Gemstones Episode 4.7: Kelvin and Pontius have their nards threatened, Teenjus meets the Devil, and Jordanians show their junk

  

Link to the n*de photos.

Title: "For jealousy is the rage of a man," Proverbs 6:34, KJV.  

The full verse, NIV: "For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.  Husband? I think we're going for Cobb as the Big Bad.

Left and below: Michael Sayfou, who plays Ash, Pontius' friend (and Abraham's boyfriend in my fan fiction).

The plotlines in this episode are not thematically linked, so I'll separate them by character.

Cobb's Story

We open with the gaping mouth of an alligator!  Various hooks, tools, skins, and Lori's ex-husband Cobb practicing boxing on a mannequin labeled "Feel the Pain."  

Lori drives up and yells "Nope!  We're not doing this again!"  She yells at him for trying to scare off every man she gets involved with.  She's probably referring to the brick through the her window and the car set on fire, but you never know.

He tries flirting with her - "You can't stay away.  Must be my animal magnetism."  But she says next time she's calling the cops. Next time?  I'd be calling the moment it happened.

Later, Cobb puts on a show at the Gator Farm. He rings a bell to signal "dinner time" to his favorite gator, the huge, ornery Big Gus.  "Gators are territorial.  Invade their territory, they'll bite you."  Uh-oh, Eli is in the audience!  The connection to Eli and Lori is too easy.  It must be a misdirection.

Cut to Cobb bagging up a toy alligator in the gift shop.  Shouldn't he have someone working during the show?   Eli approaches and explains that Lori is with him now, so "no more trouble." 

Cobb lays into him, noting that Lori has been with a lot of men since the divorce, and she was doing "sick, nasty stuff" up in Pigeon Forge.  He hands Eli a newspaper ad for her escort service: "Adult companionship -- wealthy men.  Call, click, connect.  First half hour free."

Ok, this has to be fake.  Prostitution is illegal in the U.S., so she couldn't advertise openly.  Escorts usually work from a standard client list.  You would neveer specify "wealthy men."  And what does "first half hour free" mean?  You charge by the act, not by the hour.

Cut to lunch. Eli asks Lori about the escort business ad. She claims that it's fake: "Cobb made up those ads to try to smear me."  There's not much call for 65-year old hookers in Pigeon Forge.

Eli also ran a credit check.  "You're broke.  You declared bankruptcy last year."

This makes Lori angry.  Accusing her of being a "who re," and then of being a gold-digger!  "Aimee-Leigh used to tell me how much you care about money.  I thought she was exaggerating."  She throws some money on the table to pay for her lunch and walks out. 

Kelvin's Story

Keefe arrives at Kelvin's treehouse, but the rope ladders and platforms have been pulled up, so he can't get in. 

Kelvin: "This is what cowards do.  They hide in their forts."  In what way was the round table debacle cowardice?  

Keefe points out that everyone at Prism is worried about him, but Kelvin doesn't believe it: "They're not concerned.  They just realized that I am a failure."

Tonight is the final event in the Top Christ Following Man promotion: the Night of Testimonies. "Nope, not going.  Now go away."

Cut to Keefe morosely turning off the lights at the Prism Prayer Room and puting a sign up: "No Prism today.  Maybe tomorrow or maybe another day or something."

The Monkey's Story 

In the kitchen, the Monkey feeds BJ pretzels, gets him some water, and kisses him on the lips -- five or six times, yuck! -- while Judy fumes.   

Later, she is in her bathroom, primping in front of the mirror, when the Monkey starts flinging its treats at her.  Then it jimps onto her vanity and throws her makeup onto the floor.  She rushes out into the dining room to tell BJ what's happening -- he's cleaning the Monkey's butt.  Gross!  

BJ says that it's not a competition.  He loves both Judy and the Monkey.

Then he brings up Kelvin's round-table debacle: "Poor guy.  Vance Simkins is a self-righteous bigot and a homophobe."  Judy is angry with Kelvin due to his insults earlier, so she refuses the Monkey's suggestion that she visit and talk to him.

Vance's Story

At the Cape and Pistol Society, Vance gloats: "Getting rid of Kelvin gives me a clear path to victory (in the Top Christian Man Contest).  He was the only real competition."  Plus, he enjoys hurting Kelvin, because it hurts Jesse. 

But Jesse counters that he hates Kelvin due to his insults from earlier, so "it doesn't hurt me at all.  It strengthens me."

Vance continues, evoking the Night of Testimonies: "I'm going to ruthlessly dismantle Kelvin tonight."  The ensuing conversation is censored.  It's on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Gideon's Story

At the back entrance to the Salvation Center, Pontius and his friends, including Ash (Michael Sayfou) and Edge (Alexander Matoussian), are skateboarding and getting high on air duster spray. 

Jesse, Amber, and the kids arrive.  Jesse yells at him for disrespecting a sacred place, and Gideon agrees.  

Pontius: "What happened to you, man?  You used to be cool.  Now you're just like them -- a sellout."  

The conversation that follows is censored.  

He and his friends walk away jeering.  Jesse: "I hate Pontius so much!"

Cut to another of Gideon's inept Prayer Time powerpoint presentations, this one on "The Lord's Divine Power."   It looks like he proved that God exists and is eternal, and that Jesus made an expiatory sacrifice -- all in 40 minutes?  And the takeaway from all that complicated theology: "Love one another." 

He concludes: "You can stay or you can go, but it's over."  Agreed.

Afterwards Amber praises the clarity of his speaking voice, but Jesse found the sermon boring.  Too much crammed in.  Make it simple.

Next Amber asks about his feud with Pontius.  "I don't know.  I tried being nice to him for a long time, but now I sort of keep my distance."  Try "love one another"?

"You need to work it out."

'But he says the most awful things to me."

"That's the problem with siblings,"  Jesse says.  "hey know your weaknesses, and can f*ck you right in the a-hole with them."  It wouldn't be the first thing that's been in Gideon's a-hole.  Seriously, why has this guy never expressed any interest in men or women since Season 1.  

Amber suggests that Jesse reconcile with his brother Kelvin, to be a role model for Gideon and Pontius.

Cut to the freeway underpass where Pontius and his friends are skating to the song  "Suck my d*ck.  Suck my mf*ing d*ck."  Do you mean that literally, dudes?

Gideon appears and invites them to church. But you lead Prayer Time, not the church service.

 "Go back to Sunday school and start doing stuff with your Daddy."  Sure, no problem.  Tell Jesse I'm free around 10:00.

Gideon tears up his notecards, takes a skateboard, steals a dude's sunglasses, and does some harsh shredding, proving himself a bad dude.  Pontius and the guys are shocked, and hug him.  Dudes, don't you remember the blackmail schme with Scotty?  The Cycle Ninjas?  Smashing the militia compound? Gideon has always been a bad dude.

They all  hug him and say "Sick!"  This is why Gideon was terrible at preaching: he was trying to be a "good Christian boy."  In every season, he is torn between Charleston and California, the life his family wants for him and the life he wants for himself.  I can relate, having grown up with a constant litany of "job, house, wife, kids."   Like Kelvin, he has now found a way to meet family expectations while being true to himself.

Reconciled, Gideon and Pontius hug.

Jordanian junk after the break

Pablo Castelblanco: The OCD guy from "Happy's Place" beefcakes, plays gay, but closets his Insta. With Steve Howey and Pablo p*nis

  

Link to the n*de photos

I was running low on tv series to review, so I clicked on Happy's Place on Netflix, in spite of the annoyingly manipulative title.

Making your way through the world today takes everything you got

Taking a break from all your worries sure would mean a lot

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name...

Whoops, wrong sitcom. 

Sometimes it feels like a big ol' fight

To get through the day and sleep on through the night

You can't complain because no one's here to hear it

But here you'll surely find a place that will lift your spirits...

Happy's Place (2024-) currently airing on NBC, stars Reba McIntyre as a woman (not named Happy) who inherits a Tennessee bar from her father.  Her co-owner is a much younger half sister that she never knew about.

I watched Episode 1.7, "Ho-Ho Howey," because of guest star Steve Howey, who played Reba's son-in-law on her earlier series (Reba, 2001-07),  and has played gay characters (and shown his stuff) often in movies and on tv.

His stuff is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

I wasn't impressed.  An old-fashioned sitcom plotline with jokes requiring your familiarity with the earlier Reba.  It reminded me of the Saturday-night shows that the old folks used to watch while we were out at the clubs.  

And only one cute guy in the regular cast. 

  

Not Tokala Black Elk as the sardonic bartender.  The n*de photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends must be of a different Tokala Black Elk; the guy behind the bar was grizzled, gaunt, and craggy.

The cute guy was Steve (Pablo Castelblanco, top photo), the bar's full-time  accountant, shy, awkward, germaphobic, suffering from OCD.  Could I hope that he was gay?

To explore further, I watched Episode 1.17, "The Doctor is Out": Steve has improved so much, moving from a giant bottle to a small bottle of hand sanitizer, able to handle someone else's pencil, that he gives up therapy.  But then he starts using Reba as a substitute therapist, and reverts, rearranging the spices in the kitchen.

Steve  doesn't express any heteros*xual interest in either episode, nor is a girlfriend mentioned in the Seasons 1-2 episode synopses.  Could a character in a sitcom for old people, set in Knoxville, Tennessee, starring a lady who tells us to seek out God's help for our problems, be canonically gay?  

Reba is an outspoken gay ally, so maybe...

I read two interviews, one from just last month.  Pablo Castelblanco says only that Happy's Place is the best gig he's ever had, he hopes it runs for years, and in future episodes he would like to explore Steve's "love life." 

That's a little vague, buddy.  Do you expect him to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?  Which will the writers permit?

The articles also mention that Pablo is gay in real life.

Pablo Castelblanco, aka Pablo Esteban, grew up in Colombia, doing the usual school plays and watching Reba's earlier show.   His parents planned on him becoming an accountant, but he thought of engineering -- or acting. He studied at El Bosque University in Bogota and then the AMDA College of the Performing Arts in Los Angeles, where he appeared in Sálvese Quien Pueda, Yerma, Stage Door, Metamorphoses, and The Diary of Anna Frank.  

Pablo's first on-screen role was Tristan St. Pierre in a 2016 episode of Scream Queens: he writes lesbian fan fiction about the Chanels  (the It-Girls of the school), and is finally invited to join them, becoming the first male member.  According to the fan wiki, he is "homos*xual." 

A good start, buddy.

Then came some artsy shorts (Sedation, Admission, There's No Such Thing as a Dragon) and guest spots on some comedies (Dear White People, New Girl), and in 2022, a starring role on Alaska Daily: Hilary Swank plays a journalist seeking a "fresh start" in Anchorage after a career crash. She ends up investigating the murders of several Native women.  Philip Lewitski (left) played her photographer colleague Miles.

Pablo played another reporter, Gabriel Martin, aka Gabriel Tovar,  The show is no longer available on Hulu, and he's not mentioned in the plot synopses, so I can't tell if he is gay or not. 

More after the break

Aaron Collict: "N*ked Attraction" contestant, modelwith a degree in math, Albanian teen, Afghan daddy, caveman with a d*ck.

  

Link to the n*de photos

One of my first beefcake images was in a kids' book about the Stone Age: the Lake Dwellers of neolithic Switzerland, around 3000 BC, n*ked as they hauled in their nets. 

I've read a lot about prehistory since, and visited some Neolithic sites, so I don't have much patience for the portrayal of the wacky caveman Robin in the British Ghosts.  He says he lived around the time of Stonehenge, 3000-2500 BCE, the Neolitic Era, with permanent villages and domesticated plants and animals.  But he acts like a nomadic hunter-gatherer of the Mesolithic Era.   

But in this case I'll excuse the reverse anachronism. In Episode 4.5, Robin flashes back to the day of his death.  He and two companions were attacked by a bear; he climbed a tree to escape, but was hit by lightning.

 Check out the chest of the caveman in the foreground.  Massive, and accentuated by the costume design. 

 He's worth a bit of research

Robin has two caveman companions in this episode. 

Dan King has only one acting credit, no photos, and a very common name.  There are many actor Dan Kings out there, as well as several p*rn stars.  A dead end.  So I'm going to go with Aaron Collict.

Aaron Collict has the chest for the job, but research is made difficult by his lack of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or TikTok pages.  At least he has several resumes posted online.  And a lot of n*de photos.

He's a model, actor, and personal trainer, with the tagline: "H*ng human being with a passion for endorphins."  Sorry, I meant "hungry."

He received a B.Sci. in Mathematics from the University of East Anglia in 2007, and has worked as an operations manager and film producer.  Currently he is a salesperson for Steady Solar, a solar-power company.

After modeling and doing commercials for Slater's Menswear, Hot Tub Barn, Oriel Mobile Valeting, and The Cutting Room, Aaron moved into tv with two reality programs:

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Topper Guild: The youtube star breaks into tv. With Kaido Roberts, muscle men, Nick d*ck, and Topper doing stuff.

 This post was completely innocent, but it got one of those idiotic "sensitive content" tags for no reason.  So I added some n*de photos and s*xual content, and moved the whole thing to RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Link to the "sensitive content."