"Eternally Yours": Heteronormative vampire family, with some gay actors, n*de dudes, and a guy with heart-throb level gorgeousness

  

Link to the n*de dudes and gorgeousness

True Blood, on HBO (2008-14), had some gay vampires among the undead coming "out of the coffin. 

What We Do In the Shadows (2019-24), on "fearless" FX, featured a group of vampire housemates, most of them queer: "Some of my wives were men, and some were women." 

But Eternally Yours (2026), on CBS, the stodgy old people's network, is entirely heteronormative, featuring three male-female vampire couples: 

 

Couple #1. Charles (Ed Weeks, left) and Liz have been a married middle-aged vampire couple for 500 years and dislike each other, but the Council of Elders forbids divorce.

Couple #2: Max (Jaren Lewiston) and Emma, Charles and Liz's daughter.  They turned her when she was child with diphteria 200 years ago. Now a young adult, she started dating Max (Jaren Lewiston).  When he came to meet the parents, he was accidently hit by a marble bust, so Dad turned him to prevent him from passing away.  Not to worry, he enjoys learning about vampire culture and being part of the "coven." 

Jaren Lewison is a 5'7" Short Guy, and apparently gay in real life.

Jaren's junk is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Couple #3: Jesse (the eternally shirtless Parker Young) and his elderly human wife.  Jesse was turned 150 years ago.  In a big reveal, Liz admits that she wanted him for her first victim, but she didn't drain enough blood, so he turned instead of going under.  He got married to a human woman, but didn't turn her, so she is now elderly, and must never learn about the existence of vampires.  Doesn't she wonder why her husband is still young, and her sons still teenagers?  Or why they drink blood at every meal?

Parker's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

More after the break

The Little Carper: Short guy fishing expert from Cornwall has a muscular physique and a lot of male friends.

 

Owen G, the Little Carper, popped up on my Instagram recommendations, with 26,000 followers, plus 41,000 on Facebook.  He has a genetic disorder, acromicric dysplasia, resulting in a height  of about 3", small hands and feet, and distinctive facial characteristics.  But his main claim to fame is fishing.  There are dozens of photos and reels on his Instagram holding fish bigger than he is, winning awards, and being interviewed by fishing magazines.

And going to world fishing contests.

And being sponsored by fishing, boat, and outdoor equipment companies.

And going fishing with muscular buddies.  

Not much other biographical information. He's from Cornwall, about an hour's drive from Bath.  As of this writing, he's sixteen years old.  He's also interested in  skiing, baseball, and darts.

Here he gushes over attending the 2026 World Darts Grand Prix, and meeting champion Luke Humphries (below).

I can see why.  You into dudes, Owen babe?

Answer after the break

Tyler Alvarez: Gay-subtext foster, vandal, blockbuster, and ghost, but is he gay in real life? With two Tyler and four other d*cks, plus Gavin Munn

 

Link to the d*cks

In Minimum Wage Episode 1.2 (2026), thirty Drama Club teens descend upon the pizza place, making impossible demands and being outrageously entitled.  Tyler (Tyler Alvarez), the most entitled of the lot, acts like a stereotypic gay drama club boy, hanging on his bestie, Teala (Teale Dunn).  But he is actually straight; they are dating.

They are reprising their characters from the teen romcom Crush (2022): High schooler Paige pursues her crush, a female track star, but ends up with her sister.  Amid all the lesbian representation, Paige's "gay" best friend (Tyler), is actually straight, with a girlfriend (Teala). 

I wanted to know if the cute (and short) Tyler Alvarez has played any other gay-coded straight guys, or even gay-coded gay guys.

Question 1: Any actual gay characters?

Tyler was born in 1997 to a Dominican-American father and a Puerto Rican mother.  He attended the LaGuardia High School for the Performing Arts, class of 2015.

While still in high school, he was cast as Diego in Every Witch Way (2014-15), featuring a girl at Hogwarts...um, I mean Iridium High...who discovers that she is the Chosen One.  Tyler plays Diego, a Churi Kanay (who can control the elements).  He's straight.

Next, High School Lover (2017): A 17-year old girl falls for the older Francois Arnaud (d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) and her dad is upset.  Isn't it also a crime?  Tyler plays Larry, her best friend and comic relief.  I read a plot synopsis and an interview, but nobody mentions whether he is gay.  

And Declan on five episodes of The Fosters (2018), about a lesbian couple raising a crew of foster and adopted children.  Declan is a streamer with an implied crush on Jude (Hayden Byerly), who famously came out while in middle school.

American Vandal (2017-18), surprisingly, is not about the motorcycle gang, it's about actual vandalism at a high school: phallic images painted on 27 teachers' cars.  Tyler's Peter Maldonado and his friend Sam (Griffin Gluck) team up to find the culprit.  They don't express any heterosexual interest, and are often interpreted as a gay-subtext couple.

Tyler also played the violent, homophobic Benito on six episodes of Orange is the New Black (2015-19) and Malcolm, a girl's toxic, manipulative boyfriend, on five episodes of Never Have I Ever (2021).

He had a starring role in Blockbuster, which premiered on Netflix in November 2022 and was cancelled in December (but it's still there, in case you want to look it up). He plays Carlos, a "casually queer" video store employee who starts a "he's arrogant!" romance with Damon (Max Lloyd-Jones), culminating with a kiss.

On Ghosts (2023), Tyler plays Ralph, a "basement ghost" cholera victim who dates Stephanie, a victim of a 1980s psych-slasher.  After they hook up, he ascends to the afterlife.

Wait -- I thought this sounded familiar.  Tyler Alvarez is a Short Guy, 5'6".  I posted a profile after I saw him on Ghosts, but deleted it due to low pageviews. 

Maybe a d*ck or two (or three) will push up the pageviews this time?  The one on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends definitely looks like Tyler.

More after the break

Javon Walton: Ashtray, Pugsley, Stallone's buddy, a boxer named Wanna. Do you wanna see his muscles, his tattoos, or.....?

 

 

Link to the not fully clothed photos

I really should classify my "profiles to do" files properly.  This one is just titled Javon, with seven photos, mostly of working out.  All I can tell is, he's got a respectable physique.  

Does Javon derive from jabón, the Spanish word for soap, or from Javan, the grandson of Noah who became the ancestor of the Greeks?    

I hope it's Greek, so I can make a joke.

This one says "PSD."  A reference to his pants? (More to see on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Turns out that Javon is not a very common name, so he was easy to find: Javon Walton, 20 years old as of this writing, with his own wikipedia page and 4.1 million Instagram followers.  

He is a professional boxer, stage name Wanna, apparently quite proficient: so far he's had three wins, one draw, and only one loss, on September 26, 2026, to opponent Henry Cejudo.

I'm not a fan of boxing.  Professional wrestling is more gay-friendly.  There must be some other gay content that led me to put Javon in the "profiles to do" file.  What about his acting?

Javon has six acting credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with 15 episodes of Euphoria (2019-22).  He played Ashtray, left by his mother as collateral with drug dealer Marie, and never picked up.  Marie and her son Fezco (Angus Cloud, not fully clothed on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) raised him, and trained him in the drug dealing business. 

At age 12, when druggies threaten Fezco, Ashtray attacks one and breaks the nose of the other (Tyler Chase, left).  Fezco tries to take the blame, but Ashtray doesn't want his "big brother" going to prison, so he locks himself in the bathroom with a lot of weapons, and is attacked by the SWAT team. 

He doesn't express any hetero interest, but I doubt that he's canonically gay.

Next Javon appeared in eight episodes of Utopia (2020) as Grant, an 11 year old online gamer who pretends to be a professional photographer who drives a Porsche and dates supermodels.  When he claims to have a copy of the Utopia manuscript (which will cause a global catastrophe if released), the evil overlords frame him for a crime. 

Cool s* collar, buddy, and I'm digging the posh leopard-print robe, but the nail polish is a bit much.

Pugsley Addams in the animated Addams Family 2 (2021).  Isaac Ordonez plays Pugsley in the live action Wednesday.

Stan in seven episodes of The Umbrella Academy (2022), about misfits with paranormal powers who decide that the world would be better off if they never existed (I'm still upset about that horrible ending). Stan is the son of Diego  (David Castañeda) and Lila, but not really: she lied about his heritage to test Diego's parenting ability.  The two grow to care about the kid.

More after the break.