"12 Dates of Christmas": To please her "don't be single!" mom, Chris goes on 12 wacky dates. Which guy would you be ok with? Hint: 6 have n*de photos

Link to the n*de dudes

Sometimes it's fun to go undercover and watch a movie for heterosexuals only, written and produced with the belief that LGBTQ people do not exist.  You can observe the weird norms and crazy customs of the neighbors and coworkers who you see every day, but know very little about.  And it's the start of the Christmas glut of romcoms, so I'm watching The Twelve Dates of Christmas (2026).

Scene 1: Establishing shot of Clinton.  Iowa or New York?  Happy Homes store manager Chris (Lucy Hale of Pretty Little Liars) and her Assistant are  grinning as they set up for Christmas.   

Chris gets an article from Mom: "Why you are still single over 30."  Ugh, the pressure to marry is intense for heteros!

 She has a meet-cute with the dashing, handsome, extremely well h*ng investment banker Peter Grant (Ian Harding), who she knew in college, when they were both dating other people.

"You were surprisingly good at calculus," she notes.

"But it was worthless. I've never needed it since."  College is not for job training, jerk. It's to make you aware of the world you're living in.

As they gaze at each other in Man of My Dreams/Woman of My Dreams desire, Chris's Mean Girl frenemy pops in.  "Oh, I see you've met my dashing, extremely well h*ng lover. We just met on the street and realized that we were soul mates, so I'm no longer single.  See how easy it is?  Come along, darling, walkies."

Dashing  Peter Grant smiles apologetically, and allows the Mean Girl to lead him out on his leash. 

Scene 2: It's Christmas Eve: Chris, her parents, two ladies, and two men. After some "Everything you say and do is wrong" chitchat from Mom, they sit down to dinner.  Tyler (Ryan Raines) sits next to Dad, not next to a girl, so I figured that he was a brother.  Nope, he's dating Daughter #2.  

"Hey, an empty place setting," Tyler notes.  "Who maked a mistake."

"I figured Chris would be bringing someone," Mom snipes, "because she must have someone."

"This is the third time you've put a place setting out for an imaginary boyfriend that doesn't exist.!" Chris complains.

They say grace.  Mom prays for Chris to get a boyfriend. "May he walk through that door right now!"

The prayer is not answered.  

Daughter #2 announces that she and Tyler are engaged.  Daughter #3 announces that she and Brady are trying to get pregnant. This makes Mom more anxious to get Chris, Daughter #1, married off. 

"I'm just worried that you'll be alone for the rest of your life."  Being single doesn't mean that you're alone.  What about friends?

"I pledge that I will never be single on Christmas again!"

Scene 3: Montage of the months going by, until September.  Her assistant announces that Christmas is in 12 weeks, so time to fulfill your pledge and find someone fast.  Heck, everybody is in on it.  I can sympathize .  In high school, everybody -- parents, cousins, friends, teachers, the youth minister -- was pushing me to find The Girl of My Dreams, going into ecstasies every time I mentioned a girl, however casually, interrogating me on "do you like that girl?  How about that one?  Her? Her? Her?"  But I doubt that this movie will end with Chris coming out.

Mean Girl comes in.  Remember the Dashing Peter Grant, who fell in love with her on the street last year?  Bad news: They're still dating.  Good news: He just bought the Collins Mansion, and wants Chris to renovate it for him.  I thought she owned a Christmas tchotscke store.

Since the Dashing Dude is out of the picture, the Assistant sets her up on a series of dates on a dating app.  She's bound to find the Man of Her Dreams by Christmas!

Date #1: Chadwick (Ryker Lynch, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), an influencer who livestreams the evening. 

The Dashing Peter Peter comes in to the store to check on the renovation.  They gaze longingly at each other.  Hey, this is a female version of a 1980s teen nerd movie, where the nerd is in love with the Person of Their Dreams, who is dating someone so obnoxious that one can't imagine anyone wanting to be with them for more than thirty seconds (or however long hetero stuff takes). 

Date #2: Emron (Jaylen Moore, left), whose English is very bad, so he has to use an AI to communicate, and misinterprets everything she says.

Date #3: Michael (Kyle Mac, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) who orders before she arrives: Chaka nutrient granola with hemp, chia, and cactus thistle pits over moonbeam ice.

Chris recognizes "moonbeam ice cream" from a song, but Michael isn't familiar with it

 Date #4:  Name not given. They seem to be getting on ok, discussing bad dating experiences.  She wants a second date, and he agrees, but "I just need the final ok. Mummy?"  Mama's Boy, got it.  

Are we really going to go through all twelve before she settles down with the Dashing Dude?

The swishy waiter at the Mexican restaurant knows all about her dating, since she meets most of them there.

More after the break

Ben Brainard: Short guy comedian posts adult photos. Can humor and hotness co-exist?

 

Link to the n*de photos

I was intrigued by comedian Ben Brainard's adult photos on LPSG and the celebrity p*nis subredit: comedians almost never post adult or even shirtless  photos. Apparently the consensus is that humor and hotness are mutually exclusive; you can tell jokes or show your stuff, but not both.

So who is this Ben Brainard?

He's a Florida boy, a 5'5" Short Guy, straight or bi, with ADHD, 2.7 million TikTok followers, and a nice backside. 

In January 2026, when ICE was going door-to-door in my town grabbing brown people and shooting anyone who protested, he posted an introduction, "In case you've forgotten who I am, or you're new here: F*ck ICE, f*ck Trump, f*ck this whole f*cking fascist regime."

My kind of comedy.

A stand-up bit:

"When I was in basic training (in the army), the guy who slept in the bunk next to me -- the big spoon most nights -- one day we woke up and he said 'I have a master's in family psychology, and I think I've diagnosed you: you have ADHD.'

'You have a master's in family psychology, and you joined the army?'

'We all make mistakes.'"

I think he was kidding about the big spoon.

"I'm in Nebraska, and they give me two options: Do you want to go to Omaha or Boys Town?  (Pause).  I'm going to Boys Town!  I'm straight, but it sounds like a fun time."

"People call me gay for driving a Prius, but it's a hybrid.  I'm bi."

Well, which is it, Benny Boy?

At least he doesn't riff constantly about his relations with ladies, like most straight comedians.

Ben was born in Florida in 1996, and grew up in Daytona Beach, where he was always "the funny kid."  But he also played three sports, took AP classes, and was voted Student Body President.  After high school, he attended Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University, where he was majoring in mechanical engineering and minoring in physics until he got bored with calculus. Bored with calculus?  I dropped the class twice after failing the first two quizzes.  He dropped out, moved to Orlando, and joined the army reserves. 

He started doing stand-up comedy at the Drunken Monkey Coffee Bar in Orlando, and became famous for TikTok videos that depicted various states arguing with each other.  Here Texas argues that Roe v. Wade allowed people to make their own choice, "but they were making the wrong choice."

He toured nationwide, hosted a podcast, appeared on Amber Live! and Dry Bar Comedy, and in 2025 starred in a comedy special, What a Mature Child.

In 2026, he was a contestant in You Laugh, You Leave: Live on Stage, performing with Shane Bianchi, Ross O'Donovan, and other comedians, while Jimmy Here and a celebrity panel judged them.   The one who gets the least laughs wins.

Coming up, Ben will play a TV host in Painted with L.O.V.E., an indie written and directed by Aaron Diaz (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  It's about a female AI companion who develops romantic feelings for her owner.

The adult photos are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

He must realize that 99% of his subscribers are gay men.  I respect straight guys who give it up for their gay fans.

See also: "It's Florida, Man," Episode 2.2: Guy gets high, gets n*ked, trashes a pizza place

Leon Mallett:Checking the East Anglia Boy's impressive adult photos first, researching his potential gayness and celebrity status later

Daniel Benson: The gay-vague Disney Channel teen hunk finds a new career showing gay guys his d*ck

18 teen idols who grew up to appear n*de on screen or post d*ck pics for fans

Luxembourg-adjacent brothers Emilian and Marlon Heinrich: One has muscles, the other gay content. With Luxembourger d*cks

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Today Instagram recommended Emilian Heinrich. He and his brother Marlon do modeling and German tiktok povs like:

"When the younger brother has more rights than you"

"My brother at the beach"

 "If you love me, you'll...." 

Um...do a handstand with one hand?

I'm getting tired of internet celebrities and models.  Hopefully he's also an actor.

Score!  He's got six on-screen credits listed on his resume.  Maybe some are gay or gay-subtext.

Emilian was born in 2011 in Püttlingen, in the far west of Germany, about an hour by car from Metz, France, and ninety minutes from Luxembourg (which will give me an excuse to post some of my Luxembourg photos.)

Left: A n*de dude from Echternach on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

1. Any gay content? 

Emilian has performed in the German Disney Christmas Show and:

Herzog Park (2020): A sick boy.

Horst Lichter - Keine Zeit für Arschlöcher (No Time for A*holes, 2022): The child version of the elderly man with a dying mother.

"Matildas Monster," an episode of Geschichten von überall (Stories from Everywhere, 2023): A soccer playing friend of the girl with a monster.

Frühling (Springtime, 2024), a soap opera about rural health care starring Jan Sosniok (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  A boy at a dog shelter.

Eine Person ex (An Ex Person, 2024): The child version of a crisis intervention worker who makes a fatal mistake.

Der so sich zum Tier macht (Turning You into an Animal, upcoming). The title comes from Samuel Johnson: "He who  makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being human."  Something about a soccer team.

Not much of gay interest there.

#2: Gay in real life?

One of his TikToks is about wanting a Freundin (feminine, girlfriend), so Emilian probably straight or bi.

What about his brother, Marlon (right)?  Maybe that's where the gay algorithm kicks in. 

Marlon after the break

An amazingly open gay subtext in "Below": From attempted murder to romance in three hours. Plus some n*de Somali dudes

 

 Link to the n*de dudes

I went into the Netflix series Below (2026), about a sea monster plaguing a small fishing village, expecting no more than the Newfoundland accent and maybe some shirtless fishermen.  But before I knew it, there was a major gay subtext, a crazy, undeveloped, yet touching "enemies to lovers" story!

Below is set in the Newfoundland village of Snooks Arms, where ice fisherman Calvin (Azriel Dalman as a boy, former teen idol Josh Hartnett as an adult) has several problems:

First, a prehistoric sea monster that hunts random villager, starts a plague, and has a weird cult with psychic powers.

Josh Hartnett's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Second, the province wants everyone to relocate.  If 90% of the villagers agree to the move, they'll get a stipend of $140,000 for a family, or $60,000 for single people.  He and his lesbian sister don't want to move.

Calvin has an on-off girlfriend and three kids.  They all have plotlines of their own, plus love interests.

Wade (Charlie Heaton, Jonathan Byers on Stranger Things, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), handles the cooking and cleaning for the family's bed-and-breakfast.  He keeps wanting to help on the ice fishing boat, but Dad refuses because he has ADHD, is taking psylociben for depression, and is a screw-up.

Love interest: He falls in love with a girl who happens to belong to the paranormal monster-worshipping cult, and wants to sacrifice him.

 Mary is visiting from Toronto with her musician boyfriend Noah (Caleb Horn).  Their plotline involves a stolen engagement ring.

Jay (Rohan Campbell) has been "working on an oil rig," he claims, and hanging out with the b'yes.  Tell me more.

His plotline:

Episode 1: While out ice fishing with his Dad, he gets a text: "You're a dead man!" .

Episode 2: It turns out that he owes $80,000 to a loan shark out west.  Two enforcers, the loose cannon Connor (Josh Cruddas, right) and the hesitant Mo (Matthew Worku, center), arrive for the payment.  Jay says that he needs another 24 hours. 

Episode 3:   In 24 hours, Jay delivers proof of residence in the town: when they relocate, he'll get a payout of $60,000. That's not good enough, so they start beating him up.  Dad Calvin intervenes.

Jay asks if they have a place to stay, and suggests a b&b (not the one his brother runs).  You're being awfully nice to the guys who were just hitting and kicking you.

More after the break.