Researching Jack Barlow: The gay-tease Mormon missionary and hair-care guru gets tied up

   

Link to the n*de and b*ndage photos

Instead of doing this profile in chronological order, I'll go in the order that I conducted the research.

Jack Barlow suddenly appeared on my Instagram "suggestions," displaying his physique on the beach -- in a pink swimsuit.  Oviously gay!

But on his Instagram page, the pink swimsuit shot is followed by a barrage of photos of Jack hugging his girlfriend, "the love of his life."

Ok, ok, you're heterosexual.  The cover photo was just a tease. 

After 831 girl-hugging photos, we come to another gay tease: Jack displays his physique on the beach again, holding a gigantic phallic surfboard.  Followed by a new barrage of girl-hugging.

You're hung, but nature has "prick'd thee out for women's pleasure," I get it.

A third photo depicts a younger Jack sunbathing with his Dad, but the absence of women transforms it into a masculine space, and..

We get a gay-subtext commercial for Fresh Wolf, a Men's Grooming Line created by Jack and his brother Henry -- shampoo, body wash, pomade...pomade?  Didn't that go out in the 1940s?

 

According to their website, Fresh Wolf supports Black Lives Matter and donates a portion of every sale to "foster care and displaced youth."  About 40% of runaway and homeless youth are LGBT, but that is not mentioned on the very obviously gay-coded photos. 

The weird mix of heterosexism and gay-teasing is getting out of hand.  Who wants to see Jack tied up?  (On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)  

It is actually a photo manipulation from DeviantArt.  Now I'm wondering why Jack is so famous that he draws fan artists.  

I find out after the break 

"Cavendish": Brothers, one gay, face paranormal peril in a quirky PEI town. With Sandiford drawers and Canadian hunks

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Amazon Prime has been releasing a lot of British "cozy mysteries." where you run down to High Street to find the village baddy murdered, have the constable tell you to "let the police handle it", but solve it yourself with the help of your cat.  They're sort of comforting in dark times. So when Cavendish appeared, I assumed that it was a cozy mystery and clicked on it without doing any research.

Surprise: It's actually about a quirky small town in Canada.  Think Schitt's Creek, Corner Gas, and Trailer Park Boys; for a quirky First Nation community, North by North; or Kim's Convenience and Running the Burbs for a quirky Toronto. I'm in.

Scene 1: Brothers Mark and Andy are a standard id-superego couple: "Let's streak through Parliament Hill"/"I can't, I have to write an article on potatoes." They cross Confederation Bridge into Prince Edward Island, Mark singing the songs to the Anne of Green Gables musical (the books are set on PEI).  Andy is tired of hearing show tunes.  Wait -- show tunes?  Mark is gay.

Back story: when they were four and eight years old, their mom and dad divorced, and they left Cavendish, PEI.  They haven't spoken to Dad since, but they're returning now because he's dying.

More back story: When he was a kid, Mark didn't realize that Andy was only four years older; he thought he was an adult, "Dad's friend who lived with us."   A gay partner?

Scene 2: Dad and his new girlfriend Ruth run The Museum of the Strange and the Fantastic out of their house. Sounds cool.  She remembers Mark from when he was a kid, and used to come to her shop, but she doesn't remember Andy, and assumes that he's Mark's boyfriend.  Andy has been mistaken for a gay partner twice, har har.  He'll turn out to be straight.

We get a tour of all the "cool crap" in the museum, like a UFO, an Egyptian sarcophagus -- and a fetus in a jar?  

Ruth's niece, the monotone-speaking Goth Brynn (think Lily from Duolingo), works at the musuem.   No doubt Mark have a crush on her, but she will keep him in the Friend Zone until the season finale, when they kiss (Like on Friends, Cheers, Family Matters, Schitz Creek...well, every sitcom ever).  

In other news, it's Beast Day, when a beast emerges from the woods in search of someone to consume, so the stores are all closed, and everyone stays home.  Brynn made a drawing, which we can't see because "he's got a lot of anatomy going on."  Goth Girl likes...um...anatomy.

Left: Mark Little and Andrew Bush are members of the Halifax-based comedy troupe Picnicface.

Scene 3: Their old room is exactly how they left it  -- sports trophies, teddy bears, a picture of a tv puppeteer and the girl Andrew had a crush on. Ten to one the grown-up version is hanging around to become Andy's Love Interest. 

After Girlfriend Ruth sets out the scraps of meat for the Beast, it's time for dinner.  Dad comes in wheezing on an oxygen machine...but it's a prank!  He's fine!  Andy is miffed: they just came because they thought Dad was dying.

Mark hugs Dad, but Andy stays in his seat, fuming.  "Andy, how's the stick up your ass," Dad asks.

"So, how about apologizing for abandoning us?"

"Sure.  I'm sorry -- that you have such an enormous stick up your ass."

"We're leaving first thing in the morning!" Andy yells.  

"Good.  Then I can go back to pretending you're dead!"  Dad storms off.

Scene 4: POV of the Beast as it snorts and growls up the steps and eats the offering of meat scraps and milk -- and attacks Dad!  

Just a dream -- but Mark's scream awakens the whole house.  In other news, Dad is missing for real!

They call Constable Gibbs. Andy thinks he went to a hotel so he wouldn't have to spend the night with them, but Mark finds his blood-stained robe in the yard.  

More after the break.