Keefe leaves, the Satanists demonstrate their new dance number.  They look like they are having fun; he is tempted to join them.

Money is on my mind:  While Quincy Jones' "Money Is" plays in the background, Martin and Judy (his secretary in this season) are showing Gideon how they separate the donations from the prayer requests (these are handled by paid prayer teams.  Imagine being a professional prayer).  The requests are then shredded, for liability reasons.  Anything important, or a donation over $10,000, goes straight to Eli.  The cash is then sorted and placed in the vault.  Gideon's eyes light up as he gets an idea.

Fancy Nancy:  "Gay, you know..." Wait, is Amber talking about Kelvin?  

No, it's Sunday dinner at Jason's Steakhouse with major donors Dale and Gay Nancy, owners of Fancy Nancy's Chicken. They are parodies of Dan and Rhonda Cathy of the notoriously homophobic Chick-Fil-A, but let's take a closer look at those those names: Dale's wife is named "Gay," and " "Nancy," and "fancy" are long-standing homophobic slurs. The whole scene is a play on homophobic slurs, calling attention to the problems that Kelvin and Keefe will have if they come out

The Nancys' problem: their teenage daughter Dot is on the wrong path, hanging out with an older, decadent boyfriend -- so they won't let her use the family helicopter anymore.  Everybody volunteers to intervene, but Eli notes that Kelvin is the Youth Minister, so he should do it.  He is thrilled: a way to earn his Daddy's respect! 

Script problem: Shouldn't it be Kelvin's job by default?  Why is there even a question? This seems to be a holdover from an earlier draft, when Dot was older. 

Gay slur: Angry at being passed over for the job, Jesse criticizes Kelvin's glasses: "You look like Jeffrey Dahmer."  The gay serial killer.  Kelvin takes the glasses off.

What happened in Atlanta: We cut to Chad's wife Mandy telling the ladies that she broke into his email and found a message he received from Jesse last March: "Atlanta was dirty, dirty, for sure-y!" Other emails describe ladys' body parts, suggest getting tested, and ask how much he owes for the s*x workers. 

Amber insists that it's none of their business. There are any number of innocent explanations.  Later, she confronts Jesse, who gets mad at Mandy "for lying." 

Timeline note: This episode takes place shortly before Easter 2022, which fell on April 17th.  Mandy probably means March 2021, or she would have said "last month." So about a year has passed since Jesse's s*x-and-drugs party.

The S*men Load: At the Nancy Estate, Kelvin announces that he and Keefe will be performing a Satanic Sweep  (Keefe demonstrates by sweeping at his crotch.  Satanic sweeps are about s*x.)

Keefe connection: Jade Pettyjohn (Dot) starred with Tony Cavalero in School of Rock.

In Dot's room, they destroy: posters of the dark metal groups Bauhaus and Ministry; an ashtray; a "fidget spinner" (toy) that almost hypnotizes Keefe; two Ken dolls (used for gay play?); and a used condom. They bring everything out to their SCU (Spiritual Collections Unit) trailer.  Lots of questions here: did they get a whole Satanic Sweep system started in just the few weeks since Keefe was saved (converted)?  Wouldn't a real Satanist know that those so-called Satanic influences are bogus?  And why are the Satanic Sweeps never mentioned again?  

Keefe apologizes for displaying the used condom; Kelvin advises him that if it contains a semen-load, "don't even touch it."  This queasiness about touching semen appears again in Season 2 with Judy and Jesse.  Here Kelvin seems to be trying to steer Keefe away from his gay "lifestyle," which involved touching a lot of semen-loads.  To emphasize his heterosexual manliness, he tries to draw Keefe into a play-fight.

Suddenly Dot's boyfriend Austin (Blair Jackson) appears.  "I bet you money that was his s*men-load," Keefe says.  As they are drawn instinctively to thoughts of his penis, Kelvin decides to "Snip him right out of this situation." C*stration joke, har har.

The 40 Year Old Virgin:  Concerned that the Satanic Sweep had a s*xual intent, Austin warns Kelvin "you go through my girl's panty drawer again, I'll whomp your ass."  He then calls Kelvin a "40-year old virgin!"  "So what?" Kelvin responds. "I made a celibacy promise."

Left: Blair bod

If Kelvin is not lying to save face, he has a definitional problem. Protestants do not have celibacy (no s*x ever); they have chastity (no s*x before marriage). Evangelicals are encouraged to "be fruitful and multiply" by marrying and raising children. Ministers especially need wives.  When I was in the Nazarene Church, no unmarried man could be ordained.  Growing up, Kelvin would have been strongly discouraged from taking a vow of celibacy.  

But if he thinks that gay activity is sinful, Kelvin might take a vow of celibacy to both explain his lack of interest in women and try to avoid men.  

More after the break