In Karate Kid, 1984, the small, scrawny Danny, trained by the saintly Mr. Miyagi, uses the Power of Love to beat the much more muscular Johnny, trained by the evil Kreese.
Scene 1: A party, maybe a baby shower, is going on, with two teenage boys -- one might be Tanner Buchanan, top photo, and the other might be Brandon H. Lee -- saying "I don't think I'll ever get used to that" and somebody yelling about Anthony eating all the cannolis. She complains that he just flew in to kill someone, and has stayed for six months. So this is a crime family?
Out in the living room, a super-femme guy grabs some kind of beverage that looks like a jar of molasses, while his boyfriend complains that he's a drunk.
Wait -- Super-Femme Johnny is the father -- Hired Killer Anthony asks if he wants a boy or a girl. He doesn't care; he's so femme that he can relate to either.
Uh-oh, somebody delivered a box that's ticking! One of their enemies, maybe Silver or Kreese, must have sent a bomb!
Back in the kitchen, everyone hears an explosion: it was pink paint for the gender-reveal!
Wait -- super-femme guy is Johnny, William Zabka from the movie. He got swishy in his old age. And his boyfriend must be...Danny, Ralph Macchio!
Scene 2: In East Asia, a militarized dojang in a sculpted estate like a Hollywood drug lord. Enemy Kreese -- Martin Kove, still sneering -- brags about the discipline of his ninjas.
Contrast with Femme Guy's more easy-going dojo. One of his students asks how, if they're so easy-going, they can compete in the big tournament "They're not. They're going to get their asses kicked." But it's all about having fun, right?
More after the break
Meanwhile, Femme Guy is coaching the dojo students. Boyfriend comes in. Femme Guy tells him that his daughter fights like a pussy. No way they'll win the big tournament if the girls can't get their edge on. Boyfriend is not happy with this sexism, and tells him to get them ready anyhow.
Scene 3: Boyfriend is packing up Mr. Miyagi's stuff so the Assassin can move into his room. Moving the bed, he finds a secret compartment containing a mysterious chest!
Meanwhile, Enemy Kreese is rccruiting fighters for the big tournament. Back story: Enemy Kreese trained Femme Guy, back in the day, to be a world champion, but then he lost to a "scrawny little runt," Boyfriend Daniel, because he had the power of love. So how do we defeat a guy running on the power of love? The power of hate? But that's why your student lost 40 years ago.
The students offer various solutions. Sung the rebel mouths off, and Kreese goes ballistic.
Scene 4: Femme Guy is hosting a "Girls' Night" for the girls in his squad. They have cookies, nail polish, tampons, sleeping bags... He explains: The Power of Love has caused the girls to lose the Eye of the Tiger. He's going to stir up some drama, so they can use the Power of Hate to win the tournament.
Meanwhile, Boyfriend Daniel and the Assassin open Mr. Miyagi's chest, and find that he lied about his age and lists another home address, on Hill Street.
Scene 5: Enemy Kreese is making his squad carry heavy bags up steps to punish Sung the Rebel. They gang up and push him down the steps. Kreese doesn't respond. Everyone is upset.
Meanwhile, at Girls' Night, they get facials, play with a ouija board, and criticize one of the girls' boyfriends, "Penis Breath" Mitch. Hey, that's homophobic, implying that having gay sex is deplorable.
Scene 6: The address given for Mr. Miyagi is now a sleazy gym. When they start asking questions, Tony Cavalero thinks they're cops and bolts for the back door. They chase him down and explain that they just want some answers. He knows the name Miyagi.
More slumber party shenanigans, and a confrontation between Enemy Kreese and Sung the Rebel. The other students attack, and the Top Boy is incapacitated. Now he won't be able to compete in the tournament. Kreese doesn't care.
Scene 7: Tony explains that Mr. Miyagi was close to his grandfather, and became a silent partner in his gym. But why would he list it as his home address?
"When people fake documents, it's usually because they're hiding something," Tony suggests. He stole a pricey necklace, beat up some mope, and asked Pop-Pop to help him flee the country. Boyfriend Daniel, who thought of Mr. Miyagi as "the greatest man who ever lived," finds this news devastating.
Meanwhile, Enemy Kreese explains how to beat an opponent running on the Power of Love: you must harness the Power of Hate. Called it.
Scene 9: The girls fighting at Femme Guy's dojo. The Power of Love is working for them.
Boyfriend Daniel is praying at an altar to Mr. Miyagi: "I know that whatever you did, you had reasons." Yeah, to get money. "But why didn't you tell me?" It was 80 years ago, nobody cares?
Meanwhile, the students all gather to see where the big tournament will be held. The darn announcement takes forever, and gives them several misdirections. They get all excited about going to Korea -- "Soup dumplings, baby!" -- then to Germany, but finally it's revealed: Barcelona.
They are all thrilled.
Wait -- if they're going to Barcelona, why is there a Germany Sensei in the cast list? Colin Haag, the naked tied up guy.
Plot complication: six of them get to go. Darn, they thought it would be the whole dojo. Well, there are only six students with speaking parts, so it should be easy to choose.
The end
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